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my first trip - no need to be nervous
I had never really wanted to try mushrooms. I had grown up really against drugs, but I had eventually tried weed and alcohol due to an influential dreadlocked exboyfriend. Because of these experiences, I was fascinated instead of opposed of drugs, but he had always told me not to venture to new substances aside from those two things. He had a bad trip off of salvia, and I didn’t like the idea of losing control so until recently that’s exactly what I did – avoid all else.
Something compelled me to try it. I figured as long as Mother Nature put it on this earth, and people have been using it to explore realms of consciousness, that it couldn’t be a bad thing. I have always just read about the effects of other drugs instead of doing them out of curiosity, but I had watched a documentary on ayahuasca and reread a few clinical studies on how hallucinogens can positively affect the view of others spiritually and generally, so mushrooms seemed appealing and felt like a safe first try.
My friend Abhi was a calm and experienced hallucinogen user, with an appreciation for the metaphysical, so I figured he would be the best to do it with. I didn’t want to be around the normal crowd I know who does it because they are the kind of people who do it, take shots of 151, and play tricks on each other. I didn’t want to use something so naturally miraculous as a recreation but as a learning tool for enlightenment and to experience new things. My friend Shiva had the same mindset about trying it, so we drove over to my friend Abhi’s place in Orlando and picked up these AMAZING chocolate truffles in mini cupcake wrappers that his dealer finely cut the mushrooms in, and baked them. I ate mine and it was far from bitter. I felt like Godiva should have sold that to me for $5 or some ridiculous mall price. I think it contained about half an eighth of mushrooms. I was really nervous about it. I read a bunch of things on this site about what to expect, but I still didn’t have the confidence in myself to think I wouldn’t have at least some of the time engulfed in anxiety. I read reassuring things here, but the potential bad effects stuck out in my mind. I decided the best way to distract myself (and I suggest this to others if they are prone to anxiety) is to talk constantly. I am not incredibly talkative, even though I am a lot more open to close friends, but I forced myself to talk and create an active dialogue. I’m very pleased with that decision.
I didn’t have an experience like my sister and others psyched me up for. People talked about moving patterns, visual and audio hallucinations, bad trips, other worldly experiences, but I was very well grounded. I sat in my friend’s room talking and smiling, keeping a brightness in my heart, enjoying each second vividly. We listened to Telefon Tel Aviv and The Glitch Mob, which sounded extraordinary with his sound system. I saw a little bit of static or a look of fuzziness around my friend, like a distorted aura, but it was friendly and that was really a majority of the visual effects I noticed, aside from a bit outside. This may sound odd, but it felt like I was in a softly warm, wooly sock for like 30 mins. Lol that’s the best way to describe it. We stepped outside around 7 pm after it stopped raining for the guys to smoke cigarettes. I was very talkative and happy to be alive. The sun was going down and the sky looked like it was separate, like a canvas of salmon and orange colors - it was the background, the bushes and trees were in the middle ground, and we were on a different plane, in the foreground. It looked apart but together, like an artistic, real life pop-up book. If you’ve seen the heaven scene in the movie What Dreams May Come, the sky was vaguely similar.
stood and talked, but while we did, I had a tremendous feeling to walk
around and explore and enjoy the outdoors. I felt fearless and full of
personal freedom, which is the opposite of my nature. I loved standing
and experiencing life alongside my friends, but I also wanted to run
everywhere at once. I had a great reverence for life and nature, and a
silent, almost childlike appreciation for every micro and macrocosm in
my area, and I felt that I could even feel that oneness on a universal
level. We walked aimlessly around his apartment complex and down the
street. We were surrounded by the lights of the city and the
automobiles passing by. Abhi seemed to dislike it, but I was thoroughly
enjoying everything. I was just finding myself in awe of people and
what they created, all the people walking by, all the buildings people
built, all the cars we drive and just marveled at our species. Nature
and the fresh air, all the surroundings, I felt even closer to, and I
radiated love out to everything and felt like I got it in return. The clarity was beautiful.
We walked back and watched this transcendent global tour-type documentary, showing all these different cultures and world wonders, called Baraka, which I suggest highly – whether u are on mushrooms or off of them. It’s an amazing movie. I went through a wide range of emotions watching it, and I felt like I was there in a human, collective unconscious sense with all these people, and I felt I was a part of these world wonders, and that I was in fact a miracle and a wonder, and so was everything else. I felt deep sadness when I saw nature being destroyed, and was mesmerized in a thrilling wonder at tribal cultures and almost other-worldly naturescapes. The cinematography was phenomenal. I walked outside to talk to my boyfriend while the guys went out to smoke again (the tobacco smoke was overwhelming now for some reason) and he was upset because he had just lost his job. Normally he’s the positive, nothing-can-get-me-down, anything-can-be-solved type of personality, and I felt for once like I understood what it felt to be that way. I easily was able to accomplish that feeling, and tried to radiate my positive energy to him, to be what he always is to me. It was pleasant. My emotions were so powerful and deep that when I went to talk things out with him I felt them with everything I had, without the normal reservations u get as u age, and we talked about how we appreciated each other and I felt a deep love for him, and for all things. I cried and came back inside looking overwhelmed but feeling cleansed by that rush from the talk, and from the entire night. We ate curry vegetables and tofu, and I felt closer to these people, I felt such a permeating friendship to have experienced something so beautiful with others, to do the mushrooms without corruption, but with the aim for greater things. This experience was not an average tripping experience, but it was profound and enlightening, I felt so much oneness, such a deep appreciation for everything alive or not, I felt dazzled by the complexity and beauty of all the intricate systems that make this world tick. That’s all I could have ever wanted from the experience. It’s something I think everyone should try just to ground themselves, and to harness unselfish feelings, to better oneself.
I went home and my sister was bugging out, saying she was proud of me. When I told her of my experience she seemed disappointed, and said she saw bunny rabbits and all kinds of wild visuals that freaked her out. That “man I was freakin wasted, it was awesome!” mentality. That is interesting to me, but I think the importance of these natural substances is for making yourself a better, well-rounded person. A human, a living organism amongst other living organisms, not a detached entity or a consumer. I would be more than satisfied to do a low dose like this again, but I think I’ll increase it more and more each time I do it, and learn whatever else I can about what my body and mind is capable of, and what this mushroom and what the world wants to show me through its influence.
This may be drawn out, but I wanted to put it out there. I bet there are a lot of people who are afraid to try it for the first time, expecting the worst like I did. It’s a gentle beautiful experience if it’s shared with people who matter, if you just focus away from those negative thoughts. It’s really not hard at all to make it a legitimate, positive, magical experience. It will change how u see things, and I believe nothing is better than a little perspective. I suggest doing a very small dose like I did if u are nervous, because it will almost guarantee a positive experience (I can’t see how it could go wrong), and that will ready u for when u are actually ready to let go and full on trip. I think that these feelings that I was blessed with and the richness of life I felt is something that was given to me as a gift, to show me what I am capable of always feeling. How you live your life is all about the mindset, and we can and should be invigorated by the world, not deadened by it. Things don’t have to be so mechanical, so “make-a-dollar, buy-some-garbage” oriented, and within social norms. Being human is so much more than what we are handed in 2009.
Life is great. Happy tripping. :-)