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Trapped In a Useless Body

long description of my first trip

I am a poor writer so forgive me, this will not be the most well thought out or clearly written report ever. This is a trip report of my first experience with shrooms. In my part of New Jersey any drugs are hard to come by even weed, so when shrooms came around I jumped on an eighth of potent, yet highly overpriced caps and stems. All summer I had been trying to find them and when I did it could not have been at a worse time. I had picked up the shrooms the week before I went to college, a week my mom had conveniently taken off, thus occupying the house virtually all day. With no ideal setting available anytime soon I was just going to have to make due.

                I decided I could pull of an evening/night trip with my parents at home and my little sister as my trip sitter as irregularities in my house go uninvestigated. Immediately after dinner (7:30) I went on a walk with my sister though a housing development and the golf course that borders it as I ingested 2.7 grams if shrooms with a glass of orange juice I had brought along. After about 30 minutes I felt a moderate body high and a feeling only describable as different as we returned to the housing development. Being that no distinct shrooms effects had set in I decided to consume the remaining .8 grams at 8:00. By 8:15 I am back at home sitting on my computer, fuming mad that this 8th had yielded a body high/head buzz at best. I decided to call my friend who sold them to me to complain, he remarked back in what sounded like utter nonsense as my body high escalated to borderline immobile, but I remember him saying to go take a walk down the street. I took his advice.

                It was difficult convincing my sister to let me go out and walk around alone, as I had briefed her on trip sitting 101 prior to dosing. I was completely level headed and clear in thought as I finally left my house, though my body high had escalated to barely being able to walk. I staggered out the front door past my parents and set out towards the housing development. It is necessary to explain here that my house is not part of the housing development but merely adjacent to it and that my front yard is an acre of land encapsulated by trees. I never quite made it to the development anyway.

                I staggered down my driveway and across my lawn but was almost completely unable to move so I collapsed in the grass on a hill in my yard. With Ratatat on full blast on my ipod with my eyes completely open the wispy clouds of the still illuminated sky came together to form the face of an older man with a full white beard. This was my first visual at all and I was taken completely off guard. A quick glance left and right then skyward confirmed what I had thought, my trip had begun! When I looked skywards again the clouds had readopted their original places but almost immediately retook their positions serving as the face of the sky. The sky began speaking and as it did, rainbow colored diamonds flowed from its mouth. The sky asked who I was and what I was seeking but being such a vivid first visual I kept erasing the face by looking left and right at the grass and trees which were now breathing in unison with me. The face would continually reappear, but it grew impatient with me as I could not properly converse with it, so it vanished right in front of my eyes. But before it disappeared it told me to ‘come back when I was ready’. I had regained some movement and recalled that walk I was supposed to take, so I got up and scaled the wall down into the housing development.


To the symphonic sounds of Ratatat I began my walk as best I could. Overtaken by pure euphoria I distinctly remember a smile across my face for the duration. Anyway, I started to take in the sharpness of objects under the streetlights. At first I noticed different colors, trees that’s should usually be a healthy green were toned pale green almost yellow, cluttered in leaves that were perfectly detailed and defined almost like an improved version of HDR. The trees were breathing in their own encapsulated space, almost frozen, a pillar through time. I began to walk down the pulsating street which descended and turned up ahead, all of a sudden the street swayed and twisted in my vision. This was one of the times when a trip sitter would be handy; I caught myself walking in the middle of the street and moved to the sidewalk immediately. I continued down the hill where out of people’s front lawns rose armed skeletal warriors. These didn’t strike any fear in me and one by one I made them disappear. Trees continued to amuse me as I approached the next streetlight.

The intensity of my visuals was heightening and I thought it wise to cut my walk of solidarity a little short. I headed down a darker street and saw what I thought were bodies hanging from trees, though again these didn’t instill any fear at all. I also saw parts of houses swirling and slightly melting, concrete sidewalks rippling, and a row of coniferous trees spread their branches and leaves to form evil smiley faces at me. I walked back to my lawn excited for another chance to speak with the sky, but he never reappeared. As I got up I had a vivid hallucination of a goblin type creature as a bush in my yard and evaluated that now would be the best time to go back inside, and to my sister. I strolled in past my parents who tried unsuccessfully to snare me in conversation.

I collapsed in a heap on my couch, greeted by my sister who wasn’t exactly of how hard I was tripping. I enclosed myself in a silky blanket and closed my eyes. The jams of Bob Marley accompanied me through this part of my journey now, the insides of my eyes lit up and words cannot quite describe everything I saw, but I do recall seeing a spectrum of color accompanied by the music pulsing through my body. From song to song lyrics changed my visuals. ‘Lively Up Yourself’ was a shifting sea of color I was carried on. ‘Is This Love’ evoked my girlfriend, nude, swirling in color, accompanied by the strongest desire to be with her forever. ‘Jammin’ literally took me to the Caribbean, on the beach, where the sky morphed in to a jeweled golden mass that swept me through it still pulsing with music. What was probably the most life changing part of the trip was listening to ‘No Woman No Cry’, as I bounced merrily through space and time; I was brought back to reality with a thud. I realized how much of a dickhead I have always been to my sister. All she ever wanted to be accepted, maybe recognized by me and I never let her have that. She was always so kind to me and I was just condescending and rude to her. I wanted to cry. I was 18 and still a complete asshole to her, how could I call myself a man. From that point forward I decided I would be a better brother to her. I took off my headphones, sat up, and watched the last scene of Harold and Kumar with her. I put in Zoolander and sat back on the couch.

I lost all sense of time for the rest of the night. Over the rest of my trip I did a multitude of things. In a room that had now started breathing on me, I tried to resume playing music but as I started trying to turn audible clicking off I got lost in it, able to see inside of the computer as if looking into it through a little window. After a good amount of time I finally fixed it. By the time I had fixed it though I didn’t even want music, I wanted to go back out into nature, but I couldn’t go out again and I felt obligated (not in a bad way at all) to stay with my sister, even though I was tripping. As I laid down my ipod my tunnel vision focused on the blanket I was wrapped in the silk threads were moving like a colony of ants producing more threads as they moved to keep the blanket new and unworn forever. I was broken out of this trance by my sister nudging me, this angered me a lot but I listened intently. She tried to show me a you tube video, but the screen was mostly colored blobs. I continued to semi-watch Zoolander as my room, with my eyes completely open, started to morph and take me out of the world I was in, I don’t recall the specifics of these trips out of time, except the vivid recollections of some memories I had forgotten. After ‘awaking’ from a few of these I just wanted things to cease for a bit (pretty dumb right?). So I asked my sister to just talk to me and keep me with it. We talked mostly about the .1 grams of weed she smoked with friends that made her hallucinate, but I kept drifting off. My visuals were different now I couldn’t see things, objects now has dark greens and purple blobs covering them, this made talking to my sister a little difficult as her face was obscured a bit

My Mind was racing at one thousand miles per hour. I was enlightened and I saw the world clearly but couldn’t verbalize it, let alone stop to think about my thoughts. I needed to verbalize some of these things to my sister, I HAD to tell her, but I couldn’t, I was trapped in a useless body, one that could only complete about half a sentence before being sucked off into space, time, and thought. I closed my eyes frustrated, but I noticed something, I could see! I could see everything! I could see the movie progressing, my sister moving, the floor, couch, my body even all with my eye lids closed, I checked with my hands and my eyes were in fact shut. The only alteration about this was that everything I saw was covered in a green and black moving grid. Eventually I tried to talk to my sister or rather reattempt to keep her talking to me. However she was more interested in observing me and piecing together my broken English than helping me fight the uphill battle of staying connected with reality, something I shouldn’t have tried to do in hindsight.

This is where things began to go south. My parents in the other room were up much later than normal and I just wanted them to go to sleep so I could explore the house. But until then I had to remain vigilant and produce and adequate ‘goodnight’ when they finally did go off to bed. Time as it had been for a while was moving too slow. I found myself requesting the time every three minutes or so. The problem was those three minutes felt more like twenty to thirty minutes each time. I longed for my parents to retire to bed, to be safe, to be sober, and to live a better life. I told my sister to turn on the lights and she got me some water. My thoughts were slowing down but I still had good visuals and persisted to drift off.

Zoolander had finished and I was well into Juno when my parents finally went to sleep. I had to speak to my mom though. It was one of the scariest things I had to do, she was talking and I did not understand a word she was saying and she face was covered in color, all the while sitting up straight was almost impossible. My sister was convinced I pulled it off though I was convinced my mom thought I was high or just retarded. In either case my sister and I moved camp to the living room where I got some sour cream and onion chips, water, and blueberries; she watched some discovery channel for a bit while I was off in my own world. After about an episode she indicated she was tired and wanted to go to sleep, I knew this was a bad idea but in my quest to be a better sibling I Let her go to sleep, besides my body felt exhausted.

What I didn’t realize was that my mind was still racing. I lay in bed unable to speak longing for sobriety and to be safe. I started to feel nauseous with my visuals now only as black splotches strewn everywhere and patterns still easily discernable from walls, carpets, and shades. I feared my nausea was a sign I would die from being sold a poisonous strain. I ran to the bathroom and took off all my clothes sans shorts and sat in a fully lit bathroom for what seemed like twenty minutes before mustering up the courage to face my room. I lay in bed with the door open and lights on convinced these mid and visual alterations would never cease. I felt sadness like I never had before, I felt my parents die, and crossed the threshold where suicide sounded like an excellent option. It seemed too easy and painless to slice my wrists and just have this nonsense night end now, but I would like to think of myself as a strong minded individual and within minutes dismissed all of those thoughts from my head. I drifted into a dreamless sleep that night. I awoke early the next morning my body drained and I didn’t speak much for the next two days either.

My first venture with shrooms is one I would deem successful. Since ingestion I can say I have been a much better person to my sister, deepened my relationship with my girlfriend, and figured out my trip almost entirely. It has been almost a month since I tripped and I feel the urge to explore my mental realm again even though I promised myself a six month break at least. Next time I want to trip with my girlfriend, and on a much smaller dose, as I think an eighth was a bit more than I expected. For now though I’m going to take what I have learned and focus on college and my girlfriend. Thanks for reading, I hope it wasn’t too excruciating.


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