My worst trip

I started my day off in an unsuccessful attempt to configure my wireless internet router for my laptop which left me frustrated.  I had an eighth or more of mushrooms sitting in my room for an appropriate time.  Though I was still a little frustrated from the morning I figured (I don’t know why) that I would easily get in a better mood after I ate the mushrooms and would go walk around.  I ate them on an empty stomach in the morning and took my dog for a walk so that I wouldn’t have to sit around and wait during the come up.  It had been a while since I last had mushrooms and I forgot about some of the differences between them and acid.  I wasn’t planning on being so immobilized. 

Halfway through the walk the familiar visuals started to appear on my dog’s fur and the surrounding plants, a peacock feather blended rainbow kind of effect.  I was listening to strange music with droning noises and voices counting an laughing, this is when I started to become confused.  My legs felt like rubber and I could hardly stand the walk anymore, I couldn’t wait to get home.  I wasn’t sure why, but I started to get that feeling of a bad trip creeping in, an uncertainty that would not settle.  I finally got home and let my dog inside, then I went back out to my porch to sit a while.  I stared into a pine tree and was taken by the pastel lines that swirled in on themselves, but instead of the usual feelings of happy wonder, I thought of it as just a stupid trick that was being played on my brain, not anything honest or important.

 I was getting concerned that my mood was quickly heading downhill and that I was starting to feel more and more stomach pain.  I thought I should throw up.  I am still not sure if my neighbors saw me sitting in the dirt with my finger in my throat gagging myself, I was not able to throw up so I went back inside and had to lie down on the couch, where I would be for the next few hours.  I turned on the TV to distract myself from the stomach pain.  Usually watching television on mushrooms is absurd and hilarious, but it sucked this time.  Every person had disgusting, exaggerated, misplaced, cartoon features, which is normal but it was more than usual.  I remember seeing President Obama speaking, in place of his eyes were tiny copies of his mouth which moved as he talked, he had eyes but they were in the wrong place and I’m pretty sure that there were more than two, also his lips were where his ears should have been.  Every face was entirely rearranged.  I also remember seeing what I later realized was a Dennis Miller stand up comedy special.  He looked inhuman and troll like with enormous eyes.  When he spoke it sounded like gibberish.  I was only able to recognize certain pop culture references sprinkled throughout fast incoherent mush which echoed throughout my living room.  “Wamabalkinsengooblefomble Brittney Spears shimbleesqinsence”.  Coming from his condescending tone, it sounded like he was fucking with me. 

At this point I was terrified.  I didn’t feel like a person, but a small thing, a kind of consciousness, trapped in a body that was suffering.  I tried to escape it, I closed my eyes to get away and there was some fractal, perfectly unfolding, form constant shit that just made me feel worse.  (thinking back on it, it looked incredible, but at the time it seemed very sinister).  I couldn’t hardly remember why this was even happening to me, I sort of remembered eating mushrooms so I figured that they must have had mold on them and that I was probably going to die or something.  I was trying to figure out what month and week it was because I didn’t know how cold it was or if I should be under covers.  My thoughts became too abstract to handle, I thought I had become aware of all of the planes and dimensions that I existed on and that I had been shown the millions of years of history that I had gone through previous to this life.  I had discovered that I had been stuck in a cycle since life began and I wanted nothing more than to be out of the loop.  I was so confused but so aware of so many things that I shouldn’t know, plus I felt like shit.  Looking back on these revelations now, they seem stupid, but who knows, maybe there was something to it. I felt like I was being pulled and that I had to fight not to be sucked into another plane.  I thought, “Good job, you really fucked yourself.  You will never be the same now that you know these things.  You used to be safe and comfortable when you were a kid, now you are stuck in all of this weird bullshit.  This can only be possible in dreams.”

 I stood up and walked around, my vision was cut up into individual frames, like stop animation . When I touched something it seemed to stick and pull with my hand.  I could hardly navigate my own house.  The one good thing that happened was when I had some slower music on while I was laying on my bed.  3D spheres that stuck halfway out of my ceiling, which appeared to be about a foot in radius, they moved in geometric patterns to the music across the ceiling.  Once I got up I realized that I really needed to eat something.  I went to the cupboard but could only see an array of indiscernible boxes.  I found some bread, it was much to dry though.  Once I got a piece down I noticed it helped my stomach.  I ended up running it under the faucet and soaking it so that it would go down easier.  This helped but I still felt pretty sick and confused, I kept thinking that someone else was in my house and that they were going to see me in this state of insanity.  Eventually after about the six hour mark it dropped off and I realized “oh yeah, everything isn’t too bad.”  I petted my cat, which looked very mystical at the time, and started to feel better.  I felt very accomplished that I survived the day.  I sat outside and appreciated the golden hours of the day before evening when shadows are long, and looked at the geometric patterns in the wood grain on my porch. 

 Most of the experience is just a haze now, but there are certain images and segments of memory that stay in my head and carry a weird mood that I will never forget, like hints at the unobservable forces and inner-workings which drive life and dominate the order of the world.  I’m not sure whether or not they are valid but it seemed pretty convincing at the time.  Either way it was good to see, but I wish I wouldn’t have been so scared.  Now I much prefer LSD because I get the same thoughts but they are more formulated and I do not get sick.