Let me first say that I am only typing this up because I hope that maybe it will alleviate some of the anxieties I feel about this trip. It was a bad trip, but I never really thought much of it. I recently hungout with the friend who was in a part of this trip's downward spiral and even walked down the same trail described in this post. I believe that this has been the cause of my recent anxieties and it is causing my highs to turn into shit. I hope that in typing this it will at least get some of it out of my mind and onto paper.
Dose: A little over half an eighth, lemon teked. Trip level: Possibly 3 bordering on 4, all I know is that I had never tripped this hard and because of the lemon tek it hit me so fast. It felt so overwhelming that I fought it, resulting in a bad trip.
Looking back on it now, I should never have tripped on this day. I was having troubles with a girlfriend whom was more of a hassle than a companion. I took my dose around 5:00 with my friend and my cousin. I had not tripped in this scenario since I had dropped Acid in the summer. It was not December and I was excited to see all of the christmas lights. This trip was anything but exciting though. We took our shrooms and started to chill out, we all smoked some weed and waited for the trip so set in. The trip was so intense that there are only certain moments that I remember, the inbetween was either me freaking out or being lost in thought loops. We were watching Rocko's Modern Life, which I had been really excited for, but the more we watched the harder I started to trip. Pretty soon Rocko was starting to turn into something else, I would look at the screen and would not be able to comprehend any of it. I started forgetting everything, where I was, who I was, what I was. This was ego death, something I had felt before, but never in a negative way. I had started to "forget" things on other trips, but it was all in fun. This was some serious tripping. It was so hard to keep my eyes open because in my head I was seeing this beautiful women, maybe a Goddess floating at the heart of space. She was gigantic, or rather it was. A woman's torso with a gigantic mechanical body. So big that thinking about it now there is nothing else it could have been other than God, or rather my interperation of it. I have had CEV"s that sucked me in, but this was different, I fought to keep my eyes open because I knew that if I closed them I would be lost to that world. I should have submitted, I really wish I would have, but for some reason I didn't. I wasn't feeling a heavy headtrip, I just wanted to trip out with my friends. The Mushroom had bigger plans though. In fighting it I began to feel terrible, I was tripping harder than ever and I could feel blood running from my ears, the taste of blood inside my mouth. I was scared shitless, this was a bad trip, something I had never felt before. I used to think bad trips were just trips in which one tripped too hard, I was tripping too hard and I felt as though I was in hell. Everyone wanted to go outside and I complied. I felt as though my mind was somewhere else, my body only a vessel. We walked up the stairs and into his kitchen. I kept telling them how hard I was tripping, but my friend did not care. I saw a Nutcracker Doll and asked if he could put it away, it was bugging me out pretty badly. I do not like puppets as it is and it was if my greatest fears were all coming out in front of me. He told me to "Shut the fuck up", and this is when my trip truly went to shit. At that moment I had it in my head that this friend was evil. I thought of all my trips and all the stupid shit he would do. No matter how hard I was tripping he just simply did not care. We left the house and began to walk, our destination was the woods.
As we walked I was okay from what I remember. All though the thought loop was still persistent and I felt that in the morning I would have to leave this kid's house and not come back for awhile. He had carelessly put me into a very bad place and he did not care. I also got it into my head at this point that I should go backout with my then girlfriend at the time, another mistake on my part. As we walked through the woods I felt such an eerie vibe from them. The trees looked like something out of a movie and I could do nothing but stare at them. It was dark now and the only lights in sight were those from the christmas houses. We walked pretty deep in the path and all though there were happy moments (walking like zombies down a good portion of the path along with moaning and the like) for the most part all I could think about was that I had to get away from my friend. I felt as though he had brung me down in someway, he had introduced me to daily smoking and at this point I was jobless and not in the best emotional state. When we got home we put on Tank Girl which I will admit was entertaining high. Some other moments I remember that were cool was playing GTA4, the backdrop looked as if it was billions of miles away. Overall though it was rough because walking back it was so cold and I didn't even have an iPod, mine was dead. A trip without music to me is one wasted, I trip mainly to feel music. Without I was lost in my thoughts.
As I said I recently started hanging out with this friend again and I even went into that same path. I feel this has been the cause for many of my recent anxieties along with not having a job. But I have been handing in applications and I think I am going to smoke a bowl and walk through those woods today by my lonesome. I need to face my fears. Intetrestingly too is that I have started drawing and all I ever seem to draw is mushrooms. I find mushroom bags lying around at school and all though I know it is just coincidence I definitely have mushrooms on the brain. I am planning to trip with my current girlfriend who has been an amazing help to me in every way possible. Everytime I get stoned and anixious she is always there to calm me down. I hope that when I next ingest mushrooms it will be a great trip. Most of my trips have been all with this said friend and in his basement. I am excited to truly feel a true trip with someone I love, someone I don't have any anxieties about. It felt good to type this, I should start doing trip reports more often = ). I do want to say though to all those who have yet to feel ego death or have yet to try mushrooms, SUBMIT! Mushrooms are a powerful substance and if you fight your trip it will fight you, never again will I try and standup to the might of the mushroom.