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 A Day InThe Life
Stranger
Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 623
Last seen: 1 month, 19 days
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 Jealous Girlfriend 
#14614895 - 06/15/11 12:43 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
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My girlfriend gets very jealous whenever I interact with other girls, even though they're just friends and I don't show any more interest than that in them. Its annoying sometimes because I feel like I have to avoid the opposite sex or else I could anger her.
For example, I used to work at a place where allot of other girls worked (this alone made her jealous). They would always talk about girl shit with each-other (other guys and silly crushes or gossip/MTV crap) and I viewed them all as friends/co-workers and didn't try hooking up with any of them or anything. Anyways, the other day one of the girls I used to work with randomly said hi on my Facebook wall and my girlfriend instantly became very annoyed and told me to ignore her. I didn't want to ignore her because that's kind of rude, and she's a nice person and I viewed her as a friend but I haven't seen or talked to her since I quit my job last year.
Anyways, after I replied and said hi she said she hasn't seen me in a while, this really angered my girlfriend and she wanted me to just end the conversation as quick as possible. So I said "yeah if I'm ever in the mall sometime I might stop by and say hi" (we used to work at a store in the mall). That way I figured I could just end the conversation right then and there and not actually see her (its VERY rare that I actually go to the mall) and even then I figured it would further convey a message as just friends because it'd just be a quick hello as I passed her store while she's at work..
This made matters much worse, even though I had effectively ended the conversation and done as she said. My girlfriend actually went on my Facebook account and deleted that message and replaced it with another one and I had to make up some excuse as to why I deleted my message on her wall as well as try to quickly end the conversation that had restarted as a result, to keep my girlfriend from getting angrier.
I don't understand her jealousy, I've let her have guy friends in the past but she has a huge problem if I do. I don't even find the girl from my work attractive, and I think my girlfriend is gorgeous so I don't know why she feels so threatened by her.
She's even jealous of my brothers girlfriend. Any girl my brother dates I literally view as more of a sister than anything. There is a ZERO chance I would ever even think about fooling around with any girl my brother is with. I mean sometimes his girlfriend will do weird things that make it seem like she likes me, but she does this with other guys too, I'm not the only one. I think she may do that because she wants her boyfriend to give her more attention though/make him jealous. But it makes my girlfriend very jealous and she gets mad sometimes if I even talk to her.
I don't understand why she gets so jealous. I don't have any interest in anyone else and its not like I act like I do.. Even when its just a friend that I view in a completely non sexual way she gets very jealous over it. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells avoiding contact with other girls and hoping that they don't show any interest in me or even talk to me so that it won't anger my girlfriend and start arguments..
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 Free Spore Ring Canada
Going Quantum - THE best podcast
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tymoteusz3
Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 7,697
Last seen: 1 hour, 6 minutes
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Jealousy is a fucked up emotion and it is the ruin of so many relationships.
Obviously as you have noted it is NO way to live your life.
You have to be able to communicate with other girls, its essential for a healthy relationship.
As well you have all this added stress over petty nonsense.
And it doesn't matter if both of you say no don't talk to other for her guys or for you girls. Jealousy unchecked will get worse and worse, making your life a living hell.
I have dated jealous girls, I once was a jealous guy myself.
What to do?
Talk it over with your girl friend. Make it clear where you stand, make sure she knows you love / care about her BUT you HAVE to be given trust and freedom. The fact that she changed your FB post would be reason enough to break up with her, but a few years back when I was in the same position as you (with a jealous gf) I took alot of shit and just sucked it up.
Sometimes in the end the only way to end it is to end it.
And while it sucks, its always for the better.
Your potential partner doesn't have to be perfect. But she has to let you live your life.
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There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K.
Dissociative Drug Resources
The Methoxetamine Chapters - The M Hole
Beautiful M Hole report by Wiccan_Seeker
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
Edited by tymoteusz3 (06/15/11 03:49 AM)
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McMushrooms420
Here but not really.....
Registered: 09/17/04
Posts: 311
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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She is either very insecure or possibly when you let her hang out with her guys friends she pulled some shady shit. Now she thinks you will be doing the same with your "girl" friends. Some girls are crazy jealous by nature.... I dunno:wtfsonic:
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McMushrooms420
Here but not really.....
Registered: 09/17/04
Posts: 311
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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She is either very insecure or possibly when you let her hang out with her guys friends she pulled some shady shit. Now she thinks you will be doing the same with your "girl" friends. Some girls are crazy jealous by nature.... I dunno
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A Day InThe Life
Stranger
Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 623
Last seen: 1 month, 19 days
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Thanks for the advice, I've talked to her before about it but never made it seem like its mandatory or we won't work out, but honestly I don't think it will work if this is how it will always be.
I don't really understand the concept of not having control of how you act when your feeling certain emotions. Often when she gets mad or jealous she will later calm down and might say sorry or something along those lines and it'd be like she wasn't able to control herself when she was in that mind-state. I've never really had times where I couldn't actually control how I acted, well if I have its incredibly rare and I always have the choice to stop it before it gets out of hand.
I try to tell her that acting the way she does (accusing me of things or getting mad at me for things she thinks COULD happen) doesn't do either of us any good in any way whatsoever. Treating me like I'm guilty until proven otherwise is no way to treat someone, and its a completely self-destructive behavior that only causes more fear and worry and hurts our relationship. Even if I was doing all the things she thinks I could be and she actually did have a reason to be worried then accusing me of it and bitching at me for it wouldn't suddenly make it better or make me stop or somehow reveal that her worries are true. It's a complete waste of energy and I don't understand why she continues to act that way.
She said she gets jealous because I apparently let other girls "touch and grope" me when I was drunk at a party I was at with her (right in front of her) before and didn't tell them to stop or not touch me. I think this is an exaggeration, because I've never been groped by other girls at a party, and if I did, I don't know how I was completely oblivious to it. I could understand if they were trying to get my attention or something by poking me or touching my shoulder but there's no way it was as bad as she describes it. Also, she's acted jealous before this happened so I don't think that's what started it.
BTW, If this does happen again what are you supposed to do if someone who is a girl (completely fine if a guy does it) tries to get your attention to ask you something (like for a lighter or some petty crap) and pokes you or something because you were talking to someone else and weren't paying attention to them/not hearing them? Its not like I'm gonna turn around and tell them to never touch me again even though they were just trying to ask something.. Its not like they were making sexual advances on me.. Even if they were I'd just keep my distance to give them the message I'm not interested and that's that.
I have trouble understanding her jealousy and suspicions and don't know how to tell her in a way that will make her realize that its destructive and only hurts us and that she needs to stop.
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Free Spore Ring Canada
Going Quantum - THE best podcast
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 John
ssdp.org
Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 7,026
Loc: Vancouver, B.C.
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Do you have guy friends? If you do first thing I would ask is why haven't they smacked the shit out of you yet???
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN BRO GET OUT OF THAT SHIT
seriously sounds like a psycho after I read what she pulled with facebook.
Life is way to short to spend it the way you are. Reading your posts depresses the shit out of me, I mean no offense by that just saying.
You're a chick magnet, I can tell by your avatar. Dump the psycho... there's way hotter girls out there that aren't insane and want you just as bad as your current gf, tons of them out there.
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There's a thin line between sanity and insanity... and I just snorted it.
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John
ssdp.org
Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 7,026
Loc: Vancouver, B.C.
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 Re: Jealous Girlfriend [Re: John]
#14620926 - 06/16/11 05:21 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
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Oh yah extra points if you hook up with old friend. Your ex (YAH THAT'S RIGHT) will be fucked for life once you justify her insanity. Only if you're an evil person...
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There's a thin line between sanity and insanity... and I just snorted it.
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tymoteusz3
Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 7,697
Last seen: 1 hour, 6 minutes
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Quote:
A Day InThe Life said:
Thanks for the advice, I've talked to her before about it but never made it seem like its mandatory or we won't work out, but honestly I don't think it will work if this is how it will always be.
I don't really understand the concept of not having control of how you act when your feeling certain emotions. Often when she gets mad or jealous she will later calm down and might say sorry or something along those lines and it'd be like she wasn't able to control herself when she was in that mind-state. I've never really had times where I couldn't actually control how I acted, well if I have its incredibly rare and I always have the choice to stop it before it gets out of hand.
I try to tell her that acting the way she does (accusing me of things or getting mad at me for things she thinks COULD happen) doesn't do either of us any good in any way whatsoever. Treating me like I'm guilty until proven otherwise is no way to treat someone, and its a completely self-destructive behavior that only causes more fear and worry and hurts our relationship. Even if I was doing all the things she thinks I could be and she actually did have a reason to be worried then accusing me of it and bitching at me for it wouldn't suddenly make it better or make me stop or somehow reveal that her worries are true. It's a complete waste of energy and I don't understand why she continues to act that way.
She said she gets jealous because I apparently let other girls "touch and grope" me when I was drunk at a party I was at with her (right in front of her) before and didn't tell them to stop or not touch me. I think this is an exaggeration, because I've never been groped by other girls at a party, and if I did, I don't know how I was completely oblivious to it. I could understand if they were trying to get my attention or something by poking me or touching my shoulder but there's no way it was as bad as she describes it. Also, she's acted jealous before this happened so I don't think that's what started it.
BTW, If this does happen again what are you supposed to do if someone who is a girl (completely fine if a guy does it) tries to get your attention to ask you something (like for a lighter or some petty crap) and pokes you or something because you were talking to someone else and weren't paying attention to them/not hearing them? Its not like I'm gonna turn around and tell them to never touch me again even though they were just trying to ask something.. Its not like they were making sexual advances on me.. Even if they were I'd just keep my distance to give them the message I'm not interested and that's that.
I have trouble understanding her jealousy and suspicions and don't know how to tell her in a way that will make her realize that its destructive and only hurts us and that she needs to stop.
I have been here. Its no way to live at all. But you don't realize it at the time.
You have to sit her down and talk to her. Say you would never cheat on her, and if she has trust issues have no trouble working together to build up the trust.
But also tell her you have to be able to live.
You cannot just avoid people because your girl friend might mind.
A relationship is supposed to be about giving 100% to each other and making each others lives better, supporting each other. If you are constantly having to watch around you to make sure you do not do something she doesn't like then it adds a HUGE stress load to your life you don't need and its not worth it.
If things don't work out, find a girl who is not jealous.
But you cannot be jealous either.
My girlfriend and I trust each other 100%.
We can talk chill etc with people of the opposite sex. Its just normal. I don't have to worry about her being offended if I am talking to some girl, hug someone etc. And neither does she.
Sure she could cheat on me. But then its her loss not mine. (And of course vice versa). I wouldn't want to be with a cheater, and everyone is always found out sooner or later. Trying to prevent it won't happen, if someone wants to cheat they will.
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There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K.
Dissociative Drug Resources
The Methoxetamine Chapters - The M Hole
Beautiful M Hole report by Wiccan_Seeker
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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Heffy
BrauMeister
Registered: 08/30/04
Posts: 2,754
Loc: International Traveller
Last seen: 5 hours, 41 minutes
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Yeah I say fuck the girl from the mall and then show your GF(and us!) the pictures.
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I am the king of Rome, and above grammar! - Emperor Sigismund
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Jealous Girlfriend [Re: Heffy]
#14626189 - 06/17/11 02:32 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Jealous people are generally projecting their own flaws onto others.
In other words, your girlfriend is an untrustworthy whore.
And she's immature. People need to realize you CANNOT stop someone from cheating on you. Getting jealous and going crazy never stopped anyone in the history of the world from cheating on their partner. It just makes both people miserable. If someone's a cheater, they're going to cheat, and all you can do is trust someone.
And your chick obviously doesn't trust you.
Bail out now while you can.
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tymoteusz3
Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 7,697
Last seen: 1 hour, 6 minutes
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Jealous people are generally projecting their own flaws onto others.
In other words, your girlfriend is an untrustworthy whore.
And she's immature. People need to realize you CANNOT stop someone from cheating on you. Getting jealous and going crazy never stopped anyone in the history of the world from cheating on their partner. It just makes both people miserable.
Yeah but people are dumb. And IMO all jealousy does is fuck up your relationship beyond repair. You don't want that.
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There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K.
Dissociative Drug Resources
The Methoxetamine Chapters - The M Hole
Beautiful M Hole report by Wiccan_Seeker
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me
Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,968
Last seen: 2 hours, 57 minutes
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i'm no relationship expert, but i've heard it said that the unjustifiably jealous types are often the ones doing sneaky shit behind their partner's back.
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People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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tymoteusz3
Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 7,697
Last seen: 1 hour, 6 minutes
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Re: Jealous Girlfriend [Re: dummy]
#14627064 - 06/17/11 10:25 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
dummy said:
i'm no relationship expert, but i've heard it said that the unjustifiably jealous types are often the ones doing sneaky shit behind their partner's back.
Not necessarily.
I and a past girl friend used to be INSANELY jealous of each other. This was a long time ago.
Neither of us was being unfaithful. We were just jealous.
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There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K.
Dissociative Drug Resources
The Methoxetamine Chapters - The M Hole
Beautiful M Hole report by Wiccan_Seeker
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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Joolz
Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 6 months, 17 days
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A good healthy dose of jealousy in a relationship is required imo. Its just the excessive part or when one isn't satisfying the other. I mean that in the sense that boy and girl are dating, and boy makes it quite obvious to other girls that he is with girl. But girl doesn't do that to boys. Girl is very attractive and other boys hit on her and flirt with her.
Girl needs to be conscious of this and put down other boys and show her boy that she is with him, and vice versa of course.
I'm speaking from experience. I had problems in my last relationship because I would tell other women no, I'm taken, thank you though. She would come home and tell me about how some guy came up and was like "nice rack" and she didn't slap him, or walk away, or say something snooty. I eventually changed that, and she would turn guys down, but man did I have problems whenever she wouldn't put someone down while dating me.
It was clear that we were dating each other too, btw. This wasn't an open relationship. This was definitely two people who eventually told each other they loved each other. I thought I was going to marry her. Turns out I'm too into drugs and she's too into chasing the college/work/retirement dream.
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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Jealous Girlfriend [Re: Joolz]
#14640118 - 06/20/11 12:17 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Joolz said:
A good healthy dose of jealousy in a relationship is required imo.
NOPE.
Absolutely, 100% flat wrong.
Jealousy is a symptom of immature mindsets in relationships and distrust (whether founded or unfounded).
Jealousy is relationship poison.
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Joolz
Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 6 months, 17 days
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Well, I'd say you're 100% wrong in telling me I'm 100% wrong, because there is no 100% right or wrong in this universe.
If there is no jealousy, even a small, healthy amount, then I feel like that person doesn't actually contain feelings for me. I'm not saying that she should be a psychotic bitch not letting me even go to dinner with my guy friends, but she SHOULD get upset if a girl comes up and starts talking to me, and vice versa. If you really care about someone, then you probably get a little jealousy. If you let it ruin you, THEN it becomes a poison. But if it merely exists because you are in love with that person and you want them all to yourself, well, that's perfectly healthy to me. You just also can't go on a psycho, controlling spree.
Jealousy isn't a bad thing. Its when there's too much jealousy and it brings in problems that it becomes a bad thing.
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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Jealous Girlfriend [Re: Joolz]
#14640203 - 06/20/11 12:33 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Joolz said:
Well, I'd say you're 100% wrong in telling me I'm 100% wrong, because there is no 100% right or wrong in this universe.
You're also 100% wrong about that.
Quote:
If there is no jealousy, even a small, healthy amount, then I feel like that person doesn't actually contain feelings for me.
Then you're still very emotionally immature.
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Joolz
Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 6 months, 17 days
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
Joolz said:
Well, I'd say you're 100% wrong in telling me I'm 100% wrong, because there is no 100% right or wrong in this universe.
You're also 100% wrong about that.
Quote:
If there is no jealousy, even a small, healthy amount, then I feel like that person doesn't actually contain feelings for me.
Then you're still very emotionally immature.
Welp, good thing you know me better than I do.
I'd like to know what a right or wrong is that is NOT opinion based. Please provide an example.
I'd say you're emotionally immature if you can't understand why a tad bit of jealous tossed in with all the other emotions is a good thing.
Stupid argument is stupid. Not caring anymore.
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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Jealous Girlfriend [Re: Joolz]
#14640308 - 06/20/11 12:52 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Joolz said:
I'd say you're emotionally immature if you can't understand why a tad bit of jealous tossed in with all the other emotions is a good thing.
Nope. You're just childishly trying to justify your bad behavior and emotions.
If your girlfriend getting hit on makes you jealous (or her not being a cunt to anyone who does), then you need to grow up. Period. And your girlfriend deserved better than that teenage crap.
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Joolz
Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 6 months, 17 days
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
Joolz said:
I'd say you're emotionally immature if you can't understand why a tad bit of jealous tossed in with all the other emotions is a good thing.
Nope. You're just childishly trying to justify your bad behavior and emotions.
If your girlfriend getting hit on makes you jealous (or her not being a cunt to anyone who does), then you need to grow up. Period. And your girlfriend deserved better than that teenage crap.
You're confusing feeling jealousy with acting out in jealousy. If my girlfriend gets hit on, its probably going to effect me emotionally, but am I going to act on it? Nope. Am I going to cause problems because this guy talked to my girl? Nope. Am I going to cause problems with her cause she talked to this guy? Nope. Am I going to cause problems at all? Nope.
I just felt some jealousy. You seem to be completely in control of every chemical emotion that runs in your body. I salute you for that. I sadly, am not in complete control. Besides, if my girlfriend got hit on and I didn't feel a little jealousy, I would begin questioning how I felt about that girl.
Different strokes for different folks bro. Sorry I don't agree with your view of jealousy.
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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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