A Night to Remember and Forget

Last night, I got out of my Chem Lab around 8:30pm, and headed home. I had decided a week before that I was going to trip on Thursday night (last night) alone, making the trip my second trip. Anyway, I was a little nervous the whole time since I had no idea what exactly would be a good dose for this time. Given that a FOAF had just grown and picked these in the last week, I knew their potency would be at a high rate.

Last time I did it, I was with my best friend from high school, visiting him over a school break. We split what we were told was an eighth, which was in a piece of chocolate. That trip was very relaxing. I felt kind of drunk, was very sensative to light, and I saw all these awesome patterns. My body felt amazing and my thoughts were very rewarding.

Anyway, this time I decided to lemon tek 2 grams in my apartment. The whole trip occured in my apartment. It all started around 10pm. From 10:20-11:00, I was very nauseous. Even though the effects had started, I was only concerned with my nausea. As it got later and later, I began to feel less and less in control. Around 11:30 I was giggling uncontrollablably, extremely happy about everything. By 12:00, I was out of my mind. I was texting my friend who I did it the first time with, with some thoughts such as "there are no such things as people." "People are simply ideas." Where did I get these ideas from? Well, between 11:30 and 12:00, I was sitting on the ground with my back against the couch and I was talking to people who I thought were all around me. The next part is where it all went "wrong."

By around 12:15, I was looking at the clock every few minutes of laughter and the clock wasn't moving (digital clock.) What felt like 10 minutes to me was maybe a minute or two. I started getting very confused and worried. By 12:30, I had lost all sense of my self, experiencing what many call "ego death." Where I was, I don't know. But I remember thinking, how strange is it that humans have defined bodies? What I mean by that is, with each level of biological complexity, you increase to, you will eventually get to what is referred to as a "human body." I saw many things on my ego death hour or so. I literally went everywhere. Anything I had a question for, I saw it. I'm wondering if anyone has seen this before; at some point, I was watching simple cells divide for what seemed a minute or two. I was having every level of the body explained to me.

Anyway, around 1:30 I had come out of this ego death and slowly felt more and more like I was actually in my apartment. I was freaking out, because time was even slower at this point. A minute felt more like twenty to me. I started checking my watch every few minutes, but it always read the same. I started to believe I had set on some sort of "psychosis." Anyway, my roommate got home around 2:00am and was very drunk. I needed him to help me out because I was still having some visuals and the thoughts in my mind were very crazy. He wasn't much of a help because he was focused on himself a lot, just like usual. He started cooking food around 2:30, which felt like hours later to me.

From 2:30 to 3:45, I kept looking at my watch while throwing up and drinking bottle of water after bottle of water. My pupils were still enormous and my thoughts were weighing me down. There was way too much running through my mind. I kept thinking to myself, every moment in my life is just a tangent to some equation (Mandelbrot influenced perhaps?) and of all the tangents I could have ended up on, I was "left" behind. I'm on this tangent forever, in this psychotic state. I kept contemplating suicide, despite realizing that it was somewhat illogical, and that I'd realize that in the morning.

The ironic thing is that by around 2:30, all of these things I had thought about during my trip, and had seen during my "ego death" were beginning to become necessary for me to escape this state of mind. I was convincing myself that doing all these things is OK because it is necessary in order to remain sane. The ideas of "everything really is simple and humans just make it complicated" and "time is a crutch for people and there really is no relevance of time in the end."

I think I eventually was able to fall asleep around 4:30, overjoyed that I could finally fall asleep. All in all, I'd say it was a rewarding trip, yet awful and seemed to be a test of my sanity. It felt like the first 1/3 lasted hours, the middle 1/3, days (but also in a way, infinite because there was no time at all), and the last third, weeks.

Still thinking over whether I'll do them again or not. For now, it's just good to know that I'm not really crazy. Thanks you all. :eek:

Also, for clarification, it was 2 grams +/- .25 grams of Cubes. Also, one of the reasons I was completely freaked out was that I had this voice telling me that deja vu is real bascially. That everything that repeats itself is because you've been there at some point, in some way. It all has happened before to some degree. I had ESPN on, and ended up watching the same commercials and SportsCenter between 3-4 times during the whole trip so this CERTAINLY didn't help with those thoughts. When you have a thought such as "everything is repetitive" and everything around you IS repetitive, you're bound to not only believe the idea, but be overwhelmed by it.

I posted this on the Psych Experience Trip Reports as well. Here it is: https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=13339970&page=0&vc=1#13339970 .