The spiritual Mushroom [lots and lots of reading for snobs;D]

Before you start reading Id like to say a few words:

Get comfy, because this is a looooong text. But I do believe you'll find it rather precise and descriptive. I did my best.

This was my first entheogenic trip on mushrooms. Not sure what the dosage was or what mushrooms they were. I was told they're strong.

I cut the text short to get right to the good stuff.

I wans't sure where to place this text level wise. I'm sure it was siginificant. But I do believe it was a level three. Not bad too.

Do excuse any typos.

SO without further interruptions, here's the story of my first trip:



STAGE3: Preparations

It was so hard to wait out all those days, I could barely get any sleep the night before the party. The plan was simple- me, H and two other friends (whom we will name „N“ and „U“) would pack our things and drive to the summer house early to trip before the others would come so we‘d avoid beeing antisocial. H and N picked me up from my house around 12 PM; I had my guitar (a Fender Stratocaster, made in the USA if anyone is intersted), my VOX amp, laptop (for music), paper and coloured pencils ready. It was N‘s car and before picking up U (who, by the way, is a girl) we went shopping for loads of food and snacks. After that we had a little snack at McDonald‘s, picked up U and headed out of the city- towards the summerhouse. Until we got there, H and I had actually planned on eating shrooms alone, but for friendly reasons we asked if U and N wouldn‘t like to join us. Having done it before, they said they‘d think about it.

We had finnaly arrived! We hastily packed out the things. To mine and H‘s exitiment both U and N had decided to trip with us- this should be intersting! We took out the bags containing the shrooms. Wanting to be carefull, we started off with the smallest amounts possible- i got three „hats“ and two „stems“. I threw them in my mouth and started chewing. Surprisingly, i enjoyed the taste. Everyone else took their dose too- now all we could do was wait...

STAGE4: Here it comes..?

We went outside all exited, N and H sat on some chairs standing by the wall, whilst U was sitting by the entrance, only I was walking around all hyped. To help push time we smoked a few cigarettes while talking about how our trip might turn out. Everyone seemed pretty calm in opposite to me- I was constantly checking wether I was feeling any different than normal, if I was seeing something unusual or having altered thoughts and feelings. N tried to calm me down saying it takes some time to kick in.

After half an hour or so we decided to carry our plastic chairs out into the fields, a bit further away from the house. It was a warm and sunny day in May, although the wind was rather annoying. After another quater had passed, we decided to take the chairs back again- the wind was becoming unbearable. This time, I sat down with H, U went to her usual place by the entrance and N walked around a nearby tree- still nothing! I had begin to worry that we took too little to get a decent effect. N and H said we should give it another half an hour. Hmph! My patience was growing thin...  

U started to feel really nautious and sick, even worse- H reported having the exact same feeling. Luckily, N and I are slank boys with a high metabolism, so we didn‘t feel much of it. I drew another cigarette and began smoking while trying to comfort myself that it should start very soon, since an hour or so has already passed. After I was done with it, I went into the house to get my laptop, maybe music would help? I sat down and played some Bob Marley, hoping that should give the required vibe („Could you be loved“ if I‘m not mistaking).

And so I sat there, listening to the tune while thinking about something I can‘t really recall right now. All I remember is that after snapping out of it, I turned to my head to the left, to check up on U‘s well beeing. My attention was almost instantly drawn away from her, as the very first effects had become very clear by now! „WHAT THE..?!“ I gasped in a sincere emotion of surprise.

STAGE5: And so it begins...

U looked at me with a rather tortured expression, the nausea was really getting to her „What?“
she asked seeing my widen eyes. „Have you noticed how much greener this place has gotten?“ she didn‘t answer, or perhaps I didn‘t hear, but I do know I was looking at the forest and fields through new, sharper eyes. I thought i knew what the colour green looked like, HA! What I saw at that very moment , was truly the greenest of green anyone could ever imagine! So sharp and vivid, it was like the whole place had been transformed, more like revealed! U stood up and went up front to sit on a rock right beneath an apple tree. Wow... the peotry in that very sight is hard for me to explain. The tree seemed so sharp in terms of colours and yet so soft in terms of form, each little piece of grass was so clear to me, I was amazed I‘ve never seen how many there actually are before. The rock was sharp and strict, like a mathematical equasion. U was sitting with her back turned at me while smoking. The fumes seemed light blue, clear and massive, as if she‘d be smoking a blunt.  I then noticed she was wearing a sweater. Only then had I come to realize what an absolutely amazing sweater it was! The orange! The purple! The red! The yellow! All the colours seemed to have been perfectly matched for this very trip.

The thought made me chuckle silently. Oh yes, I‘d finnaly be getting into something here. I drew another cigarette and while smoking it, I tried to concentrate on the music with closed eyes. That was a rather new experience for me! The moment I closed my eyes I felt my neck loosen up and my body to relax, each tiny sound of the music coming from my laptop sounded amazing and rich, deep and wide. I saw caleidoscopic images slowly form underneath my eyelids, they were so beutiful that I got lost in them. I felt my body to dissapear in a sense. Although I could still feel my presence through the music, I couldn‘t feel anything, not even the cigarette between my fingers- my body seemed to have evaporated. All that was left was the beutiful images and the music. It suddenly hit me- I might have dropped the cigarette! I can‘t litter like that, it‘s rude! I attempted to press my fingers together as I soon felt the cigarette there. That‘s funny...I was so sure I had dopped it...

Smoking while listening to some nice songs made me go limp like a wet piece of cloth. I got so comfortable in my chair and into the music i tottaly forgot to check on the others. I opened my eyes again. My god! The grass was neon green now, the ground seemed wet and rich while literally breathing. In...out...in...out... slowly, but assured. I felt a sense of euphoria come over me as I saw this amazing sight- Gaia was alive!     

„You guys feel anything yet?“ I asked in a rather „hippie-on-something“ like tone- slow and loud. „Oh yhea man, we‘ve been feeling the groove for quite some time now... It‘s just that you‘ve been out all trance like in your mind...“ N responded in the exact same tone. I scouted around from my comfy chair- H was sitting all quiet, U was back in her usual spot looking at the ground. She was probably feeling better.

I stood up. I couldn‘t sit through this whole experience! I had to explore! They all looked up at me wondering why I‘d stand up so hastily. For some odd reason I‘d just smile and state in a over-acted Scottish accent „Scoot!“. I don‘t quite know what happened there, but some sort of magic made us all burst in laughter. And i don‘t mean the „that was funny“ laughter, this was an all out, hysterical laughter. For some reason we just found it so God damn funny! I even fell on my knees! Anyways, just when I thought it was over H added through tears of laughter „It‘s freaking illogical that we all got hit like that in the exact same time! Illogical I tell you! Conspiracy!“. The thought that H hadn‘t really spoken at all since he took the shrooms and that he never really does jokes at all made us all laugh so hard, that we‘d be chuckling like little babies in the end. Oh, my god- we‘re deffinatly tripping now!

STAGE6: Reliving my childhood.

I stormed into the summerhouse and quickly unzipped my bag. I noticed that each sound of the zippers letting go of each other was loud and clear, going through my body in a slight vibration. Woah! I zipped and unzipped it again a few times just for the hay and chuckled. I felt like a kid. I took the coloured pencils and some paper out of my bag. I dived for the door again. The door reminded me of a gateway to a new world for a second and it made me all the more eager to get outside as soon as possible. So I jumped through the door into the outside shouting „Good morning! Here I am!“ and fell onto the ground accompanied by childish and sincere laughter from my friends. I sat up. Boy, has this place gotten magical! I could see each stem, each piece of grass, each tree everything was so coloured, so sharp, so clear, so detailed! I saw a navy blue tractor driving up and down the hills like from a animated show. I literally felt like I had arrived in wonderland like Alice. I smiled and waved to the swaying trees and stated „Now I‘m gonna draw!“ all happy and confident with myself.

I always enjoyed drawing constantly when I was a kid. I drew a blue eye, crying tears of green, blue, yellow, orange. It wasn‘t anything great, more like simple children‘s drawings. Soon enough both U and N would join me as we decided to draw something together (wich made me say „that‘s how communism was born“ making H crack up for more than five minutes). I was amazed by how much people have changed. U‘s hair was now golden brown and smooth, her face had become more childish and sweet. She‘d only need some freckles and a red hat to look like a little, cute dwarf of sort. N got really handsome. His hair was shining and his lips seemed brighter, his face sharper and he had eyes crystal blue. He reminded me somewhat of an elf. H was sitting in the chair further away still chukling from time to time. Anyways, we drew a face that was both happy and sad, both shining and crying, both hurt and healthy. We each gave our own names to it. I recall naming it „hysteria“. I felt as if I‘ve grown very close with these people. This trip was turning out great so far.

STAGE7: Finding Gaia

I stood up. The I still couldn‘t believe how much beuty mother nature had to offer. I had always respetcted nature, always seen it as our mother and caretaker, but I still couln‘t believe how much I‘ve missed out on. It‘s as if the blurry vision of the landscape I had been quickly restored into this sharp new, much more detailed and rich vision, especialy designed to spot beuty. I was absolutely awestruck. N jumped up to me and suggested to take a walk „hey, let‘s go for a walk out into the fields! So far away that we woulnd‘t be able to see the house anymore, only nature!“ I was deffinatly in for that and agreed eagerly. While H and U stayed to watch over the house, we took a long stroll that would soon turn out to be one of the most insightfull and magnificent experiences I‘ve ever had i my life.

As we were walking down the plain I came to realize how beutifull the entire terrain was. So perfectly matched and covered with grass, as if it was a endless, fuzzy carpet. We spotted a small hill in the distance and quickly decided to climb it so we could see everything from above. We hastily made our way towards the top. Exitement grew in my chest with each step. As we got close to the top, we started seeing the revealed panorama. I can‘t begin to explain how beutifull it called me towards it, our eyes widened as we gasped in choir „No way...!“ You could almost say we literally jumped the very last few steps there were to the top. And once we got there- behold the beuty! Our jaws literally dropped!

I have no idea how to put it in words, the panorama I saw at that very moment was something I had never seen in any photo, any computer animation, any movie, any cartoon, not even in my most beutiful and sacred dreams. It was a sight I‘ve never seen before! The entire field was covered with different shades of magnificent green. The trees in the distance seemed wooly and fuzzy, as alive as a newborn child. The sky was crystal blue and the sun would shine making everything seem to be made out of gold at the same time. Birds were slowly swaying around looking like diamonds. The wind hit us the moment we saw mother Gaia. Almost as if she was sending a message- „HERE I AM, MY CHILD“ in a tone of magnificance and breathtaking beuty. It was like seeing a girl you‘ve always found amazingly attractive absolutely clotheless and pure.

We literally fell to our knees shouting in revalation. The wind blew so hard it almost seemed as if I was flying. I pressed myself towards the ground „Mother...“ I‘d squirm feeling tears of joy roll down my cheeks. A wave of euforia engulfed us both as we stood up laughing like children. We‘d turn around three hundred and sixty degrees, feeling as this joy and sense of respect would only multiply with each degree turned. We looked at each other and saw each other‘s faces. We laughed together and started running down the hill- H and U had to see this!

We stormed back to the house only to find out that H was using the bathroom or something. U was more tha happy to come with us though. We stook her back into the exact same spot. As she layed her eyes on what we had seen I saw her face to smile and eyes to shinewith deep happiness and respect. She was speechless. Although she didn‘t freak out like us extraverts (beeing me and N), she nodded very eagerly in response to wether it was worth the stroll. We took a moment to relax before having to go all the way back. „It looks like a frozen sea, doesn‘t it?“ suggested N, as I noticed the grass in the field to sway with the wind truly creating the effect of a gentle sea. I can‘t explain what emotions I felt while walking back to the house, but I knew right then that I‘d forever look back upon this experience with warmth and a feeling of revalation.

STAGE8: Absolute harmony and insight

As we returned H seemed to pop back into the scene out of nowhere. I was saddened that he didn‘t have the chance to see what we saw, but he assured us he had seen enough to compensate our experience. He sounded so assured that we dropped the idea of going back for a third time.

Anyways, having had this awesome feeling of Gaia‘s warmth I decided to go connect with her. I took about five steps away from the entrance of the house and dropped right down onto the high grass, screw my white jaket, it had no meaning to me anymore. With that thought in my head, I suddenly remembered all the things I‘ve been forced to cling to for most of my life- style, ideals, stereotypes, money, even time. Although I could remember these concepts, I could no longer understand them, their meaning or their purpose. They seemed so pathetic, so distant and useless. Like a distant memory or a dream slowly fading away, loosing all influence on who I am or what I was going to become. I insaw how funny the fact was, that humans seem so out of touch with nature, so troubled that they cannot be the „masters“ of the great cosmic idea, that they create their own rules, their own games, their own traditions- all a sense of comfort and denial of what‘s given to you and is infront of you every day, right infront of your nose. Like a spoiled child that doesn‘t wanna play a game if he can‘t be the main and strongest character, going to play all by himself. All I wished for was a flower to blossom, a tree to grow, people to smile- there was no tommorow or yesterday, only here and now. There was no mobile phones or wacked traditions- nothing. All I needed was right infront of me this whole time. With those thoughts I drew my phone from my pocket and threw it away without a single doubt in my mind. I know that these emotions and insights may prove difficult to understand and easy to misinterpretate, it wasn‘t a feeling of „I don‘t care, I dont want to do anything just lay around all day“ it was more a feeling of remembering what really mattered, coming in touch with my deep instinct and nature- my primal state. I was feeling blessed to remember, as I had this strange feeling that I‘ve felt like this before a long time ago.

I literally uptil this day still don‘t know how much time had passed between my decision to lay down on the grass and the discarding of my telephone. I cannot explain the blessed feeling of beeing freed from your own mind games and cages of self judgement. I know that many out there would be replused by such an effect, since self judgement is an important agent in self development and avoidance of mistakes, but I didn‘t need them because I couldn‘t make any mistakes. I felt absolutely in touch with myself and I saw absolutely no possiblity of doing something wrong, bad or harmfull. With all those possibilities gone the defences were not needed either... I know it is difficult to understand, but trust me- it is all the more difficult for me to exlpain.

I heard voices that made my snap out of my thoughts. N, H and U had decided to join me. We all just layed there in a row, talking about life and love. I felt a deep connection between the all of us. I can‘t remember the last time I‘ve been so outspoken and so honest with myself and others. U, N and H seemed to be feeling the same way. I felt like I now feel the meaning of life, that‘s right- feel.  Because no matter how much I tried to put it in words or even in thoughts- I couldn‘t. The very concept of trying to put something so endless into frames or words seemed silly and unnececary. I couldn‘t explain the meaning of life then and I still can‘t, but I know I felt it- more simple and pure than I had ever imagined.

I‘ll not even attempt to try and put in words what happened for the next few hours. This particular experience was something with a very deep and spiritual meaning to us all. When I look back on it today, I just can‘t put my finger on it, I can‘t explain it. Nothing that I could say or write, not even if I was the most talented writer, could give you the slightest grasp of what happened on that field of tall grass, in the merry merry month of May.

STAGE9: One more hit?

 It seemed like we were laying there for an eternity. We were slowly coming down, but it didn‘t raise any dissapointment or anxiety. I didn‘t feel fooled either, I know uptil this day that these feelings, thoughts, emotions were all mine and real. They were not indulged upon me like extazy would, they weren‘t amusing me like marijuana- they were all mine. The mushrooms only worked as an agent, that would empower my thoughts- as if a silent playing radio would suddenly have it‘s volume turned up, so I could finnaly hear the music clearly. Picture yourself sitting in a room that represents life, everything outside this room- the unknown, the television, snacks, toys and other things are all the shallow entertainments of the world, distracting you from the soul and mind from that which is the music. Not that there‘s anything wrong with fun, but sometimes we get lost in our own games and greed for pleasure. Anyways, I saw the mushrooms as the hand that would turn the volume wheel up, allowing you to stop for a moment and „remember the music“. Having these thoughts somewhere in my subconciousness I calmly accepted the situation. It wasn‘t long before the other guests would finnaly arrive. As I stood up and walked over to greet them, I found my phone and decided to carry it with me since I realized leaving it here would mean pollution.

The remaining part of the guests inculded K, M (this was his summerhouse) and two others, that unfortunatly, had to leave right away (I later found out that one of those guest‘s sister had been muggled in the street right when they were driving). It was now getting dark, I still wasn‘t sure what the time was. We began helping out with warming up the place. Both N and I noticed how easy it was to work and move. We didn‘t feel all mellowed out like we would after marijuana. Chopping wood was a blast, it went organized and smoothly. N went inside to begin lighting the fireplace whilst M began cooking some food. Drinks were served on the table too.  I didn‘t take any, I dont drink.  U, H and K were talking outiside so I decided to join them. My mood was sky high and so we talked while drinking and eating. Evening slowly came.

I started feeling cold, so I decided to go to the room with the fireplace to warm myself up a bit. I sat on one of the beds while looking back on the entire day. Little did i know that it was far from finished. N came into the room and began rolling a joint. He asked me if I‘d like to join him. I kindly thanked him for the offer, but turned it down. While he was rolling the joint for an unusualy long amount of time, he told me all the others are already smoking some outside, he‘s just making one for himself. I started walking around the room and found this old children‘s book with a story about donald duck and chip and chap. I began reading out loud, N sincerely enjoyed it as did I. It was packed with valuable life lessons we try so hard to teach our children. One I was done reading I decided to call my mom just to talk to her before doing anything else that might make me space out. She didn‘t pick up the phone. Oh, well. I got a hold of H and made an offer to finish what we had left of the mushrooms. U and N were good with the weed, so H and I ate the rest, which turned out quite the decent dose for bot of us. Everyone came into the room to warm themselves by the fireplace- either drunk, high or both. We were eating, talking, drinking, listening to music and playing guitar. I got in a really good mood knowing I‘ll be tripping out again soon, so I started amusing everyone with jokes, impersonations, sketches- a little something I enjoy doing. They even made me read the donald duck story out loud again, which was very amusing considering the fact I made voices and remarks for each page- we were all having a blast.

STAGE10: The magical theatre

 After moving around so much I decided it‘s time to sit down and wait. While I was talking I had come to realize I haven‘t had any hallucinations at all. I was deffinatly not dissapointed with the visuals I‘ve had so far, but I just couldn‘t help but think that I had always wanted to see the hallucinations that were rumored to be the „fun“ or „entertaining“ part of taking entheogens. I wasn‘t even dreaming about seeing some visions, as I knew that these visual manifestations of your subconciousness are only possible on very high doses and deffinatly not on such a relatively small one I just took, but I still had hope to see some crazy stuff the remaining evening. Suddenly, as if sent by the all hearing lord or cosmic idea, I started seeing manifestations of my very first hallucenations. Jackpot!

I was watching the ceiling while lying on the bed. It was begining to move in utmost strange ways. First it would seem as if it would crawl around, but then it started melting. Strangely, it semed as if the melting process would never stop, it just kept melting and melting. I began to chukle manicly- it was awesome! Suddely, I came to realize that the „way“ the ceiling was melting would depend on my head movement. As in if I‘d turn my head to the right- the ceiling would melt to the right, if left- it would melt left and so on. I spent some time playing around in my little world melting the room, but soon decided that I should take a look if anything else was changing around me, so i stood up. Oh my god... This was way unnexpected. Right before taking the last shrooms H and I had a talk. I told him I was sure the room inside at night wouldn‘t be as colourful and spectacular as the outside during daytime. Well I was wrong. The entire room seemed to have become incredibly colourful as have the people in it. But it wasn‘t as if the entire place had been transformed,it was more as if the entire place had been revealed for what it really was. It was absolutely amazing and nostalgic, as I remember having the same feeling outside many eternities back. I stood up and grabbed a chair, everything around me was melting slowly, but I didn‘t panic, on the contrary- I put the chair right besides the fireplace and sat down so I could see the entire room. It was like going to the circus. And so I sat there enjoying my little psyhedelic show with special effects. The room was melting and literaly moving out of my sight. People where changing forms, becoming longer, bigger, smaller, wierder, darker- it was absolutely hilarious. I suddenly noticed this squat of black on the floor (someone must have spilled some cola) so I decided to take a closer look.

Holy mother of Christ! As I leaned down the black squat was literally melting and running down the floor. I became so curious as to how hell this could happen that I decided to keep leaning down towards it, a total zoom in. The closer I got, the more the it changed and suddenly- behold the bizzare sight! I saw these black dots walking around. Also, are you ready for this..? I actually recognized these dots to be human life forms. Some where driving in cars, riding the train or their bicycles. Black buildings of small and large where standing as if they‘ve always been there and the people would rush around in between them. It was a big city life, with a dark smog floating across the skies- it reminded me somewhat of a typical metropolis of today‘s world. Watching how the humans would scurry around, fullfilling their empty ruitines made me think about how closely they resemble most people‘s lives, my own life, today. They scurried around with their goals and thoughts how to live through their day,  it made me see how absolutely empty and blind the world had become because of the current society‘s system. To me, seeing them from a godly figure‘s point of view, their existance in this way seemed absolutely pathetic. I sincerely believe uptil this day, that I saw a fragment of the negative part of our system or something like that. We forget about true purpose and give into routine and false idols, false reasons. Although maybe false isn‘t the best word to use here, more like unimportant compared to the true idea of exisance and the cosmos. But to the little black people down there in their little black city of emptyness- this was all there was, this was what they believed in and knew. I slowly sat up feeling I had learned something from this and while I was still thinking it over K, who was watching me the entire time, poked me and chuckled going „Dude you where deffinatly tripping balls like hell just now“. I couldn‘t understand, did it look that strange? „What do you mean?“ I asked chuckling as well not to seem alienated or confused. He answered „You where like staring at the floor for around twenty minutes, man. You were practically so close to it, you almost touched it with you nose.“ I couldn‘t believe it. twenty minutes had passed? Whatever was going on, it was damn intersting and impressive.

My attention was suddenly caught by the entire room. Every object in it was displaying its own psyhedelic show. I quickly stood up with my jaw dropped, I felt like Harry Haller in the magical theatre (Hermann Hesse – Steppenwof). The people in the room would laugh and comment „Dude, Look at L! He‘s tottaly tripping out!“, but I couldn‘t care less right now. This room had too much to offer! I walked across it to face a large wodden closet. I could feel how shiny and smooth it was by just looking at it. I could see it pulsating and beaming with lights. I turned my head to face the window. My english vocabulary isn‘t rich enough to describe how bizzare the sight was that it had to offer. Seeing your reflection with geometrical patterns and noticing how the glass would fade or melt was a slightly disturbing sight, so after examining countless other objects I walked back to my chair by the fireplace while looking at the carpet. Oh, the carpet was truly magnificant, it‘s amazing how I‘ve never come to appreciate the complexity of the ornaments and texture. The room was truly a theatre, a carnival, a circus- each object, person, colour pattern would trip me out in different ways and grant me different thoughts. I was told next morning that I was looking rather strange swaying around the room with my eyes widened and jaw dropped. I would say „Fuck..“  or „Wow...“ from time to time without even noticing it. It was truly an entertaining experience. Night had come, my friends, who have either been drinking alcohol or smoking joints, were bummed out and ready for bed. Only I was freaking restless. I began to wonder what tripping had to offer in solitude.

STAGE11: Regression

It was the middle of the night. Everyone was now sleeping and only I remained standing. I felt a sense of insecurity while stretching out on my bed besides the fireplace. No one was here to protect me, distract me or cheer me up, should I have any horrid or discomforting feelings come over me. The music was left on, creating a soothing atmosphere. I felt that I was coming down, although the visuals where still very clear and the colours where vivid and beutiful. I decided to take this time of solitude to explore the more introspective, the more darker corners of my mind. While listening to music I first came to appreciate how each sound created from the instrument seemed so in touch with the entire song, so in place that it was becoming near impossible for me to explain how songs are written.  It seemed like an eternal mistery that couldn‘t be explained- only felt. I began to wonder what my future had in store for me. My career, my social status- I didn‘t see these things as important, but merely as a game I‘m partially forced to play.

Suddenly, after hearing the chorus to Bob Marley‘s „Is this love?“ I realised something very significant to me. I wanted to be loved. I know it sounds corny, but to me, a person who hasn‘t really ever felt the need for a significant other (or so i thought), who enjoyed his one night‘s stands, who has no problems with gaining attention of girls in whole- it was a whole new feeling. I began to wonder what my significant other would look like, what her personality would be, what our children might look like, does she or he even exist? I felt a feeling that can only be described as loneliness, as a feeling that there‘s a piece within you that‘s missing. Other thoughts flowed through my head, as I began to wonder what the day my mother or father would die might be like. I began to wonder how I‘d live without them, would I feel like I had let them down somehow? Or how would they feel if I was to die right now? How would they react if they found out that I was consuming entheogens? And how would I explain myself? Would they understand my belief? Thoughts stormed through my head, I‘d find the answer for each of the previously mentioned questions seemingly in an eternity and yet, so fast too. Strangely, these where questions that might have thrown someone else into a spiral of bad tripping, but to me they all seemed natural, neccecary and, although frightening,  a part of me.

I had lost track of the songs, but once I heard the first notes of the Beatle‘s song „Strawberry fields forever“ I jumped out of bed to turn the music off. That song was something I was neither prepared for while on a trip, neither in the mood for. The music was now off and I began to wonder what I should do before trying to fully fall asleep.

STAGE12: The perfect night in solitude

I noticed the fire was almost out. For some reason I felt a sense of responsibility to keep my friends warm and happy. So I kneeled by the fireplace and opened it. Only two smll glisters were left. I suddenly felt like in a game. A thought ran thorugh my head that I was given a mission of sort. I ran through the objectives and „pressed“ begin mission. The game was on, it was a matter of life and death. For almost and hour I‘d sit there trying to ingnite the fire from the remaining glisters. Each time I got a fire going it would quickly go out. Dammit! I couldn‘t fail my friends! And finnaly after the tenth time, the fire was there to stay. I took my time to inspect the old newsapers I was using to help the fire burn and the chops of wood. That was really fun, I got a much deeper sense of hour „layered“ a tree actually is. Once the fire was capable of burning without further nurturing I decided to go smoke one last time.
 
I went to the kitchen to sout for some cigaretes and instead I found my guitar. Oh my god! How I haven‘t played yet during my trip was beyond me. I sat down and began playing. The feeling was wonderfull. It‘s hard to explain, but I felt to connect with each string on the guitar. I had a hard time remembering songs and instead, I‘d play something completely new and beutiful. After half an hour I took a look at the watch. It was around four AM and I was deffinatly feeling to be coming down now. Still had some visuals and a sense of harmony within me though, so I decided to waste no time and go get that cigarette. The odd thing was that once I found one, I realised there was no fire! In some strange coindcidence, all of our lighters but one, were out of gas. I got slightly dissapointed, but suddenly it hit me. Oh, my god! This must be some beutiful example this trip had prepared for me. In sincere will to help my friends by lighting up the fireplace again, I had assured myself fire to light my cigarette! I quickly leaped to the fireplace and after a few moment I was standing outside on a perfect nearly-morning field, smoking the last cigarette of the day.

It was beutiful. The stars were running around in the sky, playing with eahc other. The cool temperature created a soothing sense of „the end is near“. Like death. There was no wind, it was absolutely quiet. I could hear the nocturnal animals living their busy night life and smiled. The fumes of my cigarette were orange and beutiful. As I finished and walked back to the house I felt a sense of sincere joy to have spent so much time with myself. It‘s not something many people do these days. I went into the room taking off my clothes. The room was warming up and it made me smile. I layed down on my bed thinking about how much had happened throughout the trip. It was amazing- thirteen hours had passed since I took that first handfull of mushrooms. It seemed like it had been many eternities back. With thoughts of peace and harmony, I slowly fell asleep... or died. I‘m not too sure.
 

Hope ya enjoyed it. feel free to comment :)