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Anonymous said:
Another friend mentioned that there's a difference between being polite and a gentleman and helpful, and being overly affectionate and like a caregiver. I guess that's where the problem lays. He sees himself as being a gentleman, I see him as a doormat that's being used to coddle this woman who can't take care of her own business, even though she's about to have a kid.

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why is she always asking my boyfriend to do shit instead of asking both my boyfriend and her boyfriend for help? It's like she's substituting them for responsibilities, sometimes.

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Anonymous said:
I see him as a doormat that's being used to coddle this woman who can't take care of her own business, even though she's about to have a kid.

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MushroomTrip said:

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Anonymous said:
I see him as a doormat that's being used to coddle this woman who can't take care of her own business, even though she's about to have a kid.

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Re-read this until you figure yourself out

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MushroomTrip said:
I think that there's an important difference between you having a concern that your boyfriend might be taken advantage of, and you being jealous that he is helping her with this and that. Your boyfriend, I am sure, can take care of himself and he can determine best what it means for him for someone to take advantage of him. Right now it seems that you're bothered by something that happens to your bf without him sharing the same feelings. I'm wondering if you know what specifically affects you so much and if you can envision a better response than the one you have now. What's the worst thing that can happen, in your view, if he is helping this woman?

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That's the strange part, I've tried to turn over and analyze my response to the situation, but I can't really put it in words. Which is why I keep using the word "weird" to describe it all. I feel as though it might just be this strange primitive/conditioned reaction to seeing my partner catering to someone who is carrying offspring that is not even his. But--lol--what the fuck is that about? :P

Is it jealous/envy? I don't think so, for a few reasons: I've flat out asked him if he has a pregnancy fetish. He says "gross" and I'm taking his reaction as honest. This is important because while he believes in monogamy, I'm all for polyamory and play, so he knows he can be completely honest with me when it comes to attraction. (Obviously I've curved this philosophy/lifestyle since our relationship started, and I have no plans to go back unless he decides to try, as well.)

Do I find her attractive (I'm attracted to all genders) and is her attractiveness threatening to my own being? In a weird way, I think she looks very pretty while pregnant but I don't find her threatening at all. She's not exactly the nicest, which makes sense given her pregnancy, lol. And I'm definitely not trying to get pregnant, so I don't envy her in that regard.

This is why I'm so confused by my reaction. I can't put a specific name to it and maybe that's what's really making me uncomfortable. Combine that with my view on the way she bosses him around, and the fact that he really doesn't seem to think my opinion on the situation has any validity, well...there's just general badness. I am trying to channel my reaction into something different, but I cannot stop thinking about their situation and I feel the best course of action is to politely disengage until he's no longer living there. That way at least I can get it out of my fucking system!

I really don't know what's the worst that could happen. That's a great question to ask. I guess, being completely outlandish, it would definitely suck if they both decide to ditch their SO's and head to Vegas to get hitched But really, maybe my fear is that in the future, there will be other women with malicious intent who just get off on taking control of other people's partners. I trust him completely, so maybe I'm just being strangely territorial (?). Which is strange, because we talk about when we're crushing on other people (mostly girls, because I think he feels bad when I talk about other guys), and it's not like he hasn't had close female friends, before. In fact, I push him to make MORE female friends, to talk more about what girls in school have a crush on him, etc. I like when women are attracted to him, and I like when he finds other women attractive.

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Rebel_At_War said:
I think you should sit down with your partner and talk to him about it if it disturbs you, i dont see anything wrong with letting him know u feel uncomfortable with the situation, im not sure i would feel comfortable with my partner passing the line of politeness and straight cater to a pregnant roomate eighter, regardless if she would have a boyfriend around or not..

Just be careful with ur wordings and try not to sound accusive or judgemental towards him and u shud be fine.
I guess it depends on how close you guys are wether he will understand your discomfort and respect it enough to stop, or go defensive and claim your being jealous and controllive. Let him know you think its great that he is being polite and helps his roomate out,  but unless he is the father of her child there is limits to how much he really need to do for her, She is not his responsibility, on the other hand you are.. I would assume if she is grown enough to make herself pregnant she would be grown enough to deal with the responsibility and hardships that comes around with it.

Best of luck to you two..

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I really agree with that statement, because that's exactly how I was logically deducing the problem. Haha. We are pretty close and he keeps bringing up our future, like where we're going to live and stuff...so you're right, I shouldn't tip-toe around it and just tell him everything I wrote above.

It's also pretty annoying when she's constantly calling him and texting him while we're out. Oh, and I forgot to mention in my first post--she's straight up walked in on us having sex once. Like, really? When my boyfriend doesn't answer his phone, you're really going to barge into his room and claim that you thought he wasn't home!? And why are you going into his room when you think he's not there in the first place?

(Typing this all out has lessened my obsession on the situation a little bit And has created a few new perspectives about myself and others. Thank you!)

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pachoo said: she isn't handicapped at all. i had the hugest kid in my belly with anemia and aches all over and i still wanted to clean. what happened to her 'nesting' time?

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ditto...

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Rebel_At_War said:
Not a problem at all hun.. I can relate.. Sometimes you have to get it all of your chest, it usually helps getting things into a perspective, plus its always great to be able to ask anothers opinion if ur not sure wether ot not you are being irrational about something...

I hope things sorts out between you, if your serious about a future together (depending your age, situation and how long u have been together) maybe you could suggest to him you two find a spot together, that way the pregnant lady and soon to be the child wont be hanging around to ask for much more favours and walk in on you while your trying to get jiggy with it... lol....

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Rebel_At_War said:

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pachoo said: she isn't handicapped at all. i had the hugest kid in my belly with anemia and aches all over and i still wanted to clean. what happened to her 'nesting' time?

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ditto...

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Haha! I knew this was the case, but since I've never actually been pregnant, I wasn't too sure if I could call her out as being exceptionally lazy/needy. I think that's the problem with guys and why they don't really see her as being manipulative. They really do believe you've got some sort of 'handicap' when you're pregnant...as though all these years of human existence hasn't slowly made us tough enough to carry on the species

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pachoo said:
man... this is making ME feel weird about her. she isn't handicapped at all. i had the hugest kid in my belly with anemia and aches all over and i still wanted to clean. what happened to her 'nesting' time? it should have kicked in already. every pregnant woman i know has it. i think she's lazy is all and i bet she wants someone to coo at her pregnancy. i think she's aching for attention and she probably has a crush on your guy. plus, why is she asking him for rides when her friend is there. they need to take the bus or something. if they're good friends they shouldn't have a problem chatting the whole time anywho. him being there is totally unnecessary.

but good thing for you is that he seems like a cute gentleman and doesn't find her attractive. i'd say go with what rebel told you and talk it out. you seem like a communicative couple and it already seems like you're over it. it's a good thing you can laugh at the situation as well. weee!!

man, i hate when people walk in on my and my man getting it on...

why the heck WAS she going in his room?

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She's been kind of doing the nesting thing, like asking my boyfriend to help clean the bathroom and then getting her boyfriend to prepare a shelf and a crib and replace their entertainment system. To be fair I'm not there all the time so she could be going through the motions for all I know...

Thanks pachoo! And yes, it can definitely be a mood killer, haha.

This is another example of how nice he is--his response to her barging in when she thought we weren't there was, "well, they do have a right to come in, I mean I'm only renting the room." Whereas if I were him, I'd be pissed off...who knows if they're stealing or looking through my files and generally snooping around!? But it's cool, we tend to balance each other out.