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Anonymous #1
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 No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually 
#14807637 - 07/22/11 11:35 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Feels bad man. I'm no longer sexually attracted to my girlfriend. I have sex with her only because I know she wants it but I find it's hard to even get it up for her. I'm just not turned on by her anymore. It sucks, because I love her and think she's the best girlfriend I've ever had. Just, the physical attraction has really faded lately. We moved in together 4 months ago and have been dating for 6. She's gained 30 pounds since then and has had random flareups of acne. I don't want to seem shallow, but I can't control whether or not I'm turned on. Emotionally I still love her, just not sure what to do. She says she wants to lose weight but cannot stick to a diet. I try to be supportive but it just isn't working.
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 floydisgod
whoa
 
Registered: 03/03/08
Posts: 802
Loc: satur9 
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14807641 - 07/22/11 11:36 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Billy? Haha
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Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd
Smiling
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Anonymous #2
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: floydisgod]
#14807669 - 07/22/11 11:44 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Tough call... I hate to be a dick, and I don't know how young you are, but I can pretty much guarantee you its only going to get worse as time goes on.
My wife is hot and has kept herself in relatively good shape but after years of marriage, every once in a while I find myself not really into her sexually and I have to make an effort not to look too hard at other women. When we started out it was super hot and there were no doubts.
So I guess what I'm saying is ... get out of there, but be nice about it. You dont' want to be stuck with that in 20 years.
GOD I'm such a dick.
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 sigma_zero
internet Jedi
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: floydisgod]
#14807676 - 07/22/11 11:45 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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30 pounds is a lot of fat. She obviously doesn't care about here body so I would guess this is just the start of her fat collection. I don't think it is shallow. I would dump her for being a fat slob I don't care how nice she is. Its not that hard to just not eat crap all day long.
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The truth is, nobody has a clue.
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Smitington
Unidentified Flying Object
Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 1,408
Loc: Mushroom Kingdom
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: floydisgod]
#14807679 - 07/22/11 11:46 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Tbh, your situation sounds a lot like mine. Did she start taking birth control? That might have resulted in the weight gain. It's really tough when you love a person but you have lost the physical attraction. What also sucks is when you try to talk to them about it, and then you become the jerk for calling them fat (I would not recommend you try this).
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metalfaith
Moron
Registered: 03/31/11
Posts: 706
Loc: 727 FL
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #2] 1
#14807705 - 07/22/11 11:50 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Ahh the results of a culture obsessed with outward appearances. 
Wish I could help. 
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metalfaith
Moron
Registered: 03/31/11
Posts: 706
Loc: 727 FL
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: sigma_zero]
#14807712 - 07/22/11 11:51 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
sigma_zero said:
30 pounds is a lot of fat. She obviously doesn't care about here body so I would guess this is just the start of her fat collection. I don't think it is shallow. I would dump her for being a fat slob I don't care how nice she is. Its not that hard to just not eat crap all day long.
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Smitington
Unidentified Flying Object
Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 1,408
Loc: Mushroom Kingdom
Last seen: 28 days, 10 hours
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: metalfaith] 1
#14807781 - 07/22/11 12:10 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
metalfaith said:
Ahh the results of a culture obsessed with outward appearances.
Wish I could help.
I'm afraid it's not all about appearances. Being over weight can come with other unattractive qualities including body odor. I don't believe that attraction to healthy physiques is 100% culturally learned, it's all about choosing a well fit mate.
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NizzyJones
Fight evil with funk
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: metalfaith]
#14807783 - 07/22/11 12:10 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
metalfaith said:
Quote:
sigma_zero said:
30 pounds is a lot of fat. She obviously doesn't care about here body so I would guess this is just the start of her fat collection. I don't think it is shallow. I would dump her for being a fat slob I don't care how nice she is. Its not that hard to just not eat crap all day long.
It is somewhat shallow but we're talking about a girl gaining 30lbs in six months. That's really unhealthy even if you leave 'outward appearances' aside. I wouldn't have gone straight to "ditch her" but they pretty clearly need to talk about what's going on there.
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Wildflower seed on the sand and stone, may the four winds blow you safely home
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 20,269
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14807801 - 07/22/11 12:15 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
We moved in together 4 months ago and have been dating for 6.
Ok, so don't _ever_ do that again in such a ridiculously short timeframe.
Apart from that:
- How does she experience your sex life? Is she content with things?
- What do you expect from a partner in terms of sex? Is it about appearance (incl. the weight thing), or is there something else?
- Have you had a long-term relationship (let's say, more than 6 months) prior to this in which you were sexually content? If yes, why was that?
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InvisibleHunter
Stranger
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Loc: Australia 
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: koraks]
#14807854 - 07/22/11 12:29 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Talk to her dude. As much as it will hurt her, you need to tell her she is putting on weight and you feel less attracted to her. If you don't talk to her you will become more frustrated and begin to have a negative outlook towards sex.
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Mycowlogist
Freethinker
Registered: 06/29/08
Posts: 525
Loc: in a galaxy far far away....
Last seen: 3 months, 22 days
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: InvisibleHunter]
#14807975 - 07/22/11 12:54 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Share your feelings with her, let her know exactly how you feel. Be supportive, and try to understand what might have caused it (depression, medications, etc.) If she is not receptive, avoids converstaion or doesn't value your opinions... Well, I hope you love yourself enough not to stay in such a relationship. I know how you feel. I think as men we identify ourselves sexually, and validate ourselves in a relationship. Bitches don't get that! LOL Got to keep it real son 
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"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." Honest Abe
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TigerShark
Meowasaurus
Registered: 05/15/11
Posts: 265
Loc: Mass
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Mycowlogist]
#14808042 - 07/22/11 01:06 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Maybe if she knows you're not as sexually attracted to her as you used to be it'll give her more motivation to lose weight and buy some Proactiv. It's a dick move, but maybe it'll save your relationship 
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Anonymous #1
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Smitington]
#14808119 - 07/22/11 01:20 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Smitington said:
Tbh, your situation sounds a lot like mine. Did she start taking birth control? That might have resulted in the weight gain. It's really tough when you love a person but you have lost the physical attraction. What also sucks is when you try to talk to them about it, and then you become the jerk for calling them fat (I would not recommend you try this).
Yes, she started gaining weight after birth control. It got really bad after the depo shot. But she needs the shot because she forgets to take the pill.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside
Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14808134 - 07/22/11 01:23 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Thats why I no longer take BC.
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Smitington
Unidentified Flying Object
Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 1,408
Loc: Mushroom Kingdom
Last seen: 28 days, 10 hours
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14808156 - 07/22/11 01:27 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Since our situations are so similar, I don't have much advice to give you. As for me, I have pretty much decided to stick with her for the time being. It's not too bad, I still find her attractive in some ways, and we do have good sex sometimes (not like we used to tho). We have been together four years now and we have a pretty good thing, I don't want to lose that. She likes working out, but she has two jobs atm and never has time to. I figure once things settle down it might get better, we will both have time to go work out, and we might be able to try alternatives to the pill.
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Edited by Smitington (07/22/11 01:30 PM)
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InvisibleHunter
Stranger
Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14808159 - 07/22/11 01:27 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Well help her then. Start taking vitamins at the same time and remind each other. If she is still gaining weight on the pill then you need to look at other options.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: koraks]
#14808176 - 07/22/11 01:32 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
koraks said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:
We moved in together 4 months ago and have been dating for 6.
Ok, so don't _ever_ do that again in such a ridiculously short timeframe.
Apart from that:
- How does she experience your sex life? Is she content with things?
- What do you expect from a partner in terms of sex? Is it about appearance (incl. the weight thing), or is there something else?
- Have you had a long-term relationship (let's say, more than 6 months) prior to this in which you were sexually content? If yes, why was that?
To answer your questions..
She thinks we do t have sex enough. She loves sex with me but I am definitely the one with lower desire in this relationship.
From my partner, I expect a healthy vibrant sex life. When I am fucking her though, I kind of can't look at her. She's just not attractive.
Yes, many. I was with one girl for 3 years. She was very attractive and I had NO problem looking at her while we were having sex.
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naturesrevolt
StrangerOfAwesome
Registered: 05/28/11
Posts: 518
Loc: michigan
Last seen: 19 days, 13 hours
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14808250 - 07/22/11 01:43 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Turn the lights off?
Try exercising with her, make it a couple's thing. It could be a bonding thing to get you back in the motivation for sex with her. Diets don't really work because they're so easy to break. Tanned fat looks thinner, so think about that. Make a 5 week plan, after 5 weeks most things become a routine for us humans, so it becomes much easier to do it again and again.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: naturesrevolt]
#14809141 - 07/22/11 04:27 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Wait till she squeezes out a couple of babies... its MUCH harder then to maintain a tight body.
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Cloud9
I don't feel, and it feels great
Registered: 07/03/03
Posts: 1,418
Loc: between here and there
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #2]
#14809725 - 07/22/11 06:27 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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sounds like it's time to say something to her. i'd rather be honest and tell her the truth and have her pissed off and lose the weight than just have her get fat and hate herself and be depressed the rest of her life.
i've told close girl friends that they were fat, and it pissed them off. today they have lost the weight and thank me for being honest and helping them get on the right track.
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Bipolarbear
Stranger with candy
Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 828
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14809853 - 07/22/11 06:53 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
Smitington said:
Tbh, your situation sounds a lot like mine. Did she start taking birth control? That might have resulted in the weight gain. It's really tough when you love a person but you have lost the physical attraction. What also sucks is when you try to talk to them about it, and then you become the jerk for calling them fat (I would not recommend you try this).
Yes, she started gaining weight after birth control. It got really bad after the depo shot. But she needs the shot because she forgets to take the pill.
Tell her to stop taking birth control. All my more serious girlfriends couldn't take birth control because they were all crazy to begin with so it just made them even crazier. I just pull out and cum on her face or w/e and I have never had an issue. 
Once she's off the BC start going out every day to exercise and tell her you would really like it if she came too. Being that she is a fatty she will get winded real quick and want to quit and go eat cupcakes so you gotta start her on a program. Get her into something she can look forward to.
http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
My good friend just did that who has a serious medical condition (only 1 lung!) and hasn't exercised like a day in his life. Now he runs 3 miles every day and does 5k runs all the time. This program will encourage even the fattest that they can do it because you never over-exert yourself as your body builds up strength and lungpower.
If she refuses then know this: She isn't really interested in losing weight and you need to let her know that even though you care for her that her health is really disconcerting to you and that you can't be with her and watch her do that to herself.
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muddy
Stranger
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Bipolarbear]
#14810627 - 07/22/11 09:53 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Sexual attraction is a whole different beast to physical attraction. And they become a real big beasty of a problem when neither are happening. I'm willing to guess that there wasn't a lot of "sexual chemistry" when you first met. That happens, and even though you may love them and want to get yer freak on and let them join the party, it simply ain't gonna happen any further than the honeymoon period. And by that time, a period will stop you - cos any ol' excuse will do to not fuck that pig who takes up all your bed space... Ok, maybe that's just me, but the cold hard fact bro is that if she don't push your buttons or prostate or whatever it is that floats your boat, then your sex life needs to take a place further down the list of relationship priorities. It's chemistry, and if don't work, then it don't work.
Edited by muddy (07/23/11 12:14 AM)
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sixbluntsdeep
Stranger
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: muddy]
#14811166 - 07/23/11 12:08 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Sex is great exercise.. Just think about it. The more you fuck her, the hotter she will get. Make her do some freaky shit like jumping jack blowjobs or something.
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Octavian
Stranger
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: muddy]
#14811182 - 07/23/11 12:11 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Everyone told you whats up. 
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sixbluntsdeep
Stranger
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Octavian]
#14811193 - 07/23/11 12:15 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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But anybody saying not to take birth control is RETARDED. Come on man... pulling out and blowing on her face? That's really your birth control method???
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Trichy
Stranger
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14811211 - 07/23/11 12:19 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
Smitington said:
Tbh, your situation sounds a lot like mine. Did she start taking birth control? That might have resulted in the weight gain. It's really tough when you love a person but you have lost the physical attraction. What also sucks is when you try to talk to them about it, and then you become the jerk for calling them fat (I would not recommend you try this).
Yes, she started gaining weight after birth control. It got really bad after the depo shot. But she needs the shot because she forgets to take the pill.
Just get a vasectomy..it's the greatest thing ever..aside from the week of having a softball sized sack, that hurts to look at. there's too many people in the gene pool anyways, hop out. she wont be on the pill, she'll lose weight, sex any where any time. its like the best present you can get yourself. and if youre insured, it cost me 30 bucks.
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Bipolarbear
Stranger with candy
Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 828
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: sixbluntsdeep]
#14811519 - 07/23/11 01:38 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
sixbluntsdeep said:
Come on man... pulling out and blowing on her face? That's really your birth control method???
It hasn't failed me yet! 
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withoutawire
Bunny Lover
Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 10,922
Loc: San Francisco
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14811522 - 07/23/11 01:38 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Feels bad man. I'm no longer sexually attracted to my girlfriend. I have sex with her only because I know she wants it but I find it's hard to even get it up for her. I'm just not turned on by her anymore. It sucks, because I love her and think she's the best girlfriend I've ever had. Just, the physical attraction has really faded lately. We moved in together 4 months ago and have been dating for 6. She's gained 30 pounds since then and has had random flareups of acne. I don't want to seem shallow, but I can't control whether or not I'm turned on. Emotionally I still love her, just not sure what to do. She says she wants to lose weight but cannot stick to a diet. I try to be supportive but it just isn't working.
Unless the sexual attraction lacking is due to a drug problem you personally have or something else radical then you should break up before you cheat on her or doing something else. This would be after you exlpain to her she needs to fix up and lose weight. You should be 100% honest in this matter. You are not being shallow. If this was the woman you married after 10 years it would be, but it's a girlfriend and if you want it to work you should tell her the truth.
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Octavian
Stranger
Registered: 07/15/11
Posts: 299
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Bipolarbear]
#14811538 - 07/23/11 01:43 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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yoyoyo. holy fuck. Ive noticed whats gone on. Shit has got shut down. Alot of things have happened and its tried to be quiet. But now we are starting to notice some semilar robotic simularities.
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Octavian
Stranger
Registered: 07/15/11
Posts: 299
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Octavian]
#14811542 - 07/23/11 01:44 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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be careful arrives. Think smart.
Edited by Octavian (07/23/11 01:46 AM)
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pothead_bob
Resident Pothead
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Bipolarbear]
#14812465 - 07/23/11 10:18 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Pulling out has never failed me either. We did it like that for years with success. What DID fail us though was when she got the BC shot. We thought we were protected and it failed. So I'd be leary of that if anything.
Take the other dude's advice and get a vas. Pay to have your sperm frozen in case you want kids in the future.
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No knowledge can be certain, if it is not based
upon mathematics or upon some other knowledge
which is itself based upon the mathematical
sciences. -Leonardo da Vinci (1425-1519)
Speak well of your enemies. After all, you made them.
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naturesrevolt
StrangerOfAwesome
Registered: 05/28/11
Posts: 518
Loc: michigan
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: pothead_bob]
#14812778 - 07/23/11 12:10 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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What happened to just buying a 100 pack of condoms and using those?
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Anonymous #3
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: naturesrevolt]
#14813198 - 07/23/11 01:49 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
naturesrevolt said:
What happened to just buying a 100 pack of condoms and using those?
Condoms suck.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 20,269
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Re: No longer attracted to my girlfriend sexually [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14816785 - 07/24/11 09:25 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
From my partner, I expect a healthy vibrant sex life. When I am fucking her though, I kind of can't look at her. She's just not attractive.
If it's only because of her weight, then you could try and coax her into slimming down. Although personally, I would feel guilty about that (i.e. manipulative) and it wouldn't work for that reason, but that's just me. If it's more than just the weight, then it seems to me you're just not a good match. Sucks.
Coincidentally, I talked with the girl I dated (and had stellar sex with) today and told her I didn't want to continue dating her. I didn't really give her a reason, but deep down inside, I know the physical attraction would have become a substantial problem within a very short timeframe. We matched on all other levels though, and as I said, the sex was astronomically good, but it was clear to me it wouldn't continue to be that way for a long time. Tough call, but I decided to not invest anymore. Not to say that you should do the same; just to show how I dealt with this issue - it's up to you to decide if your mind works in the same way in this respect.
Good luck, in any case.
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