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Anonymous #1
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 I cheated, told her and find out so did she! 
#15250435 - 10/20/11 02:38 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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I tried to write the whole story out, but my God it was almost 3 pages long! So here it is in a nut shell.....
I cheated on my wife. (I know, I'm a dick)
I feel like shit and have a heavy conscious.
I tell her everything.
In the process of telling her everything, she tells me everything. (Over the course of a few days and with pressure from me, cause I can tell somethings up)
She has been cheating on me for a while. Long before I even thought about cheating on her and on more than one occasion as opposed to my one time only, though I'm not sure if number of times matters (One of the times however was while she was pregnant, which I do think is way fucked up)
So, our situation is, needless to say, FUCKED UP DELUXE!
I know I don't really have any right to be mad, but its hard not to be. So now what? She wants to work things out and I think I do to, but I don't know really what to think right now!
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 Speck1186
Student
Registered: 09/03/11
Posts: 868
Loc: USA 
Last seen: 24 days, 22 hours
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#15250450 - 10/20/11 02:43 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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become swinger's. or have an open relationship. the quirks are you can fuck whoever you'd like and still each other but it's all out in the open. 
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Smitington
Unidentified Flying Object
Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 1,408
Loc: Mushroom Kingdom
Last seen: 23 days, 16 hours
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Speck1186]
#15250498 - 10/20/11 03:00 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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So you cheated on her once, and felt so guilty about it that you had to tell her about it, while she has been cheating on you for years with different people and never once felt guilty enough to come clean until you do? The situation is fucked up, but tbh it sounds like you just had a slip up and felt really bad while this is nothing new to her, so yea I think you have a right to be a little pissed at her.
I can't tell you what to do, I don't have a lot of experience in these matters. I think some will tell you that she will always be a cheater but I also feel that it is possible for her to change (if this is what both of you actually want).
So yea, you are just gonna have to decide, would you be happy with an open relationship, would you prefer to try to start a new path of exclusiveness, or are you gonna decide that it is just not worth it because you are too pissed at what she has done and think she won't change if you want her to.
Yea, you are both in the wrong, and if she decided to come clean it is probably a sign of what you said, that she wants to improve things. I'm leaning on the side of preserving the marriage and working it out, however it has to get done. Sorry I can't be of much more help.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Smitington] 1
#15250624 - 10/20/11 03:45 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Well, to be fair, yes my infidelity was a slip up, but it was planned out to some degree. She hasn't been cheating for years, or at least as far as I know, but it has been a while. Plus, she admits that if I had never confessed, she would never have said anything, ever. That's what is more screwed up in my head, because if I had never cheated and found out about her stuff, she would be history!
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withoutawire
Bunny Lover
Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 10,914
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 3 hours, 28 minutes
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#15250678 - 10/20/11 04:16 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Wow fuck that whore.
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Electric Flavored
Stranger
Registered: 07/20/11
Posts: 28
Loc: In my head
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: withoutawire]
#15250739 - 10/20/11 04:57 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Man, its life.... Shit happens. We all fuck up one way or another. Its almost always fixable. We all have desire, and we're all human.... Sometimes we give in, sometimes we can refrain. But the truth is out. Thats the first step to whatever comes next. Can you both get over yourselves to come together, and decide to move forward... Thats yalls call. It won't be easy whatever the call. Is the juice worth the squeeze.
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"Eh... Buy the ticket... Take the ride."
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 cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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 Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15250913 - 10/20/11 07:38 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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i believe it's possible for two people who love one another to be able to work things out... but both people HAVE to be in love not just well i feel something for the other person...
that said, i'm a pretty open person... hadn't you admitted to having an affair yourself she would have never come clean, she said so... your honesty opened the door for her to clear her own conscience, wiping her mental slate clean... it would just be emotional baggage she would have to deal with herself and by the sound of it she was handling it pretty well up to this point... sure the number of times she did this matters, she felt no guilt after the first episode... for most women once would have been enough, especially if she felt something about your relationship with her... and to bed down with some dude while she's carrying your child is just too much man... wow...
i had my wife read your post and we discussed it a bit while sitting on the deck... she wishes both of you the best and so do i...
Kensho 
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Seuss
Error: divide byzero
Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 23,394
Loc: Caribbean
Last seen: 3 months, 3 days
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: cateyes]
#15250976 - 10/20/11 08:25 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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> sure the number of times she did this matters, she felt no guilt after the first episode... for most women once would have been enough
Research into cheating spouses shows that men are opportunistic cheaters, which tend towards isolated encounters (though they can develop into a relationship). In other words, men tend towards one night stands. Women are different; they tend not to cheat unless they feel that their current relationship is already over. Rather than one night stands, woman are shopping for a new relationship. Obviously, these are general trends and are not true of every single encounter.
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Just another spore in the wind.
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withoutawire
Bunny Lover
Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 10,914
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 3 hours, 28 minutes
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Seuss] 3
#15252011 - 10/20/11 03:13 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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The thing is his...wife...cheated...and told him she'd never would have shared that information. That's called a stupid whore cunt bitch who's not worth your life.
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Uzziel
Stranger
Registered: 12/30/10
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: withoutawire]
#15252695 - 10/20/11 05:43 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Well actually, he cheated too. I don't see why you're not calling him a fucking whore either who isn't worth a damn. Yeah he told her but you know what its called taking responsibility for your actions and he god damn knew well that what he was doing was wrong (and planned it out).
The point is, is that she DID tell him. She never had to. Infact, she could of played dumb and been MAD at him.
You both fucked up. You both cheated. Who cares about the number of times, it's the simple fact that you did.
It's up to you. If you guys have a good relationship minus these messups, I don't see why you should throw it away. Maybe you guys should try being in a more open relationship. I mean, it's just sex. I use to get hung up about another guy fucking my girl but now I really don't care because I know I'd love to pound another girl. Nothing wrong with wanting something different every now and then. Everyone gets bored of doing the same thing over and over..
The older I get the more I feel like humans weren't meant to be truly monogamous, I don't believe most people have the patience to truly be with one other person their whole life. But then again, that is just my take on things.
Good luck man and I hope things work out for ya.
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BoomerMan420
Stranger
Registered: 10/24/07
Posts: 1,217
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Uzziel]
#15252787 - 10/20/11 06:01 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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cheated on you while pregnant damn!!!!
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: BoomerMan420]
#15252998 - 10/20/11 06:54 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
BoomerMan420 said:
cheated on you while pregnant damn!!!!
She cheated on me while she was pregnant! I wasn't even talking to the other girl at that time in our life. I suppose it is sorta irrelevant since I am guitly as well, but it still hurts. I think we are going to seek professional counsel.
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cateyes
Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Anonymous #1]
#15253113 - 10/20/11 07:20 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
She cheated on me while she was pregnant! I wasn't even talking to the other girl at that time in our life. I suppose it is sorta irrelevant since I am guitly as well, but it still hurts. I think we are going to seek professional counsel.
i hope you find a great councilor... this seems complicated to me... some of them are like a waste of money... we knew two married couples in crisis, neither one of them involved infidelity and both marriages ended up in divorce within two years...
PeaCe2U
Kensho
Edited by cateyes (10/20/11 07:31 PM)
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Bipolarbear
Stranger with candy
Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 828
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: cateyes] 1
#15253481 - 10/20/11 08:37 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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ummmmm she cheated on you while she was pregnant. Do you really need to know any more?
Do yourself a favor. Get a paternity test ASAP and find out if that kid is even yours, lol. 
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Bipolarbear] 1
#15253667 - 10/20/11 09:09 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Bipolarbear said:
ummmmm she cheated on you while she was pregnant. Do you really need to know any more?
Do yourself a favor. Get a paternity test ASAP and find out if that kid is even yours, lol.
This thought has been racing through my mind! I made a comment to her along these lines. Am I wrong to feel that way? I don't think it would matter one way or the other because these are my children even if I'm not the father, but its the principle of the matter. If she lied about that, what else is she hiding???
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Joolz
Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 6 months, 13 days
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Bipolarbear]
#15253668 - 10/20/11 09:09 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Find out why she cheated, try to solve the reasons for the cheating. That's what I would do.
P.S. Obviously you guys don't tell each other everything if she's been cheating for that long. =/ Maybe she just needs lots of clit stimulation. :jayandsilentbob:
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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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Bipolarbear
Stranger with candy
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#15253753 - 10/20/11 09:23 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
Bipolarbear said:
ummmmm she cheated on you while she was pregnant. Do you really need to know any more?
Do yourself a favor. Get a paternity test ASAP and find out if that kid is even yours, lol.
This thought has been racing through my mind! I made a comment to her along these lines. Am I wrong to feel that way? I don't think it would matter one way or the other because these are my children even if I'm not the father, but its the principle of the matter. If she lied about that, what else is she hiding???
No you're not wrong to feel that way. Don't let her or anyone make you think that you are either. The thing with big lies is this, and I'm sure you know this but think on it anyway. When people do something really, really, really wrong like cheating on your husband and you are either caught or overwhelmed with guilt it is much easier for the transgressor to cop to a smaller lie than to admit the whole truth. You see this everywhere. Little kids do this. Perps do this. Cheaters do this. She admitted to cheating on you while she was pregnant which if she was cheating on you prior it is a much bigger can of worms because it raises the question of who is the real father?
Get the paternity test and you'll know just how far her betrayal goes. If you are not the father then even when you gave her the opportunity to come clean about everything then you know she still purposefully held back and lied to you.
I don't know about you but when there is no trust left how can a relationship continue on?
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SbstratAlchemist
Enthusiast
Registered: 01/29/09
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Bipolarbear] 3
#15254635 - 10/21/11 12:26 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Definitely get the paternity test. Otherwise you will forever wonder if you are raising someone else's kid. Now is the time to find out.
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dshow
Nomad
Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 5,255
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: BoomerMan420]
#15258039 - 10/21/11 07:55 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
BoomerMan420 said:
cheated on you while pregnant damn!!!!
omg i cannot give any advice on this situation
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Almond Flour
Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 9,102
Last seen: 17 days, 22 hours
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: dshow]
#15259855 - 10/22/11 02:19 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Wow.....what a spicy story. Looks like you are BOTH scumbags. Either admit your both scumbags and move on, or break up.
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In other words, thinking outside the box might be facilitated by having a somewhat less intact box. -Random Doctor 
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition -Timothy Leary
Everyone has their own unique brand of toxic psychosis -Alexander Shulgin 
living forever would be a terrible curse if there were not also quality of life to match it.  -Unknown
There may be flies on you and me, but there are no flies on Jesus -Hunter Thompson
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 joshisstoned
Motorcycle Enthusiast
Registered: 05/25/09
Posts: 3,257
Loc: Ohio
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Almond Flour]
#15263663 - 10/22/11 11:11 PM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Get a paternity test. Maury?
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remember_me
Registered: 09/18/11
Posts: 209
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 5 months, 6 days
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: joshisstoned]
#15269073 - 10/24/11 02:38 AM (1 year, 6 months ago) |
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Omg  does she know she fucked up big time? And the fact that she wasnt gunna tell you is way fucked up. Has she acknowledged that what she did is 10 times worse cause if not drop her, otherwise idk maybe still drop her but theres a chance
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 From my backyard  photocred my GF
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NAshley
Stranger
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1]
#16403555 - 06/19/12 03:02 PM (10 months, 23 days ago) |
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Post deleted by naumReason for deletion: spam
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Cynosure
allow me to be your guide.
Registered: 10/06/09
Posts: 3,768
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: NAshley]
#16405123 - 06/19/12 07:57 PM (10 months, 23 days ago) |
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I would still be extremely upset with her. It sounds to me like you did the deed and came clean when it was done.. yet she has been holding out and lying to you for a while. You also said it took her a few days to come clean after you had already come clean. Neither of you are in the clear but I feel honesty, openness, and communication are very important in a relationship.
I can't advise you where to go with this situation but at this point in my life I would break things off and move on.
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"You can peel it [language] off the ceiling and make it dance in front of you" - McKenna
<3 .
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Blackbird33
Stranger
Registered: 12/31/11
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Cynosure]
#16405297 - 06/19/12 08:30 PM (10 months, 23 days ago) |
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Women can be very devious creatures
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OysterFace
phileomycophagist
Registered: 06/13/12
Posts: 142
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: Blackbird33]
#16406418 - 06/20/12 12:13 AM (10 months, 23 days ago) |
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dont punish your wife for having a sexuality...
dont expect her to punish you either...
its just sex. you can make a huge squirt about it or you can celebrate the things that you have in common and your common goals in life. thats what marriage is... it doesnt mean that you stop wanting to fuck other people. let her get hers and you get yours and at the end of the day make a peaceful life together.
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Almond Flour
Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 9,102
Last seen: 17 days, 22 hours
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Re: I cheated, told her and find out so did she! [Re: OysterFace]
#16407313 - 06/20/12 03:45 AM (10 months, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
OysterFace said:
dont punish your wife for having a sexuality...
dont expect her to punish you either...
its just sex. you can make a huge squirt about it or you can celebrate the things that you have in common and your common goals in life. thats what marriage is... it doesnt mean that you stop wanting to fuck other people. let her get hers and you get yours and at the end of the day make a peaceful life together.
What a croc of shit bro. Why even get married if thats the case
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In other words, thinking outside the box might be facilitated by having a somewhat less intact box. -Random Doctor
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition -Timothy Leary
Everyone has their own unique brand of toxic psychosis -Alexander Shulgin
living forever would be a terrible curse if there were not also quality of life to match it. -Unknown
There may be flies on you and me, but there are no flies on Jesus -Hunter Thompson
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