On The Can

I was home one night trippin in my room of my parent’s house when in college with the normal candles incense lava-lamp type deal when the urge to shit, which had been building for hours, came to full fruition and it had to be done. Do I take a shit in my bathroom next to my parents bedroom and make lots of noise? No fuckin way! So I quietly crept downstairs to the one in the basement next to the garage.

This is where the real fun began.

It was somewhat darkened everywhere else in the house including my room so when I flipped on the light of the downstairs bathroom, I almost shit my pants. I stared at myself in the mirror for a few seconds until my bare feet got too cold on the tile floor since it was the middle of winter. I quickly stepped onto the rug in front of the toilet and promptly sat down cuz I had to shit BAD! No time to admire the view I told myself.

This is a small bathroom and the sink is below normal level so that the mirror behind it is lower down so when sitting on the can one is able to look directly in the mirror down to about shoulder height. There were many surfaces, floor and some parts of the sink wall that were covered in shiny square inch tiles. There were so many of them and all were randomly set so it was simply gorgeous. That shiny glow off the surface that makes you smile you know. The familiar warm glow. There I was staring at myself in the mirror, caught with my pants down. The lowest levels of existence I seemed to think.

I took the preliminary shit and ended up not quite feeling like I had gotten all of it out. I had to flush many times as like every 5 minutes new shit seemed to be produced from nowhere. I spent over an hour shitting, not just sitting on the can. I couldn't believe it. And why does the mush make it stink tenfold I thought as I was laughing my ass off the entire time (especially when the sounds produced from my ass hole reminded me of Dumb & Dumber). I couldn't be loud because of my parents sleeping above me but damn I couldn't contain my laughter. Everything funny about bathroom humor that I have ever heard just seemed to hit my thoughts full force and I ended up trying not to laugh out loud by holding my nose at times (not for other reasons although highly warranted). I felt like a little kid jubilant about being alive and the fact that right now, I am performing one of life's menial tasks and it was so much fun made me crack up so hard. The mirror was right in front of me and here I am on the can hitting my peak while I try to hold back the laughter like a kid in school as I looked at myself trippin balls and plugging my nose since I was laughing so hard. If I was someone else and walked into the bathroom and saw what I looked like and the fun I was having, I would be like damn, can I try that.

I was amazed at how cool a person I was and surprised to see I had full control of my thoughts and actions because I was ha glue sin ate in pretty damn good and usually just look like a person who is tripping whenever I look at myself in the mirror.

This was the most fun I have ever had going to the bathroom, not just into one. I was forced to shit due to natural biological functions as well as take a good look at myself (literally) while executing my right to shit in peace. I spent the peak in there (it got too cold to stay) then retired to my room and smoked bowls till the sun came up with much relief to my excretory system the rest of the night as I really had dropped a load off my shoulders, or so it felt. Not the best subject but who cares; no one is above producing waste. I'll never forget that time I took a shit. Unforgettable...