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Losing touch with reality.
*Edit: Went through and edited this up a little bit so it's easier to read.*
I had a complete disconnection from reality one time well tripping intensely on mushrooms. One of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made was deciding to eat almost a quarter ounce of mushrooms well extremely tired. I had some type of reasoning that some how they would perk me up a bit—but that was wrong. Being tired only intensified the trip times ten thousand. I’m not by any means a new comer to psychedelics or hallucinogens (even at the time his story occurred), so it’s not like this was something new to me.
I met up with a friend of mine who is basically my best friend and ‘trip partner’ (we‘ll call him B). We’d been planning on tripping for a few days but where having trouble meeting up with someone. Finally, when we called to get some weed, a friend mentioned he could get some shrooms (since he knew we where looking) so we told him to get us an ounce. Once we got our bag’s we stopped at the gas station to grab some orange juice and cigarettes before heading to B’s. We didn’t eat them right away, instead we smoked a few bowls and play a few videos games before splitting up roughly a quarter each. These mushrooms where a lot smaller and barely contained any stems (mainly all caps--we decided it would be fun to count them as we ate…ended up loosing count around 34 or so caps, probably consumed at lest 20 more plus a few nice size stems). Not surprisingly they tasted horrible, and I was barely able to stomach them at first. However the orange juice did wonders to destroy the taste left behind.
They first started kicking in well we where standing in the front yard of B’s house smoking a cigarette, probably 30-45minutes after ingestion (Time seems to lose all meaning and not matter to me well tripping). It started off as normal as usual--uncontrollable laughter, everyday objects suddenly seem amazing and unusual, walls and other objects began breathing as if they where alive (in the case of being outside, it looked like the whole world was breathing in sync with me). At this point we decided it would be a good idea to go inside so we didn’t draw to much attention to ourselves (it was still kind of early and there where people out walking their dogs and such). We cleaned out some weed and sat down to smoke and watch TV with B’s girlfriend (who wasn’t tripping--though not really a ‘trip sitter‘). We smoked for a good while, watched B’s girlfriend play video games for a little bit, then went back to tripping out on the TV. Eventually the shows that we where trying to watch on TV made no sense to me what so ever, so I started looking around the room--tripping on the posters and pictures plastering the living room walls. They all seemed to be alive--with energy radiating off of them. All of a sudden they began to change colors and melt into different shapes (this was different from the usual ‘melting‘ visuals, way more realistic and vivid). The melting eventually subsided after a few more bong bowls, but the posters still seemed to be ‘alive’.
Things only got more crazy when we started watching some fucked up movie (I believe it was called ‘The In Crowd’-avoid it if your tripping at all cost). There was so much going on and had such a fucked up story line, that trying to understand it made my brain began to feel like it was literally melting out of my ears. I decided to try and distract myself from the movie by going back to watching the room melt and morph around me. Suddenly everything began moving/’melting’ a lot faster—melting into giant multi-colored puddles on the floor--changing colors and moving more rapidly. This completely amazed me to the point of utter dumb-foundedness. Nothing I have ever seen has ever been more ’psychedelic’ then what I was experiencing at that moment. The panic I was feeling started giving way to the felling of total ecstasy. Like the weight I was feeling from the negative vibe I was picking up from the movie suddenly began to fade away. I felt like my body was melting away and that my mind was growing and morphing into it’s own physical form. Everything soon went black and I began seeing colors morph into geometric shapes and patterns that seemed to resemble DNA structures and things that look like cells and bacteria drawings from science text books. Only they appeared to be alive and moving, and again, changing their shapes and colors, and multiplying themselves in no particular pattern. I didn’t even realize I had left ‘reality’.
This gave way to a place that resembled a jungle filled with strange looking animals and insect’s that seemed to live in harmony with each other. I think I was transported into my perfect world. I was moving through this strange place, but I couldn’t feel myself moving, more like floating (or standing on one of those automatic sidewalks they have in Las Vegas and shit) through a strange trail of amazing plants and buildings that made me thing of an ancient Amazonian society mixed with modern Japanese architecture (Think strange shaped building designs used by ancient societies made of stone, mixed with strange and unusual glass window designs painted in different colors and patterns). This Amazon like area soon gave way to a giant clearing filled with strange tables and benches that didn’t seem right. They looked like something you might find on a space ship then in the middle of a jungle. It seemed to be half full of people discussing thing such as space travel, exchanging theory’s of our existence, space time continuums and other subjects that I’m interested in; but only caught parts of the conversations and don’t know enough about the subjects to fully grasp what they where saying. I stopped moving at an empty chair and when I saw who was sitting across from me, it was Jeffery Dahmer (serial killer from Milwaukee responsible for the deaths of 13 or so people). He told me not to be afraid of him because he was no longer part of the physical, and only existed in the minds of people who know of him, which he said was the case for everyone after they die. Are conversations seemed to focus on how much of a fucking psychopath he was, and how he got to the point of murder and cannibalism. Slowly are conversation began to make less and less sense and everything seemed to sound like a record slowing down before everything went completely blank and all sound stopped. I assume this is where I apparently fell asleep.
I woke up an hour or two later, feeling completely normal and refreshed. Just as I had felt before dosing. I got up to get a drink of water-suddenly B and my girlfriend (who I didn’t even know was there until that point) come out of nowhere asking me if I felt alright and if I was okay and yada yada yada. I told them that I was fine and that I must have fallen asleep and slipped into another reality or something. They told me that I had in reality freaked the fuck out (all this was told to me afterwards and I have no memory of it at all). B and his girlfriend first noticed something was wrong when I got up and stood in front of one of the posters I’d be looking at and was apparently eating my weed. B told me he tried to snapped me out of it a couple of times before he realized I had completely checked out. They somehow got me to stop eating my weed (and even managed to save about a grams worth of it) and sit me down in a chair in the living room. I apparently pulled out one of my knives and started running it up and down my arm, but they managed to get it away from me and put away before I did something extremely stupid. At one point everything I said stopped making since and I would respond to almost anything said or asked to me with ‘fuck you dude’. B was doing everything in his power to get me back to reality, at one point handing me two DVDs (Treal TV 1 and Treal TV 2--I’m a huge Mac Dre fan) and told me to pick one to watch, I looked at them for a minute, then brought one of the cases up to my mouth and attempted to eat it like sandwich, I even left it hanging out of my mouth for a minute well looking at B as if saying ’why can’t I eat this?’ At one point my girlfriend came over and was trying to help snap me back into reality, but that didn’t seem to have any effect on me whatsoever. Eventually I got up and started stomping around the house and B had to grab me and push me back into the chair--at one point, he began smacking me around trying to get me to come to. Then I began trying to attack the TV, constantly trying to grab the lamp from the shelf next to me and throw it through the screen (I even almost smashed B in the head with it a few times trying to get to the television). I also grabbed my girlfriends hand and bit one of her fingers pretty badly.
I do not remember any of this at all. I was lost in my own world by that point. My conscious had completely shut it self off from my body. Leaving it to operate on primitive animal instincts I’m guessing. The subconscious experience that I had was amazing and awe inspiring. And I’m glad that my friends where around to make sure I didn’t kill myself or someone else in the process. I cannot be more grateful for them being there. The psychological experience I had was bliss, but it could of ended terribly tragic had they not been around to keep me in check well trying to destroy the TV (for some reason I seemed really mad at it—might have had something to do with that insane movie we where watching—which seriously FUCKED with my mind). There are still parts of this story that are complete blanks in my memory. And my friends remember something new almost every time they tell someone else the story—so there will be thing about this experience that no one will ever remember. Another thing that amazed me was how well my friend was able to maintain and take care of me well he was tripping almost as hard as I was (having to physically restrain me at one point until I fell asleep). Amazingly I would not classify this as being a ‘bad trip’—it was horrible for the people around me who had to put up with my antics and for that I feel terrible, but I was having an amazing time lost inside my own head. The whole experience of blacking out and completely losing control of my body is something that did worry me quit a bit (bad enough for me to not do mushrooms again for almost a year after that). One important thing I've learned from this, is to never trip by yourself. Even the most seasoned psychonaut can become entangled in their own heads and get lost in themselves.