This trip report details my second breakthrough experience with salvia, the first was of equal intensity yet I have no memory of what occurred.
Set and Setting - In my room with a good friend looking after me, the door is closed, some soft ambient music plays quietly in the background, the lights I decide to leave on.I take position sitting cross legged on the floor next to my mattress, which subsequently also resides on the floor.
I'm in a terrific mood yet fear lies deep within my heart, I found myself repeating the phrase 'One must overcome fear to gain knowledge', whilst packing the bowlpiece to the brim with Salvia 15x extract. I was ready now. I take my hit, making sure to keep the flame on the material throughout and clearing the bowl in one, the smoke is thick and possessed an acrid taste but I hold it back with ease and quickly place my bong out of the way where it wont be compromised, the smoke is held for 30 seconds and by the time I begin to exhale its already coming on fast.
A powerful strobing sensation is felt in my head and I am no longer aware of the rest of my body, I was on my way to the nether realm. I will try my best to portray this mysterious realm in the following paragraphs, although trying to document an experience of such magnitude on paper is an exercise in futility.
Envision a conveyor belt or set of treads like those you would find on a tank, this belt was massive and positioned opposite me, the belt was moving at great speed, running from the bottom upwards into the sky, the belt appeared to be travelling towards a magnificent white light (Heaven?) from there on it was impossible to tell if they continued on upwards into the sky past the light, connected back up to the bottom again or just ceased to exist anymore.
Attached to the belt were a series of pods, these pods were oval shaped with a transparent window, very reminiscent of the pod which fry uses to freeze himself in futurama. There were thousands of these pods attached to the belt, one was present in each groove of the belt with seemingly identical distance between each pod. However there were never two pods sharing the same groove, there were only pods above and below the others.
Contained within these pods were parallel existences, different pods containing different scenes from my "past", like chapters on a DVD ready to be viewed again. A DVD makes for a great analogy here... of how during our lives we have the illusion of progressing into the future and leaving the past behind us, in a similar fashion one watches a movie believing they are progressing from the opening scene to the credits, but as we all know these scenes are still stored on the disc and will always remain there, they all still exist simultaneously even though we are not aware of them all at once, only the scene that is playing. I believe the same to be true of our existence, what are memories? Perhaps they could be interpreted as the 'Chapter select' feature present on a DVD. Anyway....
This is where it gets crazy, upon my entry to this place I had fallen out of 'my' capsule which was in essence 'My life' . Upon realising that capsule was now vacant and travelling up into the light without me being present in it; 'Panic, it crept up my spine like first rising vibes of an acid frenzy' I was positive something bad would happen if I failed to make it back into that capsule in time, before it merged with the light. Never before I have experienced such a intense combination of fear, urgency and adrenaline, I was so frightened that I wouldn't make it back into my body, frightened that someone or something would take over my life while the actual me was banished forever in salvia land. My instinct was telling me that the whole universe would collapse in on itself and cease to exist anymore if that pod wasn't filled. In short I was very desperate to get into my pod.
I frantically try climbing up the belt to reach my pod but find myself being dragged downward by something/someone, as the belt continues to move on up without me the other pods connected to the belt pass by and as each one does I am forced to perceive whatever scenario lies within. I get dropped into scenes from my childhood, and not just into a scene that I experience from a 3rd person perspective, I became my 8 year old self again, having lost all sense of who I was I begin to question the scene knowing that something is not quite right, surely this isn't the point in time I was at just minutes earlier? Ah now I remember this is but a memory from my past.
A torrent of questions flood my mind; Am I trapped here? How do I get back? Will I just have to relive my life from this point until I catch back up? Catch back up to what? Who am I? I wonder if the possession of my 8 year old self will have any paradoxical consequences? I wonder if I was aware of a bizarre perceptual change at this exact point in time all those years ago? Then all of a sudden I notice the return of the strobing sensation and get warped back to the world with the belt again where I am still unable to reach the pod I believe to be my own because my leg is being held in place by something, another pod passes and yet another memory is projected upon my perception until I re-emerge back into the realm of the great belt again.
Stuck in a viscous circle of dropping in and out of various perceptions and points in time I start to feel as though im being toyed with by the being pulling at my leg, like a cat playing with a mouse, letting it try to scramble to safety but with no intention of letting it go completely and just clawing it back towards it. Feeling completely hopeless and lost I try looking around and to my astonishment there are millions of identical looking belts all around me (other people's lives perhaps?). Would it be possible for me to fly over to one of those pods and experience life as someone else for a bit I pondered, would I get trapped? would it be worth the risk? Or could that cause some type of universe destroying malfunction?
Whilst being distracted by this awe inspiring view I had failed to realise that my leg had been released. 'It's time to go back' I thought to myself, I look up to my empty pod, Its getting dangerously close to the light now and the adrenaline kicks back in, I rush forward, getting closer and closer bit by bit until I exert one final lunge returning me to the pod. My eyes open to reveal the corner of my mattress, dazed and confused I look around and find myself back in my room yet something still feels very wrong, even this feels like another memory, could this be my old house I wondered, studying my environment my eyes fall upon my trip sitter, I recognise him but cant place him into my reality too well, it's like having a dream about an event that took place years ago with current day dream characters subsituted in their place if that makes sense.
Lying down in bed I notice my bong out the corner of my eye and instantly remember that I had just smoked salvia, this was a great relief and I began reassuring myself that it was just the drug and that it would wear off in time. I would close my eyes and reopen them every so often to check if the effect had worn off, I recognised the similarities between this effect and that of the waking perception as I will try and explain now. Think about that split second when you first wake up and open your eyes, In order to feel settled in your environment you have to recognise the place of waking and link a memory to it. For example; You awaken to find yourself in your room in bed, you recognise the place and remember that you got there by going to sleep at 3am last night, using this method you know where you are and how you got there and feel safe enough to continue your conscious experience.
I found myself to be lacking the ability to recognise my own room even though it looked somehow familiar and had no connecting memory of how I arrived there either. This effect lasted about an hour with bouts of amnesia making me feel like I was waking up over and over again unable to ground myself, I almost swore off salvia forever during this period but then it started to fade and normality took its place. Overall the experience was very worthwhile, albeit a tad intense I learnt a lot from it and despite swearing never to touch it again I do intend to venture back to the realm of salvia when the time is right for further exploration.