egoless altruism

A few weeks prior to this experience i took 5.3 grams, as a tea, of the same shrooms. The experience was surprisingly mild and doubts about potency and preparation of the tea were raised.

so last night me and a friend who had also shared the previous experience took 3.5 grams of the same shrooms with 4 grams of syrian rue.

we munched on the rue followed by the mushrooms 20 minutes later. the come up was surprisingly quick, along with mild nausea from the rue. initial effects reminded me strongly of my shrooms+ayahusca trip. i lied down on a carpet and closed my eyes to help with the nausea. We waited out some rain and then went for a short walk. i felt more in tune with nature. the wind picked up and i remember looking back and seeing my friend stopped in his tracks looking around. nature felt very powerful. we stopped at a good spot in the middle of campus. we stayed there watching clouds morph and reveal their many faces. people walked by and talked to us, and i felt very in control of my mind and my communication. my friend left for his room, and i went back to my room, and turned on my trippy playlist of shpongle and royksopp. my friend walked in a few minutes later, and we spent the next few hours tripping really hard in my room. the body buzz felt amazing, and shit started getting real trippy. i was so comfortable and content lying around in my room, maintaining some very confused conversations with my friend. we each did a whippet, but couldnt tell if they had actually done anything.  i walked with him back to his room, as he had become progressively loopier and insane.

after a while of not being sure if he was having a bad trip, and wondering whether i was safe to leave him on his own, i decided to leave him and go back to my room. i was having an amazing time, and my body felt like a full body orgasm. i lied in bed and this is when the experience started to gain its monumental significance. my ego began to dissolve, and i felt some sort of universal altruism. i realized all the striving that i do in life is all for the sake of my ego. i looked at all the books on my shelf and felt that they were merely possessions that i was clinging on to. i thought about the classes i was in at college and recognized their very limited value, a value only to this "self" that i had slowly dissolved from, and that at this moment needed nothing from the external world. I felt complete contentment internally, so all the things that i normally rely on in life for entertainment, and time consumption lost all their importance for me. i felt as if i had acheived enlightenment, and with no further concern for myself, i turned my thoughts towards humanity as a whole. I sat on my balcony and watched a party outside and realized everyone else was not in the same state as me, they were dancing, only concerned for themselves, very self-conscious, and vulnerable. I wondered how i could best help humanity achieve the state of mind and complete contentment that i was feeling. at the same time i wondered if it really mattered at all, and even thought about the thought of suicide. these thoughts were not due to some fear of life or depression, but rather a philosophical question posed on the value of human life itself.

all the people in my life entered my mind one at a time and i thought of all of them only with love, more of a cosmic love than an emotional love. each face appeared in my mind and i felt as if i would give them a hug next time a saw them. I knew i would have to say goodbye to all these people and leave them, to travel away on my own and help humanity. college, the sailing team, my friends, my family, my possessions, all of these things i was detached from, and it didnt bother me that i would have to leave them all, now that my state of mind didnt require anything from the external world. i formulated my newfound enlightenment into a completely revised life plan for myself. around midnight, i was coming down from the experience i was left just sitting in awe thinking and planning my new life. my friend entered the room and i told him i had figured everything out in life. i followed them to hang out with some people, and i walked and communicated with a complete lack of self-consciousness. i felt totally open to people, but at the same time, i knew i had to go back to my room, and continue thinking over my experience. i figured i needed some time to assimilate everything i had learned, and plan the best mode of action to achieve my new purpose in life, which was to help humanity attain the level of contentment that i had achieved.

unfortunately, the experience was not as life changing as i had hoped. 24 hours later i am back to normal again, fully existing in my egotistical, non-enlightened state. my desires are back and my complete love for all of humanity is hard to truly believe. still, i am more motivated to meditate in order to achieve more permanent changes.

my friends experience: https://www.shroomery.org/10598/Being-Reborn