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so terrible!!


Hmm...my shroom experience. I do believe it has something to do with my recent depression. What happened it was right
before christmas and My friends M and K were with me and me and K both took a little under 1/8...which they said was very very little @ the time but I really don't know. It's different for everyone. Then we got in the car with his sister and her friends and we had brought drinks and stuff
b/c they had planned a nice high ride. So we were driving around smoking, singing Mya songs, and I was reminded of what kind of friends I really wanted. Pretty soon, streetlights started to streak across the sky. Trailed. I was like cool this isn't so bad I had JUST the right amount. Or so I thought. Not true at all. I remember feeling
kind of uncomfortable in my skin..like edgy and twitchy and that I was moving too much and everyone was going to notice. I also had this paranoia that everyone was making fun of me....I do that alot and I wouldn't be able to explain. We walked back to K's house and we went up into her room and I remember sitting on the carpet, which was blue, and she kept saying that I looked like I was swimming in an ocean so I started moving like I was swimming and I thought it was so funny, but she kind of forced a laugh
which immediatly brought me down so I sat on the bed with her and I stared at her ceiling, which started to seem like it had layers....and it was moving upwards. I explained what I was seeing to her and she saw the exact same thing.
And we moved it up with our hands. Perfect synchronization. So I started to have some pretty deep thoughts. I thought about how society now is so fake. Everything about everyone I know is all fake. Like, why do we wear clothes for FASHION? Or at all? We weren't supposed to. People are animals, and we are the ONLY animals that do. I can
barely remember. But I remember it made me VERY sad. And I also thought I had went crazy. That was the worst thing I could do. I thought I went permanently insane. This caused me to cry....and then cry so hard I couldn't breath. I had what I think were some panic attacks b/c I told K to call 911. After I told her to, she went downstairs as if to call but actually went to them bathroom and came up proclaiming her cat had a huge head and human feet. I asked her if I should call 911 She told me it was all in my head, which it was, but even so, it wouldn't help me any to know that, b/c being crazy is also in your head. I didn't like the feeling that everything was so fake. I wanted so badly to unthink
everything I had thought. I said things over and over that I didn't make sense and was frustrated when she didn't understand and realized how much I care about what other people think. And I even contemplated suicide b/c I just wanted to get rid of the feeling and think normally. And the only thing I could do was wait it out. Even listening
to Sublime, the most familiar thing to me ever, didn't help, and I cried myself to sleep. I think it was about 3 am. Anyways, recently I have cried so much about nothing in particular. Some people do not think that it has anything to do with my shroom experience, but I do. I saw some visuals and things blending and stuff, but I was so busy thinking that my thoughts were pictures and they took all my concentration. So I do not recommend, even though I do not here very many storied like this. And K did say she had an awesome, awesome trip.

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