I am somewhat apprehensive this time, not totally sure how ready
I am to go through the lot of emotions and revelations that are inherent to the
LSD experience.I start to think that a
normal night of hanging out and eventually sleep sounds pretty good but I’m
already headed there.My nerves are
starting to make me feel a little sick.It’s coming to me now, slight, almost unnoticeable distortions.It’s hard to tell if it’s my mind playing
tricks on me or if these are the beginnings of hallucination.
I head upstairs to get in bed for a bit,
hopefully I can settle down some.I grab
my sketchbook, play music from my laptop and start to draw.Still pretty nervous, I keep telling myself
that I will be fine, all I’m doing is sitting and drawing, what could
happen?Ugh, my arm and hand are grossing me out, it’s
really going now.My wrist has become extremely
thin and frail and the hair on my forearm is much longer than normal.Also, my skin is subtly colored with pastel
shades of blue and purple.My mind is
really slipping, I feel like I’m beginning an adventure. I’m enjoying creating a separate world on the
paper but drawing is becoming too much of a task to continue.The music I’m listening to starts to stretch,
slow and change pitch.My bedroom
becomes very bright, l feel like I’m on the sun.My red shoes next to the bed radiate color,
they are glowing.The normal yellow tint
of my room is now intense white and my posters shine too bright to even look
very interesting.Along with the glow of
color they put off, is a ringing noise, almost like a glockenspiel or maybe the
noise of a finger running along the rim of a wine glass.I no longer feel like I’m a part of the
normal succession of time, I’m in that quiet thoughtful place that I get from
acid sometimes, it’s almost like being alone underwater in a pool.
I look at my wall, it is tinted with red and
green.The bumpy texture is very
pronounced now, sticking inches out.A
circular mandala shape is forming in the center where I stare, it gets bigger
and deeper, it moves and shifts, it grows almost as big as the whole wall.I have to look away, it is becoming too
dominating, I don’t want to be enveloped.The surface of my door seems to have a transparent reproduction sticking
a foot out from where it actually is, the wood grain is not moving, just
sticking out like a 3-d image.All of my
senses corresponding to each other, tied together, but not in the way that a
sound creates a tactile sense or a
visual response, they are all the same to me, I can’t even distinguish one
sense from the other.I don’t think I
could walk if I tried right now, I’m immobile.I feel very isolated, where is my friend? is he doing okay?He looks fine, just drawing. I look away, in
my peripheral his facial features appear to slip off, turn sideways and run
down his neck, but only quickly, and are back in their appropriate positions
when I focus on him again.Suddenly I
realize that it is not going to get more intense, I can deal with this.Time to get up I guess.A rush of energy, I feel light and hollow
now, rather than weighed down.My roommate
walks into my room, he’s eating.He
tells me to eat some, but what the fuck is it? It looks like a swamp, a muddy
brown and green texture, I suppose it must be Chinese food of some sort because
of the container it is in, there’s no way I’m going to swallow any of that.The thought of eating is weird to me anyways,
I am disgusted by my body and somewhat overwhelmed by the idea that I need to
perform certain tasks to maintain it and survive, what if I mess up? I guess I’ll
die.
Time for a walk I think, a change
of scenery.What should I bring? iPod,
keys, cell phone? There is a foldable knife on the table, I guess I should
bring that too, for safety, I mean it is 2 a.m. and I’m going to walk through
the park.In vivid clarity I imagine
stabbing someone several times and watching them bleed to death, holy shit that
would be insane.I can’t figure out if
it’s a good idea to bring it or not, but I do.Outside now, this was definitely a good idea.I stroll through an artificially lit suburban
neighborhood, pastel houses, a beautiful orange glow coming from inside, contrasting
with the cool colors of outside.I
imagine the families inside sleeping, comfortable, very nostalgic thoughts of
childhood, safe at home.The leaves on
trees mechanically ripple and warp with the rhythm of my steps.I stare into the bark of a tree for what
might be a concerning amount of time to whoever may be around me.Above me the starlight against the black sky
look absolutely perfect, the hairs of light coming off each star are extended
and bent, almost touching every other star, I feel squished under the sky.And what is this?!?Surely the most perfect architectural
structure in all of history, it is only an elementary school, but the composition,
each angle, each brick, the placement of the swing set, all flawless, it’s art.
Glowing with fluorescent light.The
tiles on the roof rearrange themselves in an angular geometric pattern that dances
slowly on the roof.Some tiles sink from
the surface, others rise back up, all to a beat. Wonderful.I could look at this forever, I guess I
should move on.Downtown now.The only people around are the drunks,
assholes, yelling and stumbling.Some
stare ominously, their eyes are too far apart I think.I can see animals, they are human, but that
distinction is lessened now, such silly self important creatures.They think they are more than animals, that
their actions matter. pshhh…At least I
know better.I get back home, eat the
most disgusting peanut butter and jelly sandwich I have ever had .I sit out back until the sun shows up.
