4 hits lsd

I am somewhat apprehensive this time, not totally sure how ready I am to go through the lot of emotions and revelations that are inherent to the LSD experience.   I start to think that a normal night of hanging out and eventually sleep sounds pretty good but I’m already headed there.  My nerves are starting to make me feel a little sick.  It’s coming to me now, slight, almost unnoticeable distortions.  It’s hard to tell if it’s my mind playing tricks on me or if these are the beginnings of hallucination. 

I head upstairs to get in bed for a bit, hopefully I can settle down some.  I grab my sketchbook, play music from my laptop and start to draw.  Still pretty nervous, I keep telling myself that I will be fine, all I’m doing is sitting and drawing, what could happen?   Ugh, my arm and hand are grossing me out, it’s really going now.  My wrist has become extremely thin and frail and the hair on my forearm is much longer than normal.  Also, my skin is subtly colored with pastel shades of blue and purple.  My mind is really slipping, I feel like I’m beginning an adventure.  I’m enjoying creating a separate world on the paper but drawing is becoming too much of a task to continue.  The music I’m listening to starts to stretch, slow and change pitch.  My bedroom becomes very bright, l feel like I’m on the sun.  My red shoes next to the bed radiate color, they are glowing.  The normal yellow tint of my room is now intense white and my posters shine too bright to even look very interesting.  Along with the glow of color they put off, is a ringing noise, almost like a glockenspiel or maybe the noise of a finger running along the rim of a wine glass.  I no longer feel like I’m a part of the normal succession of time, I’m in that quiet thoughtful place that I get from acid sometimes, it’s almost like being alone underwater in a pool. 

I look at my wall, it is tinted with red and green.  The bumpy texture is very pronounced now, sticking inches out.  A circular mandala shape is forming in the center where I stare, it gets bigger and deeper, it moves and shifts, it grows almost as big as the whole wall.  I have to look away, it is becoming too dominating, I don’t want to be enveloped.  The surface of my door seems to have a transparent reproduction sticking a foot out from where it actually is, the wood grain is not moving, just sticking out like a 3-d image.  All of my senses corresponding to each other, tied together, but not in the way that a sound creates a tactile sense or a visual response, they are all the same to me, I can’t even distinguish one sense from the other.  I don’t think I could walk if I tried right now, I’m immobile.  I feel very isolated, where is my friend? is he doing okay?  He looks fine, just drawing. I look away, in my peripheral his facial features appear to slip off, turn sideways and run down his neck, but only quickly, and are back in their appropriate positions when I focus on him again.   Suddenly I realize that it is not going to get more intense, I can deal with this.  Time to get up I guess.  A rush of energy, I feel light and hollow now, rather than weighed down.  My roommate walks into my room, he’s eating.  He tells me to eat some, but what the fuck is it? It looks like a swamp, a muddy brown and green texture, I suppose it must be Chinese food of some sort because of the container it is in, there’s no way I’m going to swallow any of that.  The thought of eating is weird to me anyways, I am disgusted by my body and somewhat overwhelmed by the idea that I need to perform certain tasks to maintain it and survive, what if I mess up? I guess I’ll die. 

Time for a walk I think, a change of scenery.  What should I bring? iPod, keys, cell phone? There is a foldable knife on the table, I guess I should bring that too, for safety, I mean it is 2 a.m. and I’m going to walk through the park.  In vivid clarity I imagine stabbing someone several times and watching them bleed to death, holy shit that would be insane.  I can’t figure out if it’s a good idea to bring it or not, but I do.  Outside now, this was definitely a good idea.  I stroll through an artificially lit suburban neighborhood, pastel houses, a beautiful orange glow coming from inside, contrasting with the cool colors of outside.  I imagine the families inside sleeping, comfortable, very nostalgic thoughts of childhood, safe at home.  The leaves on trees mechanically ripple and warp with the rhythm of my steps.  I stare into the bark of a tree for what might be a concerning amount of time to whoever may be around me.  Above me the starlight against the black sky look absolutely perfect, the hairs of light coming off each star are extended and bent, almost touching every other star, I feel squished under the sky.  And what is this?!?  Surely the most perfect architectural structure in all of history, it is only an elementary school, but the composition, each angle, each brick, the placement of the swing set, all flawless, it’s art. Glowing with fluorescent light.  The tiles on the roof rearrange themselves in an angular geometric pattern that dances slowly on the roof.  Some tiles sink from the surface, others rise back up, all to a beat. Wonderful.  I could look at this forever, I guess I should move on.  Downtown now.  The only people around are the drunks, assholes, yelling and stumbling.  Some stare ominously, their eyes are too far apart I think.  I can see animals, they are human, but that distinction is lessened now, such silly self important creatures.  They think they are more than animals, that their actions matter. pshhh…  At least I know better.  I get back home, eat the most disgusting peanut butter and jelly sandwich I have ever had .  I sit out back until the sun shows up.