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ck10n3
Imagine

Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 348
Loc: Here, now.
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

#6079421 - 09/19/06 09:00 PM (6 years, 8 months ago)

This experience has been a catalyst of self-exploration for me religiously, spiritually, and educationally. It all started like this. Bart and I were hanging out one night and decided to shroom. We had not hung out very often and this was going to be his first trip. I thought it would just be a recreational trip, but it turned out otherwise. We went and picked them up and took them at the dorms. I consumed about two grams dried cubes. I had not eaten much the two days previously, maybe a sandwich and a few snacks.

The dorms are hell. They always had cops patrol every few hours and the rooms were very small, 9x13. With two lofted beds, a futon under one and a tv/refrigerator under the other, there is hardly any room. Well we were just sitting in his room and playing video games. He was having a blast but I started to feel very uncomfortable in these surroundings.

I started hyperventilating and just having a sort of panic attack. So I stood up and tried to breath slowly but I couldn’t get into the "everything is alright" mindset. I told him I had to go to my room to calm down, being where I felt at home most in this college town, so I just left. I got into my room but I kept wigging out. I didn’t know what to do. I knew that meditation was supposed to calm one down and at this point I was ready to try anything. I sat on the futon in a meditative posture, not quite sure which it might be called. I just tried to sit with my back as straight as possible with my legs crossed Indian style. I closed my eyes, and went somewhere else. I remember feeling as if I was in control of my breath, it had become a voluntary action, I had to think about breathing or I would not. It scared me immensely. My heart felt as if it were going to explode. I was within my mind. It was pure nothingness and I felt like I was dieing. I felt terrible that my mom and family would find out I died from having a heart attack or something from drugs. It was inevitable though. I knew I was fleeing from myself. I died.

I was just in the middle of nothingness, it wasn’t black or any color, it was like when your eyes are closed just nothingness and it was infinite. I knew I was dieing because I knew this was what life was at its deepest point. I was seeing everything that has been and that ever will be. I was not I then, there was no I. It really seemed like my life flashed before my eyes at that instant and I saw my entire life. All the things I had ever done, all the things I had ever learned, and it all culminated into what I was at that exact time.

I considered myself to be an atheist before this experience, but I experienced what religions call God. I then had a revelation about religions and how all of them are similar with a main person who usually helps out other people and tries to teach everyone "the way" to reach heaven or nirvana or whatever path it was to a transcendental being. It all made sense. Everything in life made sense and I had no regrets or doubts. I let myself go, die, because I knew this was right. It was the most righteous thing I have ever done.

I was in nothingness and my being was expanded infinitely everywhere, I became one with it all. I had this weird image of outer-space around me I could see it all. All was nothing and I was nothing thus I was all. Once I let myself go I realized this. That I was one with everything and all things are interconnected. I saw in this nothingness that all things are infinite. I saw this nothingness as the make up of all existence. This nothingness built upon itself to form what we perceive as the real world. One thing I picked up while going through this was that these were all just images in my head that I understood. If I tried to think a thought, in words, it would totally feel like this feeling of enlightenment, what I want to call this experience, would go away. I saw this because when I would use a word to say something I was automatically bringing up other memories associated with a word or a feeling that was brought up with it, this made it impossible to let things into my head freely and taught me how inadequate talking orally really can be. It is a distraction from being one with everything, and the stillness of the mind. I was learning so much from this that I wanted it to never stop. I ceased all thinking and let it come to me. When I started having strange dream like hallucinations, CEVs.

I looked around and I was lying in an endless meadow of healthy short green grass covered in leaves. There was one gigantic tree in the distance where all the leaves were coming from. I sat here and I was happy. And I was just sitting there with the breeze blowing leaves around me. It was one of the most relaxing and most vivid things I have ever had while tripping. Even though it was a CEV it felt like I was there. All my sense were responding to my surroundings. I felt and heard the leaves crumple beneath me when I moved. I felt the wind tingle the hairs on my body. I was there. It was almost like from a movie or something but I was there.

But I spun around for some reason and I was sitting on top of a large pyramid/temple type structure over looking what I understood to be Egypt. I had become a pharaoh or some sort of nobility. There were all these women around me with palm leaves fanning me off and I understood that them to be my concubines. It all seemed very wrong though because of the fact that I was in charge of so many people and they were all living in such terrible conditions while I lived such a lavish life. I realized it was selfish of me to hold so much power and have people consider me a sort of god when I knew I wasn’t, so I left that too. So I left that era and ended up feeling really sick of myself for treating all those people so badly and using everything to my advantage.

I went back into nothingness without anymore of these dream type things.

The whole nothingness experience was the most amazing ecstasy I have ever felt, I was in the moment, and I was being without thinking about past or future. I was completely submerged in life. That is what I saw. And I wanted to share it with everyone I knew. I started to think again about how I had died, which would have been okay at that time because I realized death was just ceasing to think, it was becoming one with everything, there was a very fine line between really living and not "living". Death was just the other side of life, it was not bad it was not good, it was just... as it was. But again, I felt there was a reason I could not let myself go yet. It was because I wanted to share this with everyone I knew, I didn’t want to be greedy with this ultimate loving abyss of the truth I had discovered. I wanted to somehow come back into "reality" and share this with the world. That is when I had another revelation about religion. So this is where it starts to go a little crazy but bare with me.

I saw that in all religions there was a leader, a guru, one who had seen the light at least, and I felt like I had seen what life was about. I felt like I knew the truth, and I wanted to share this.

I also saw that by truly knowing something it would occur. The most extreme example of confidence if you will, knowing without a single doubt, one could do anything. This is almost impossible for humans though because of the doubts we have created and the way we have categorized things. We have gone down the wrong path, and today’s world is so far from what it should be. By using language and placing things in categories we see things as separate now. Language is so inadequate. Nothing is separate. Everything is the same thing. Evolving with orally communicated language has led us down a harsh road. This is where I want to say I believe that telepathically communicating would be one of the best things humans could come to in correlation with the enlightenment of all. We would feel what others felt and know what they thought. We would all be as one. But when the minutest doubt comes into play we are not able to do any of these things.

I went into another CEV, but all of these CEVs I was having seemed totally real to me. I didn’t understand they were not until my trip was over, and still I am not so sure if they were not real. What is reality though? That is for a different post. Back into the CEV world.

In this CEV I was sort of just sitting in my room again and it seemed like I could see with my eyes closed. I was just sitting in my room by myself like I had been when I first sat down on the futon earlier. Everything was the same and there were no outlandish things happening in my room. I did hear some unfamiliar noises that I usually didn’t hear, like a fan, and some people talking outside my dorm room door but it was nothing out of the ordinary. I thought I had come back with some sort of power given to me to spread the knowledge I had attained.

The TV flickered on all of a sudden and it started scrolling through all these channels. It stopped on a news channel. The news caster seemed extremely bewildered. She was saying how there were terrible natural disasters going on all over the world. I assumed this was the apocalypse. There were all these panned images in the top of the TV screen of volcanoes going off in different areas, earthquakes, lightning everywhere and even the studio the news caster was in was shaking because the camera was going wild, and outside my dorm room I heard a gigantic storm of lightning and thunder so loud it hurt my ears. So pretty much I saw the world ending before my eyes and it was because when I had left the point of enlightenment I had seen myself coming back as a god who would be able to just show everyone this by willing it. I started to get very nervous because this was my fault. I could not control the power yet. I got angry at the news reporter, the only other person I could take it out on, and accidentally killed her as I watched TV she just died. I did not mean for this to happen, but it seemed like all the things I was supposed to do were backfiring immensely as I could not control any of it. The slightest change in my emotion or feelings caused the most dramatic changes in the entire world. I had to stop this and I told God who was myself that I did not want these powers yet.

I wanted to share the knowledge still, but in a different way.

I woke up again and I was in my room. I was actually in my room though, not in a trip, and Bart was standing there saying, "Dude, are you okay? You have been passed out for like 2 or 3 hours, but I could tell you were alive because your eyes were REMing like none other." and I just couldn’t talk because I still had that vision in my head that I wanted to share and talking interrupted my train of no thought.

I didn’t know how I could share with him the truth I had seen without speaking. I just grabbed his hand and tried to telepathically send it to him. My friend Max ended up running in the door all the way from downtown because he had heard I was having a really bad trip and Bart had gotten worried. And it was great to see him because I knew he was looking out for me. Well I knew I had to tell Max too so he sat down next to me talking to me and trying to comfort me. I held his hand too. I just tried to radiate my experience to them by knowing that they would know. I don’t know why I had to touch them but I felt I was transferring some sort of energy. I felt like they were going to be my disciples and they would realize what I had seen. You don’t understand, if everyone in the world could have experienced this same thing it would have set the world into a new era. There is no way people could have a war, no one would be greedy, everyone would see each other as equal and love the world, because this knowledge or enlightenment was what human’s greatest achievement would be.

It would be the unity of all humans and love for everything. With the unity of humans together it would also be unity with the animals and Earth itself. So I hoped that by telling Max and Bart this they would see the light. Then they would know how to transfer the ideas to other people and it would spread exponentially, because by seeing what I had seen it would have made everyone want to share it with everyone else.

I went back under into another CEV trip like sedation I guess, and I was holding Max’s hand and it felt like eternity. There was a being next to me and at first it was Max. And I was still trying to transfer the energy to him. Slowly it felt like I had been sitting there for hundreds of years and time was flying by infinitely. Everything around me corroded and his body just decomposed next to me and fell into itself. It freaked me out something terrible because I had just traveled through the future if you will. I would have been the only being alive and I wouldn’t have shared it with anyone. Rather I would have pretty much stopped human existence. I didn’t like that one bit so I turned back time I guess and he came back to life filling back up and what not everything was how it was. Then I got kind of greedy and I guess I fell real deep into a dream because he became a girl and I thought if I was a god I might as well take advantage of my powers.

I turned Max into this girl I had really liked at the time and tried to have sex with her. I got totally greedy and the ego I had done so well to clear out of my head came back and ruined everything. I felt weird though because I knew I changed Max into this girl, but I was nervous to try anything because if I was actually just tripping I would be trying to get on top of Max.

So I woke up again, not in a trip, and no one was even there anymore.

I talked to Max a few days later thinking I had tried to hook up with him, but he said he had left and that never happened.

I called Bart because I didn’t know what was going on, I had just gone through all of that and I didn’t know if I was in reality anymore, it was around 5 am and I really needed someone to talk to. Bart came down and wasn’t tripping anymore but I was still going. I told him I really needed to see people so I could share with them what I had seen. So it ended up being like 5 of us sitting around in my room and me explaining all of that to them. I felt like I was just radiating this energy and I really hoped it would work.

Well it didn’t work obviously or else the world would be changed, but I talked to some people later. Bart said he felt nothing. Parker said he felt this weird tingling like his hair was raised on the back of his neck. Max said he knew I was trying to tell him something and he knew I was concentrating really hard on something.

But one thing I saw when I was doing this was that every person has a mental block up. As I was trying to feed them this experience through my mind to theirs they just would not accept it. People were afraid of this. You know, this is not supposed to happen kind of thing from a fantasy. And to be able to allow the experience to happen within themselves they would have to die the same way I did before first seeing this, which I am not going to lie was one of the scariest moments of my life. I forgot to mention that when I died I had to actually let go of everything, my life, my friends and family, my memories, the things I thought I loved, and let it all go. I thought I was going to be nothing.

I was nothing but it was as I had said ecstasy and transcendental. Well dieing to most people is not the easiest thing to accept even though you die mentally with a new mind born anew, this isn’t very clear. So that was my consensus after trying to reach all these people. Some I felt like I could get into more than others, those who were a little more spiritually inclined and more into thinking about life rather than the distractions today’s world is giving us. Today’s world is hard to give up. Materialism is hard to let go of, your stuff is hard to leave, and so most people cant understand this. So I couldn’t share that with those people.

So I realized people have to experience this on their own accord, there is no way I can do it for them which made me sad. A few times since this trip I feel this intense light come over me. I feel like I am going to die again but I cant let go for some reason. I do feel like if I let go again I might have even more control this time with sharing my thoughts. Because we have had some weird things happen with me kind of telepathically communicating with some friends. Its while we are tripping though and I don’t like to call it telepathically, because it sounds so sci-fi channel but it’s like putting my experiences, feelings, emotions, thoughts in someone else’s head without talking. It’s weird. But yeah that was my intense trip and I know I left a lot of small details out and some things were a little mixed up but that’s it. I try and share it with people I think will listen and see what they think about it. It really gives me insight on to what I should do with this; I feel it is a calling or something. I don’t think I am special. I just believe I might be able to produce a catalyst within other people. I feel I am God, but I feel that every other person is God too. We are all God, and we are united.

I forgot to mention a weird idea I had and maybe what contributed to my thinking I was supposed to be the new savior. My name is Christian. I am half Korean. My dad passed away when I was very young so I do not know anything about Korean culture, but when I was a baby they had a shaman do a ritual to choose my name and bless me. They chose my name to be Jesus, obviously in Korean though. I just remember thinking that sometime during the trip as a sign. I saw lots of signs and things pointing me to this when I saw my life and things I had learn culminate together.

That’s just when I start to feel a little insane though, they send you to mental asylums for thinking you can change the world. I want to do this though. I want to share this with everyone, and I want the world to be as one.

"Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try, Nowhere below us, Above only sky, Imagine all the people
Living for today...

”Imagine there's no countries, It isn't hard to do, Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too, Imagine all the people, Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer, But I'm not the only one, I hope someday you'll join us, And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can, No need for greed or hunger, A brotherhood of man, Imagine all the people, Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer, But I'm not the only one, I hope someday you'll join us, And the world will be as one"

--- [Edit] ---

I just remembered tonight the end of this trip I told myself I would not be ready to experience this for a while. So I could be ready to "handle" the situation in the correct way (remember how I had lost control).

This makes a lot of sense to explain what has been happening. I have been having panic attacks that feel as if they are going to invoke this experience again while intoxicated on 'y' substances. It feels like it is trying to force itself upon me, but I won't let it come on. I am very scared of releasing my attachments again.

I am starting to take yoga and meditation classes. I will be ready soon. I have been feeling this disattachment from things I "know" that has just started recently and become ever so slowly more prevalent. I will look at a word and just think about how wierd it looks and I have no idea what it means. Last night I was studying for an Ethics Midterm and I read the word "true" multiple times with no idea what it meant. I knew the disattachment was imposing itself slightly so I shook it off and told it I wasn't ready. Another sober day I was sitting around and I completely forgot of all the experiences I had with my roommates, my bestfriends, and couldn't remember what separated them from any other people.

I soon think I will be ready if I continue on my current path. I think many people feel this. The awakening if you believe in such a thing.

--- [/Edit] ---

-cK

--------------------
"You must be the change you want to see in the world." - The trip of a Life Time.

Indra's Net - There is an endless net of threads throughout the universe. The horizontal threads are in space. The vertical threads in time. At every crossing of threads there is an individual. And every individual is a crystal bead. The great light of absolute being illuminates and penetrates every crystal being, And every crystal being reflects not only the light from every other crystal in the net, But also every reflection of every reflection throughout the universe.

-cK

Edited by ck10n3 (12/28/06 02:48 AM)

Post Extras:

Clean
the lense

Registered: 05/11/03
Posts: 2,355

Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: ck10n3]
#6080388 - 09/19/06 11:45 PM (6 years, 8 months ago)

...

mushrooms are great.

I'm inspired you offer you my thoughts on your trip report and a little friendly advice too...

Quote:

That’s just when I start to feel a little insane though, they send you to mental asylums for thinking you can change the world. I want to do this though. I want to share this with everyone, and I want the world to be as one.

As someone who is increasingly conscious and aware of your true self, you're right. Share too much with the wrong person and you may find yourself dealing with white coats who want to lock you away and drug you in order to "help" you. Really they want to help themselves to stay in their comfortable slumber, because you are a direct threat to the structural integrity of their ego. Thus, you are also a threat to the societal systems which play on the ego using fear. Turns out almost every system we've been raised to take for granted operates and is sustained in this manner.

Keep your guards up and fear not! In talking about your experiences remember the lessons of the pharaoh and his concubines, and the TV newscaster. Throw too much ego into the mix and your asking for trouble.
You cannot be anyone else's "Saviour" in the manner that you refer to, but you can point them towards the path. Often this is accomplished in ways so subtle it's not even a conscious thing. Don't try to be the next Jesus Christ**

Just be!

Your deep want to share this experience with others in your life is understandable. Don't forget that one must be ready in order to receive the truth as it is intended. If they are not ready, the mental blocks you spoke of act more like mental food-processors making hummus out of your garbanzo beans. They take your entire transmission, grind it up, add some of their own ingredients, and they take away mental mush that is definitely not the same as the original ingredient which is now unrecognizable.

**(i say this as if we know even one thing resembling a fact about this alleged person..)

--------------------
With balance, there is progress.

Edited by Clean (09/20/06 12:10 AM)

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ck10n3
Imagine

Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 348
Loc: Here, now.
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months

Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: Clean]
#6080642 - 09/20/06 12:32 AM (6 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks for the reply, it means a lot, honestly.

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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman

Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,051
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 6 hours, 41 minutes

Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: ck10n3]
#6080723 - 09/20/06 12:47 AM (6 years, 8 months ago)

amazing post man.
your journy brought a flood of memorys back for me.
those moments of still understanding are amazing :tripping:

this past weekend me and my biddies where sittin and grilling around a fire in my back yard. i was the only one tripping. becaouse of this i became one of the most introspective trips of my life. at one point my dad came out and sat with us and as my feind and him talked i sat still and let my mind flow away with the cool sea breeze. i fragmented out across nothingness. became a million arching patters all at onse. all pulsing to an defening tone that runs through all of us. that tone. the center. the atractor. thats where you have to try to live.

keep up the good work :wink:

--------------------

Edited by notapillow (09/20/06 12:54 AM)

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ck10n3
Imagine

Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 348
Loc: Here, now.
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months

Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: Clean]
#6085529 - 09/21/06 06:17 AM (6 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

You cannot be anyone else's "Saviour" in the manner that you refer to, but you can point them towards the path. Often this is accomplished in ways so subtle it's not even a conscious thing. Don't try to be the next Jesus Christ**

Do you believe in telepathy?

If so, do you think it would be possible to share such experience, or even how I went about falling into this experience, with someone by using telepathy?

If so, the experience would take hold of the individual. If the individual understood then how I felt and felt this within their self they would thus share with others and the understanding would spread like wild fire. No?

Post Extras:

Clean
the lense

Registered: 05/11/03
Posts: 2,355

Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: ck10n3]
#6087539 - 09/21/06 07:37 PM (6 years, 8 months ago)

Agreed.. I think it's possible as long as the other person does not shut out the possibility, and is open and receptive. I've never experimented with this though.

--------------------
With balance, there is progress.

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niteowl
GrandPaw

Registered: 07/01/03
Posts: 16,291
Loc:

Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: ck10n3]
#6098284 - 09/25/06 01:45 PM (6 years, 8 months ago)

Best trip report I'v read in a LONG time.

:mushroom2:

--------------------
Live for the moment you are in nowDon't be bogged down by your pastDon't be afraid of what lies in your future

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zysin5
Stranger

Registered: 09/28/06
Posts: 2
Last seen: 6 years, 3 months

Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: niteowl]
#6113337 - 09/28/06 11:30 PM (6 years, 8 months ago)

Wow Great post!! Thanks for sharing those deep thoughts! I feel you! and I travel with you and hear you from within:) This is what I wrote while on a wild trip! I was at about level 3-4 while pondering this..

Karma, in the popular view, is often perceived as the bogey man of Eastern philosophy, as the stick that punishes
you for doing the wrong thing. In reality it is much simpler than that, and it carries no judgmental overtone at all.
Karma is simply reflectance. Reflectance is a property of the universe. Therefore, life reflects what you project.
This principle of reflectance or karma states that life reflects your beliefs, emotions and actions. The stronger these are, the more apparent it becomes that life is a mirror of whatever you project.
Whenever you change the way you view life, the universe, just like a mirror, reflects your new view of reality. This may not occur instantaneously as, often, circumstances do not allow the new reflection to immediately manifest. In this case, the new reality is held, like a pressure within the aura of your body's subtle magnetic field. You then walk around in life, surrounded by this magnetic potential, your "karmic pattern, " as it influences your circumstances to adapt into a form where the new reality will be able to manifest and operate. Reflectance, sooner or later, produces manifestation. Therefore, if you don't like something in your life, the most powerful way to change it is to discover how you have generated that reflection. Then change your point of view - the beliefs, viewpoints and energies that you put into your life - so that the reflection is changed. It's just like the law in physics: "For every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction." This law goes much deeper than just a law of mechanical motion. It is how the universe is designed at all levels. Reflectance is entirely automatic. There is no judge. No one looms over you, threatening retribution for imaginary sins. However, because this law of life is automatic, you have to be the one to initiate change. It will not come to you until you take the initiative, until you create the action so that there can be a reaction. If you seek more happiness from life, the mirror of life will shine more happiness back upon you, just as soon as you decide, within yourself, to become a happier person. Then it will reflect your new reality. Your power lies in how you respond to the circumstances which have been created in your life. Circumstances, within themselves, are inherently neutral. It is human judgment that assigns positive and negative values to those circumstances. It is a paradox of life that the challenges of difficult times can produce the most happiness in the end. Remember that if "bad" circumstances are affecting you, it is often not because of some "bad" way that you thought or behaved in the past, but because you planned your life so that it would present certain challenges. How you respond to those challenges is the whole point of the exercise. The strongest steel is that which is quenched from great heat and the most compassionate heart is that which has seen great suffering in the world. Your viewpoint is your response to the picture that life presents, and it is totally under your control. Your viewpoint determines what energies you will put into life and therefore what the mirror of life will reflect back.

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Feanor
Crafter of the Silmarils

Registered: 05/07/06
Posts: 1,546
Loc: Texas
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Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: zysin5]
#6117337 - 09/30/06 01:23 AM (6 years, 8 months ago)

That was a very good report, man! :thumbup:

Closed eye visuals are the best.
If everybody ate mushrooms, then the world would be a better place.

--------------------

May Terence McKenna Live Long

The DMT Chronicles

Edited by Feanor (09/30/06 01:23 AM)

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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!

Registered: 09/11/04
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Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: ck10n3]
#6121325 - 10/01/06 03:43 PM (6 years, 8 months ago)

lucid

--------------------

--------------------
Disclaimer!?

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ck10n3
Imagine

Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 348
Loc: Here, now.
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months

Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: zysin5]
#6128810 - 10/03/06 05:06 PM (6 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Therefore, if you don't like something in your life, the most powerful way to change it is to discover how you have generated that reflection.

I just got a panic attack last night, and I felt the 'state of being' start to come over me. It is so fucking scary to go into it though! I haven't let myself since the first time it happened. I can feel it coming sometimes, but I have just been to afraid...

How can I let go with/without all the anxiety?

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ck10n3
Imagine

Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 348
Loc: Here, now.
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months

Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: ck10n3]
#6381825 - 12/18/06 02:06 AM (6 years, 5 months ago)

I just re-read this. Thanks for all the replies and reads.

--

I can't even describe the way I fell into this with words. Saying that I was not thinking, was not even accurate. There is a totally different mindset and so much more to it than not thinking. I wonder how I can get back?

Does anyone have any advice about gaining that skill of nonactive activity?!? I have a 3 week winter break to really sit down and work on things. I would love some advice.

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MyInnerChild
EveryMum

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Posts: 1,099
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Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: ck10n3]
#6385244 - 12/19/06 04:17 AM (6 years, 5 months ago)

I believe you have something to share and you probably shared it with the people who are most ready to receive from you...on this site.
I don't believe that, assuming it is possible, communicating with thoughts alone will give the complete idea you want to give. Then again, words alone leave you feeling like something is missing right?
I hope you find your conduit through which you can feel you shared what you wanted to the way you want to. Like the other person said, not everyone wants or is able to receive the way you want them to. It has to be the right time for the specific individual to hear it. Maybe only one person was supposed to hear/be changed by it and that person is you!

I know someone who lost his father at a young age who tried to escape the pain of reality via acid and acid-rock music only to find something that could be called enlightenment instead but that was only after many many tries and when he eventually combined it with a lot of self-discipline like vegetarianism and reading Eastern thought via books like Sidartha and those by Carlos Casteneda (sp?).

Eventually he embraced the original religion of his fathers even though his father hadn't been very connected to it himself in his lifetime. He found a lot of opportunities to work on himself in a healthy way, grow and explore, give and teach in his new/old way of life while still holding a job and fathering a family. Mostly he learned and is still learning that no matter how much and because of how much he learned he sees how much there still is to learn about himself and what his purpose/goal to accomplish is in this world and how he interacts with others.
The best of everything to you.

--------------------

My inner child runs with scissors but plays nicely with others!

Sometimes the light's all shine'in on me,
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me,
What a looong strange trip it's been! ~ Truck'in

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chaospilot
Ming I

Registered: 06/29/05
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Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: niteowl]
#6392181 - 12/20/06 11:22 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

niteowl said:
Best trip report I'v read in a LONG time.

i have to agree, very good trip report. Hopefully you can learn to let yourself go again, and experience it again, and maybe coming out with even more insight than before.

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WScott
⍾ (´▽｀) ⍾

Registered: 07/31/05
Posts: 3,379
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Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: chaospilot]
#6413681 - 12/31/06 04:23 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

I don't mean to fill your head with megalomania (I think a lot of people that are into 'this stuff' think about it once and a while.. I know I have while tripping before), but the part..

" I had to stop this and I told God who was myself that I did not want these powers yet."

Seems like a paradox at first, but then the thought struck me that this is the same thing that Jesus was talking about in the Bible when he was saying that 'I and the Father are One', but later Jesus goes on to say (in the Bible.. which I am not claiming to be infallible.. not in the slightest) that 'Only the Father knows, who is heaven'. I believe that the reference is towards who will sit next to God on the right and left. This obviously, going by the Bible, creates a distinction between the two (God and Jesus).

I agree with what you say about all of us being 'God'.. all one consciousness. It is very hard to actually believe that though, due to doubt.

Aren't we all just earthly tools for God to experience itself? :laugh:

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Edited by WScott (12/31/06 04:24 PM)

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MyInnerChild
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Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: ck10n3]
#6434505 - 01/07/07 02:05 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

I don't know if anyone is looking at this thread any longer but I feel it's important to tell the person who said they feel panic attacks to have a trip sitter.
My trip sitter who has tripped but wasn't at the time kept saying reassuring non judgmental things to me as I needed them. I'd ask if something (freaky) was normal and he'd say, yes, normal, normal. He also advised me to go lie down when he saw I needed to. When he left the room I felt unsettled and when he returned I felt safe and protected. It was great.
It also helped to believe in a kind supportive god (as you understand him) before you start. The twelve steps programmes methods can really be applied here I feel.
Take care, be in a safe place, have a sitter and try lower doses.

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ck10n3
Imagine

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Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: MyInnerChild]
#6435278 - 01/07/07 06:34 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Aren't we all just earthly tools for God to experience itself?

Right on! We are just one aspect of Godliness... for it to be.

Man that sure is confusing me though. I just sat here for a good 5 minutes thinking of other stuff to write about and soooo many different ideas popped up in my head. It is all so interconnected that it is hard to point to one thing and describe it though. I think when you are enlightened you let everything be still, and when you do that you allow it all to enter you at once without categorizing things. This allows for clarity of nonthought, and understanding of things that are unspeakable. When we can use words to describe God we are only scraping at the surface of something much greater that cannot be "talked" about, but must be experienced.

---

To MyInnerChild:

I assume 2 grams to be low doses. It's not really about how strong the dose is or is not or how strong whatever I consume is. I tend to get this very awkward view of life, on occassion, when I do any substances now. I have this very distant feeling towards everything. Nothing matters, nothing can make me feel "at home", when I try to preoccupy the feelings with something I cannot find anything to pull myself out of it. It feels like some sort of depressing hole. I can usually work my way out of it.

It is like I have to climb back out though. It feels like a struggle. I even get the feeling, but not as strong, when I am sober. I can feel it coming on, but I just don't give it any attention and it goes away. The thing is it happens randomly.

I just have limited my intake of all drugs since this stuff started happening though even if it doesn't really plague me. Moderation is key, setting, and the people you are with. I totally agree.

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MyInnerChild
EveryMum

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Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: ck10n3]
#6435954 - 01/07/07 09:14 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

To the student of life:
I see that your dose is not the catalyst of your panic. Your first described experience that started this thread was so profound that I assumed wrongly that you always do a large amount. I'm glad you are aware of being with those who support you as you trip.
As for that depressed feeling. If you can let it pass and it goes away that's really great! There are many people who would LOVE to be able to do that but are completely buried in their depression. I'm a very 'up' kind of person but once a doc. put me on medication that let me understand a small modicum of what really depressed people feel (and didn't help me medically either).
If your negative feelings persist w/o lessening in frequency over an amount of time you set for yourself and keep track of on a calendar or doesn't dissipate quickly when ignored or comes more often I recommend that you seek standard phyc. assistance but only someone highly recommended. If you EVER feel suicidal PLEASE get help immediately even going to the emergency room if necessary.

Mum-type question: You getting enough sleep? College kids generally don't. B vitamins are sometimes used to help with mild depression if I'm not mistaken and they can't hurt you.
Hang in there. Practice thinking pos. thoughts when you're not feeling down so you can slip into that mode when you're feeling the negs. coming on.
This is all assuming there's nothing major going down in your life like an ill relative or a failing course at school.
Talk to someone you respect as a mentor who's knowledgeable about these things. I personally didn't find contemporaries helpful till I was about thirty so I don't recommend going to a contemporary no matter how together they are.
You have my support for whatever it's worth to you. I hope I've been helpful.

--------------------

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ck10n3
Imagine

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Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: MyInnerChild]
#6437072 - 01/08/07 02:21 AM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Oops, again a misunderstanding. I do not have a depression problem. I used to a few years back, but I am over that. It is all about how you view things, which is why I didn't understand those weird feelings that came up. It is very rare that I get those feelings.

I would love to be more energetic though.

I get a very inconsistent sleep pattern, which I have been trying to fix. I usually don't go to bed on average until 3AM and I usually don't wake up until 2PM at the earliest. Sometimes I get as little as 5 hours of sleep and on the weekends I get up to 16. I know I should be going with the circadian cycle, but it is very hard in college like you said.

Do you think more frequent daily meditation could help my sleep pattern, and possibly my energy levels?

Lately, I have been noticing very unsettling dreams and things I don't want to give thought to anymore. I wish to have dreams like a guy bug on these forums, spiritually enhancing dreams. I need to start practicing tibetan dream yoga. My subconscious is ridden with nasty stuff I don't want in my head anymore.

I also talked with a lot of older people this break. Some of them I talked with told me they were not afraid to die anymore. One in particular had a very special experience. Her mother died and a few days later she had a life altering dream. She came to be in this vast whitness. There were two black dots. One dot was her mother and the other was some sort of guardian or helper. Her mother told her that death was just a phase. She said she was going to be alright and not to worry or be sad any longer. This communication was sort of telepathic, there was no speaking involved just a feeling and knowingness. She awoke and I could tell she does not fear death anymore.

I could really feel the energy when she was talking to me and it was quite emotional. I explained to her I was going to be a religion major and how I wanted to help people understand things like this, that dieing was alright! I don't know if she felt anything special or not, but she said, "I think that is meant for you." It really touched me and I teared up a bit. I just take it as another signal pushing me towards my spirituality. (The fear of death is one of the basic building blocks of why things are going wrong in our world today.)

I also really point to the fact that she said she felt all that her mother was telling her without any speaking involved. It is sort of that higher level communication I was talking about in my post. I do not know how to do it, but I know that it exists. Maybe when you reach and merge with the oneness you are able to share with others that way. And although it was only a dream, I take this as a highly spiritual experience worthy of noting.

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MyInnerChild
EveryMum

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Re: The Trip of a Lifetime

[Re: ck10n3]
#6447203 - 01/11/07 12:50 AM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Good to hear that you're okay as far as depression goes.
Your sleep patterns sound like the kind all doctors don't recommend but that we all do for a while when we need to. I found that as soon as I was no longer in my teens I couldn't pull the all nighters or going on a few hours of sleep. Which reminds me, I'd better hit the sack myself or label myself hypocrite!
I once dreamed of my grandmother who was already in the next world over a year after her passing. I got a message that she loved me w/o words being exchanged.
I believe we can share feelings and energy like to take on someone else's pain for them but I don't believe we can exchange _words_ exactly. That's my opinion.

--------------------

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