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Total confusion

3.5g trip, mind blown to shit

The Gorge: Paste that into the URL to see the river

A few months ago, I tripped in Vermont with 2 buddies and my brother. It was the 2nd time I'd tried it, but this was the first with actual caps. My last was with these chocolate bars that were not NEARLY as potent as the actual caps. Anyway, my brother was able to get them from his college, and he got an 1/8 oz. for me, one of my buddies, and himself, and a 1/4 for his friend. We had been planning this weekend for the longest time, and needless to say, we were all pumped for the trip. The plan was to get up to VT on Thursday after I got out of school, then eat them either Friday or Saturday, depending on the weather. We would hike the nearby mountain to as far up as we were comfortable with. I knew that wasn't gonna happen, though.

So we get up to VT thursday night, and we're all just chillin out preparing for the big day that could be ahead of us on friday. My brother and I discover a leak in the boiler room downstairs. I call up our plumber guy because we'd come to the conclusion that one of the tanks was rotted out to shit and the pipe had rusted through, making the leak. I call him up, and since it's later at night, I leave a message. So, we all go to bed after a bit, then I wake up Friday to guys talking outside my bedroom. I realized that the plumber was here, and they were trying to haul the huge ass tank out of our basement and out to their truck, then load the new one in. So I wake up with a bad start around 8 AM. I make some breakfast, and just watch ESPN with my buddies while the guys do their job.  Finally, they finish up and leave. At this point it's around noon. We had bought everything we would need for the trip the night before, so my brother thought we should trip that day. We agreed, since the weather was beautiful with a big blue sky. I ate my one shroom, that weighed 3.5g. It had a huge twisted stem with an enormous cap on top of it. We all finished up the boomers with OJ, then I rolled a J for my trip, and my brother's friend rolled 2 blunts. After packing a few waters and my ipod, we were on our way to the mtn.

We arrive at out destination #1, a giant gorge between two ski trails where we had previously tripped. (if you read my other report from last yr, you'd know about it). There was a river in the valley, and we all knew our way around. I began to feel the "loose" feeling about 45 minutes in. I don't know why, but both times I've tripped my trips set in after a good while. I was feeling very eager to start my trip, and I think that worked against me as the trip set in. I smoked my J as I began to come up. It was pretty thin, I don't like to get too baked during the trip, cause I don't like my mind to be clouded, I like the ability to think things through while trippin.

We got to a spot where we all could sit down on a rock or something to take a little rest. At this point we all agreed we were not leaving the gorge throughout the trip, my brother's friend even referred to his spot as his home. I looked down at a mossy rock, and my first visuals started. The moss began to cut into diamonds and breathe in and out at me. I was feeling so great, so I decided to put on my tunes. I put on a playlist I had previously made, with some smooth, chill, songs from the Allman Brothers, Grateful Dead, and Frampton. I shared a earplug with my buddy, who was on his first trip. Usually, I would not have liked to share an earplug because I think the plugs suck enough to begin with, but this time I was so glad to share the moment with my buddy. I could tell he was almost fully immersed in his trip, just saying things like "Dude, Allman Brothers...." and "I bet our parents used to do this same thing and listen to the same music".  I was havin' a great time, just chillin there with my BOYS. I remember making a remark saying, almost verbatim, "I feel like there's a shield around me, like bugs wizz in and then just get to a certain point around me and just stop".

I was startin to get a little hot though, cause I was wearing jeans to shield bugs in April/May in VT. After a bit, my friend and I got tired of the music, and i put my ipod back. Looking back, I think that was the first sign of a bad trip. Immediately after taking the tunes out, my mind began to race and ask questions. I asked my bro the time, and he said "It's been about 2 hrs since we ate them, maybe a little more". I asked everyone if they wanted to venture outside of the gorge and look at a house that was being built across the ski trail. They agreed, not really caring what we did, havin a good time. We began the hike up out of the valley, and I started to feel out of breath and really physically taxed, cause it's a very steep climb. I started to panic inside, thinking "why am I so tired? I'm in good shape". We finally made it up to ground, and although not admitting it, I regretted the decision. Now we had no shade, the sun was beating on me and my "bug shield" was gone. So i took my shirt off, and cooled off a bit drinking a water. We walked towards the house, hoping to be able to go inside like we had last year, but heard people working on it, so steered clear.

At this point, it was clear I was having a bad time. I didn't want to say anything to the group, so I didn't disturb their trips. About ten minutes later, the bugs were going crazy on me , and i put the shirt back on. I asked myself the question "Where are we?" and then sorta tried to snap myself out of the funk, just telling myself that all will be okay in a little while. Then, I made the worst decision of the trip. I started bitching to the group. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY did not want to, but I almost felt in danger (of what, I don't know), and I was super anxious and panicky. I walked up to my brother as we were walking down the the base of the mtn to get back into the gorge. I say to him, "dude, I'm REALLY not having a good time". He just stopped, and looked at me, very worried and almost protective of me. I hated the look on his face, so i didn't look at him anymore. As soon as I told him that i regretted it, because I felt I just hurt the vibes and the energy of the group and this positive experience for everyone just turned negative. He and his friend (who took a fuckin quarter, I have no idea how he controlled himself) really started to hone in on me. They were very worried. My mind was SPRINTING, I couldn't keep up with it, and each time I would get hit with a wave of visuals, I would LOSE it. Tree bark was peeling off, I saw bugs on trees that weren't even there, and everyone's faces had such a grim look to them. I can't even describe it, they were just like condescending, judging, sinister looks. At this point I really was tweaking shit, asking question after question to my brother. The most common was what time it was, and what the hell are we doing. I became furious, wondering why in the hell we were wandering around like idiots and started to, not yell, but talk louder to the group. I would just be like "GUYS. what the fuck are we even DOOing??? Lets just pack up and get the hell home, this shit is terrible". I felt my personality, actually FELT, my personality tear in half. On the outside I was all pissed at everyone and everything, just disappointed and scared to hell, and on the inside I was just sad and not happy with my other half. I would ask myself the question "why am I mad at these people who are just trying to accommodate me and help me out" at the SAME TIME be saying something mean to them.

So now I was starting to feel less mad, and a feeling of exhaustion and a need to just lay down and go to sleep came over me. I tried to gather myself, and couldn't, but faked it in my head, and calmly asked my bro what time it was. He said, "GOOD, man, be easy, it's been like 5 hours since we ate them, you're good". Those words echoed in my head.. "FIVE HOURS, FIVE FUCKING HOURS". I panicked again, thinking hooooooly shit, I'm never gonna come down, whats wrong with me. I thought I was going to come home being one of those nutcases that does psychadelics and turns into a vegetable. I began to think of what "Life at Home" was. I thought of playing call of duty on the computer, and was just completely convinced that it was not real. I thought to myself, repeatedly, "what is real life??" It was the most mind boggling thing. I felt like my brain was doing cardio, working SOO hard to figure it out. And I just COULDNT. I came to the conclusion that everyone and everything is fake, that real life is not even a realistic concept, as contradicting as that sounded. I can go on for pages of depth on the thoughts I had, but I still cannot even come ANYWHERE close to how I actually felt and the state my mind was in. For hours after the trip, I still had the same thoughts, thinking I was surely altered in some way, and would not go home the same person, always analyzing and being in this shroom-cloud state of mind for the rest of my life. I didn't feel okay until a few days after. To be honest, I still have those thoughts flash back every once in a while, just go into a state of mind where I have this crippling tunnel-vision that convinces me that whatever I happen to be doing is not realistic or part of my life. Even though the trip was a disaster, I still feel like I got SOMETHING out of it, what that is I don't know yet. I think I have to trip again with a smaller dose, maybe 2.5g, as small as that sounds to me, to reverse this cloudy, analytical mind that I have.

Good news, after the trip was over, I apologized over and over to my buddies and brother, and they're good enough people to tell me "don't worry about it, we still had a great time" even though I know I had to have fucked them over a good amount, especially my bud who took a quarter and two blunts to the head LMAO.

I know that was long and a PITA to read, but I still cannot come close to what I actually thought and perceived. I left a lot of parts out too, I don't exactly remember the events that took place, just my mindset and thoughts.
Please, comment and tell me what I did wrong, I need some advice for trip #3... For the record, I read up on boomers a ton before I did them, so please don't tell me I was uneducated about them, although feel free to point out flaws in my planning. Thanks guys, 'preciate it.

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