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Anonymous #1
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 family member died from heroin overdose 
#15887246 - 03/01/12 08:57 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Young, educated, skilled, and more.
It'd be nice to quit drugs but I can't. I was thinking about it, but I still want to do drugs. Opiates and other drugs as well.
I actually hate my life, and have been waiting for it to end for some time. Doing drugs is the only sense of relief I get, ever. Now that this has happened my family is stricken with grief, and if something happens to me I'll really look like an asshole.
I have TRIED to overdose and die before. It is not as easy as you'd think I guess.
Needles were involved with this death though, and I've never slammed anything.
I want to trade places. Honestly, the person that died had so much more to offer than me too, I wish it was me. You could almost say I'm jealous, which is disturbing.
Edited by Anonymous (03/01/12 09:04 PM)
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Anonymous #2
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]  1
#15887323 - 03/01/12 09:10 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Have you tried mushrooms? Sometimes after people take them they kinda of get a slap in the face about their life and their toxicity. It might be something to consider.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #2]
#15887334 - 03/01/12 09:12 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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opiates are garbage, I'm sorry about your family member
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Anonymous #4
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15887335 - 03/01/12 09:12 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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You dont have to play with needles to OD and die bro.. You have more to offer than you think, now go and do a truley selfless act for someone and enjoy your time here.
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Anonymous #5
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1] 2
#15887337 - 03/01/12 09:12 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Sorry to hear about your loss  Please take care of yourself.
Life will be better if you can get off the dope, take drastic measures if you can, perhaps reach out to your family for help.
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Anonymous #6
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #5]
#15887407 - 03/01/12 09:28 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I have to reiterate Anon5 on this one.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #2]
#15887412 - 03/01/12 09:28 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #2 said:
Have you tried mushrooms? Sometimes after people take them they kinda of get a slap in the face about their life and their toxicity. It might be something to consider.
Yea I have tried mushrooms and various psychedelics. I have tripped hundreds of times and no matter what, once it's over the same things that make me miserable and not really want to live remain.
That's why recently I'd rather just do a drug that I know is going to make me feel good pretty much immediately.
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Anonymous #4
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15887441 - 03/01/12 09:33 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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If psychedelics arent helping you than drugs arent helping you period. Get clean, learn to appreciate life without drugs. Im 2yrs sober of everything and have never been in a happier state.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #4]
#15887460 - 03/01/12 09:36 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #4 said:
If psychedelics arent helping you than drugs arent helping you period. Get clean, learn to appreciate life without drugs. Im 2yrs sober of everything and have never been in a happier state.
They help, I would already be dead without them I'm sure. What I'm saying is there are still factors that cause extreme depression that can't be fixed with any drug. I don't do drugs every day, trust me being sober is not happier. It's close to unbearable.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15887470 - 03/01/12 09:38 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Y is that? Do you live with friends or family. Whats bringing you down all the time? What kind of does of mushrooms have you done?
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #2]
#15887490 - 03/01/12 09:43 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #2 said:
Y is that? Do you live with friends or family. Whats bringing you down all the time? What kind of does of mushrooms have you done?
I live at home. I'm not that old but I've gotten to an age where I've lost all social connections. I don't go out. Don't have anyone to go out with. Other things bring me down too, that I'd rather not get into.
I've just eaten random shrooms. I don't know what types. It's been around 2 years since I've shroomed. I couldn't get shrooms or acid even if I tried right now. That's another reason why I mainly do feel good drugs now, because those are always around.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15887531 - 03/01/12 09:50 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Damn dude. Maybe try growing some of your own. If your parents arnt for it tell them that its that or the worse idk. If your in northern Colorado I'll chill with you. If you get the chance eat like 3.5 grams of good booms so you get the full experience.
Deep down I love you man. <3
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #2]
#15887552 - 03/01/12 09:55 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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When I go to sleep I feel so peaceful and the second I wake up the depression shocks my system. Sometimes I have nice dreams that feel so disassociated from my life.
Quote:
Anonymous #2 said:
Damn dude. Maybe try growing some of your own. If your parents arnt for it tell them that its that or the worse idk. If your in northern Colorado I'll chill with you. If you get the chance eat like 3.5 grams of good booms so you get the full experience.
Deep down I love you man. <3
Growing here is not an option, unfortunately. I've wanted to do that ever since I registered here several years ago.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15887558 - 03/01/12 09:56 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Do you work? Get a job get some mula and move.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #2]
#15887572 - 03/01/12 09:59 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #2]
#15887602 - 03/01/12 10:04 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #2 said:
Do you work? Get a job get some mula and move.
I had one. Right now I literally am having trouble getting a job because if you look at me you could clearly see the years of distress in my face. I look sad and upset even when I'm doing my best not to. People misinterpret it as me not liking them or hating the job or something too, which makes it worse.
Seriously how the fuck can you fix that? Plastic surgery? You can CLEARLY tell something is not right if you spend even 10-15 minutes with me, let alone full work shifts week after week.
When I notice people catching on to that, it makes my anxiety go through the roof. It makes me want to die, because I feel like there is no solution to this problem. I have consulted professions, family, friends. It's a totally unique situation. There's no textbook answers for this shit. I feel trapped. No way out.
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Anonymous #7
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #2]
#15887630 - 03/01/12 10:12 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #2 said:
Have you tried mushrooms? Sometimes after people take them they kinda of get a slap in the face about their life and their toxicity. It might be something to consider.
eat a big dose and think about your life.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #7]
#15887642 - 03/01/12 10:14 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #7 said:
Quote:
Anonymous #2 said:
Have you tried mushrooms? Sometimes after people take them they kinda of get a slap in the face about their life and their toxicity. It might be something to consider.
eat a big dose and think about your life.
If I could get shrooms I would. It's been around 2 years. I never come across them.
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Anonymous #4
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15887647 - 03/01/12 10:15 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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No way man! Make yourself over, go get your hair cut. Throw some lotion on your face and shave. Throw a suit on and show this fuckin wourld you can hustle yourself a job. THen make some money and show the fuckin workd you can make it on your own, and that you dont need anyone. You got this!
Your so money and you dont even know it!
Sorry had to throw it in.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #4]
#15887653 - 03/01/12 10:17 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #4 said:
No way man! Make yourself over, go get your hair cut. Throw some lotion on your face and shave. Throw a suit on and show this fuckin wourld you can hustle yourself a job. THen make some money and show the fuckin workd you can make it on your own, and that you dont need anyone. You got this!
Your so money and you dont even know it!
Sorry had to throw it in.
I've gone to several interviews since my last job, most of them in a suit and tie. Even when I'm able to pull off a good interview, if you are around for 8-9 hours a day, 5 days a week, you will inevitably see the pain in my natural expression and I can feel people noticing that.
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Anonymous #7
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15887657 - 03/01/12 10:18 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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it sounds like you need a trip 
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #7]
#15887668 - 03/01/12 10:20 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #7 said:
it sounds like you need a trip
I've actually hit people up, looking for psychedelics. I can't get them.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #4]
#15887679 - 03/01/12 10:23 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Where you be at in the US?
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Anonymous #7
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15887736 - 03/01/12 10:36 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
Quote:
Anonymous #7 said:
it sounds like you need a trip
I've actually hit people up, looking for psychedelics. I can't get them.
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Anonymous #8
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #7]
#15887799 - 03/01/12 10:46 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Anonymous #2
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #8]
#15887886 - 03/01/12 11:01 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I've battled my own depression too. My first year away form the house in college dorms. Didn't make any friends, didn't have a job, got bad grade and eventually ended back in with my parents. I'm not sure I can completely compare my self to your situation but I have managed to pull my head head out of the hole a little, I'm not 100% but working there. I when I moved back in with my parents I started listening to allot of Terence McKenna allot, like every night, all the stuff I could find, I dont really know why I did. But I think it got me on the right track towards coming out of my hole. Recently I have come to the conclusion that I think to much, that I have an over active brain and that causes me to have spiraling thoughts about negative issues. Recently I have tried on halting my thoughts, just letting what is be, almost like a meditation I suppose. Actually the first thing that started me coming up was a book, "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dyeing." That was 2 years ago. And I can remember the day where I used my force of will to try and break myself out of myself essentially. I lost THE most beautiful girl I have ever known due to my uncontrollable mind I suppose. Maybe this is why your using opiates is to silence your mind? If it is the mushroom probably does a much better job at it then they could. Maybe the people you know threw the dealer, not the dealer specifically but others he deals to would know of where to find some.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #2]
#15887930 - 03/01/12 11:12 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I just wanna get high. I'm willing to sell my shit right now.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15887985 - 03/01/12 11:24 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Listen to what I said. There are ways out. You have to do it your self. Using your own pure force of will.
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Anonymous #9
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15888059 - 03/01/12 11:40 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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#1, I know how hard it is for you right now, but you're the only one holding yourself back. You may be fooling yourself, saying that your depression is so bad that you use drugs, but you aren't fooling us. I bet you don't even remember how bad your depression was before you became a junky. I can guarantee you though, that it certainly wasn't as bad as it is now. I can also guarantee that in your head, you're subconsciously overemphasizing the memory of how depressed you were before you did drugs.
The fact that you never think it's going to get better is what is keeping you down. There are a lot of hurdles when it comes to beating depression, but you will stay exactly where you are until you believe that you can change. You must do this. The simple act of having some faith in yourself that you can get out of this rut is the first step to getting better.
Every thought you think is a negative one. Your glass is half empty and you probably won't drink it anyway because that waiter probably thought you were a loser and spit in it. You go on a family trip to an amusement park and it sucks because it's a 2 and a half hour car ride to a place where you think everyone is judging you.
You need to relax my man! Take a load off! The whole world isn't judging you, they're too busy being afraid that you're judging them! And those conceited jerks who actually do walk around judging people? They don't mean shit all in this world and all they're doing is projecting their own insecurities onto you.
I'm sorry about your brother. I don't know what I would do without my sibling.. But you owe it to yourself to give happiness a chance. Live for both you and your brother.
Now I know I wasted my time typing this but I just wanted to try. I've been in your position and you will almost definitely find a way to brush off my comment because it doesn't console you and that's all you want right now. Again, my condolences. Good luck.
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Anonymous #10
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15888270 - 03/02/12 12:33 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Have you cried?
You sound like you haven't and are holding it in.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #9]
#15888292 - 03/02/12 12:40 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #9 said:
#1, I know how hard it is for you right now, but you're the only one holding yourself back. You may be fooling yourself, saying that your depression is so bad that you use drugs, but you aren't fooling us. I bet you don't even remember how bad your depression was before you became a junky. I can guarantee you though, that it certainly wasn't as bad as it is now. I can also guarantee that in your head, you're subconsciously overemphasizing the memory of how depressed you were before you did drugs.
The fact that you never think it's going to get better is what is keeping you down. There are a lot of hurdles when it comes to beating depression, but you will stay exactly where you are until you believe that you can change. You must do this. The simple act of having some faith in yourself that you can get out of this rut is the first step to getting better.
Every thought you think is a negative one. Your glass is half empty and you probably won't drink it anyway because that waiter probably thought you were a loser and spit in it. You go on a family trip to an amusement park and it sucks because it's a 2 and a half hour car ride to a place where you think everyone is judging you.
You need to relax my man! Take a load off! The whole world isn't judging you, they're too busy being afraid that you're judging them! And those conceited jerks who actually do walk around judging people? They don't mean shit all in this world and all they're doing is projecting their own insecurities onto you.
I'm sorry about your brother. I don't know what I would do without my sibling.. But you owe it to yourself to give happiness a chance. Live for both you and your brother.
Now I know I wasted my time typing this but I just wanted to try. I've been in your position and you will almost definitely find a way to brush off my comment because it doesn't console you and that's all you want right now. Again, my condolences. Good luck.
I'm not actually a junkie, I do drugs between 1 and 3 times a week. Maybe 4 on rare occasion.
My depression was worse before I became a "junkie". Actually for the first few years I used drugs I really was only into weed and psychedelics and discouraged people from using some drugs I would use now. I really wanted to die this was when I was only like 15. Mushrooms really helped me early on and real ecstasy. I got a second wind when I was on the edge, but years have passed now and now that I'm only I'm REALLLLY depressed, because I have adult problems and adult responsibilities and obligations to live up to, and issues beyond my control stand in the way of handling it properly.
I feel trapped with no way out. I have felt that way for some time.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #10]
#15888299 - 03/02/12 12:42 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #10 said:
Have you cried?
You sound like you haven't and are holding it in.
Nah I cried shortly after receiving the call.
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Anonymous #11
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#15888312 - 03/02/12 12:46 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
I just wanna get high. I'm willing to sell my shit right now.
Read that to yourself man, you can't tell me that that isn't you. That's the drug. It's winning. Don't let it win. It doesn't want you to get a job cause then it cant control you. Stop now while your ahead. Once your off, stay off. Start eating veggies and going out on nature walks. Just appreciate life and experience we have been given. Also do some Buddhist Breathing Meditation.
"When our mind is peaceful we are free from worries and mental discomfort, and we experience true happiness."
 if you need to talk man.
-MushyMatt
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Anonymous #10
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15888334 - 03/02/12 12:51 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
Quote:
Anonymous #10 said:
Have you cried?
You sound like you haven't and are holding it in.
Nah I cried shortly after receiving the call.
I suggest bawling your eyes out while holding whichever parent you hate less.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #11]
#15888370 - 03/02/12 12:59 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #11 said:
Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
I just wanna get high. I'm willing to sell my shit right now.
Read that to yourself man, you can't tell me that that isn't you. That's the drug. It's winning. Don't let it win. It doesn't want you to get a job cause then it cant control you. Stop now while your ahead. Once your off, stay off. Start eating veggies and going out on nature walks. Just appreciate life and experience we have been given. Also do some Buddhist Breathing Meditation.
"When our mind is peaceful we are free from worries and mental discomfort, and we experience true happiness."
if you need to talk man.
-MushyMatt
You could look at it it as the drugs winning, but I have a bad history. I basically have to do drugs whenever possible almost like a suicide medication if there was such a thing. After what has happened I feel like suicide is not even an option at all, being as my family is real fucked up from this.
Therefor I feel like I have no way out, and only feel at ease when high.
I've been eating benzos, which helps. I have some weed but I don't really want to smoke, it tends to make me feel worse most of the time now. I have 2 rolls saved but don't really want to roll right now.
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Anonymous #7
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #11]
#15888390 - 03/02/12 01:04 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #11 said:
Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
I just wanna get high. I'm willing to sell my shit right now.
if you need to talk.
-MushyMatt
 
Edited by Anonymous (03/02/12 01:04 AM)
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Anonymous #9
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15889366 - 03/02/12 09:51 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I told you you would just brush over my post. Until you're ready to man the fuck up, you're going to stay how you are. I'm sorry but your problems aren't unique. Good luck to you but I'm not wasting any more time on someone who doesn't want help. You just posted to have a pity party.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #9]
#15889989 - 03/02/12 01:21 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #9 said:
I told you you would just brush over my post. Until you're ready to man the fuck up, you're going to stay how you are. I'm sorry but your problems aren't unique. Good luck to you but I'm not wasting any more time on someone who doesn't want help. You just posted to have a pity party.
Harsh, and not true. I've gone to professionals, friends, and family for help. Even strangers on the internet. Yea, I'm pretty discouraged years later when no one has been able to offer me valuable advice, because it is a unique situation and they don't have answers for me. I'm not a dumb person. If there were things I could be doing to fix shit I'd be doing them.
I didn't even really crack the tip of the iceberg as far as my problems go, and I assure you they are pretty unique, actually.
God I hate the phrase "pity party", especially when that's far from what this is. Fuck you.
Btw, even after all this I've STILL been applying for jobs. I have been the whole past 9 months or so I've been out of work, knowing that my depression is going to be obvious and most likely work against me.
What else should I be doing dude? You are basically implying I have given up and other then posting in this "pity party" thread, I do nothing but lay in the fetal position all day.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15889993 - 03/02/12 01:22 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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BTW, never said it was my brother who died. Just a family member. No idea where you got that from.
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Anonymous #9
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15890253 - 03/02/12 02:36 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Because nobody can tell you what to do. YOU have to DECIDE that you aren't going to be unhappy anymore. I can't explain it any better, except that there is just this shift in perspective, where everything changes.. Until you can truly change your perspective on things and not assume/find the worst in everything, you will stay just where you are.
I know it sounds impossible right now, but I have been where you are man. Many times. So has almost everybody trying to give you advice. Nobody can help you until you are ready to be helped.
P.S. I'm sorry I don't know why I said it was your brother? Mixing threads up I think.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #9]
#15890265 - 03/02/12 02:40 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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It'd be lovely if it was as simple as "deciding" to no longer be unhappy. Unfortunately the things keeping me that way are things I can't change. It's beyond my control. It's always been that way and that's why I'm so fed up. There are things I have no solution to. What am I supposed to do, strike myself in the head repeatedly with a blunt object hoping to dumb myself down enough to where I'm not aware of these things?
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Anonymous #12
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Re: family member died from heroin overdose [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15893346 - 03/03/12 04:00 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
Quote:
Anonymous #2 said:
Do you work? Get a job get some mula and move.
I had one. Right now I literally am having trouble getting a job because if you look at me you could clearly see the years of distress in my face. I look sad and upset even when I'm doing my best not to. People misinterpret it as me not liking them or hating the job or something too, which makes it worse.
Seriously how the fuck can you fix that? Plastic surgery? You can CLEARLY tell something is not right if you spend even 10-15 minutes with me, let alone full work shifts week after week.
When I notice people catching on to that, it makes my anxiety go through the roof. It makes me want to die, because I feel like there is no solution to this problem. I have consulted professions, family, friends. It's a totally unique situation. There's no textbook answers for this shit. I feel trapped. No way out.
I can relate to the whole looking sad thing. People wouldn't ask me what was wrong or anything, they would just assume that I was bored. Or depressed. Or angry. And they always took it personally.
I think I've fixed it though - what you gotta do is just raise the corners of your mouth slightly, and raise your eyebrows so that they are more open. Look in the mirror to make sure it looks natural. I found that after I started doing this people no longer commented on my fucking mental state. I've also battled long term depression. I'm lucky and unlucky in some ways because mine doesn't seem to have any reason for it.
I was happy for a while when I got a girlfriend who I truly loved, and I realised that the feeling you get when you're with a girl laughing and cuddling and kissing is better than any drug. But I had to go away for 2 months and in that time (2 weeks before i was supposed to get back) she left me for somebody else, blaming her fear of a long term relationship. That sent me into a pretty bad spin, and I cried for the first time in ages. Fuck I didn't mean this to turn into a sob story. Sorry. This is your thread.
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