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 drkkenny
Explorer
Registered: 10/13/11
Posts: 599
Loc: Down a well
Last seen: 1 day, 3 hours
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 i'm going to commit suicide 
#15894158 - 03/03/12 12:51 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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i'm so socially weird, I hate it. life w/ aspergers isn't worth it sometimes, its hard for me to become emotionally involved w/ people. all i do all day is play guitar, read, & write stories/poems. i have literally no friends because I dropped out of hs in 10th grade & didn't bother following up w/ anyone. since then I've gotten my ged & basically just live inside myself...I had a job for a month at Panera Bread but I couldn't deal w/ it anymore, Americans are so arrogant & most of the ppl there couldn't understand the way I act...like I'm kind of open about my opinions & things I do & they just like to follow the "rules" I guess. I'm starting college in the summer, which would prob help me make some friends, but that's so far away...& another thing I can't really relate to people ...like they all just do the same shit, no ones different. I read alot of Carlin, Hicks, Burroughs, Dostoevsky, Mckenna, Bukowski, & noone else can understand what I mean when I tell them my opinions on the human condition, they call me crazy while there the ones who never ask questions & are focused primarily on their lives & not the world around them.. I feel alienated from everyone, because for one I don't watch tv, I don't play any games, I don't want to party just so I can get laid. tried to kill myself last year & failed ended up in a madhouse for 3 days, but now I feel like I need to do it, feel like I really don't belong to this world so I bought 30 oxycone pills that are 30m mg each & I have whiskey that I'm going to drink in combination. May take my last 7 hits of LSD as well. If I go out I may as well do it hallucinating, y'know?
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One of my favorite songs ever: http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=ILo1v6Y7IB4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DILo1v6Y7IB4
“Me and Me now"
― James Joyce
"There is only one rule in life and this is it: once a thought begins it must be followed to the end"
-Me
“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
― Dorothy Parker
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Pentley
A Docent
Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 23
Last seen: 11 months, 6 days
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 Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: drkkenny]
#15894186 - 03/03/12 01:00 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I sure this is going to sound like a superficial response, but I mean it whole heartedly.
If you really do play guitar, read, and write your stories and poems, you have no doubt developed a unique perspective and adroit personality. If you can just hang on until you get to college you will flourish and you will probably also find people as open as yourself. Just hang in there!
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Uzziel
Stranger
Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 4,531
Last seen: 1 hour, 54 minutes
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: drkkenny]
#15894190 - 03/03/12 01:01 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I don't think anyone "belongs" in this world.
You make a place for yourself here. No one is making you stay here. You can always take the easy way out, sure and I can't stop you even if I wanted to.
Learn to not give a fuck about other people, and learn to enjoy yourself and embrace your weirdness.
Sometimes its hard to not be a cynic with all the dumbfucks in our society, but without people like you and me, our society would be even more fucked. There is always a greener side. Things can get better just as they get worse. Have to learn to stay positive. If you aint happy...well, do something different, or do what ya gotta do.
-peace & love
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 LySergic D
Consumer of LSD
Registered: 10/20/11
Posts: 5,679
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: drkkenny]
#15894195 - 03/03/12 01:01 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Dude dont kill yourself. You will get past this shit and discover your true self eventually.
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MOSDEFemcees
explorer
Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 34
Loc: georgia
Last seen: 6 months, 28 days
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: drkkenny]
#15894197 - 03/03/12 01:01 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Don't do it
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LySergic D
Consumer of LSD
Registered: 10/20/11
Posts: 5,679
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Dude for real, If you need someone to talk to, ill listen. PM me.
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thoughts
imagining.
Registered: 10/06/07
Posts: 15,112
Loc: here.
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: drkkenny]
#15894201 - 03/03/12 01:03 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Don't be stupid.
Just by reading that small paragraph about you I can tell you have great potential.
I know for a fact there's people very similar to you, you'll find a lot that are here on the Shroomery.
They're only hard to find because, as you mentioned, society is on a very different track.
We're always here for you, man.
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thangin'.
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Larrythescaryrex
teardrop on the fire
Registered: 07/20/00
Posts: 10,720
Loc: further down the spiral
Last seen: 6 days, 6 hours
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: MOSDEFemcees] 8
#15894204 - 03/03/12 01:04 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Hey
keep in mind you can always commit suicide a little later if you still want to.
most helpful thing a shrink ever said to me.
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Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011
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Caine
On the Wings of Maybe
Registered: 01/25/10
Posts: 3,846
Loc: NE
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Larry is absolutely right.
Just stick it out at least until you go to school in the summer. How will you ever know what great opportunities or people you might meet there otherwise? The summer is not far. It's 2 months away. 60 days. 8 weeks. No time at all.
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legit27
Killuminati
Registered: 03/29/10
Posts: 12,324
Loc: europa 
Last seen: 32 minutes, 4 seconds
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You realize your description of yourself describes almost all the shroomery. There's people like you, and you'll probably find em once you go to college.
Ive been there, done that, and I can tel ya you will thank us so much if you stick it through and wait till things get better.
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Too Legit 27 quit.
All posts are SWIM's personal anecdotes.
Once you get the message, hang up the phone.
Ik Onkar; Om.
Gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
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treesniper119
No one of Consequence
Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 956
Loc: Underground
Last seen: 9 hours, 16 minutes
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Don't do it bro, life is good and worth living, there are experiences that await you that will bring you more joy then you could ever imagine at this current moment, dump all that crap down the toilet, Its time for you to focus inward, learn about yourself, why you are here on this planet, at this time. Your existence is not pointless, you have great worth as a person in this present time. PM if you wanna talk. I'll hit you up on the phone. There are real people out there like you, the world isn't just the uncaring arrogant arbitrary drones that you can't relate to.
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Sit down before fact like a little child, and be pre- pared to give up every preconceivednotion, follow humbly wherever and to whatever abyss Nature leads, or you shall learn nothing.
--T. H. Huxley
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drkkenny
Explorer
Registered: 10/13/11
Posts: 599
Loc: Down a well
Last seen: 1 day, 3 hours
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: drkkenny]
#15894244 - 03/03/12 01:13 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Fine I'll stick around for awhile & see if I can meet some like minded ppl at college. I went there the other day to register & met this cool guy with a Che Guevera shirt & we talked a little bit...eh.
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One of my favorite songs ever: http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=ILo1v6Y7IB4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DILo1v6Y7IB4
“Me and Me now"
― James Joyce
"There is only one rule in life and this is it: once a thought begins it must be followed to the end"
-Me
“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
― Dorothy Parker
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Envix
x+x+x+x+x+
Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 14,806
Last seen: 2 days, 5 hours
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: legit27] 2
#15894255 - 03/03/12 01:15 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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do waht you need to do d00d
all i do all day is sit inside on the computer, i cant even play guitar!
i haven't been outside in like a week, the days go by faster than the nights because i usually sleep all day and stay awake all night on the computer
the time schedules are easy enough to fix tho.
i wonder, do you have any particular goals in mind for this life? are you living for the moment or for the future?
i can't talk to people too. i'm generally really awkward around people and usually avoid talking to new people all together
i think about suicide a few times a week. i fantasize about it. i think of how awesome it would be to be rid of all this "drag".
but i recall there being times when it doesn't seem like a "DRAG"
sometimes it can feel like a field of opportunity
sometimes it can feel empowering.
smoke some dmt.
that is all
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drkkenny
Explorer
Registered: 10/13/11
Posts: 599
Loc: Down a well
Last seen: 1 day, 3 hours
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: drkkenny]
#15894276 - 03/03/12 01:22 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Dude I've been wanting to try DMT but I just have noone to get it from, knew someone but now he doesn't have. I have my goals & priorities pretty well thought out. I read atleast 200 pages a day, write a little to my only friend, my notebook, play guitar for a little, eat pretty healthy. but its like my depression fucks with my head...but when you're in a fucking room all day it makes you get cabin fever so I go to the park or something. My uncle is the only one who gets me, he's a musician who is very much like me, so we relate very well. I want to be an english teacher or a writer, that's why I'm going to college.
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One of my favorite songs ever: http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=ILo1v6Y7IB4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DILo1v6Y7IB4
“Me and Me now"
― James Joyce
"There is only one rule in life and this is it: once a thought begins it must be followed to the end"
-Me
“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
― Dorothy Parker
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MOSDEFemcees
explorer
Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 34
Loc: georgia
Last seen: 6 months, 28 days
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Seriously dude a lot of people go through this, you are not alone! You may feel like shit now but once you get over this hump you will feel better then ever. Take things slowly, eat raw foods, excercise, look for a local counsler or shrink to talk to once a week and write music with that guitar. Force yourself to go out atleast twice a week to a public place like a grocery store and say hey to everyone one you see. As you walk by somebody just say hey. You can get through this, get a counsler they can be good friends. Good luck to you!
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Asht0n
love ♥
Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 596
Loc: United Kingdom 
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: drkkenny]
#15894280 - 03/03/12 01:24 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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There's nothing wrong with how you are living your life.
You have worth and value to a lot of other people. So what if the majority of people all do the same stuff and don't engage with you?
If you travel around you'll find that there are loads of people who are similar to the person you describe yourself as.
Please don't kill yourself man, it's not a solution.
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fuel on the fire
fuckthefiredepartment
Registered: 10/27/11
Posts: 1,339
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: Envix]
#15894282 - 03/03/12 01:24 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I can relate a lot to what you say, and trust me, life gets better the older you get. The time you have been an adult is minuscule compared to your lifetime.
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damnnation
Monsieur Rêve
Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 1,063
Loc: 
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: Envix] 2
#15894283 - 03/03/12 01:24 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Even if life truly sucks sometime, don't do it!
I'm going through some tough time as well and I do think about ending it from time to time... But I wouldn't want to miss out on whatever will happen next. There's always some good in life, you just have to find it.
I recognized myself in some of what you describe so I know how it feels to be alienated from others. But fuck 'em, most of them are brainwashed assholes if you ask me... Like other members said, if you want to talk privately I'll be happy to help as much as I can. 
In the meantime, keep on playing the guitar! (I wish I knew how!)
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treesniper119
No one of Consequence
Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 956
Loc: Underground
Last seen: 9 hours, 16 minutes
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: Envix]
#15894284 - 03/03/12 01:24 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Gather yourself a fresh perspective on life bro  , you'll find new friends there at college, people on the same page as you, like-minds, those types of energies seem to be pulling together these days.
Don't ever be tricked into fooling yourself that your life and your experiences can be dictated by anyone else but you, it is yours to endure and to enjoy. Ultimately, you are in control bro.
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Envix
x+x+x+x+x+
Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 14,806
Last seen: 2 days, 5 hours
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Re: i'm going to commit suicide [Re: drkkenny]
#15894301 - 03/03/12 01:30 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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just gonna pop this in eehr' ehp :
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