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The Orgy and The Message
I first want to thank Terence McKenna and my friend and roommate BP for providing direction on what became my most intense, revealing, memorable and wonderful psychedelic experience of my life. It gave me perspective on my own time – my past, present, and future. In my experience, I used McKenna’s formula, and I recommend this to anyone and everyone who is experienced and comfortable enough with psychedelics to give it a shot. You will not be disappointed. You can find his suggestions on how to do psychedelics on youtube.
I should say now that what I am able to recall here in writing is as true as I remember it post-trip. However, there are many details that I have forgotten because of my return to normality from such a distant and busy experience. The order of events is still fairly clear to me, although nothing in this written form can possibly convey them in full detail.
This was my twelfth trip on mushrooms. I am 27 years old, male, single, living in a house with roommates in the city. I am not religious but have faith in the infinite universe and in humanity. I took 6 grams of dried psilocybin cubensis, half caps and half stems, on an empty stomach alone in my bedroom. I just chewed them up carefully and swallowed with some water to follow. It was nighttime and dark, and I had no music available. My cell phone was turned off and I made sure that outside stimulus was kept to an absolute minimum by keeping my window mostly closed so as not to hear even traffic. On the floor, I had prepared the following materials: sheets of paper to write on, lots of water, and a joint to smoke (I find smoking marijuana during a mushroom trip to be very helpful with calming the intense energy that often comes). After chewing up the mushrooms, I sat in the full lotus position on my bed and focused on the silence. Any thoughts that came to me, I released. In my mind, I then took hold of my purpose for the trip –
I am an explorer, and I am embarking on this trip to find something and bring it back, for myself as well as everyone that I know and don’t know. I have held nothing back within myself, and I am not afraid of the unknown. I am releasing myself to whatever force, power, or consciousness that awaits, if any. Thank you for allowing me to have this experience.
After ten minutes, I lay down calmly, in the silence and darkness. For about half an hour, nothing happened, which I expected. Though I was trying to keep my expectations to a minimum, anyone who has taken psilocybin mushrooms knows that once they go down the hatch, something is going to happen. In any case, I made sure to let my thoughts just come and go, to keep my focus steady on silence and darkness.
After half an hour, it slowly began to happen. I began to see insect-like entities appearing all around me. Large-eyed, beetle-like critters were surrounding me, but not paying any attention to me. When I say that I “saw” these things, it was more like the projection of a mental image, or a thought, that popped into my mind that was so vivid that it was as though I was seeing them with my two eyes, but I know I wasn’t. This is a typical hallucination that comes with this kind of experience.
Anyway, I lost track of time because my attention was being pulled into observing these hallucinations and the energy that I began to feel. I began to feel an incredible lift and a flowing in my body and mind as the insect images gave way to movements of light and energy, dashing all around me, twisting, turning, and intermingling. That was when I began to feel extraordinary presence.
The only way I can describe this presence is that it was both inside me and outside me. Me as a concept was transformed into this – that I was a single point of focused observation. I was no longer a body, or an identity. “I was observing” – this is all I had become, surrounded by amazing and uplifting energy, and any thought I had or action that I might have done was first and foremost a change in my focus of observation. I felt jittery at having so much energy coming into me at this point, and so I sat up in the darkness to have a smoke. I lit the joint that I had on the floor, took a big toke, held it in for awhile, let it out and lay back down.
I began to feel much calmer and more fluid. The presence that was before me then formed itself into a multitude of individual observers (and I had become one of these) with varying visual characteristics that were part of a connecting network. I was suddenly in the middle of a gigantic, constantly occurring orgy. My body pulsated with so much energy I thought I was just going to float away. This sort of thought suddenly reminded me that I was indeed still connected to my physical body but that I had forgotten. But I could definitely feel powerful, charged energy inside my whole body at that point.
The connected network of individual observers then began to make their presence to me one by one. The first was a feminine presence, a flowing and flowery entity, who did some sort of energy dance, which made me laugh out loud because it was so beautiful, and ended with a “ta da!” and then a stillness. Facing her directly, seemingly outside of my body and only in my observer consciousness, I felt that I was now in contact with this entity, and I felt compelled to convey my message to her (I was still fully coherent, despite the hallucinations and the feeling; calming the mind through meditation before a psychedelic trip is highly recommended), and I said –
Thank you for showing me your presence. I am in complete reverence of your beauty. I am here to explore and bring something back. I have held nothing back. No deception, no manipulation. Thank you for allowing me to be present.
She then began to do another energy dance, along with an energy dance all around her of all the other entities that were present. I also thought I could hear a type of chant accompanied by some kind of cosmic music. I was fully aware that I was being watched. I was being watched from inside myself and outside myself by an incalculable number of entities. This did not scare me because the watchers were simultaneously beautiful, filled with energy, and humorous (more on this later), and I felt connected to all of them. In a sense, they were me, and vice-versa, but I was still able to hold on to the fact that I was a single observer in this network.
The female presence moved aside to reveal a male presence, which appeared as a multi-eyed, multi-mouthed beast-like conscious being. First there was a dance, and then the “ta da” again, and then this presence came directly into focus and I felt like I was about to hear it say, and then I did hear it say, a message that conveyed the following – how far will you allow us to get into you?
This message was not me hearing words. It was a conveyance of the meaning of the message in an almost instantaneous way. In any case, I didn’t pause for a moment before answering, in my mind – I am not afraid. I trust all of this entirely and I came here to explore. Show me.
The male presence seemed very pleased, and then began to dance once again, but this time its entire form twisted and turned and multiplied into more than what it had just appeared to be. It then had twenty eyes, a hundred eyes, fifty mouths, all over the place, all through me. Heaps of energy washed through me and I felt divinely connected. The network was expanding inside me. I felt more and more connected to it and the presence of all its inhabitants. Pure ecstasy and unbelievably exciting – it is the most exciting experience I’ve ever had in my 27 years.
The dance and the male presence faded out of my focus and there was another female presence. This next experience cannot be described with words very well, and language, I realize, does not well convey the properties of feeling. Nevertheless, I felt pure sexual energy. This stunning female presence, which actually appeared quite humanoid, alongside other male and female presences that were not in my direct focus, had pulled me into an orgy of energy that was coursing its way throughout my entire being. I was being pulled closer and closer into a field of energy that was so sexual that it was overwhelming. I was having the most intense sex with what felt like thousands of entities, all pulsing back and forth, up and down, exchanging energies. It was an enormous, erotic orgy. Energy was flowing into me and I felt myself breathing heavily. This lasted for what felt like an hour, but I am fairly sure it was much less time because I was so focused on it. No outside thoughts even had a remote chance of pushing through to where I was at!
The orgy began to calm and I was greeted again by a male presence. There was no dance this time, just the appearance of a male, humanoid-like entity that came into focus. The orgy was still going on in the background and it was as if I had been taken off to the side. He explained to me that it was very good that I was so open to these energies and the conveyance of these movements, and that my desire for exploration was being fulfilled. He then seemed to sort of hiss at me, but I wasn’t afraid. He conveyed a message to me that it was good that I was not afraid. It was like I was being tested. Perhaps I was testing myself; it was hard to determine what this event was about. I gave him my undivided gratitude and that was when he slowly pulled away from me and dropped something out of his…hand? I couldn’t focus on it properly, but it made me laugh out loud again when he made a hilarious face, because it was very bizarre. It was like a cosmic joke, that he would move energy the way he did, and express the way that he did.
He faded and a female presence came to me again and pulled me forward into the orgy once more. Fluid sexual pulsing motion held my focus entirely. However, it didn’t last very long this time, and faded from focus until I saw sparks, or condensed sparks, all around me, surrounded by black space that went off into infinity. Each spark had a presence of being a single point of focus, similar to myself. These “spark balls” were of various sizes, and seemed fairly still in space, though some of them were moving about, floating this way and that. In between the sparks, beams of light composed of smaller spark balls glued together traveled through one another in a pattern that I could not comprehend because it was so massive. Sometimes, one of these beams would fly in my direction, reach me, and would fly off instantly.
At that point I took another toke of my joint, lay back in my bed and felt a male presence come to focus yet again. The message that came to me was very striking because it was coupled with some recent discoveries I had made from reading books, including the Celestine Prophecy, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, the Handbook for the New Paradigm, and conversations that I have been having with many different people. The message was part of an ongoing conversation that described what I was experiencing at that moment, with emphasis on coincidence. I was and am unable to attach any sort of identity to this male presence. It could have been a part of me, or me from another realm, or not me at all. All I know is that it was “another” entity with its own presence and that I was deeply connected to that presence.
Coincidence, I was told, is the method of conveying messages and energies that constitute evolutionary development, and that our experiences, or rather our observations, of coincidences, drive forward our individual and collective evolution. This was indicated to me to be an important concept and was stressed to me more than once in these messages. It was also stressed that our observations, and thus our ability to observe, both within ourselves and in the world outside of ourselves, is an integral component to our evolution, and that evolution is constant and is occurring on many scales. Some of these scales are familiar, others are not, but all are similar. It was conveyed to me that the family unit, for example, is an organizational entity that fosters significant “quantities” of evolution, that coincidences occur so frequently and in so many ways between family members that the members themselves (essentially every person that has ever existed) forgets that coincidences are even taking place. Coincidences form families.
It was stated that we, human beings as a whole, think we are making choices in our lives, and that we have fooled ourselves into believing that this is the case. It isn’t the case that we are not making choices. What is happening, in every observable moment, is that coincidences are constantly occurring, and our choices lie in our responses, and even our ability to respond, or how we think we can respond, to these coincidences. Our responses then drive the energy in a new direction, creating new coincidences and thus, evolution. It was also conveyed that the scientific discovery of the observer effect and the ongoing collective realization of this concept is going to have a profound and wide-reaching impact on the way that we create, organize, and respond to coincidences that are driving our evolution, and that our eyes will be opened to this more and more in the near future, for everybody. I was hearing the theme for our time, that if the future, very possibly within this lifetime, is going to include this magnitude of spreading of awareness, we need to “collect ourselves now”. In other words, we need to pay more attention to the act of observing, especially our thoughts about our past and future, as well as the outside world, and to pay attention to observing the process of events rather than their form, that we should be observing why things affect us the way that they do instead of the mere facts of events themselves. I was told that we are distractedly obsessed with judging instead of observing, and that transitioning ourselves from the former to the latter would be a wise choice, given the future that is coming. I was told that, I, specifically, need to turn a focus on why I have thoughts of my past, specifically regrets to do with my immature and irresponsible decision-making when I was younger, as opposed to unconsciously being engaged in the act of regret.
This was a staggering thought to me at that moment, because I was feeling these messages come amidst my acceptance of what I was hearing. My response, my choice, was not to respond at all, but to allow the message to continue flowing. I consciously allowed this to occur. I could have stopped this and asked questions, but I did not, because I felt that what I was hearing was both important and made sense to me. I then felt compelled to open my eyes, which I did, and turn on my lamp. I could see energy fields all over my room. There was a field of energy around my hands, the air coming through the window, and even my books on the shelf, and the shelf itself. I bent over to write on a piece of paper that I had left beside my bed. I wrote the following down as fast as I could while continuing to feel connected to both the network and the male presence sending me these messages:
“I am humbled now to bring back a message. We are always being watched, looked after. I am being seen and concentrated upon as I write this, that there is a constant conscious connection to something much greater than I alone and in ways that I cannot fully understand by utilizing a single point of conscious focus – being human.”
I ended up writing eight pages of text about different concepts from these messages. I was about three and a half hours into my trip, and then I heard a scratch at my door. It was my cat. I felt very happy that she had decided to knock on my door at this time. She may have knocked earlier, but I was too engrossed to hear it. I still felt very connected to the network, and got up very slowly, nearly tripping because I was so disoriented. I opened the door enough for her to slip in and then closed it. I went back to my bed and sat down, and she came up to me, purring very loudly. I could feel her energy, and I could sense that she could feel mine. She was purring more loudly than she usually ever does, and pacing quietly back and forth in front of me. I didn’t pet her, in fact I barely even touched her. She would brush lightly up against me, and we would touch faces. I felt more connected to her than ever before, and she sat and looked at me, still purring. I could feel her happiness. It was beautiful. Her energy field was a yellowish-blue, hovering about an inch all around her. What a divine feline!
By the four-hour mark, I was making my way back to normal consciousness. The energy fields that I was seeing receded as the minutes went by, and my connection to the network was cut. I was out of the trip and back to my singular self after four and a half hours. I only slept for three hours going into the next day and felt as if I had slept for ten times that length. The trip as a whole was, without a doubt, the most intense and beautiful psychedelic experience I’ve ever had, and I learned something profound about myself and the world around us. Thank you universe.