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2.3g Cyanescens

It was sleep or death...

I partake in mushrooms for spiritual reasons. I also really enjoy the past experiences I have had on mushrooms. I'm fairly sure these were Cyanescens but I could be wrong as these were dried.

I ingested them at 7:30pm and waited for them to kick in. My husband had partaken the night before and he had a wonderful experience in the realm of mathematics. I was eager to start my trip, I wanted to attempt to think about specific topics I had questions on. It would be the first time I had started my trip with questions in mind. Unfortunately, (should have written them down) I do not remember the questions OR the answers that came during my trip. I remembered scratching at my journal in the dark with a pen, but I haven't decided when I want to look at just yet.
So, I started to feel the heaviness descend on my arms and shoulders. My husband was sitting with me and I told him that it was starting. Nice closed eye visuals, lots of small blue drops with bright red centers. They quickly became open eyed visuals. My husband's face was morphing and becoming very Lionel in appearance, then his face would shift back to a smooth no-nose face with very large eyes and then back to his usual face. I talked and talked and talked(something that has never happened to me on mushrooms before) and the more I heard myself, the more I realized how very mad I was, just straight crazy. I would think about one topic that I wanted to dissect and the revelation would come to me so quickly, I would burst out in laughter. After some time (I wasn't keeping track) my husband and I started kissing. Having sex on mushrooms was very intense, very focused and extremely enjoyable although I could not reach climax. My Husband fell asleep and I smoked some cannabis and was thoroughly enjoying my trip. I had seen a framed picture turn into a War Of The Worlds type of alien walking ship, and it walked across my bedroom and then snapped back to the wall and was the picture again (yeah, that was really neat). When I went to the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was melting and my arms were melting onto the floor, I was good with that, I smiled and went back into my bedroom.
I don't know how it started or when it turned. But I was upset that my Husband had not been writing down my Q&A session with myself from earlier. Maybe that was the trigger. Maybe it was the pot i smoked, although I have always smoked pot during trips in the past, without any ill effect. It actually seems to help give me a reality check. Well, I my mind started wrapping itself on a paradox. It was a Universal Paradox. I can not remember it now but it was so great of a scene, I brought me to tears, weeping on my couch in the middle of the night, begging for sleep. Its hard to remember where it started, but I know that the only way I could get my mind out of the paradox insanity loop was to concentrate on sleep. Some part of me told myself that I was just an animal who happened to gain consciousness temporally and all I needed to to was to lay down and go to sleep. Well I went with that thought for a bit, tested it out to see if it would cure my harsh moment. It was just way to false and I dismissed it. I then something told me that I was the source of reality at this moment. My reality was the reality of the world. Everyone who I knew were manufactured by me. I was "God" of my world, so to speak. I was horrified by that thought, but I tried it on for a moment to see if it fit. The one thing that kept ringing through everything was how much I loved my Husband and how much I didn't want to disappoint him by never coming back to sanity. I decided that my intense love for my husband had to come from a real connection, from somewhere. I then realized that I was actually in a coma. My life, as I knew it, was a mental manifestation while my actual body was in a hospital bed somewhere. My love for my husband transcended that coma and it was what sustained me to my body. I knew that something was very wrong with my "real" body, that I was dying in that hospital bed. That I needed to sleep to save my life. If I could just fall asleep in this world, I would wake up in that "real" world and all this would be over. All the dreams I ever wanted were true in that life and my Husband was just on the other side of the veil. At that point, I decided a hot shower would help me sleep. The shower was Great! It felt wonderful, and even though I was anxious about my time running out, I couldn't help but enjoy the hot water and steam. I eventually got out and went back to bed with my husband. I woke him up and explained to him that I knew that I was still high on mushrooms but I was completely convinced that I needed to sleep or I was going to die. I told him that I needed him to hold me until I fell asleep, and that he could not sleep until I fell asleep. I sure do love my husband :D
He stayed up with me and held me, telling me to be quiet and go to sleep, that I was going to be just fine. After what seemed like an eternity, I told him that my stomach was really upset. He got up and went to go get me some yogurt. I took two bites of it and WHAM! I was back. All at once, completely sane and sober. Well, I still had a body high but the visuals were normal. My mind was reeling and all I could say was that I was down and I was so very sorry to put my husband through that. I laid down and went to sleep.
It was very humbling. I feel as though I took a ton of ego into the trip by expecting to seek specific answers instead of letting the spirit of the journey take me where I needed to go. I have not done any mushrooms since but am planning to very soon (it's only been three days since the trip). Wish me luck.

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