Only 3 Grams of Shrooms

We all can't help but question our existence.  Why are we here?  Where did we come from?  What will happen when we die?  What does it feel like to be nothing, for all of eternity?  Sure the easy answer is we won't feel nothing, but what is nothing?  How can you feel nothing if there's nothing, there's no mind, there's no soul?  When you sleep you lose the concept of time, all you remember is going to sleep and you remember waking up.  What happened the 8 hours you were asleep?  It felt like nothing.  So what if 8 hours was an eternity?

The way I felt like I made sense of that eternity was this.  Everything in life that we think is short and will end, it's all part of the eternity.  Maybe life is an illusion created by our minds as we exist for all eternity.  If reality were 100 years long out of the infinity of years possible, what are that odds that we actually living in a real life at this moment?  Mathematically, 100/infinity, which if you take the limit like you learn in introductory calculus, you take 100/x as x approaches infinity and the answer is 0.  There is 0 possible chance that you happen to be existing in reality at this second.  Why?  Because eternity is so so huge that it's likely, or definitely, that you're part of that eternity already.  Maybe you've always been.  Our whole lives are just an illusion for us so that we can understand, or try to understand, the concept of infinity.

You can think about it in terms of computer science.  Now I only took an introductory high school course, but I know what the concept of writing a program is.  Now imagine writing a program to define infinity.  Wouldn't that be impossible?  If you began to start trying to implement the code, you would be trapped in an endless loop.  Our lives is that loop, trying to define infinity. 

I felt like I was reborn.     At one point I couldn't understand time, words, anything I saw.  Now it's what a baby sees the moment it opens its eyes in a new world.  Where do you begin defining your life?  You learn what things feel, what they sound like, you memorize literally millions of things, until eventually you learn enough to be able to create your sense of identity and reality with the people around you.  To try to imagine what it's like to be reborn, imagine if you forgot everything.  You forgot what 1+1 was, you forgot what words were.  You're completely overwhelmed by stimulus - colors, sound, feeling.  But all in perfect sequence, as the trip was ending, I regained all my memory.  First I was able to recall what letters were, then what words were, then what sentences were, and eventually, my mind came back to me.  I remembered what 1+1 was, then I remembered what 2x2 was, then what 10squared was, etc.   Being born again is like all of a sudden waking up in a world and all your memories, all you've done in the past, could mean nothing.  You can choose to do whatever you want at that moment, now that you're reborn.

Problem is, I obviously cannot describe everything I felt in words.  I forgot certain details, and other details are too difficult to explain.  The last problem is, now that I'm sober again, everything I typed feels like it could either be insight that shrooms allowed me to experience by allowing me to be reborn, or of course just illogical nonsense caused by my altered state of mind.