Quote:

---

I hope to speak to people here who wished for death in the past..

My experience is, that in depressing situations those same thoughts and feelings come back..

I've passed beyond the real doing of the suicide, but i still loop from very good to extremely bad... And it sucks like hell at times.. Maybe we're all a bit manic..
 

---

Yeah I can definately relate!

Over a period of about 6 years I tried to commit suicide several times (needing the charcoal treatment - hmm real fun  ) but i've been depressed for as long as I can remember....and that's a long fuckin' time LOL...


The only way as far as I have found to begin to be finally free of this lifelong painful and destructive mindset is to become completely aware of your thoughts, as you learn to do with methods like positive mindful meditation, cognitive therapy etc.


Once you begin to view your thinking from a detached observer point of view then you begin to see that much of your thinking is:

• false thoughts, due to poor esteem issues - it doesn't stand up to logic.
  
  Like am I in the cold light of reality as my friends & family see me this horrible person that I keep telling myself I am constantly etc etc??
  
  
  
• wasteful thoughts - constant worrying about what other people think about you, whether they are judging, commenting unfavourably etc.
  
  If you hold yourself to be worthy and OK enough as you are without anyone else's opinion, then what other people say doesn't matter. It can't affect you...and those same ppl are most likely going to be judging you thru their own dysfunction anyway as you now *know* you are a good person, despite what you might have thought in the past. So therefore what they think is also crap, you don't have to take it in. You've now got a CHOICE whether to believe them - and if it's gonna hurt you and its logically bullshit anyway , then you don't have to.
   
  
  
• Dwelling on the past - ha! done plenty of this LOL...If you don't let go of what happens in the past (considering it can never be changed anyway) you are still immobilised NOW in the pain of that past and you cannot look to the future with any possibility of happiness. That doesn't mean repress and forget it, but learn from what happened and let it go. (easier said than done I know hehe)Forgive yourself for stuff you've done and other shit that happened to you as being falliable and human...the product of people when they don't like themselves.
  

Invariably people treat you badly out of their own hangups...no one who was happy and content within themselves wants or needs to fuck another person over....everything they need they get from within...




A Russian proverb states:

"Stare too hard at the past
And you're blind in one eye.

But ignore it completely
And you're blind in both."



It's difficult in the beginning when you have never even attempted to control your thoughts, but you get to recognise the negative thoughts/obsessions etc for what they are - just fucked-up thinking. Then you can have a choice of what to think....hopefully putting some positive input into your mind (which will make it less likely that you will think the negative destructive thoughts as readily next time)

A constant process of being vigilant to what you are thinking, but no more whipping yourself when you slip up either LOL  It becomes more second nature the more you do it...suddenly you find yourself thinking 'like a happy person does'....and therefore feeling happier.



*Thinking>>creates all>>Feelings*




god i hope that made some sense to someone 



             

Quote:

---

Fliquid said:
They medicated me also. But i quit that shit, it removed all my feelings.. 

---

Quote:

---

Anonymous said:
I've lived with depression for over 25 years. It's time to die! I have no love or compassion for others. I pretty much hate all of you. no matter who you are. No matter how much you care or don't care. I'm selfish, Irresponsible, unloving and uncaring individual. I have no other reason for dying. I have a good job, a caring wife and children and loving parents. I own a house, a good car and am reasonably successful. I can do anything I put my mind to, I just don't have any reason to do it. No motivation to continue doing it. It's not the ability I lack but the motivation. I simply don't care.

I haven't cared about my wife, my kids or my parents in years. If they died tomorrow It would just be another event in a hopeless and fruitless life. I have defiled myself in word and deed long enough. I haven't the courage or the motivation to change.

Some of you may be thinking that this is a plea for help. It's not. I don't know any of you and therefor your words mean nothing to me. Even if I knew you, your words would mean nothing to me. That's the part that fulfills the unloving and uncaring individual.

I'm a guy who thinks he's smart but is an idiot. Thats to save you downlookers from from telling me something I don't already know.

I know for a fact that this action ends in hell. A worse and more terrifying place than I am in now, But I say why prolong the enevitable. A man who is condemned to this fate knows that he is condemned to it. Just as Judas understood that his action was eternally damning, So I too Know that I am eternally damned.

Paul was the vilest of sinners. He killed and tortured christians for a living before he converted and became a Christian and then paid for his early years by undergoing the same persecution that he administered, thus redeeming him To God. This is for those who think I don't understand redemption and would preach the gospel to me.

One has to love God before he can be redeemed, and I don't. How can one love God who hates himself. Suicide is the ultimate rejection of GOD's Grace and is done by the selfish individual who refuses to let God do it for him.

So why am I writting this? I don't know, I assume it's my statement of regret. My way of saying that I'm sorry for living. My way of saying I'm sorry that GOD wasted his precious time on my creation.

As far as this post goes, The best and fastest way to kill yourself without pain is asphyxiation, depriving the brain of oxygen while at the same time allowing yourself to breathe freely. A good dose of nitrous oxide available at your local automotive dealer will get you started followed by a constant stream of helium, available as a ballon filler and used with some tourch assembleies, available at anywhere tourches are in use, followed by a carbon monoxide drench, don't forget to take the catalytic converter off of your car and disable the oxygen sensors first. or if you have a car older than the 1979 no adjustments are necessary.

---

Anonymous that was rough to read. I hope I never feel like that. 

Quote:

---

drewhet said:
My suicidal thoughts feel like someone is squeezing my brain, its a physical sensation. I feel this when i'm overwhelmed with stress. Sometimes i become delusional and i beleive that i was destined to kill myself and there's no way out, its just a matter of time. During that phase i told myself "i dont want to kill myself, but there's nothing i can do". The real me, the one typing this note, vanishes. I become a different person when i start planning. Not depressed, but serious and driven.

I've begun meditating and have set up certain queues that keep me going. One queue is seeing a clock with a certain time on it. 11:11, 2:22, 3:33 etc or 1:23 4:32 etc. The times when i'm down the most and i glance at the clock i see one of these special times. It might be stupid, but it works for me. I've seen one of these times at least once a day for the past 3 or 4 years.

De ja vu tends to keep me going and it happens to me a lot (just happened while typing this).

---

Quote:

---

ahel said:
I had 2 serious attempts at suicide this past year, i was diagnosed as bipolar about a year ago and have been on and off medication for the past year, i could not escape that suicidal feeling. I found out my gf had been cheating on me with one of my "friends" and lying to me about it for a couple months, i hit rock bottom and attempted suicide again... this time what i did was put a plastic bag over my head, put a belt into a slip knot and nailed one end to the wall pretty high up, i hyperventilated myself then applied pressure to my neck so that i would pass out and theoretically fall and there would be no oxygen so i would not wake up from blacking out and i would just die... about a minute into suffocation i woke up realized what i would look like when my dad or sister found me, i realized i couldnt do that to them and i also came to the conclusion that yeah life sucks sometimes, but theres no point in not experiencing it no matter how bad it gets, the >100 years that your alive is not very long compared to the eternity elsewhere. When things get bad now, i just tell myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep my chin up. P.S I have also willfully discontinued all of my medication because i feel like i can control myself to the point where i do not have to get upset about shit. I have not thought about suicide since my attempt in early april. I believe that school may have been a contributing factor to my constant depression, I dropped out and got a GED and I will be attending college this year full tiem and also working a full time job. This year has been shit but its made a complete 180 in the past couple months... I'm still with the girl who cheated on me, and she still makes me feel like shit, but shes leaving for college in a few days and I hope thats the end of it.
My Older brother was diagnosed as HIV positive about 13 years ago, he has been near death for the past year, My mother was diagnosed with a very severe case of MS a couple years ago and has been in and out of hospitals since. My father has a humber of things wrong with him. None of the afore mentioned people are supposed to live much more then a couple years more. My mom was not a parent, she neglected both me and my sister in many ways, she was addicted to coke throughout her pregnancy with both me and my younger sister and was an alcoholic to boot, my sister was born with learning difficulties because of this. She tried to kill me when i was younger by forcing me to drink turpentine, she was removed from the house and full custody givin to my father. Now that she is dying, I am quite unsure of how i should feel about it. The only thing i have noticed since bouncing back from a horrible depression a few months ago is that my skin is very thick now and i am not very sympethetic for people, well my GF in particular.

---

I'm coming out of a massive slump over the summer and I still stumble back in and like the OP says I'm immediately in feeling like I should kill myself because my mind is bouncing my attention off of everything I hate in life all because of one event. I've found that this is true though, it's like I just don't get all wrapped up in other people's drama anymore. Wrapped up is maybe not the right word, but it's like I just don't have an emotional response to their situation. I care, but it's in a very general way. Maybe that's good

Quote:

---

johnB` said:
Depression to me is a term coined for feeling like shit.  Plain and simple.  You feel like shit at times and you feel great at times.  Never allow yourself to get too high or too low.  If you do, you notice the change from low to high, or high to low and over emphasize it into more than it is.  Find the middle ground in life and call it home.

And yes, life is all you've got.  It's so precious.

---

Quote:

---

shroomnymph said:
you guys ever feel like you dont belong here? i feel like i dont fit in with all those bullshit people running in circles over and over again.

i cant feel guilt anymore either. i can cheat and lie on/to the very few people i may "love"(dont really know what that even means) and not feel any guilt. around me all i feel is coldness, anonymous faces, dull streets...

the few things that give me a sense of satisfaction are music, art, and mushrooms. on mushrooms i can feel "happy". ive been high walking down the street feeling like i was on top of the world then very suddenly though i realized it was an illusion and i fell back into the hole.

this is why ive considered suicide, on one side i feel like i should try to work through these feelings and try to get better, but on the other side im wondering if i am stuck like this for the rest of my life.

also i feel like i should have a child before i die for some reason. im scared i will fuck it up though... i want to enlighten the child but i dont want to steal its happiness...

---

Quote:

---

Jake413 said:
quite simply i would like to die. i may pass on to another life, it cant be any worse than the one i have now. i have hit rock bottom, in fact i went thru the rock bottom to the mud under the rock.
i dont believe in god, there is nothing waiting on the other side. besides, if there was a heaven and hell, id rather go to hell because your god gave me this life and i would never want to spend eternity in a place with that dick.
with that aside. it is inevitable that i will die soon.
so here is my best way to kill yourself without pain.
take a bunch of sleeping pills and go swimming. youll be unconsious before you even know youre drowning.
ive already got my bottle of pills. im only waiting for the right time...

---

Quote:

---

You know life is just boring and not fun and exciting like you see on T.V.

---

Quote:

---

i been hugging the bible praying and talking to something that never answers me.

---

so then answer yourself and dig deep down in yourself and find the motivation to get your life on track. fuck what your parents are saying, there clearly not looking after you. it can be hard, but don't base your opinion of yourself from others, you have to believe you yourself are worth something. also if you hate living there, try to get a job and get your own place. otherwise you'll just have to deal with it for the time being. as for college, is it possible you can apply for the gi bill? as for that girl, if your still with her get some self respect and dump her. and just because you met a few girls that cheat doesn't automatically mean it's you, some people aren't just the committed type, you'll still find someone. for the weed and probation thing, that's only temporary and will pass.

your not alone in how you feel at all(look at the title of the thread) seeing how suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for people ages 15-24 in the u.s. many people hit bottom and want to die, and while many people actually go through with it most people get over it and become overall happy with their life, and you can too.

your only 21 man, compared to your age you have many more years ahead and they can be ones worth living if you want it too. but you'll have to put the past behind you, not take life so seriously and just accept sometimes shitty things happen. that's way easier said than done but it's worth the effort.

start going to the gym and working out, find some new activities you think you might like, do some meditation which helps distancing yourself from your thoughts and emotions, things will work out you just gotta be patient.

oh and also look into therapy, it really can help if you find the right therapist.

good luck man, hope you find your way 

Quote:

---

meditation, herbal medicine and holistic remedies was my temporary cure.

---

Quote:

---

Zen Buddhist meditation may help treat depression, attention deficit disorder and anxiety, among other maladies, according to a recent study by Emory University neuroscientists.

Mental illnesses such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression are characterized in part by ``excessive rumination'' or runaway thoughts, said Giuseppe Pagnoni, a neuroscientist at Emory in Atlanta.

---