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Hammer of the Gods
It was a Friday morning, and I was excited to finally trysome of the babies I had been growing for the last month or so. My friend D andI were somewhat regular river trippers, I supplied the canoe, and D had theshrooms. We never measured how much we took, but D always thought that wewere splitting an eighth. I wasn't so sure, and thought we were closer to doingnot-quite-an-eighth each. This usually resulted in a really mellow laughinghigh, with no more visuals than enhanced colors and freaky water ripples anddistortions of perspective. For this trip, my friend K would be joining us in akayak as well. He had done shrooms with us once before the previous year, andhad also done acid in the past.
Shortly into our excursion, we pulled over to a shady bank, and I pulled outthree pre-measured eighths of my homegrown B stash. I had read many people onthe Shroomery do an eighth regularly, and some people never take less. Based onwhat D & I usually took, I didn't think a full eigth was that much more. Dand I both ate ours, and K claimed to have, but now we think he may have beenscared off by the dosage and by the fact that I told him I grew them myself. Wesuspect he may either done only half or possibly even less, as he seemedremarkably straight the entire time, and when we were eating them the secondhalf to two thirds of his dose just seemed to disappear...
After eating the shrooms, we all did a few hits of weed. I only took a coupleof drags, and within fifteen minutes we were all saying, "Wow, I am waytoo high for that to just be the weed." These things kicked in fast. Wepaddled down the river, enjoying the enhanced colors and the deep welling bodybuzz that made it feel as if our bodies were vibrating. We laughed and enjoyedthe scenery and music we brought along, listening to Bob Marley and theWailers. A particular guitar bridge played, and I heard it like I never hadbefore. I asked D if he had ever heard that guitar sound like that before, andhe said, "Wow, I can't believe you asked me that because I was justsitting here thinking that I was a guitar string!" We laughed.
I broke out some goofy paper glasses I had from the 4th of July. They make arainbow effect around lights and things. We wore these for awhile, lookingridiculous and enjoying every minute of it. Around this time I started tonotice kind of an electronic, almost pixelated overlay to my vision. It wassort of like when you watch a movie from a robot's perspective, or someone thatis viewing their surrounding through a high tech helmet. It was quite novel.
Shortly we made our next stop after dosing. We were diagonally across from somehouses, and some fisherman we had recently passed docked across the river as wegot off on the other side. I got in for a swim, and we started to talk abouthow we were feeling. D said he felt very good, and I told him that I felt likemy entire body was on the verge of an orgasm. It was an amazing bosy buzz. Kwas not very descriptive of his trip, but said that he was definitely tripping.As I swam in the water, two kids and their dogs jumped in the river and swamtoward us. We laughed in disbelief because we had already been joking about thefisherman and how it felt like they were following us, and now their kids and dogs were following us, too. The kids, older boys, probably in their mid to late teens, swam across and down the river a little downstream from us. As they and the dogs got out, the two dogs started playing; rolling, jumping andnipping at each other. This is when I knew I was really tripping. I watched as the dogs became one rolling writhing ball of dog, impossible to separate as two different creatures, and even having three and four heads, all biting at each other and rolling around. I was not scared at all, and was aware that what Iwas seeing was a hallucination. It was very cool, and I asked my partners if they saw what I was seeing. They did not. The boys went back across the river with their dogs, and as the wind picked up I was treated to more visuals like Ihad never seen before. Looking downstream at the trees blowing in the wind, I could see each individual leaf in their canopies and it seemed as if the trees were writhing and moving together, their leaves came alive like swarms of bees around them. Again I tried to point this out, but no-one else was seeing it.
By this time, the digital overlay that I was sometimes seeing over things was heightening. On top of this, sometimes a hexagonal pixel with the letter 'B' in it would scurry across the screen, leaving a dashed trail of pixels behind it. I didn't realize it at the time, but I think this must have been my mind inserting the knowledge that I was on the B strain into my trip.
Blinking was also intense. The nanosecond before I blinked, the world would just go crazy and colors would smear and morph, blending into the kaleidoscopic explosion that would occur whenever my eyes were closed. I think at this time D& K were noticing that I was starting to trip pretty hard. It probably helped that I kept saying that I had never, ever been so high in mylife! There was a little grassy island about 75 feet away from where we stood on the shore. I walked over to it, and ran my hand through the plushcarpet-like grass. I laid down and faced the sky. I closed my eyes a few times to revel in the wonders that lied within the darkness there. It was amazing,and now I know where the patterns and designs so commonly found in psychedelic art come from; they're real, and not just someone's artistic interpretation of a trip! After a couple of trips into the light show inside my eyelids, I decided to let myself go into it. I closed my eyes and watched as brilliant pink mandalas and gypsy wheels blossomed into flowers and fireworks in my mind, then grew bright until I was engulfed in bright white light. I was sharply awarethat my friends were near, and that I might be acting a little off, and dismissive of them, so I got up and came back. My friends were laughing at me, but in a good natured way. It was at this time when I said that I thought I was way too high, and began to descend to a place that I don't know if I'd want to return to.
I told K & D that I didn't think I was capable of operating the canoe anymore. D was believing that many more hours had gone by than actually had (we had probably been tripping for only an hour or two at this time), and felt we needed to to get going down the river. I told them I just could not do it, and apologized and asked if they could take care of me. They said they wouldand that everything would be okay. I got into the front of the canoe, and K took the backseat position steering the canoe. At this point I am very unclear as to what happened or how much time went by, but I think I closed my eyes and just went inward. The next thing I knew-- I didn't know anything! I was so confused. I did not understand anything. I didn't know who I was or why I was here, what I was doing, or even the basics of life and what it was all about. I had a vague recollection of making something in my closet that put me in this state, and not understanding why anyone would do this to themselves. I did not know what mushrooms were, or anything. I tried to understand who I was and what my life was like, and I just had no idea. I remember vaguely thinking about intoxicants, and alcohol, but all I could think of was cylinders of six that people bought at stores and I could not figure out why or what that was either. I felt very separated and detached from everything.
At some point we had stopped again in another spot, and I was very slowly starting to put the pieces of my mind back together. I kept asking K & D if theywere alright, if I would be alright, and if they would take care of me. They were very cool and reassured me they were there for me and that they would take care of me. This was extremely comforting to me and helped me out immensely. I really did not know anything, and felt unsure whether I would ever know anything again. I kept telling them I was confused. Eventually I started to figure things out and make statements like, "I have a canoe." They would tell me,"Yes, you have a canoe."
"I have a son."
"Yes, you have a son."
"I just had a baby not long ago."
"Yes, you and your wife had a baby recently."
"I did something in my closet that made me this way."
"Yes, you grew some mushrooms and we took them."
This process seemed to slowly bring me back to understanding things again. ThenI said I had to take a piss, but I'm not even sure what my penis is! Theylaughed, and I laughed, but I meant it, even as I took it out to urinate in thewoods. It really was scary while I was in this state. I didn't know if I wasgoing to get my mind back, and I wasn't even sure what my mind was.
We got in the boats, and after awhile I found myself stopped again, lying onthe ground on the muddy river shore. I looked across the river at an immensesandy cliff, seeming to loom over us a hundred feet. The natural surroundingsalways look prehistoric to me, and many times more so on shrooms. I looked upat the sky and the cliff and the bend in the river where we were stopped and itseemed we were in the Land of the Lost. The cliff seemed to be full of dinosaurbones and skulls. In fact everywhere I looked for the rest of the trip, thelandscape was always full of skulls, though I never found it scary.
In this little lagoon is where I came down, lying in themud, feeling as if I had just washed ashore after being assaulted by a force ofnature, a Hammer of the Gods. Holy shit. I felt lucky to be back. The cliff andtowering trees slowly returned to their actual size and the prehistoric lagoonwas now just a bend in the river. I thanked my friends profusely for takingcare of me, and they were very cool about it. According to D, I seemed toremain reasonably calm the whole time, and said that as long as I didn’tinteract with anyone they probably wouldn’t have known I was tripping. Thisseemed pretty amazing to me, since I had felt completely helpless and lost tothe world. Coming back almost seemed like a rebirth, and was a breath of freshair.
The rest of the shroom trip was cool and mellow, and weenjoyed the rest of the canoe trip. D thinks that he didn’t get as high as mebecause they recognized my need for the group, and were able to overcome thepower. He did think it was too much, though, and we’ll be more cautious in thefuture. I don’t regret the trip, and am not sure if I’d call it a bad one ornot, but it was scary and stressful. I’ve heard other people refer to difficulttrips, and that may be more appropriate. That was one trip I’d not want torepeat in public again, however.