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 dageo18
Stranger
Registered: 02/21/11
Posts: 57
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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 lonleliness vs. solitude 
#15014884 - 09/02/11 12:50 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Hi, I wanted to get some other people thoughts on this. Whats better or worse to you? Loneliness, while staying in fairly constant contact with a community of other people, or solitude, true isolation where you shut yourself off from the world?
Over the last year I more or less withdrew from most of my dealing in life including people. I have a few close friends, who in the past were much closer, but thats about it. I have to say that being lonely for so long, you kind of forget it isnt something normal and you move more and more towards isolation. There is a kind of peace that comes with true solitude, and for the most part it doesn't even seem like more connections with others is even that desirable. But alas there is a loneliness that comes with it.
Now I have started school (university), and am around massive amounts of people all the time. It is different and I enjoy it, but it somewhat feels like I am being teased. There are all these people having fun, girls looking great, and people living a life that seems a little out of reach. I am not even an unsocial person, I get along fine with people and would even be considered "cool" by most. I just don't interact much. Im not looking for advice on how to lower or balance my loneliness (but if you feel like it im not stoppin u), this is not meant to be a depressing post lol. Just using a small look at my life through this two similar but slightly different states of loneliness.
So. In your experience, True solitude/isolation? Or loneliness within a greater structure of human interaction?
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 nglsnv
Becoming
Registered: 08/31/10
Posts: 771
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: dageo18]
#15014987 - 09/02/11 01:14 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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i've kind of been going through the same thing. i broke off with most of my old friends after leaving my hometown and at college i can't seem to relate with the kids that i meet enough to establish a meaningful and lasting relationship. it doesn't necessarily bother me though because i prefer solitude over isolation. the worst type of isolation is the type you described, being around tons of people and still feeling like you are alone. it's weird being in the college setting because you are kind of expected to have a bunch of friends and all of that but for me it just hasn't worked out that way. luckily i'm patient enough for that not to bother me, i've made the decision to not put up with bullshit relationships any more than i have to and just wait until someone real comes into my life. one of the reasons i love to travel is because you can truly be in solitude and no one expects anything different from you because you are the 'outsider'.
i can't really figure out what separates me from my peers though. at times i feel like i've just matured at an inconvenient rate and i have to wait for everyone else to catch up.
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Caspian021
Stranger
Registered: 05/10/10
Posts: 235
Last seen: 10 months, 14 days
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: nglsnv]
#15015349 - 09/02/11 02:56 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Professor Tibbs said:
at times i feel like i've just matured at an inconvenient rate and i have to wait for everyone else to catch up.
I've tried to figure this out for myself as well, and the evidence always seems to point in this direction.
Solitude, to me, is more of a choice, kind of a lifestyle. Whereas loneliness is a situation, and more of a state of mind. An undesirable one at that.
When it comes to relationships, I'm quite picky with people. Sometimes I hate that about me, because I don't put up with peoples' bullshit. Unfortunately this leaves few people that I bother to connect with. It's hard to come across true down-to-earth people, in my experience at least. Far too many relationships are too superficial, and for some reason I have a really low tolerance for it.
Maslow's Characteristics of the Self-Actualized person includes this:
"Self-actualizing people have deeper and more profound interpersonal relations than other adults. They are capable of fusion, greater love and more perfect identification that other people could consider possible. They generally tend to have relatively few friends, but those relationships are deep and very meaningful."
Maybe we're on the right track after all.
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lolwut
Gone Troppo
Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 2,066
Loc: The Lost Woods
Last seen: 12 minutes, 4 seconds
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: Caspian021]
#15016176 - 09/02/11 08:15 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Why either/or? Humans are social creatures man, including you. Even if you feel intellectually superior/mature to those around you (which may or may not have creedence) it's still fun to have a few beers with your friends every now and again. Loneliness and solitude can be a slippery slope to isolation, alienation and perhaps depression, but I do agree that alone time is important and above all you should be happy just being with yourself. But being with others is fun too, even if sometimes it feels like you're observing monkeys in the zoo, lol. And it's important to be somewhat social, even if only to make sure your social skills will be adequate. How else do you expect to find a girl or successfully ask your boss for a pay raise.
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In old age Diogenes stopped a veteran and asked, “What were you in the last war?”
“Oh, I was only a private,” replied the veteran.
Diogenes rocked as if about to fall. “Ye gods!” he gasped. “At last!” Then after catching his breath he blew out his lantern and went home.
-Osho
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LunarEclipse
Mr. Dogma Free
Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 10,648
Loc: The Hand
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: nglsnv]
#15016239 - 09/02/11 08:48 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Professor Tibbs said:
i've kind of been going through the same thing. i broke off with most of my old friends after leaving my hometown and at college i can't seem to relate with the kids that i meet enough to establish a meaningful and lasting relationship. it doesn't necessarily bother me though because i prefer solitude over isolation. the worst type of isolation is the type you described, being around tons of people and still feeling like you are alone. it's weird being in the college setting because you are kind of expected to have a bunch of friends and all of that but for me it just hasn't worked out that way. luckily i'm patient enough for that not to bother me, i've made the decision to not put up with bullshit relationships any more than i have to and just wait until someone real comes into my life. one of the reasons i love to travel is because you can truly be in solitude and no one expects anything different from you because you are the 'outsider'.
i can't really figure out what separates me from my peers though. at times i feel like i've just matured at an inconvenient rate and i have to wait for everyone else to catch up.
What separates you is that you are actually looking around and trying to figure out what gives. Why are these people so phony with all their technoBS gadgets and agreeing to be a pwn in the Apple world. There will come a day when Facebook will not be considered all that great.
Well as long as I have my cat I can't be considered truly isolated or lonely. He's pretty good company. When he talks it is usually with good reason and right on the mark.
Travel is a great way to meet people if you approach it properly. That is to say as a way to meet new people and get their appreciation that you are traveling. Why can't we just pretend to be from out of town? Chick magnet...then you can always tell the reason why and both laugh after sex even though she will leave the next day. Nobody likes some weirdo.
Traveling In The Dark. (Can't see a thing)
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Don't submit to dogma.
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nglsnv
Becoming
Registered: 08/31/10
Posts: 771
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Quote:
Caspian021 said:
Maybe we're on the right track after all.
i believe so, or at least perhaps we can say we have a better understanding of the things we do and associate with and therefore a clearer picture of where we are headed.
Quote:
lolwut said:
Why either/or? Humans are social creatures man, including you. Even if you feel intellectually superior/mature to those around you (which may or may not have creedence) it's still fun to have a few beers with your friends every now and again. Loneliness and solitude can be a slippery slope to isolation, alienation and perhaps depression, but I do agree that alone time is important and above all you should be happy just being with yourself. But being with others is fun too, even if sometimes it feels like you're observing monkeys in the zoo, lol. And it's important to be somewhat social, even if only to make sure your social skills will be adequate. How else do you expect to find a girl or successfully ask your boss for a pay raise.
i agree, and i don't try to isolate myself, it's simply that i generally feel more comfortable when i'm not surrounded by other people and their senseless dramatics. i try to never turn down an opportunity to do something with others, even though it doesn't always turn out how i would like.
Quote:
LunarEclipse said:
Why can't we just pretend to be from out of town?
this is one of the reasons i don't have a facebook anymore. people have to figure out who i am right now without using something like facebook to check and see where i've been and what i've done in the past and judging from that.
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LunarEclipse
Mr. Dogma Free
Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 10,648
Loc: The Hand
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: nglsnv]
#15016392 - 09/02/11 09:58 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Professor Tibbs said:
Quote:
Caspian021 said:
Maybe we're on the right track after all.
i believe so, or at least perhaps we can say we have a better understanding of the things we do and associate with and therefore a clearer picture of where we are headed.
Quote:
lolwut said:
Why either/or? Humans are social creatures man, including you. Even if you feel intellectually superior/mature to those around you (which may or may not have creedence) it's still fun to have a few beers with your friends every now and again. Loneliness and solitude can be a slippery slope to isolation, alienation and perhaps depression, but I do agree that alone time is important and above all you should be happy just being with yourself. But being with others is fun too, even if sometimes it feels like you're observing monkeys in the zoo, lol. And it's important to be somewhat social, even if only to make sure your social skills will be adequate. How else do you expect to find a girl or successfully ask your boss for a pay raise.
i agree, and i don't try to isolate myself, it's simply that i generally feel more comfortable when i'm not surrounded by other people and their senseless dramatics. i try to never turn down an opportunity to do something with others, even though it doesn't always turn out how i would like.
Quote:
LunarEclipse said:
Why can't we just pretend to be from out of town?
this is one of the reasons i don't have a facebook anymore. people have to figure out who i am right now without using something like facebook to check and see where i've been and what i've done in the past and judging from that.
if you are not part of group you are part of not group. not group not get no fun. you got do what group do or group no like. look at you like you no fun. confusion say.
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Don't submit to dogma.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 79,813
Loc: underbelly
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: dageo18]
#15016420 - 09/02/11 10:12 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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I love being alone most of the time. I don't prefer to be lonely.
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"Hang on tightly, let go lightly" -anonymous
“under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this planet, every person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded. we have never seen a man or woman not slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. we have never seen a totally sane human being.”
― Robert Anton Wilson
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nglsnv
Becoming
Registered: 08/31/10
Posts: 771
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Quote:
LunarEclipse said:
if you are not part of group you are part of not group. not group not get no fun. you got do what group do or group no like. look at you like you no fun. confusion say.
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TheTreesHaveEyes
Stranger
Registered: 12/01/10
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Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: nglsnv]
#15021608 - 09/03/11 10:19 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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I am the same way. I prefer solitude, I find peace and stillness in being alone. Being a Buddhist I find myself being more mindful, relaxed, and in tune with the present moment when I am alone.
I only have 2 or 3 friends and they are the same way, as far as preferring to be alone a lot of the time. We see each other once every week or two, or three, and that pretty much fulfills our social needs.
I think it is very odd that being alone has such a negative stigma, people assume that if you prefer solitude you must be depressed or unhappy. I've always found all the happiness I need in myself, my family, and my few friends.
I think aloneness is awesome. Loneliness isn't.
Loneliness generally occurs when you think you need other people to make you happy, or you compare the value of your life to others based on your social life.
Aloneness is being able to find all the happiness you need in yourself and your immediate environment. I find that my being comfortable being alone has actually made my interactions with other people much more fulfilling and meaningful, because I am not looking at them as a means to make me happy anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being around people, but it is almost as if I am affected so much by being around others that I have to do it in short spurts or I get worn out.
Maslow's description (I love that book by the way) fits me perfectly, and actually is very similar to the description of my personality type (INFP).
Edited by TheTreesHaveEyes (09/03/11 10:20 AM)
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4896744
Small Town Girl
Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 5,128
Loc: United States
Last seen: 1 year, 5 days
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: dageo18]
#15021617 - 09/03/11 10:22 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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I am quite social, so I prefer to spend at least half of my time with people I enjoy. After spending long periods of time in groups solitude is quite nice.
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Live your Life! 
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LunarEclipse
Mr. Dogma Free
Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 10,648
Loc: The Hand
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Quote:
TheTreesHaveEyes said:
I am the same way. I prefer solitude, I find peace and stillness in being alone. Being a Buddhist I find myself being more mindful, relaxed, and in tune with the present moment when I am alone.
I only have 2 or 3 friends and they are the same way, as far as preferring to be alone a lot of the time. We see each other once every week or two, or three, and that pretty much fulfills our social needs.
I think it is very odd that being alone has such a negative stigma, people assume that if you prefer solitude you must be depressed or unhappy. I've always found all the happiness I need in myself, my family, and my few friends.
I think aloneness is awesome. Loneliness isn't.
Loneliness generally occurs when you think you need other people to make you happy, or you compare the value of your life to others based on your social life.
Aloneness is being able to find all the happiness you need in yourself and your immediate environment. I find that my being comfortable being alone has actually made my interactions with other people much more fulfilling and meaningful, because I am not looking at them as a means to make me happy anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being around people, but it is almost as if I am affected so much by being around others that I have to do it in short spurts or I get worn out.
Maslow's description (I love that book by the way) fits me perfectly, and actually is very similar to the description of my personality type (INFP).
Well said. Ever notice how a cat will give you love and attention in relatively short spurts then move away to be alone? Cats know. Too much is too much.
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Don't submit to dogma.
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millzy
Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 6,696
Last seen: 1 day, 10 hours
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i enjoy solitude, but i also love being around my huge group of friends. mostly though, i'm alone by choice. i'm a contemplative so my hobbies are pretty much on the solo tip.
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It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.- Philip K. Dick
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LayinUp
Faith
Registered: 04/14/11
Posts: 1,922
Loc: Inside the mycelium
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: millzy]
#15022044 - 09/03/11 12:36 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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I'm a loner, always have been. It's not that I don't like people, it's that I have trouble interfacing with them. My thoughts and consciousness are constantly scattered across the universe, so I find little motivation to discuss the latest movie, politics, or any of the other trivial bullshit most people talk about.
It works both ways, too. Most people don't want to hear about what is going through my mind, which is just fine. I've accepted that this is the way it will be a long time ago, I'm fine with it.
Every now and then I make a connection with another person - but then they usually fuck it up by lighting up a cigarette or doing something else that sends me running. Oh well, to each their own.
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Escape the box.
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4896744
Small Town Girl
Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 5,128
Loc: United States
Last seen: 1 year, 5 days
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: LayinUp]
#15022088 - 09/03/11 12:44 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
My thoughts and consciousness are constantly scattered across the universe
Would you mind elaborating?
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Live your Life!
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LunarEclipse
Mr. Dogma Free
Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 10,648
Loc: The Hand
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: 4896744]
#15022170 - 09/03/11 01:03 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
iThink said:
Quote:
My thoughts and consciousness are constantly scattered across the universe
Would you mind elaborating?
Across The Universe
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/15022088#15022088
nothing is going to change my world. yes.
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Don't submit to dogma.
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LayinUp
Faith
Registered: 04/14/11
Posts: 1,922
Loc: Inside the mycelium
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: 4896744]
#15022213 - 09/03/11 01:12 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
iThink said:
Quote:
My thoughts and consciousness are constantly scattered across the universe
Would you mind elaborating?
I really would rather not. Like I said, I don't interface well with other people.
It's much simpler that you write me off as demented/retarded/insane/full of shit, I don't mind. It would save me the time of trying to explain.
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Escape the box.
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Noteworthy
Sophyphile
Registered: 10/05/08
Posts: 5,599
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Id just like to say in this thread that I find social abilities to be like muscles - if you dont use them they dont work as well. IF you use them often, you gain abilities to express what you want and to be able to relate to people better.
Thats at least been my experience.
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quinn
medicine woman
Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 4,760
Loc: (usually) above sea level
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: Noteworthy]
#15022262 - 09/03/11 01:22 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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i think its more like social abilities are muscles. if i had muscles that would probably solve all my social problems 
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if only i
had learnt to count
i might know more
about a larger amount
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Noteworthy
Sophyphile
Registered: 10/05/08
Posts: 5,599
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: lonleliness vs. solitude [Re: quinn]
#15022506 - 09/03/11 02:17 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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what sort of social problems are these?
You might gain some social problems that way too
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