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 iamconfused
Happily insane since '06
Registered: 03/14/06
Posts: 588
Last seen: 3 months, 13 days
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 Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... 
#9390036 - 12/08/08 05:06 AM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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[note: You can skip reading the rest of this and just go ahead and share any delusions/crazy thoughts that you may have as well, if you want. It doesn't matter to me if you read what follows this, I understand that it's very long and time-consuming for being on an internet message board.]
Sometimes, I think I must be crazy. It all started when I was about 10 or 11. I was heavily into the paranormal - aliens, Big Foot, ghosts, or the mysteries of the pyramids and Easter Island. Around that, I actually convinced myself I could telepathically make UFOs fly overhead! My unwashed ruddy haired little self would walk out into the tall grass of my mom's front lawn, under the hot summer sun, and telepathically send signals to alien spacecraft, who would then hover by within minutes behind the puffy clouds. I could hear them! Part of me thought I must be crazy, but I wanted so badly to believe it. I think I even somewhat convinced a friend of mine who lived down the street that I could do it. Or maybe she was just humoring me. I wish I could ask her now. But, and here's the story of my life, once I finally convinced myself I was just crazy, an unexplainable synchronization happened. When I was 13, my stepdad and I, along with couple of others, saw rod-shaped UFOs flying over my mom's house! And later that evening, at sunset, a weird black helicopter flew really low through my neighborhood while I was playing basketball. Since then, I've convinced myself that whatever happened that day was insignificant and coincidental, but with synchronization after synchronization happening in my life, I start to get convictions that are harder to shake.
Around that time, I also started to feel isolated from everyone around me, as if my soul hovered above everyone else's on a lonely mountaintop, a mountain built from my own madness. By the time I was 13 or 14, I felt like no soul could relate to me. I was an eccentric genius, I thought, despite my mediocre grades. Sometimes I still think that, although I've managed to subdue that feeling for the most part. Anyway, I would go through periods of social withdrawal followed by periods of excessively trying to fit in. I was completely neurotic when it came to social interaction. Neutral reactions from other people were always interpreted completely negatively by me. I still have that problem, although it's much more under control now.
Some days during those troubled times, when I was alone, I would feel like I was being watched. The feelings were never strong enough to seriously affect me, but those kinds of thoughts are never normal regardless. Thankfully, those thoughts have pretty much left me now, although watching movies like The Truman Show or The Matrix will always make me think about the possibility seriously again. It can send a little shiver down my spine.
Eventually, my craziness found new forms. By the time I was 16 or 17, I started to believe that higher beings had a divine purpose for me (this actually started before I had even used any drugs). I was holy. Synchronizations were abound. It seemed like my life was being guided, that my learning was being controlled by an intelligently designed celestial curriculum of specific books, films, music, and people, all introduced to me in a logically sequential order that was leading me towards my ultimate purpose. What that was, I don't know.
At one point, I told an ex-girlfriend about my theories on the universe and our purpose as a species. Discovering that was part of my "ultimate purpose" now, I guess, which obviously must be quite the delusion of grandeur on my part (I'm quite average, to be honest). Anyway, as I was explaining my metaphysical garble to her, a pair of computer speakers in the room, turned off at the time, began making weird electrical noises. I started to weep a little uncontrollably. After that, we stepped outside and a streetlight turned itself off. Then, the engine of a parked car, once again, completely turned off at the time and with nobody near it, turned itself on partially. We could hear it rumbling. Like I said earlier, every time I start to think I could just be crazy, a crazy, inexplicable synchronization happens.
During that same time, I began experimenting with psychedelic drugs, and my experiences (naturally) only strengthened my delusions. Eventually, I had to stop using psychedelic drugs out of fear for my mental health. I was far from being needed to be put inside a straitjacket and some 'nice' padded walls - but, I just didn't like the road I was going down, mentally. Since then, I've just been numbing myself with pot and alcohol, quieting my mind. I've still had other notable synchronizations during even those times, however.
Once, for example, I got in car crash while 'under the influence', a crash that easily could have killed me. What happened, though? Well, you see, while I was passed out behind the wheel I was still driving. In my subconscious state, I was driving through a hallucinated scene which I can still vividly remember, a hallucination that somehow allowed me to guide my car to relative safety in the physical, waking world (had my car swerved a little more to the right, I probably would have killed someone), where physics aren't so kind.
Actually, in the last few months, now at the age of 20, I've been smoking less weed and drinking less, which has lead to those feelings of synchronizations starting to pop up more strongly again. Here's one recent example: I spent forever slaving over a theory for a paper in my collegiate introductory philosophy class, only to find my exact theory in a book by Sigmund Freud (The Future of an Illusion) exactly the next day after it was due. Which, of course, brings me back to my "celestial curriculum". Another oddity: after my car crash, I swore to the high heavens I would never drive under the influence. Well, I have twice now, and both times caution tape was ominously dangling from underneath my car the next morning. My dad even noticed it the first time, so I know I didn't just hallucinate it (I know I didn't actually hit anything, because I was quite conscious and aware both times). Perhaps an omen not to get out of hand? I don't fucking now.
I try to be rational, but it's hard at times. Are these synchronizations real? It seems hard to deny, sometimes. Honestly, I battle with my level of conviction in all those kinds of paranormal beliefs everyday (I'd say my level of conviction in such beliefs is at about 40% right now, if that makes any sense). I also have crazy dreams that sometimes make me feel as if I have psychic abilities, but that's enough for this topic. Am I at risk for being schizoaffective or something similar, or is this normal? I will stress that nobody has ever thought I was literally insane, and that I function (pretty much) normally, although I do have problems with my attention span.
Anyway, the point of all this is: share your delusions with me!
Edited by iamconfused (12/08/08 05:12 AM)
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 MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,041
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: iamconfused]
#9390045 - 12/08/08 05:11 AM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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I'm not sure what you mean by delusion. I only know the truth...
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iamconfused
Happily insane since '06
Registered: 03/14/06
Posts: 588
Last seen: 3 months, 13 days
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: MOTH]
#9390054 - 12/08/08 05:14 AM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
I'm not sure what you mean by delusion. I only know the truth...
Well my version of the truth is that I'm here on a special mission to uncover the mystery of existence (which I only halfheartedly believe at the moment, but it's subject to change). What's your version of the truth?
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it stars saddam
Satan
Registered: 05/20/05
Posts: 15,556
Loc: Spahn Ranch
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: iamconfused]
#9390180 - 12/08/08 06:34 AM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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Look into the concept of the "hero's journey."
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MisterMuscaria
Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,371
Loc: Colorado 
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: it stars saddam]
#9390186 - 12/08/08 06:40 AM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
it stars saddam said:
Look into the concept of the "hero's journey."
In one of the few dreams Ive ever had where I remember reading a book and reading the word's on the page the book was entitled "the hero's journey".
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boner soup
Multiple Personalities
Registered: 09/08/08
Posts: 13,918
Loc: Loc: Loc: Loc: Loc:
Last seen: 10 months, 12 days
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: MisterMuscaria]
#9390285 - 12/08/08 07:32 AM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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One time out of nowhere I started thinking all my friends were out to get me and they were all fucking me over some how. It was the day before we were all going up the mountains (best time of my life). I thought I was literally losing my mind. I was buggin out. It sucked.
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iamconfused
Happily insane since '06
Registered: 03/14/06
Posts: 588
Last seen: 3 months, 13 days
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: boner soup]
#9392613 - 12/08/08 04:34 PM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Look into the concept of the "hero's journey."
So, I do have a grand purpose, which can be paralleled with the life of Jesus or Buddha? Could it be that we all have our own hero's journey awaiting for us to accept it?
Here's some more weird synchronizations in my life: a couple of my months ago, my ex-girlfriend met a guy at work who we started hanging out. Now, this guy and his girlfriend live together and had a very dysfunctional relationship. In fact, it made see dysfunctional parallels within my relationship at the time with my ex-girlfriend. I started to understand our relationship was not good. Anyway, eventually, they got in a fight one night, and we ended up taking his girlfriend (who I will now call Ms. X out of convenience) to one of her friend's houses, which was the end of their relationship.
Right after that, Ms. X started hanging out at some guy's apartment, and would ask my ex-girlfriend for rides. Soon enough, my ex-girlfriend was hanging out there and smoking weed. About a week after that all started, she left me for another guy living in that apartment. I could tell by her attitude that something was up before that.
So, I made plans to get my own apartment. Awkwardly enough, it was in the same complex my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend was living in, but it was a small town without a lot of options. Then, the day before I was going to the sign the lease with a friend of mine, my car broke down. Fixing it at all ate my savings up. Then, the very next day, my job closed without notice, literally when I was within minutes of signing the lease. I had to move back to my dad's.
I had broken up with my ex-girlfriend before, but I'd never been able to stay away for long. I couldn't admit that our relationship wasn't good for me. It's like fate forced us to break up, because more subtle approaches weren't working. Since then, I've found my creative, knowledge seeking ways again, which has lead to a whole bunch of other coincidences. It just trips me out to think about it.
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EternalCowabunga
Small sassy black girl
Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 5,204
Loc: Ontario, Canada 
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: iamconfused]
#9392873 - 12/08/08 05:12 PM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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Delusions that i've had in the past that I had believed in 100% at some time:
1. Delusion that I was meant to save the human race ala Jesus Christ, performing healing miracles. I believed that I could heal people's trauma's with my mind. I believed that I could see the origin of people's traumas and heal that source of pain.
2. Believing that I was in contact with aliens. I would hear messages on the radio like "everyone must get ready, love is the only way" and believed that messages on bilboards and other media were preparing me for alien contact
3. Believed that dissociative drugs such as DXM could be used as keys to reach higher dimensions. For example, if I used DXM I believed it was possible that a person in my life would then reveal to me that "I had passed this stage of my life" and I would be transported to a new world to continue learning things for my soul
4. Believed that the media was preparing me for 2012 by releasing apocalyptic movies
5. At the peak of a psychotic episode in which I felt a presence pushing me to walk in front of fast-moving cars, I had the idea that If I killed myself I would be rewarded in the afterlife and that I was meant to kill myself that night because I had finished what I came here to do
6. Believed that the Illuminati were listening to my phone conversations and were following me when I started making plans to fuck up cell phone towers
7. On LSD, I had the delusion that this life was a kind of limbo between heaven and hell and that certain things (for example, Salvia) brought you closer to hell and other things (mushrooms) brought you closer to heaven, and I had the idea that the Reptilian brain was the root of all Evil and people are controlled by advertising and media by their reptilian brain
That last one may not really be a delusion, but more like a grasping of some half-truth
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aiyobro
Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 10,838
Loc: Outer Space
Last seen: 6 days, 14 hours
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: EternalCowabunga]
#9395664 - 12/08/08 11:57 PM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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ok ill try to follow that up
im under suspicion of impending doom, ive had three memories that other people wont recall (well one person said that in the memory) and they all outline what is going on right now as things seems to unfold i went to see people about it but they didnt help and days later it was almost as if i should have seen the "no one beleived him, everyone thought he was crazy, its a very unlikely chance yada yada yada weird occurences of telepathy, teh temptatious drugz stuff like that.
now im basically waiting to be a scape goat if i dont do anything before my untimely def'
I hope my time here aint up yet
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Education and Recovery Based Sentencing
http://www.petitiononline.com/LERA/petition.html
Patient Right
www.viennadeclaration.com
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axl
Stranger
Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 94
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: aiyobro]
#9395882 - 12/09/08 12:22 AM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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I believe I am a famous celebrity, and many years from now when the population is out of control, all of us will be famous since so many details of our lives are documented by cameras and other things.
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Kickle
A Dying Hope
Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 13,170
Last seen: 10 minutes, 53 seconds
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: axl]
#9403102 - 12/10/08 12:11 AM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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In the face of opposition, I believe that humans, every last one of us, is good. I think that could be considered a delusion.
I've also had experiences where the physical world was breaking all the normal rules, and my mind was creating a story around it at pace. Always under the influence of a psychedelic.
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TreeMoss
I live in a Fox Hole
Registered: 12/05/08
Posts: 1,615
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: Kickle]
#9413809 - 12/11/08 06:15 PM (4 years, 6 months ago) |
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I have a delusion that my life is "real" and "permanent" when the only thing that is real and permanent is death.
That I to was being watched by unseen forces that were intimately linked to my imagination but not 100% mine nor fabricated, only our relationship was fabricated.
That a friend of mine dabbled with the Italian Mafia and bugged my living room thinking I was seeing his girlfriend (romantically, sexually).
That his Gay lover could hook me up with more advanced minds than myself and introduce me to a secret advanced understanding of human potential that formed out of MK Ultra and that he was retired from the US Intel community. That Shaman have a purpose and that the US Government uses them to further their never ending desire to be overly dominating of any view that opposes their own.
Oh, and delusions that I would make a fine husband and have children; have a job and that the Court systems give minimum sentences and that my religious drug use has value or weight over the misconception that is ONLY AND ALWAYS ABUSE!
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Drug chemicals are going to be more abundant and survive longer than any anti-drug agendas. Some of us are just ahead of the game, we already know what the future will understand. Drugs weren't bad but how some people used them were and some people just were bad because they had to be.
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as above so below
dmt psychonaut
Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 53
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: iamconfused]
#11194416 - 10/06/09 05:09 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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indeed friend , it seems at times its always the most brilliant among us with genuine ideas that are not accepted by mainstream society. A problem cannot be solved by the same pattern of thought which created it. You are not alone, the seekers are here you just need to find them and not worry about the others. They will catch on soon enough. Enjoyed reading the piece. 
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I believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown.
Email : peruvian_torch@hushmail.com
www.myspace.com/dmttryps
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as above so below
dmt psychonaut
Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 53
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: Kickle]
#11194460 - 10/06/09 05:16 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Humans are the real deal. We are powerful divine beings of God. Its this life experience that shapes this delusion. We have cut ourselves short of what we are truly capable of. We believe that we are machines who's soul purpose to is make things , buy things and sell things. We have forgotten about the power within us that transcends all, we have overlooked the fundamental nature of our being and how precious we are while filling our minds with worry and heartache from situations brought forth from this grand illusion of a single diluted experience of an infinite being...
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I believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown.
Email : peruvian_torch@hushmail.com
www.myspace.com/dmttryps
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as above so below
dmt psychonaut
Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 53
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: iamconfused]
#11194543 - 10/06/09 05:27 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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i believe that those who think outside of the box and question the norm are more susceptible to nonacceptance to the mainstream and that is usually the factor that makes us question ourselves , our ideas , our very existence , and ultimately leading to delusions within our own minds. Its easy to follow the heard , but its more rewarding to create genuine perspectives of things that never were right in the first place. Social norms are what keep us down and stuck. Yet stepping outside the norms will bring forth alot of resistance by the majority. Its something you take on your shoulders when you step outside of the norm , you gotta accept not being accepted, you gotta accept majority opposition , and you gotta believe in what you have to offer humanity. I salute those who step outside of the norm and propose different ways of thinking!
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I believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown.
Email : peruvian_torch@hushmail.com
www.myspace.com/dmttryps
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walkingeyeball
Dreamer
Registered: 09/14/09
Posts: 236
Loc: SLC, UT
Last seen: 5 months, 11 days
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: iamconfused]
#11200286 - 10/07/09 02:25 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Wow, delusional?! You're not crazy, you're perfectly sane  Synchronizations are the keys to understanding that whatever you are doing, you are doing it right. If you continue on this path, I'm sure even crazier things will start to happen to you. (:
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"We come from the stars
We have no ships
We travel from mind to mind
As you open your heart
We enter your body
As you open your heart
We enter your imagination
As you open your heart
We enter your dreams "
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blewmeanie
Sativa Cyborg
Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 28,512
Loc: Jacksonville FL
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: iamconfused]
#11212821 - 10/09/09 03:55 AM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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When I was a kid...say around 6 or 7, I couldn't understand why I couldn't shift my immediate perspective from my own body to the body of others. I just couldn't intellectually grasp the separation between myself as an individual and the rest of the world. I remember spending weeks puzzling it over trying to figure out what the problem was.
As it turns out, the ego isn't a fully developed process until sometime in the early to mid teen years, it's something that slowly manifests over time.
Anyway, I don't really think of it as a delusion, just a neat experience I had as a kid. It's definitely something that will always stick with me.
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aiyobro
Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 10,838
Loc: Outer Space
Last seen: 6 days, 14 hours
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: blewmeanie]
#11216936 - 10/09/09 08:00 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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word i feel you i remember any time i tried anything id get so nervous seconds later id be in the middle of something
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Education and Recovery Based Sentencing
http://www.petitiononline.com/LERA/petition.html
Patient Right
www.viennadeclaration.com
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MisterMuscaria
Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,371
Loc: Colorado
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: blewmeanie]
#11217014 - 10/09/09 08:24 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
blewmeanie said:
When I was a kid...say around 6 or 7, I couldn't understand why I couldn't shift my immediate perspective from my own body to the body of others. I just couldn't intellectually grasp the separation between myself as an individual and the rest of the world. I remember spending weeks puzzling it over trying to figure out what the problem was.
As it turns out, the ego isn't a fully developed process until sometime in the early to mid teen years, it's something that slowly manifests over time.
Anyway, I don't really think of it as a delusion, just a neat experience I had as a kid. It's definitely something that will always stick with me.
I had an experience on salvia where I thought I shifted my immediate perspective from my body to the body of others. Apparently this is quite common on salvia.
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Buben
Hobbyist
Registered: 07/25/08
Posts: 433
Last seen: 5 months, 28 days
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Re: Crazy thoughts (share your delusions)... [Re: MisterMuscaria]
#11217295 - 10/09/09 09:27 PM (3 years, 8 months ago) |
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I have a memory of me one or two years old (!) being in my crib seeing an angel above me.
I know it's just crap since I can not remember anything else about myself when I was younger then seven.
Also that angel was typical cartoonish thing you see everywhere, you know small fat kid with wings.
It is nothing I think about, but it is still weird how something can feel like a real memory.
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My blog with thoughts I get.
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Drugs are paradoxical, you think you can solve all the worlds problems with philosophy, but if you drop a coin you will never fucking find it.
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