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Quote: kaniz said: My most profound LSD trip. Posted it in trip reports awhile ago, I'll just copy/paste it into this thread. Note: very long. --------------------- I wasn’t initially planning on writing a trip report for this, as no amount of words – not even volumes of text could come close to portraying this experience for what it was. This expierence pretty much shattatered my ideas of what LSD can go, how far it can take you, what reality is an the concept of self – and blew it to pieces. I am mostly writing this to make sense of some details for myself.
For the visuals – I wont go into much about those. Its not that they were not present – they were there, in spades, simply the most amazing, beautiful, complex, mind blowing visuals I have ever seen – I had no concept that beauty like that could be created before me. However, at the same time – even though the visuals were like a cleansing of the soul to see – it was one of the least important / amazing aspects of the trip. I know understand what stemmer means by ‘visuals are not that important’.
The trip starts as the ‘trip that didn’t happen’. Initially, I was planning on dropping 2 hits of this LSD at a club to see some of my favorite DJs. However, once getting to the club, things just didn’t feel ‘right’. It was new blotter, I had 2 hits with me – no clue how strong it was except that ‘it’s supposed to be good’. My initial plan was to drop at around midnight/1am, so I could go for a hike in the morning after the party was over. However, I decided ‘something doesn’t feel right. Its too crowded, too pushy, too clausterphobic in here, and no place to sit if I needed to’, so I decided to spend the night sober, goto bed when I get home, and drop acid once I woke up and go for a hike – and let me tell you. I am *VERY* happy that I did this.
So, I wake up at around noon and get things ready – and decide to add a 3rd hit of LSD to the mix, thinking ‘maybe being in my hot pocket all night lowered the potency of my hits’ – I also grabbed some mushrooms (which I ended up not taking) in case the LSD ended up being weak and I wanted something to bump things up a notch.
Anyways, I ended up dropping at around 1pm, wait around my house for 30 mins, and then start walking towards some paths that I wanted to explore. I had gone for a hike there a few days before, so already had a good idea of the lay of the land and it wasn’t going to be forgin territory for me.
The LSD is starting to kick in more and more as I walk along – coming up strong but enjoyable. I was in an amazing mindset, looking forward to a ‘nice walk in the park’ – but totatly unprepared for the expierence I was in for. I arrive at a nice little cove that I had seen before, lay out a blanket, open up my bottle of water take a swig, then lay back and enjoyed the music. I was sounded by tree’s and grass and lush foliage and by a river – very pretty area.
This is when the LSD started to peak – and peak it did! The clouds started to look fantastic, like blobs of gas floating in the sky, the tree’s started to dance and form people, faces, patterns, grids, other worlds. As I sat there, I started to become aware of /every/ cell in my body – it was as if I could visualize and plot in 3D space every cell in me – and be aware of them, conscious of them – I had never been so aware of my entire being in my life.
On LSD, I have often gotten the feeling that I am ‘peaking towards something’ – a steady increase that you never quite reach. However, today – I peaked, I reached it – and it was amazing. While sitting there, I clutched onto my legs and curled up into a ball – the world around me turned into a blazing white and I could feel my energy vibrating through me – more and more intensly. Then, *BOOM* -- it exploded, it was as if every cell in me exploded and drifted into a sea of other particles – forming fractals and patterns, and I could see each cell of me drift along into this flowing river – I felt exhilarated. It wasn’t scary, it was intense – but amazing.
After this happened, I got up and moved to another location, and put on Richie Hawtin: DE9 – Transitions on my iPOD and moved to another location. This time, it was on a bit of a ‘beach’ overlooking a river. I unpacked my things again and sat there cross legged and upright – feeling the energy inside of me align. I started to take deep breaths and focus, and could feel my energy flowing around me. I was lost in the music, this CD is like a journey – if you listen to it from start to end, its like it takes you on a journey, tells you a message and helps you reflect upon your life. I sat there, over looking the water, I leaned forward and put my hands onto the ground. Then, thousands of little dots started to form before me – and swell up ‘into me’ – these dots ended up forming who I was, what I was, just this giant swell of energy. The CD I was listening to was starting to get ‘intense’ and ‘scary’ – I was close to turning it off, but realized “No, I need to listen to it”, I knew what part of the set it was at, and where it was going – so I waited it out, feeling all this energy build and swell inside of me. Bringing up fears, anxieties, doubts – and then, the tone of the set changed, and became relaxing, calm, peacefull – and all of these ‘dots’ that and formed me – flowed out from my hands, across the sand, into the water, upto the shore bank across from me and into the plants – and it was like they formed strings for the most amazing surrealist puppet show – I could control the world, reality was mine to toy with, to play with, I could control the visuals across from me as they were a part of me, they came from me.
Eventually, I leaned back and closed my eyes and enjoyed the CEVs – I don’t remember much of them, but one thing I do recall, is as DE9: Transitions comes to an end, it was like the visuals it formed formed into a little ‘thank you’ visual, like a closed box with a message on the front. But, this isn’t the ‘end’ of the set. Well, it’s the end of the CD version, but I was listening to the extended version – after this box closed up and showed its message, it opened up into a laughing face – and its like the entire set went into rewind like a little in-joke. At this point, I noticed a homeless person walk past me, he went into the distance for a bit, and then he came back, as he started to come back I packed up my items and resumed my walking.
At this point, the set starts with some vocals “are you happy with your life? Are you happy with who you are?” etc, etc – and it really made me start to question my own life. I Then reached down into my back pack and it started to talk about ‘posession make who you are, are you happy…’ as I looked at my cell phone, my wallet, all the things that are ‘me’ or connect me to the real world. Then, as I put my backpack back on, it said “Now make your choice, make a transition”, as I looked in one direction – I saw the homeless man, as I looked in the other direction – I saw the city, and it dawned on me at how easy it is to lose everything, and how little separates me from the homeless.
I start to wander up and down the paths, now and then people on bikes would startle me – I am glad I wasn’t in an area with roads and street traffic, as even trying to figure out if any bikes were heading my way was tricky enough, let alone trying to figure out traffic lights. Truth be told, I think I was ‘too far gone’ to be alone, but at the same time : I needed to be alone, I couldn’t of handled that experience with other people around me.
I wandered up the path a bit, and ended up walking under a bridge that the subway goes over – the rattling and clattering of the subway created the most unpleasant synthenasia, as it felt like pins were being thrust through my body – it was a neat sensation, but unpleasant, and not on I look to relive.
I wandered up this way a bit more, then turn back and start walking down the other route of the path, figuring I havnt explored south of here yet. So I start walking down, as I walk down, I see a cove that I think ‘wow, that would be nice to sit in for abit’, so I duck into it, and as I bend over to pull things out of my backpack, I see a bunch of used needles laying around – I quickly leave, and find it funny at how what I see as a ‘neat spot’, is a junkies spot to shoot up and leave their needles around. My nature is someone elses gutter.
I wander around for a bit more, and it starts to dawn on me the patterns that people follow,, and pretty much regardless of peoples age, status in life, money, gender, etc – have a ‘home base’ that they run out of. Homeless, children, whatever. I noticed this again when I walked though a petting zoo on my way home, watching kids run towards their parents, then run off and explore a bit, then run back to their parents. The homless do this, from their camps out where I was exploring (I Had stumbled across them the week or two before), to my own wanderings. For a business person, its from work to business to work to business, for students, school to home – its all the same, the same pattern, and very little divides us : just a bit of money, and maybe education
It was now about 5 hours into my trip and I decide to head home for a short bit. I pop into a corner store and grab a freezee and an ice drink and manage to pay for it easily enough. I get into my apartment, and on the way up the stairs I trip over a telephone cord – and I start to almost lose it. I panic, I don’t know what floor I’m on, what building I’m in, where my apartment is – everything looks strange and forgin, I start to panic. I find what I think is my floor, but it feels like I’m 10 feet tall in a 5ft tall hallway, I put my keys into the door – it works! But I’m still not convinced that its my apartment, I burst in : I don’t recognize ANYTHING, I panic, I run into the living room – and there my boyfriend is, sprawled out on the couch snoring. I’m home, but my mind is still racing, I’m still all flustered and confused. I sit down, open my drink, take a sip, open my freezee – eat a bit. I cant handle being in this room, its so small, cramped, dirty, cluttered.
I decide to take a shower and hop into the shower. I turn it on, and feel the water hitting my body – it feels like my body is ‘dripping’ off of me along with the water. I look at my hands and arms, I don’t see them, I see black with brightly coloured lines flowing over top and dripping down the drain. This almost makes me panic, but I get myself to calm down and relax and get amused by this sensation. I decide to turn off the bathroom lights for a bit and enjoy the isolation, I turn off the shower to and lay down in the bottom of the tub – helping myself relax and get back into a ‘good space’.
Shortly after, I get out, try off – and lay on the bed in my living room for a bit. The trip is still raging strong, but I’m starting to feel more and more ‘with it’ again, and decide to go back outside. It takes me a bit to re-gather all my items as I sort of ‘exploded’ into my apartment before – tossing stuff left right and center. But I manage to get everything back in order, and head out.
I wasn’t sure where I was going to go, and foolish me initially thought ‘oh, I only have an hour or two of my trip left, I don’t want to go far’, so I start to walk back towards the 1st park I spent my day at, but then I figured – screw it, I’m going to head out to High Park, so I back track and start to head towards the subway station. On the way there, I ran into a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in awhile,I told him I was on 3 hits of LSD and he cracks up laughing, we have a short conversation but I’m still feeling frayed and my stutter is even worse than normal, we part ways and I carry on, and it dawns on me how far gone I /still/ was.
I get up to the subway station and pay my fare and head down to wait for the next train, the tiles around me are throbbing and going into patterns and forming cities infront of my eyes. I look down towards the start of the tunnel and see the light from the next train starting to get reflected along the floor, it starts to look like a giant screaming head on the front of a train charging towards me with lights of energy flowing out from it. I get into the train (the real one, once it arrives :P), and find a spot to sit. I get lost looking at various posters on the train, looking at people and lost in thought.
At one point, this guy gets into the train – he bursts towards me and sits down next to me, he startles me so I jump up and move away and stand by the doors. I look towards him and notice he’s very disfigured and looking upset and scared. I start to feel bad for him, and how my reaction to him was possibly the worst reaction I could have had – he’s self conscious enough as is, and he sits down next to me and I burst out of my seat to get away from him. I wanted to apologize, to say sorry, to try and make him feel better – but I simply couldn’t.
I get to my stop and get off and head out of the subway station, I see an old lady at the foot of the stairs with a push cart yelling ‘look! Look! A strong man to help me!’, I find this comical, and head over towards her and help her lift her cart up the stairs – she beams me a smile and says thank you. It felt as if I got a bit of karma back for this after rudely reacting to the man in the subway station.
I start walking towards the park, and catch a glimpse of someone who looks cute in the distance, and its like my ‘hunter’ instinct kicked in and I turn down the street to tail him for a bit, it was just like a primal ‘mating instinct’ or something. It then dawns on me ‘isnt it kind of creepy to be following someone like this? And I have a boyfriend at home…’ I quickly turn back and stop the pursuit of this person. I then start thinking at how people react to things and how we run on impulse, but then how our ego/brains changes how we react. I start to notice this a lot in the people around me, catching them in moments of self doubt. Its like I could see the ‘impusle’ in them, and they about to react to it, then they think about it – and then how that alters their reaction. Its pretty much what I just did, I had the impulse to follow them, but then my ego kicked in and started to change how I reacted to that impulse.
I finally get to the park, and take off down a side dirt trail and star to explore. The world around me is alive, its like I’m walking through a forest of little elves – villages pop up around me, and entities are walking along the bridges, houses, pathways in these villages in the tree’s. It’s a comforting presence, not eerie or scary. Now and then I’d stop at various places to sit and think, the most amazing visuals would unfold before me – cities, towns,. Beautiful vistas. Its like I was thrust into a surrealist painting. If I was to over-hear someone else trying to describe what they saw (and never had seen it myself before), I’d be inclined to say that they were bullshitting and exaggerating the expierence. But, having seen it 1st hand – I almost still don’t belive it.
As I walk along, I start to remember back about how me and my father would go for long walks all the time. We’d go hiking, skiing, go for long walks in the forest – and how at those times, I’d let my imagination run wild in a world of fantasy like I am now. It then started to dawn on me : I don’t remember much of my one grandfather, but what I do remember is – we were always outside. We’d too also go for long walks, go cross country skiing, go hiking. These were all very fond memories, and I almost started to cry thinking about my grandfather I havnt ‘activly’ thought of him in a LONG time, and to think about him, and remember him – it started to bring up all sorts of emotions.
I then started to realize : my grandfather ‘imprinted’ these patterns of going for long walks onto my dad, and my dad has done the same to me – I love going for hikes, walks, exploring and being outdoors. It then started to strike me – I want to be able to do the same for someone else, for some other kid. Since I’m gay, and probably wont adopt, and no plans for kids – it made me think ‘I cant wait until my sister has children, so I can do this with them’.
I also started to reflect back on my parents, on my mom, and my dad, and what amazing people they are, and what good values and traits they instilled into me. I respect them greatly, and find that I am approaching them more and more the older I get. They did an amazing job at raising me, they have lived interesting lives, amazingly intelligent people, and I have the up most respect for them.
I then come across a big hill overlooking a pond with some houses / trees / forest on the other side, I lay down here for a bit, and decide to take off my walkman and enjoy the sounds around me – the kids playing, the birds chirping, nature, and the dull drone of the city in the distance. I spread out my hands on the ground and support myself, I start to feel a pulsing in the ground, and I start to feel energy flowing through my veins – it was as if I could feel the inside of my circulatory system. I look at the ground around me and see vein-like pathways start to cut through the grass – I can see the energy flowing out from me into the earth – I can feel the pulse of the world, I feel connected to everything.
An hour or two passes and I get up and start walking around some more, I get to the bottom of the park and see the lake in the distance, and decide “Why not walk home?”, I cross the street, walk towards the lake front, and then start to follow the shore towards home. I Must say, this is a LONG walk, according to google maps, it was about a 10K walk if you took roads, going along the lake which is jagged and not direct, I’d say it was quite a bit longer. I start to walk home, enjoying seeing people out, the scenery, the lake, the cool breeze. I feel relaxed, energized, alive : I have never felt more ‘alive’ in my life. It wasn’t speedy, it wasn’t pushy, it wasn’t harsh – it was just pure energy in my body.
I walked most of the way home (I hopped on a passing by street car for about 3 blocks as I was starting to get lost, so I took the streetcar to get me into a location that I recognized), and then made it home.
Once inside, my BF informs ‘I just did some mushrooms’. I go onto my computer and listen to music for a bit, and an ex of mine was on MSN and we got talking away and had a great conversation for about an hour. I then goto the living room and start having a long chat with my BF, sharing my thoughts, memories, future hopes, etc. He starts to play a set on his decks and I spend an hour or two dancing around my apartment – it dawns on me at how lucky I am to have him with me. We get along in so many ways, and hell : how many people have a boyfriend/girlfriend that trips with them, doesn’t mind doing drugs, is open to experimentation, and didn’t get pissy when I did 3 hits of LSD and went off for a 10 hour adventure without them, *laugh*.
I start to get restless for the outdoors again, and ask my BF if he wants to come for a walk again. We head back to the trails I explored earlier in the day as they are close to home, we end up walking along some abandoned railroad tracks – he got mesmerized by the planks passing underhim as he got lost in thoughts. Much of the walk we didn’t talk, but when we did talk – it was great. It was nice to have some company, and now I was ‘with it’ enough to be around other people. I really enjoyed the walk : I like walking in general, and was nice to have him with me.
After an hour or two, we came back home – from here on, nothing really noteworthy happened. We chatted a bit, listened to music, and at around 4:00am while still tripping a bit (more just ‘afterglow’ the main part of the trip had ended a few hours before) I went into bed, closed my eyes and fell into a restful sleep.
There is a lot more to this trip that happened, much of it is simply indescribable, other parts I still need to make sense of, other parts are just private and not for me to share. But all I can say is : I am in utter awe of this expierence.
I was expecting a nice ‘LSD trip and a walk in the park’, and not the most powerful, mind blowing, ego shattering psychedelic experience of my life.
Great post, from first reading about your experience feeling all the individual cells in your body- made me want to give acid another shot. That stuff makes me paranoid x 100. When I read the part of your trip going south, it sounded about right- and am going to stick to mushrooms.
Seems like you've gained a greater appreciation for your life, if you read this- I'm glad you did.