First Trip

Ok, this was my first experience with mushrooms and I'm going to get the details out first, because other things happened:

I grew my own, as I'm sure a lot here do for reasons like: don't want to deal with drug rif-raf (I'm not trying to be rude, but tie-dyed-pants-wearing tends to lead to handcuffs in a bad way), I had some free time, and had a very very strong curiosity about psychedelics (I've smoked a lot of weed, robotripped - don't judge! but I'm over it, ecstasy, I honestly can't remember right now, but I think other things too)  the point is, I wanted to try mushrooms.

I used wbs, and pasturized my vermiculite/peat let it chill outside for a day or so
I made ginger green tea with mint and lemon (and uh... mushrooms too, of course!)

And this entire experience has been awesome. Everything about it. Growing the mushrooms was really neat because I was anxious about it, having never done it before and every year I swear I kill at least one rosemary and one succulent on accident (I'm bad with temperature transitions, gah). And a little bit of background information is that I recently graduated college and have been going through a transition period of sorts (my parents have other ways to describe it which make me feel SUPER!) so I think it's fair to say I've just been... feeling a lot lately. Seriously, just feeling in any idea of the word, physically, mentally, spiritually, I can feel that I'm changing regardless of anything I eat or drink.

You're probably catching on that I had a very emotional trip. But a really great trip too!

One thing that I think is really neat about mushrooms in contrast to other experiences is that it feels like they take you. Like they fucking TAKE you on a trip. I know that probably sounds really stereotypical, but oh my gosh, feeling it is something else entirely. And it really did sneak up on me and that was fun too.  When I made the tea, I was wondering if anything would happen, and to tell you the truth if nothing did, that was going to be OK with me. And I felt like that the entire time, from the syringe (I ordered a syringe!) up to the tea, I was just going to give it an honest try - the whole thing. Whatever that means.

So after I drank my tea (which looked very pretty! I left the lemons in the tea pot which seems magic to me now too :) but the mint leaves were pretty and the color of the tea and the mushrooms floating around and I ended up finding a cute little Japanese tea pot to steep it in) I feel like Martha Stewart on drugs...

I estimated on the amount of mushrooms, and honestly never having done them I wasn't sure how much to take. I don't have a scale, but there is a calculator thing on here...  https://www.shroomery.org/6257/Magic-Mushroom-Dosage-Calculator

I'm sure you've probably seen that by now on here, but I ended up estimating on it. And I think I was around what would be considered a level 2, but I'm not really sure and I always pick odd numbers, but a two was feeling right today so I'm posting this here.

And I felt a little strange at first, but it's honestly hard to describe how it was strange. I noticed the proportions of things a lot more and the depth of the world around me was so much more pronounced. I mean I felt like I could see things with crazy awesome glasses on and I realized that everything was so green I almost couldn't stand it. Since it's springtime now everything is starting to bloom and this is the first spring in a long time, maybe the first one ever, that I've awaited anxiously (I'm usually a cold weather person).  But it has felt so good to go outside and sweat. And I saw a spider web glinting in the sun and I took my dogs outside and the world looked so damned green! I'm not kidding you, there was not a cloud in the sky.

"Outside" feeling things were that there was so much movement, everything was really beautiful and even now when I look out the window it's astounding. It was like I saw patterns in the trees and they moved along these waves. I didn't spend a lot of time indoors, but I looked at my bathrobe and I thought it would probably be neat to have a lot of fabrics draped and look at them (which sounds really dumb now) but they really would look neat. You know what I'm talking about. I also thought I saw some small animals, but I don't think they were really there. They weren't there right in front of my face, but in the perfect spots that things that aren't really there might be. I don't think I had an overabundance of visual happenings.

I had to go off and look for a dog which had wondered away and I remembered a garden spider that lived outside my house last year, it was a St. Andrew's Cross spider (I had to look it up, it was awesome) and for some reason I was wondering if that was what I brushed my hand against on my jacket (makes no sense, but I thought I felt something  tree-like or maybe like what that spider's leg might feel like - it was a big spider, ok!) but I realized there was nothing on there. I really loved looking at the patterns on the roof of my neighbor's house. They have different colors and it was mesmerizing. It looked like a lot of different pieces all changing into each other. I found the dog (I always want to know the ends of stories of lost animals so I can't not tell you!)

What was really intense for me was internal. And that part of it is hard to describe. I was really glad I did this alone, and it struck me how important it is to do these kinds of things alone or with very close friends. 1. You can look like complete shit while tripping (I have SEEN the evidence) and 2. It's so good to have that psychic space with a truly trusted friend. I was alone today, and I think that was a good way for me to start. I ended up thinking a lot and I have a lot left to reflect on.

I stood looking at the woods with my headphones on crying for a long time. It wasn't a bad cry, but where I am right now is that I can see the truly blessed by God beauty in the world around me, but my soul is pouring tears. I felt like my grief came out of me in a good way. The sky looked like the most perfect shade of turquoise and I could feel the sun on my back.

My sister called me and I talked to her for a long time and I'm sure I sounded like a fool, but it was really good to hear her there. I talked to her for a long time and it was so so good. I can't remember very much right now, but the sun is setting so it feels appropriate to stop writing too.

I am so glad today happened.