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 InTheFlesh714
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 Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore 
#14853488 - 07/31/11 10:12 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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I'm sure there's other threads on this but my situation is a little different.
I've been going out with her for over a month now and everything has been wonderful including the sex life. She went on some retreat this past weekend (yes she's Catholic) for some teenagers that have had a tough life, not really sure the details on them but she called me after she got back from the trip and told me she made a promise to herself at the beginning of the year that if she were to go in a relationship again she wouldn't have sex until much later on in the relationship, and she's preaching to these teens that you shouldn't have sex and all that so she says she doesn't want to be a hypocrite. I understand all of this and I respect it, I just don't understand why she didn't do that from the beginning. I told her that too and she says she just didn't "have much respect for herself."
I could have waited a long time; but I just don't know how to stop and act like it never happened. It seems like she's been enlightened by this retreat she went on and finally has self esteem and self respect for herself and that's why this is happening.
I told her I'd call her back when I thought it all through, but the only thing that makes sense to me is to break it off because I know it's not going to work like this. I'm not just in it for the sex, she's an amazing person but it's been the spark of our relationship. I don't want to break it off but I feel like I have to. Help me make sense of all this shroomery.
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gotmagic
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14853523 - 07/31/11 10:17 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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sorta sounds to me that your in it for the sex haha i had to comment tho because this reminds me of roger rabbits signature!
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.—Albert Einstein
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Sleepwalker
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14853524 - 07/31/11 10:18 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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If you aren't having sex then she's back to being just a friend, IMO. Except now with added sexual tension.
Shitty situation for her to put you in. Sex is a big deal in an intimate relationship I think. 
Also from what you've said about her I doubt she would be ok with you being with someone else...you know, open relationship type thing. Are you just gonna jerk it from now on?
Edited by Sleepwalker (07/31/11 10:19 PM)
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 Elementium
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14853536 - 07/31/11 10:20 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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She has expectations for relationships, but so do you.
If your expectations aren't going to be met under this new situation, then move on.
She may take it as you only wanting her for sex, but whatever. It's your life and it's insane to put your own fulfillment aside just to spare her torturing herself over something unreal.
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InTheFlesh714
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: Elementium]
#14853598 - 07/31/11 10:32 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Thanks guys. I was just getting ready to leave to break it off when I decided to refresh this page and saw your replies. She won't be happy if we continued what we were doing before this weekend and I won't be happy if we did it her way. It's been a few minutes since I've texted her, I just asked her what she was doing in half an hour. No response. Might just leave in 15 if I don't hear from her.
This whole thing sucks.
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Elementium
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14853654 - 07/31/11 10:44 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah, we've all been there.
I just think the best course is to get straight to the point. If neither of you are going to have what you want, it's best to move on and use the time saved to enjoy life with someone who shares your desires.
It's not wrong that you've grown in different directions.
Good luck.
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InTheFlesh714
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: Elementium]
#14853668 - 07/31/11 10:47 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Thanks Norom, fortunately this won't be that hard for me since this relationship started 5-6 weeks ago, sure was a hell of a month though. I'll update this when I get back.
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InTheFlesh714
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14853681 - 07/31/11 10:50 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Or not, I forgot she was going to the spa with her friend. This will have to wait til tomorrow. Dang, I had everything together.
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pescadorabioso
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14853891 - 07/31/11 11:32 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Do what you gotta do brother, fuck the religious regulations. Embrace your hedonistic nature and find someone who is willing to do the same in regards to copulation.
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What has made them conceive that man must want a rationally advantageous choice?
I've become desensitized to these types of occurrences thus far. Yet, there lies a sensation of bitter disappointment embedded within.
FINE YOU IMBECILE; SUFFER!! IT IS YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE HURTING. NOTHING IS DETERRING YOU FROM ATTAINING THAT OF WHICH YOU INHERENTLY CRAVE. YOU HAVE LET THEM TAKE OVER YOUR MIND, YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL, YOU NEVER WERE.
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rackem
Registered: 11/27/09
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: pescadorabioso]
#14853923 - 07/31/11 11:39 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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healthy relationship = having sex.
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pescadorabioso
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: rackem]
#14853955 - 07/31/11 11:45 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
rackem said:
healthy relationship = having sex.
I second that notion; couldn't agree more.
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What has made them conceive that man must want a rationally advantageous choice?
I've become desensitized to these types of occurrences thus far. Yet, there lies a sensation of bitter disappointment embedded within.
FINE YOU IMBECILE; SUFFER!! IT IS YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE HURTING. NOTHING IS DETERRING YOU FROM ATTAINING THAT OF WHICH YOU INHERENTLY CRAVE. YOU HAVE LET THEM TAKE OVER YOUR MIND, YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL, YOU NEVER WERE.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 20,391
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: rackem]
#14855044 - 08/01/11 07:23 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
rackem said:
healthy relationship = having sex.
Fact of life 
Interestingly, a good (female) friend of mine was together with this guy I also know pretty well for a couple of years. I think they lasted four years or so, from the top of my head. Could have bean five. Anyway, both of them are catholics, albeit that she is the laid-back kind that goes to church maybe a couple of times a year and otherwise just lives a modern lifestyle. The guy used to be the same, but with a more serious/hard-core streak to his religious life; he would have these periods of being a devout catholic once in a while. Until one time he also went to some sort of retreat (it was actually pretty sectarian if you ask me), and there he got the brilliant idea not to have sex anymore before marriage. So they proceeded to not have sex anymore for a year. It's a goddamn miracle this girl lasted so long without sex (we talk about it frequently and openly, and I know for a fact that she has a very healthy sex drive), but in the end, it just can't be done...sure, it's alright if you share the view that sex before marriage is bad, then by all means, stick together, get married, grow a couple of kids and be done with it. But if you're halfway normal (sorry religious zealots; I don't consider you normal), then pull out and try again with someone who has some modern views, and not some twisted, 19th-century Victorian outlook on 'romantic' life.
So yeah, end this while it's still fresh and the stakes aren't too high yet.
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Altered States
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14855791 - 08/01/11 12:42 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
InTheFlesh714 said:
I'm sure there's other threads on this but my situation is a little different.
I've been going out with her for over a month now and everything has been wonderful including the sex life. She went on some retreat this past weekend (yes she's Catholic) for some teenagers that have had a tough life, not really sure the details on them but she called me after she got back from the trip and told me she made a promise to herself at the beginning of the year that if she were to go in a relationship again she wouldn't have sex until much later on in the relationship, and she's preaching to these teens that you shouldn't have sex and all that so she says she doesn't want to be a hypocrite. I understand all of this and I respect it, I just don't understand why she didn't do that from the beginning. I told her that too and she says she just didn't "have much respect for herself."
I could have waited a long time; but I just don't know how to stop and act like it never happened. It seems like she's been enlightened by this retreat she went on and finally has self esteem and self respect for herself and that's why this is happening.
I told her I'd call her back when I thought it all through, but the only thing that makes sense to me is to break it off because I know it's not going to work like this. I'm not just in it for the sex, she's an amazing person but it's been the spark of our relationship. I don't want to break it off but I feel like I have to. Help me make sense of all this shroomery.
Most Catholic girls go through this faze sometime or another especially after one of there retreats!! It's very very common, and trust me after a couple of weeks she'll be wanting some dick again, simple fact of the teenage body. Just give her some time and respect her wish & don't trip on it, and definitely don't rag on her every minute your dick gets hard. Heavy petting, blow & hand jobs, and the old back door are great relievers without cheating on your religious vows. Good luck!!
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DRUMMING ON THE EDGE OF MADNESS!!
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TheKickingTree
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: koraks]
#14855821 - 08/01/11 12:49 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Hahahaha. As long as she's not going on regular church retreats the little change of heart she had will fade. You'll have to suffer at least a few weeks. But no more than two months as long as you're just sweet as a fucking peach. She'll be back on your bone shortly. I'm an armchair psychologist, but I've seen this temporary religious seriousness a dozen times.
That is of course if she's not just using this as a ploy to get you to break up with her. But I get the sense that it's the former likelihood.
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They don't make Jesus like they used to.
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InTheFlesh714
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: TheKickingTree]
#14855883 - 08/01/11 01:01 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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That's what I was thinking, she has a bigger sex drive than I do so I'm curious to see exactly how long this will last. I told her how I felt and how I wanted to end it and she started crying, made me feel awful so I told her I would give it a try. I'll update this thread when we have sex again or its totally over.
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mick
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14858222 - 08/01/11 09:38 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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you should hang some sexy alterboy posters on your wall, throw a pinup child calendar too. maybe shell see those and get the picture
GL. I could go quite a while without sex, so girls trying to hold out on me rarely works.
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http://kittiesntitties.tumblr.com/
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "
ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
Edited by mick (08/01/11 09:43 PM)
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InTheFlesh714
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: mick]
#14862157 - 08/02/11 04:30 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Well it only took 2 hours of laying around in bed til she caved in, I'm not surprised lol.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14862204 - 08/02/11 04:37 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
InTheFlesh714 said:
Well it only took 2 hours of laying around in bed til she caved in, I'm not surprised lol.
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Sleepwalker
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14862673 - 08/02/11 06:10 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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That's nice I guess. Good luck with her.
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BothHands
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14862706 - 08/02/11 06:15 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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How old is she?
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fungifann
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: BothHands]
#14867161 - 08/03/11 03:03 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Yea ive had guy friends go on these retreats then they come back preaching that i should stop smoking weed and not use mushrooms. dont worry these retreats just put them on a week long guilt trip and they come back feeling they should change. after a couple weeks they all went back to smoking.
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InTheFlesh714
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: fungifann]
#14898376 - 08/09/11 10:59 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah I don't know, she takes church to a whole other level. When we first met it didn't really bother me at all that she went to church, I was raised a Catholic, now I'm agnostic if anything. But now she does all these retreats and adoration, she is really taken it seriously and I didn't realize that until last weekend. We've had sex twice since her retreat but she doesn't like to give it up or do anything except kissing. I'm really not 100% happy and I almost feel like I'm being manipulated, like this is all some sort of test. And she totally thinks I'm in this for the sex since my attempt to dump her 10 days ago.
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Joolz
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14898388 - 08/09/11 11:01 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Look, dude. I'm gonna say something, and its going to solve your problem. Whether you have balls in between your legs to do it or not, is up to you.
Get the fuck out.
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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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InTheFlesh714
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: Joolz]
#14898432 - 08/09/11 11:11 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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lol thanks
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Joolz
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14898491 - 08/09/11 11:26 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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I've just been in the same situation man. I've had the girl that gave me sex, then suddenly tried to take it away. I felt like she was playing games, I wasn't happy, I wanted to have sex, blah blah.
She's gonna waste away your entire youth if you don't leave her. Trust me man, if you aren't happy then get out, especially if you've already tried to make it work.
Also, if she thinks you're in it for sex alone then clearly she's blind. If you were in it for sex alone you wouldn't be together now. You would've left her whenever she first tried to take it away.
I'd tell her the spark is gone, you aren't happy, she doesn't want to fuck, and you don't want to stay here any longer. Not to sound like a man-whore or something, but I'm fucking young. Whenever I'm dating you, I'll give you some time. We can date a few times before we fuck. But I'm in my fucking prime, and I want to share some deep and passionate moments with a girl that I like.
She's overthinking sex and you already said she "takes church to a whole new level". I'd bounce bro, just leave.
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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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InTheFlesh714
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: Joolz]
#14898701 - 08/10/11 12:20 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Well thanks for your input. Almost in the exact situation that I'm in. It's only been 10 days like this, I'm only giving her another 20, she doesn't know that of course, we'll see how it turns out.
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pothead_bob
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: Joolz]
#14899878 - 08/10/11 08:28 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
but I'm fucking young. Whenever I'm dating you, I'll give you some time. We can date a few times before we fuck. But I'm in my fucking prime, and I want to share some deep and passionate moments with a girl that I like.
Yeah, man, you're only young once. That's the key here. Odds are she'll wake up one day to the bullshit and realize she put herself through these guilt trips and wasted away her youth for nothing. Hopefully you don't have to wake up to that same realization.
Ask her to give you proof that sex is bad. And a 2,000 year old book written by a bunch of unemployed skitzophrenics doesn't count as proof.
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No knowledge can be certain, if it is not based
upon mathematics or upon some other knowledge
which is itself based upon the mathematical
sciences. -Leonardo da Vinci (1425-1519)
Speak well of your enemies. After all, you made them.
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GoodAtIt
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: pothead_bob]
#14901538 - 08/10/11 03:53 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Only a loser makes "an attempt" to dump someone. You either do it or don't. it's not hard you gotta be pretty weak to say "its over" then change your mind right after.
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nooneman
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714]
#14901569 - 08/10/11 03:59 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Dump her ASAP.
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DeathCompany
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Re: Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore [Re: InTheFlesh714] 1
#14901802 - 08/10/11 04:49 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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This is how I would go about either breaking up with her or getting sex back in the relationship.
First off just ask what her personal reasoning is on why she no longer wants to have sex. Honestly try to understand where she is coming from. By no means argue with her on why her answer is wrong just accept it as her opinion. Then tell her that while sex is by no means the only reason you are with her (followed by a few good examples of non physical reasons why you love her) Then explain that being a man and an individual, to you sex does play a very important roll in what you see as a healthy happy relationship. And that while she has her reasons for not being sexually active you do not share the same religious beliefs and that your differences on the subject are strong enough for you to look elsewhere for your idea of a perfect partner that you could spend the rest of your life with. Then tell her you would still like to hang out with her as a friend (lol) because there is so much you like about her as a person.
You could also make the argument of asking her whats one important thing she loves about you, personality wise or whatever. Once she answers ask her how she would feel if you just completely stopped doing it all together a month or two into the relationship. Jus
The important thing to remember is to make sure she knows that you do not hate her for removing sex from the relationship but it is a big deal to you and that you just want to find the perfect partner to experience life with and that falls under the category.
Good luck
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