This trip was accomlished by boiling 420grams of wet cubenis in a pot of water, mixing it with jello for flavoring, and then consuming it as set forth below. I have been asked whether I believe this same level trip could be accomplished with less, and the answer is that I don't know. Maybe in 6 months I'll try it again with half the amount and see what happens. I just wanted to test out 5 times my normal dose, and here's the result, or at least here is the result as far as I can describe it.
For all of you who take psychedelics, you know that describing what it means to "trip" is virtually impossible. It's something you simply must do for yourself in order to learn. However, I give this report for those who are interested. It's long and may only have meaning to me.
What follows isn't all sights and sounds. I can only say that all of this is part of my journey. It was something that I lived through. It was the reason, I would say, for the journey. This was for me, not for you, and so this report is mine. For those who care to read it, I invite you to do so. For those who only want to hear about the world melting, entities encountered, etc., well, I'll get to that also. This report is long, but I can't apologize for that.
First a little background. Today I am 34 years old. My entrance into the world of hallucinogens, and drugs in general, began at the age of 12. My sister, who was 16, had friends who thought it would be funny to see a twelve year old on shrooms. Ha ha, right! Don't ever give psychedelics to anyone, let alone a child, without their knowingly and willingly partaking. I thought it was alcohol, and downed a cup of what ended up being shroom tea. They told me afterward, but of course the deed was done and I entered into another world, one that scared the hell out of me, but later left me dangerously intrigued.
I stayed away from psychedelics after that until I was 15. This was in 1984. LSD was plentiful in the 80s, as was cocaine. That was when my real exploration of drugs, and particularly hallucinogens, began. If I had to guestimate, between 1984 and 1987 I dosed on LSD at least 500 times, sometimes with as many as 10 hits a dose, maxing out at 25 doses on a beach in Destin, Florida in 1987. It was that trip in 1987 where I learned that psychedelics, and drugs in general, should be respected. I'd say I grew up on that Veteran's day in 1987, a day I'll never forget.
Have you ever seen yourself? Have you ever looked into your own soul? I know that we are more than physical beings. We are part spiritual. We are spirits clothed in flesh. I know this because I have seen myself from outside myself. I have lost all senses. What would it be like to die with an addiction? To be spiritual matter and to no longer have the ability to use your body to fill the needs of that addiction? I believe that this would be hell. I believe that will be hell. That was the discovery I made back in 1987 when I looked down at my cocaine addicted body on 25 hits of acid. I stopped using coke after that. I stopped using a lot of drugs. I even stopped abusing psychedelics. I have a respect for hallucinogens. I used to abuse them heavily. Now I understand their spiritual power- the power to free me from habits rather than to be a habit. I use them when I need to "clean house" so to speak. I believe they can bring into us a spiritual power that strengthens our souls, if used wisely.
So, is 420 grams excessive? Well, that depends on what you are attempting to do. Don’t do doses like this and plan to be in a social setting. In fact, I find it best to do it when you know you are going to be completely alone or with someone who you completely trust. My girlfriend was gone for the day and wasn’t getting back until late at night, and so I had the house to myself. I took work off this week, and so didn’t have to worry about the mind numbing effects of this kind of dose.
I don't know how much psilocybin I was able to extract from those 420 grams of mushrooms, but I promise you that it was sufficient to do what I needed. It was the day before that I decided to do this. I hardly slept that night.
You can read my original post and see how I made the brew. Why jello? I don't know. Just to get by the shroom tea flavor that I hate. I don’t mind eating mushrooms raw, but no way can I down 420 grams of wet shrooms without my stomach exploding. I didn't let the jello solidify. I just drank it. But I won't use it again. I went to the store to get a scale because there'd been so much talk about dosing based on weight that I wanted to see how much I was taking. I first put what I think is my typical dose on the scale. That came out to be around 85 grams. From the sounds of it, that's considered a lot. Anyhow, I decided I'd take 5 times that amount to make sure I was able to sufficiently break through. It was sufficient.
After downing 3/4s, I could drink no more. I then began writing the post that shows up at 9:38 that morning on this thread. That was about 10 minutes after dosing. Already the computer screen was beginning to look unnatural. My mind was tingling. The words began to move around. I closed my eyes and colors and lights were pulsing with my heartbeat. I finished that post, and then climbed into my bed.
At 20 minutes I was nauseated as hell. I think that was the sugar from the jello. I hadn’t eaten anything since the night before, so I decided to eat a piece of bread. Swallowing was near impossible. I became frightened that I'd choke on the bread. It was sticking to the top of my mouth. So I put it aside. I had so much saliva and had to spit. I had a cup and kept spitting in it. I wanted so much to avoid vomiting, and fortunately I was able to. By now my head was swimming.
At about 40 minutes, I started to feel something moving through my body. I felt the magic kick in to a new level. I actually could feel myself moving from one level of consciousness to a completely new one. Before it began I was in a state of semi-wakefulness. From somewhere deep inside, I felt the magic rushing through my body. I opened my eyes.
I live in a house that is 107 years old. The ceilings are 11 to 13 feet, depending on the room. The windows are large. My bedroom consists of two separate areas, the bedroom and a "sitting room" where I have a couch, exercise equipment, and my computer desk. My girlfriend does the decorating, and she loves antiques and plants. She uses lots of earth-tone colors in that part of the house. The furniture is all dark hardwood. The sitting room is in a back corner of the house and is complete window on the two walls facing the outside. I have about an acre behind my house. Out the back window of that room is my backyard. I have an in ground pool and lots of tropical plants- palms and such. There's also a large live oak that I love. About 20 feet beyond the pool are thick woods. A small canal runs by the other side of my house, and the lot is all woods. Despite all the windows, we have lots of shade, and the feel is nearly one of being in nature even when you are in my room. I give you all of this to let you know what I should have seen when I opened my eyes...
I opened my eyes to a world that exists on that other plane to which I had just felt myself enter. All the things I own, my room, my house, my yard.... all of those things were there. But they were there in a different form. It was like I was seeing all of these things at their atomic level. I lay there and watched these things change before my eyes. They came to life, breathed, moved, blended together, swirled.
As typical at about this point in my trip, I had to "do the necessaries" (i.e., take a shit bad), and so I tried to get up. My muscles were virtually paralyzed. I was able to get up, but my legs felt as though I had been doing power squats for hours the day before. As I walked from my bed to the bathroom, I passed a large ivy plant hanging in a window. I could see the life of that plant. I could feel its greenness. It appeared to be growing, the vines blowing in a wind that wasn't there.
I made it to the bathroom. The light was on and was blinding. The paint in that bathroom is bright (yellows and greens). The walls were moving in swirls. I turned off the light, sat, and exploded from the bottom end. I sat on the toilet for probably 5 minutes and let go of all the nastiness that was in me. I felt that I was ridding my body of all of its uncleanliness.
I then felt that I had to take a shower. So I stripped down. I have a full-length mirror in the bathroom and discovered that stripping down was a mistake. I looked at myself in the mirror and stared. I'm 5'9" and weigh about 165. While 34 years old, I've been accused of looking in my early twenties. I have thick black hair. I am a runner (or was until the last few months), and so I am in pretty good shape. But looking at myself I saw someone I didn't know. I saw the last few months of abuse on my body. I saw too much fast food, too little exercise. My muscle tone isn't nearly what it was even 6 months ago. I looked closely at my face, and saw every pore. I looked over my entire body. Every scar. I have a 2 inch thick scar on my right thigh. It's the result of something I did when I had a bad opiate pill habit a few years ago. A powerful shame came over me. I felt shame for the abuse of my body. I thought about all the things that I have done and that I continue to do that I know I shouldn’t. I promised myself that I would change. I cried. Not weeping, but tears. My emotions were nearly overwhelming, and I am not a very emotional person. I made a decision. I would change. This wasn’t something I said I was going to do tomorrow. It was a change I would make right then. The mirror was like water, with ripples spreading through it. I watched as I literally changed, as if something bad was being expelled from me. My shame became happiness. I knew that I have the power to change. And I did.
I then showered. I used some of my girlfriend’s bath wash stuff. She has so much of that kind of shit. This one had "relaxation" written on it. It was in a dark green bottle and was some mixture of plants that is supposed to relax you. The smell reminded me of her and I was suddenly horny as hell. My cock swelled, and it felt as though it was going to explode. I saw my girlfriend's Victoria's Secret Christmas edition catalog in the magazine rack. I finished my shower and looked at the women in that catalog. Beautiful women, flesh. What a gift!
Feeling as though I'd taken care of the necessaries and could better enjoy the inner journey, having expelled both physical and spiritual maladies, I dressed. Something was missing- music. The silence in my house was eerie. I didn't want anything too loud though. I needed something calming. I chose Heather Nova's "Storm".
I love Heather Nova. And Storm is a very relaxing album. I sat in my chair at my desk and just listened. The lyrics to "Everytime" penetrated me. They are:
"See the lights go by Streaks against the sky You've been by my side You've been on this ride
All the times I've cried All the nights beside You have brought me round Yours the thorny crown
Where the sea grass grows Dark among the stones You have thrown the line Saved me every time"
I won't say here what it is about that song that hit me so powerfully. I don't even know that I can describe it now. It felt like that song was made for me at that particular moment.
I lost track of time. Things were becoming very mixed up. I no longer wanted music so I turned it off.
I decided to finish off the shroom tea, and did so by holding my nose and taking one big shot. I thought to myself that I couldn't let it go to waste, and I knew I wouldn't be using it anytime soon, and so I downed it. WHAT A MISTAKE! It was slimy and sweet and disgusting. My nausea came right back and I dry-heaved, some of it coming up into my throat and nose. I spit it out and drank some water. Even the water was repulsive. I couldn't bear the thought of ingesting anything.
I went back toward my bedroom. As I walked, or more like as I floated, I felt myself lift off to another level. I could not see more than a few feet in front of me. Beyond that all was a mingled web of colors. My head was spinning, and I felt like I was going to completely collapse and faint. I stopped in my living room and sank onto the couch. The couch in this room is big and coushiony with lots of pillows. I had a blanket there, and I picked it up and wrapped up in it. I closed my eyes and tried to force myself to relax. The more I tried the more nauseated and tense I became. I had to chew on something or I felt like I was going to break a tooth. I chewed on the corner of my blanket. I was salivating again like my mouth was melting. I literally chewed holes in that blanket and it was wet from all the saliva in my mouth, but it was a great comfort. Finally I was able to relax. The nausea left. I closed my eyes.
And this is what I saw and heard.
There are voices. I hear screaming in the darkness. My eyes are closed, and it is dark. Black. And in the blackness is color.
Sounds. Boioioioioinnngg. Over and over. I hate that sound, and if I don't get rid of it I'll go mad. I have to “ride the colors” and get away from the boioioioioinngs. There is a loud but soft voice. It tells me to follow the colors. In the blackness there are rivers of colors flowing in all directions. I can ride those colors. My mind can connect with one of the rivers and I will go with it. I don't know where, but somewhere. The soothing voice says, "Follow me." And I do.
On a river of swirling colors. How do I describe this? I am passing through my very existence, inward. The travel is not out, but in. There is a face. I can see it outlined in brilliant colors, separate from the other colors. I think that it's to that face that I must travel. The boioioioings are receding. I hear laughter, weeping, yelling. The screams are faintly recognizable as speech, but I don't understand the language. I believe these are cursed spirits that are trying to take me to places that I shouldn't go. They want to pull me away from the path I have chosen. And I am scared.
I have to focus on the face. Follow the river of colors. That is the only way to escape the black hell in which I seem to be sinking. The voices want to pull me away, but one voice is clear and kind, and I understand it is here to help. I speak out loud and tell it I will go with it if it promises me that my body will be okay. I come to know that by the magic of the mushroom my spirit can wander through mystical lands. These places are inside me. They are places I have seen in another existence, or another time in the existence of my spirit. I do not have to leave my body to see these places.
And I have someone here to guide me. His voice is stronger than all the others. I believe he is my friend and I can trust him.
I now believe the friend entity is in my psyche, or is my psyche. He is a part of me, or the me of which I am a part. It's a thought, and some thoughts can only be comprehended but not expressed, and this is one.
I come to understand that the face is not where I am going. The face is that of my friend, and as long as I focus on it, I will make it past the “unfriendlies”. I see something ahead- an opening. I go toward it. When I reach it the river spills like a waterfall over and into a tunnel. I am in what I can only describe as the kind of wormhole you see on sci-fi movies like "Contact". It’s not fast and uncontrollable like that. It’s more like I am a part of it, and I can control the speed at which I travel through it. I play with this, speeding up, slowing down. I have passed by the unfriendlies and now it is only me. I understand that the rest of this journey I must do alone, and the friendly one has stayed behind. But alone is okay.
Ahead I see brighter colors, like sunlight spilling through. I have only two options- go forward or end the journey now. I can end it by simply opening my eyes. I choose to go forward. I move faster and faster, the tunnel swirling around me. I see another opening, and I know it is the end of the tunnel. At that opening is the brighter colors. I move toward them faster and faster until I move through and
into the universe.
Everything opens up wide to my vision. I look around and see that I can turn and go wherever I want. The tunnel I came through is gone. Behind me are places. Above and below are places. Ahead are places. I can go anywhere. Anywhere, or at least anywhere in my universe, which seems immense and without any boundary.
I travel. I see places and times. I see them in their spiritual form. I and they are not there physically. I can not touch them with my physical senses, but I can be a part of them with my spiritual senses. There are plants and animals. There are rivers and mountains. I see stars, moons, and planets. I watch them live and die and then live again as something else. A tree becomes a bear. I mountain becomes a valley. I river becomes an ocean. A moon becomes a comet. On and on. I delve deeper and farther than I have ever gone before.
I have never allowed myself to let go like I was able to on this journey. I have journeyed to this innerspace, but I have never made it into the tunnel let alone through. Usually the voices scare me into “waking up.” I will only cheapen the experience by its description, and so I leave it to my fellow psychenauts to discover that place in themselves, if that is what they choose.
How long this lasted I can not tell you. Probably two hours (earth time) passed while I was in the deepest part of this state. I believe we are part of eternity, which is spiritual. Time is a part of the material world. When we are on a spiritual realm, time does not exist. And in that state there was no time.
So, friends, I have described as best I can the inner journey. The remainder of my trip was mostly external. I think during the inner journey I was awake. It was very tiring. It wasn't like being on a ride. I had to work to get where I was going. Mental or spiritual work, but work nonetheless.
The inner journey ended suddenly. The bastard mailman was knocking on the door with a package. I didn't go to the door. No fucking way! I just lay there and thought about what I had just done. Everything in my environment was moving. The colors were still flowing with my eyes open. I could have gone back, but I was way too worn out to do so.
The peak of the trip came on in that first hour or a little longer and probably lasted 4 or 5 hours. I was still peaking when I came out of the inner journey. I decided to take a walk. I went on a little exploration in a woodsy park near my house. I watched the squirrels, the plants, the bugs, and everything with a new (or renewed) appreciation for life. I saw an armadillo and followed it. I found it to be such an amazing creature. It saw me, and I felt it could understand me, like we made contact with one another. I remember seeing a couple women walking through the park. They were looking at me like I was on drugs or something. What was up with that?
At some point I recognized that I was talking to myself in another language. I kept repeating something about “mi esposa”. I went back home with this going through my head. I don’t know a lot of spanish, so I’m not sure what I was saying, but I know it was real. Back at home I walked around the house like I was looking for something or someone. And I was talking out loud in another language. I hear about people talking in tongues and I guess that’s what this was. It was kind of freaky but I couldn’t shake it off. I started getting scared and decided I needed to come down a bit. So, I took a couple xanax. In probably 10 minutes or so the mumbling stopped and I calmed down. That was about the time that I posted on this thread (6:03 pm).
When my girlfriend got home that night at around 9:00, I had come down quite a bit. The walls were at least solid again. That was something like 11 hours after the initial dosing. The zinging effect of the shrooms, the high, actually continued until I fell asleep around 11:30. I took a bath with my girlfriend and we had dinner. I told her what a great day I had relaxing and “doing nothing.” We had sex, which is always a wonderful way to end a journey (or anything) in my opinion, and I finished the day listening to her breathe as she fell asleep, the colors still swirling in the air, and soon I was asleep, and dreamless.
Well, that's it. I'm going to enjoy the real world for a while before making another journey like that one, but I believe one day I'll make it back there. For now I have a new plan for getting myself back in shape. I'm re-dedicated to doing good work and being a generally better person. I've got a shitload of shrooms from hunts over the last few weeks. I'll probably dose on small portions every couple of weeks or maybe less. I don't drink alcohol or smoke pot or use any other drugs (except for the occasional valium or xanax that I have a prescription for). Shrooms are my drug of choice.