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Anxiety, Ego Death, Heaven and Cops
A more recent experience of mine.
Let me start by saying that I am not the most experienced user. Though, neither am I the most
inexperienced. I intially was introduced to Magic Mushrooms through a School Friend. One day he
took me out to an Open Field where we searched for, and eventually found, several wet grams of Psilocybin
mushrooms. I didn't eat many, and looking back it was a very mellow trip in contrast to my later experiences.
(Probably 0.2-0.4 grams of Dried - I have a rather low tolerance to most substances. Alcohol, Marijuana, etc.)
That experience was very pleasant. I can remember my parents coming home, and instead of freaking out,
I sat down and talked to them for about 2 hours straight. This was of course on the come down
and not the peak. Though, looking back at the experience the peak probably wasn't very dramatic.
After that experience I was very interested in trying them again. It wouldn't be for another year
or two until a friend of mine started cultivating and selling them. He was about 24 years old,
and I was only maybe 18. He was charging us $20 for a gram. Although I am aware of how pricey
that is now (especially for living where they grow everywhere) I was very satisfied with my
trip. Even though I later felt a little bit ripped off since I knew him so well and he knew damn
straight that it was ridiculously pricey. Eventually shrooms became introduced to my close circle of
friends (People I've known for around 10-15 years.)
The friend of mine who was selling to me initially, eventually taught another friend of ours how to grow.
He was a very good friend, as he felt it was sacriligious to sell the Psilocybin Experience. He would
harvest and dry his shrooms, then give them away to us for free. Of course, we always planned our trips
together. It was a group experience. For the next year or so, we waited eagerly for each flush.
For the most part it was simply a B+ that he would grow and we would trip on. It was something
we all greatly enjoyed and looked forward to.
Until the day he decided to grow another strain... I can't give the name as I don't remember.
However, I can tell you that It was incredibly more potent than the B+ I had been use to.
I was in for more than I bargained for when I chose to consume close to 2.5g-3g dried.
(Keep in mind I have a relatively low tolerance.) It was myself and 4 other people tripping
that day. 3 out of the group took smaller doses, where as another friend and I were taking
close to 3grams. I hadn't had anything to eat that day. We woke up fairly early and planned
to trip in this place we called the Scrub. It was approximately 28 acres of trails that went
through areas covered by tons of trees, out to open fields where you could see for a good ways.
We had scouted out the area and tripped there before and everything
went well. It is a place open to the public, but it really wasn't but a person or two that would
walk by every few hours. There was a marshy area that had a board
walk over it and a Pavilion. Past that there were sandy trails that went off in all directions.
Having tripped there before, I figured it would be comfortable because it would be familiar.
Hoping for it to bring the same feeling and trip I had experienced last time I was there.
Unfortunately, things did not go according to how I had 'thought' we planned it. I was under the assumption
that we had already agreed upon a place to sit in the sand and relax as we came up. Unfortunately, the shrooms
hit me in 15 minutes flat. I was expecting atleast 45minutes to an hour before I'd have to worry about that.
I was wrong. To make matters worse, we had turned down a trail I was not familiar with and I had no idea where we
were. My friend who wasn't tripping yet, had assured me that he knew where we were going, but it seems I misunderstood
him. He was telling me that the path hooked around to the left, where as I thought he meant to the right.
So when we came to a certain spot and I realized there was no path to the right, I began to get scared.
That is when I started becoming overwhelemd. The trip hit me hard. In the midst of my hard trip, I started
having an anxiety attack. (At the time, I had no idea it was an anxiety attack. It wasn't until later that
I realized what it was.) To make matters worse, I had to piss. Though, now I was paranoid. Unzipping my pants
to go pee off to the side became a psychological battle I just couldn't win. (I Never left to go pee, nor do I remember
ever pissing. However, I am fairly certain I ended up pissing myself at some point and it just dried in the sun.)
It didn't help at the time that my right hand was broken and in a splint. I was not very vocal during the trip.
It was very much so as if I were simply trapped inside my head. I was afraid I was dying of dehydration at one point
because I was too scared to ask for a bottle of water out of the back pack my friend was carrying.
Out of fear of upsetting him or offending him for whatever reason. This resulted in my lips becoming unbearably chapped
and my mouth as dry as the desert. For awhile I was very aware of the inside of my mouth. I was too scared that I was going
to bite down and chip my teeth or something, so I was being very cautious not to grit my teeth or make them touch.
During the entire trip, I never voiced to my friends that I was having a bad time - because I didn't want to
bring them down with me. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying theirselves. So began the most intense afternoon of my life.
The Anxiety attack continued for a good amount of time. I can remember this trip start to finish, along with the feelings.
Though, I do not remember any words that were exchanged. I can remember the feeling and imagery from every point.
As frightening as the trip began, it was extremely eye opening and I actually learned a lot about myself
while I sat there, staring into the patterns in the sand. My anxiety attack had subsided and I actually experienced
complete and total ego death. It was as if the bad part of my trip was due to some sort of insecurity with my self.
I reached a point where It felt like I was breaking out of a shell and becoming a new person. During the bad part of the trip,
I came to understand so many of my own fears. I came to understand a lot of things in my life that were very trivial,
yet I put so high up on this pedestal. When I broke out of that shell, the trip almost immediately turned into bliss.
It was probably around 4-5pm at this point. I remember I took the shrooms at around 2:00pm. So the bad part of the trip lasted
a good 2-3 hours. Yet, I almost don't consider it bad because I learned so much from it.
As for other details as to what I experienced, everything was foreign and warped. Time was irreleavant. Colors seemed vivid. I picked up on
Purple whenever I looked at Moss hanging from a tree. Shadows seemed purple to me. I saw paterns in absolutely everything.
Some things would seem to melt. My friends faces were warped. At one point my skin looked as if it were see-through.
Not entirely, but it had almost this jelly fish look to it. It looked very pale and colorful. The Clouds were amazing.
My Depth perception was entirely distorted. At one point I would look at the clouds and they would form into what looked
like an X-Ray of my broken hand. Clouds seemed extraordinarly close. At one point it even just looked like smoke and I thought
the place might have had a wildfire going. I noticed a Helicopter flying over and I thought Police were looking for us.
I wasn't very worried though. Another thing I noticed was certain clouds looked as if they were sped-up in a time-lapse.
They would zoom around in the sky like they were Angels, while others would stand still... while looking like they were sped
up in place. It was very odd. As I was sitting in the sand, I felt connected to everything. It felt like everything around me was alive
and had its own life force. Almost as if it were whispering to me. It was a very warm feeling. It made me feel at ease and I
felt overwhelemed with love. I noticed everyone else around me was having a good time. Two of my friends who had lower doses were
laying in the sand talking for what seemed like an eternity. Another friend of ours, who took maybe a gram or so... The entire time
he was tripping he was listening to his Ipod with Lady Gaga on repeat and he was wandering through all the trails by himself just having
a good time. That was his first time ever tripping.
Now this is where our day got a little more complicated. Remember I said our other friend took about the same amount as me?
Well, let's just say he was completely detached from reality. He wasn't wigging out - he just wasn't registering that he was tripping.
He was under the assumption that he was in a vivid dream and none of this was real. He wouldn't reply to us. He would just look at us.
At some point while we were off in our own heads, he started to wander off. He ended up walking into a suburb and climbed over some
fence, then tried going into someones house because he wanted to sleep in a bed. Thankfully for him, the people weren't home and
their door was locked. Unfortunately for him, people still saw him walking around dazed and confused. So, they called the cops.
He ended up getting picked up while he was still tripping - Though, because he was tripping and thought it was a dream. He told them
everything. "Oh, yeah I am tripping on shrooms." He gave them names, even told them he got them from his friend who grew them.
They ended up finding his cell phone on him and found his parents number and had his Dad show up. Of course, we were all oblivious
to this and were already starting to come down. So on our way back we were greeted by the Police. Though, to be honest. They really
weren't being dicks to us. They straight out said "Hey, look we already know you guys were tripping on shrooms. Your friend wandered
off into a suburb." They pretty much searched us and gave us the basic speech about how we are frying our brains, etc. After that
they let us go. Needless to say, I will never trip with that paticular friend again. Because of what he said to the cops,
My friend went home immediatly and destroyed all the evidence of his grow-op. He had around a quarter of dried left too that he
So, what have I learned from this trip?
- Never trip without a sitter unless you know you can handle it!
We were actually doing pretty good at first. We were all staying together in a group.
Except for our friend listening to Lady Gaga, but he wasn't on but maybe a Gram.
If we had at least one person with us who wasn't tripping, it probably would have
kept us from getting the cops called on us. Even though we were down and got away clean,
it is still a little upsetting to be greeted by cop lights shining in your face on a come down.
So, that is something we have learned.
- Don't do your highest dose on a strain you've never tried before! Jesus Christ!
Had I known how potent those were, I probably would have stuck with a gram or so.
As would have my friend who wandered off. I think a low dose on your first time with
a different strain is a must. You can always eat more later if you feel it isn't powerful enough.
- Don't trip if one of your limbs is broken! I find that it was some what of a hassle...
- Be more prepared! This was a sloppy planned trip in comparision to all the others. I partly
blame our friend who walked into the suburb, as he was the one setting it up. Though, It is just
as much my fault for not being sure we had everything in order before hand.
- As a side note, after this trip I experienced Anxiety whenever I smoked pot for the next few months.
(It is possible that it was simply because I was taking large bong rips of powerful stuff at a party
where I didn't know anyone.) but the anxiety attack brought on flash backs of the trip and it felt
like I was tripping all over again. To the point where I was questioning if the weed was laced. (It wasn't)
I have always had social anxiety, etc. Just never had a full on panic attack since I was very little until I
had this trip. Though, I am glad to say that this all wore off and I am back to smoking pot pretty regularly
and haven't had an Anxiety Attack in a long ass time. I also had this lingering bad feeling for awhile. Though it
went away after I tripped again and had a good trip. It is like it reversed it.
I don't want to discourage people from tripping, as it can be a very eye opening experience. I just advise
taking it with caution and to be prepared. Comfortable setting, people you trust, etc. It also couldn't hurt to be
near a bathroom. Also, my friend pissed himself hardcore. Haha.
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