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First trip in 5 years.
A warm welcome home.
Alright, so this is my very first trip report ever. I'd like to start out by saying that when i was younger at around age 16-18, i experimented with ALOT of drugs all the while i was being medicated by doctors. I was a very self-destructive depressed individual who did not really care for my own mental health. My shroom trips back then led me on a brighter path.
My first trip was one big laugh basically, my second one was a very enlightening spiritual experience in which i found new hope and meaning for myself. My third trip was a lesson in listening to the shrooms and respecting their guidance. They basically "punished" me for not obeying what i had already learned from them. They clearly told me : "Come back when you're ready, and not before!" And boy did i deserve it. I was a criminal with an anger for a system i felt had let me down, and in anger and out of poverty i stole, robbed and vandalized. I was a menace to society. But the shrooms completely shook me out of this "character" i had become. It taught me to listen to that voice deep in my mind. Led me from a self-destructive to a self-creative path.
Oh well. Enough history. Time for recent events. 6 years after my last nightmare trip, i felt the calling. I found myself at a crossroad in life. In need of guidance again. Not that i had been lead back on the path of destruction, quite the contrary. I've been learning instruments, clay, art and sorrounded myself with people i can really relate to. I've been reading and reading. Learning and learning. Paying interest to this creation i find myself in. Paying respect to it.
So anyways, i quickly found myself with 5 grams of dried Mexican Cubensis in my hand. Me and a very good friend who i connect and jam with alot had been talking alot about it, and i felt like me guiding him through his first trip would surely be a positive way of tripping. He clearly showed alot of interest and is the type of person who could really benefit from a trip on shrooms. But anyways, my friend is married, and so his wife had her concerns and things were haulted, leaving me anxious as i had really been looking forward to this trip. So i decide, heck, i'll go trip with one of my older trip buddies whom i had not seen in a year. We had a good trip once and so i felt we could relive that experience as i really did not want to do it alone. Bad mistake.
I arrived at my friends house and instantly felt a negative vibe just from his place, it was dirty. VERY dirty. The whole place seemed to reflect my friends mental state. It basically looked like a junkies cage. I thought oh well we'll just go outside and head for nature. It's ok. We prepared 2.5 G's each in a cup of tea. The liquid itself had a normal taste of tea (with sugar) but the shrooms themselves made me wanna vomit, so after drinking the tea, i took the shrooms, mixed with OJ and in a blender. I gotta say i couldn't taste the shrooms at all. OJ all the way. Sweet.
After it was all eaten up i grabbed my friends guitar just to let go of some steam. I chanted over a chord, which resulted in a grumpy roommate complaining which really made me feel down. I felt limited, so i asked my friend if we should head for nature, and so we headed out. We grab some water (GOOD IDEA) and stuff it in a bag and start walking towards a great lake that is quite a walk away.
Come up : Slowly as we are walking, we start feeling some slight instant visual distortions. My friend starts having trouble with speech and in these moments it's like he pauses and stares into the air with terror on his face. I certainly don't like this, because it looks like he is worried and not feeling too good. I ask him and tell him to not hold back with his feelings. He tells me he is fine. We keep on walking. We arrive at a semi-forest area where there is forest along the road. Now my trip is setting in nice and slowly. Green looks VERY green, etc and i'm enjoying the walk, the forest and so on. I'm a little worried about my friend though, he still makes these pauses of terror and i can't help but think he's not being honest about how he feels. He seems to be tripping alot more than me. He obviously feels bad and won't admit it to me or himself in fear of letting it overtake him i guess. I try to counter this again by telling him it's very important that he states his feelings so that we can try and fix whatever is making him feel bad, so i ask him if we should return to his place if he's better there ? I struck a chord with this question as he's thinking about it, yet we decide to keep on going anyways and see if it gets better.
Coming further up : Now i'm starting to feel paranoid about the whole thing, i really don't like my friends inability to speak his mind, I really don't like the look on his face and all the while i'm worried about this my own trip is starting to overtake my body. We start doing slightly disoriented stuff. The people and cars along the road start freaking us both out, we needed peace and quiet for the come up, yet here we are on a road, halfway to a lake that will be totally dark in a few hours. Stupid. So we seek into the very tight little forest area along the road, but it's impossible to find a spot where it feels private. I feel people are looking at us and judging us. We try going in a little further but then we get very paranoid of getting lost. So we head out back on the road. Bodyload is making me breathe very deeply now. I'm seeing colors, but i'm in NO way enjoying it. It's just dumb colors to me and i really feel like i don't wanna do this at all. I start thinking about my girlfriend, i start missing her alot. I tell this to my friend to prepare him for me leaving as i cannot in anyway get myself to enjoy a trip with him. I feel like he is the cause of MY bad trip and that my girlfriend is the only solution, so i text her that i'm feeling nervous and would like for her to come pick me up before i'm unable to even text her. The thought of not being able to text her creeps me out, i'm scared of losing my ability to function, maybe not even being able to walk home.
Climax of bad trip : Ok so now i'm just SICK OF EVERYTHING, i just want PEACE from this navigating around. We see a field by the side of the road and decide to go outthere and lay down for a little while, try to relax. Soon as we enter the field, some weird guy starts eyeballing us from a little away. And i'm thinking wth is he doing outhere at this hour eyeballing us like we're some sort of television show. I try hard to just ignore him, but it really makes me uncomfortable. So we walk away from him as far as we can and he leaves aswell. This is where something odd happens. We both vomit at exactly the same second. I've never seen such timing. Vomiting feels GOOD. RELEASE is my initial thought. This is why i felt weird, i must've been nautious "through" the trip. That seems not to be the case though, i do feel better and more at ease in my mind, but i'm still missing my girlfriend and i feel a slight disconnetion with my friend. It's like i have to turn my back on him and forget him to get better.
Fixing the bad trip : Everything looks amazing now. Everything seems transparent with a white glow behind it. The birds that fly over our heads leave trails in the sky and they look transparent. This might sound like an amazing sight, but i really didn't enjoy it. My visuals sorta bored me, i needed a human being i could connect with and share intimate feelings. I felt my friend was a very limited being who could not satisfy my need for conversational depth at that time. So i told him we should get back to his place and my girlfriend would pick me up and that i was sorry. I also told him we had been foolish not to respect the shrooms. He seemed sorta mute. But just getting these things off my chest and starting to walk back towards his place ,and my girlfriend, made my trip go the right way. My friend also seemed slightly better and we actually had a few laughs on the way back, talking about our trip. And then we both realised that what we had felt was because we didnt't feel comfortable in eachothers company after a whole year of not talking. We were just getting to be comfortable again WHILE we were tripping. On the walk home i'm having hallucinations as i'm looking down on the pavement. All the little ants who were crawling around seemed to shift to supersoniclightning speed at times, leaving trails. I never had actual hallucinations like that before on shrooms.
So as we are starting to enjoy the trip we come by a swing and swing on them while smoking a jay. The jay seems to cool me down a bit, but i also feel it's slowing down the shroom trip.
I drink the rest of my OJ with shrooms as i had saved a little incase i would vomit and lose some trip power.
My girlfriend comes on her bicycle and i leave my friend with his roommate. I felt i was connecting with him again, so leaving him felt very weird actually. Felt like a part of me died when we said goodbye.
Good trip :
So now my girlfriend is here, all is good, but i'm slighty moody as she is not on trip and i sorta regret leaving my friend for a minute. But i adjust and try to enjoy my trip in the presence of my very patient and listening girlfriend. So i talk and i talk and i talk about how it is and she's very jealous and wants to try aswell she says. The world looks beautyful, it's now dark and anything that gets hit by light looks absolutely amazing. There's no words to describe exactly how everything looks ... DIfferent. As i'm much more awake in my sorroundings. I feel like stopping all the time and looking at things but i don't want to annoy my girlfriend who isn't seeing anything. So i try not to stop too much and point at stuff. When i close my eyes i'm seeing an eye with rings around it staring back at me, sometimes a cartoon eye, and sometimes a real one. We then decide to stop by a bench by a little lake and make a joint. I cannot concentrate on making the joint as i'm much more interested in feeding little ducklings with the bread my girlfriend brought me. The little squeaky noises from the ducklings melts my heart completely, i want to love them and grant them eternal safety and security, they sound so fragile and cute. I lie down on my stomache with my head out over the edge and talk mellow to the ducklings while feeding them. I feel like the ducks detect my thoughts or inner vibes like shockwaves. Making them move away when i don't concentrate on positive thinking. I feel challenged by this to make them come closer to me, untill the point where i was basically handfeeding them. Both me and my girlfriend was blown away by this and agreed that no mother duck would normally let her young that close to any human.
I disconnect from the ducklings and sit back on the bench, where my slighty drunk girlfriend decides to do a little chant for me, which is AMAZING. She sits in total darkness and hums and as she hums her whole face vibrates in the tone she is doing it in. It sorta freaks me out a little because it's dark and her face looks a little strange sometimes, so we decide to head on homeward. I try riding her bike, slowly, next to her and i feel basically in control of it. No problem. My girlfriend complains about the wind and the temperature and this makes me sense my own complete ignorance of this. The wind no longer feels like a stranger to me i say, it's coming right through me, it's a part of me. It fills me up with euphoria to have the wind blowing my hair around like crazy and i constantly wave my arms like a bird, feeling free. Letting the wind take me. As we walk and talk i'm getting slightly anxious about coming home to her dog who i feel misses us. So we decide to bike home with her on the back. Slightly stupid but i felt i was in control and i was careful.
So we arrived home where i would just chill out with the dog, smoke weed and talk with my girlfriend for hours untill i was basically completely down again. I also played a bit of piano and it was amazing, i was thinking on a whole other level. Musically. I closed my eyes and saw colors for each not i took, and when i let myself "fly" into the music i felt drawn into this huge realm of light. Amazing. During these hours i truly felt like a new and reborn person and i felt sad about going back into the identity that i felt society made me. And that's the therapy i guess. Forgetting the depression of social hiearchy, remembering how much more there is to life. I have many good thoughts, but i also decide that the shrooms have welcomed me home and are inviting me to take them ALOT. So now i'm going to take magic mushrooms every weekend to start my journey of true self exploration and artistic inspiration. I cannot wait.
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