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 DarkMatterOfFact
ZealtheDealforthePill
 
Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 1,558
Loc: South Cali
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 Re: Serious thoughts about a touchy subject for me. Long read, close to a life story. Please respect.  [Re: JesusGoneRogue]
#14586926 - 06/09/11 08:11 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
JesusGoneRogue said:
dude you pretty much let one girl fuck your entire life up.
yeah drugs helped too, coke and meth was always a big roleplayer.
But i have also been a pervert my hole life, seriously. i let my 2nd cousin jack me off and blow me and i ate her out when i was only like 9 or 10 she was like 13. other fucked up stuff like let neighbor kid suck me off at like 12. yeah kids will be kids.
but, when most kids were thinking about innocent shit all the time i was thinking about adult oriented things like girls and my cock in girls and getting high. Now, thats not all i did though i was a into sports and movies and music like most people too but i am not the norm when it comes to sex obsession. i also am a only child so i think that had a big play as no one was around besides friends sometimes and all i had was myself. so my life was fucked since i became "conscious" so to speak, around 5 or 6.
i have also like i said, been with 7 other women after but it was always just either drunk sex or one night stands and although dirty no obsession through love was involved.
just this woman is the only one that drove me to the level of lust i really enjoy. also she was burned in memory because she was always there in terms of appeal and then that shit happened a year and a half ago which sent me in a spiral.
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Nixon was a asshole. Just look at his biggest creation. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the DEA.
Which secretly stands for Demonizing Everyone by Allegations.
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DarkMatterOfFact
ZealtheDealforthePill
Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 1,558
Loc: South Cali
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Re: Serious thoughts about a touchy subject for me. Long read, close to a life story. Please respect. [Re: Anonymous #3]
#14587023 - 06/09/11 08:34 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
By the way, just on the suicide thing...
I see corpses literally every day of my life at my job. Murders, suicides, car accidents, cancer victims, elderly people dying peacefully in their beds... I have seen it all, the gory and the ordinary.
And believe it or not, I'm very sympathetic to the suicidal mindset, because of what I've seen. I'm not going to give you some spiel about how it's cowardly, because it's not. It's a BIG FUCKING DEAL to actually take your own life, to completely and utterly end your own existence. There's nothing cowardly about it and nothing makes me sadder than when I see someone who was in so much pain that they were willing to take that road.
But most of the time it's a stupid, wasteful call, especially for someone in your situation.
Right this very moment, I've got middle-aged car accident victim one room away from me. He was just going about his life, no idea he was going to die, and BOOM, dead before he even realized it was happening.
He doesn't get to see his kids grow up or meet his future grandchildren. He doesn't get to sit around and shoot the shit with his buddies or his family. He doesn't get to eat good food or just relax and watch television or make love to his wife. He doesn't get to have good days or bad days or anything else ever again. He's fucking GONE. Forever. He doesn't get to see or think or FEEL anything ever again.
YOU DO. You get to be fucking alive. You get to get wake up tomorrow and keep existing, and I just bet you this guy would trade places with you and your "shitty life" to be alive again.
There is nothing so wrong with your life that you can't fix it and be happy. You're not some terminal illness patient who wakes up in pain every day. You have problems, sure, but they're problems that you CAN overcome and that certainly aren't going to last forever.
You need to appreciate the life you have and stop acting like it's irreparably broken and there's nothing to live for. It's not true. It's not even close to true.
You get to be fucking alive and you need to appreciate it.
i appreciate life i coulda killed myself awhile ago if i didnt and i sure wouldnt be responding in this thread either if i didnt give a fuck.
also, i dont think suicide is good either. death is the horror of life i know. its just that if your life is hell it is reasonable. like my hell is to be alone like i am right now.
and others im sure have their own perspective of torture.
Im gonna be good though as long as kill this dryspell im in right now and get through my personal odyssey.
ill just halfto find a god damn different job  which is really tough in my situation and someone totally different then my "white rhino".
whatever though thanks for the thoughts anyways.
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Nixon was a asshole. Just look at his biggest creation. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the DEA.
Which secretly stands for Demonizing Everyone by Allegations.
Edited by DarkMatterOfFact (06/09/11 08:35 PM)
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bonnahoo
A Friend
Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 366
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Re: Serious thoughts about a touchy subject for me. [Re: shLong]
#14588357 - 06/10/11 01:25 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
shLong said:
Bitches, man, they can sure fuck with your head, eh? It's kinda funny that most of my life's problems revolve around woman...wtf! 
Good luck bro... the last three months of my life have been the worst of my life and it's a bitch's fault. She fucked my mind so hard and proper that my doctor/family/friends are all but forcing me take anti-depressants. I hate it. Things will get better I'm sure, just stay strong and keep your head up. Sorry I can't give more advice but I'm just as lost as you my friend. If you want to talk privately I'm here for ya, just shoot me a PM.
GL
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 Heffy
BrauMeister
Registered: 08/30/04
Posts: 2,751
Loc: International Traveller
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
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Re: Serious thoughts about a touchy subject for me. Long read, close to a life story. Please respect. [Re: bonnahoo]
#14589265 - 06/10/11 09:29 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
thats what ive known forever about the girl. move on. but she was just too perfect.
The only way you will ever get over this is to reach the understanding that she isn't perfect, and never was.
The perfect image of Mary that you have in your mind is an illusion created by you. It helps you to confirm your feelings about your life.
When you were happy and carefree, it was all about her. When you are miserable and depressed it's all about her.
The truth is it's really all about you.
Mary has practically nothing to do with whether or not your life is good or bad. You've simply trained yourself over the years(and with all the drugs) that she is somehow significant to everything that is happening in your life.
This couldn't be further from the truth.
Seeing her again probably seemed like a message from the universe to you. Like "maybe we are meant to be after all". She probably saw it as
"I am lonely and need (sexual)attention, nobody in my life is currently willing to immediately provide me with this. However I know my ex from junior high is still obsessed with me, and would probably do anything to be around me again". That is when she contacted you.
She has moved on with her life, and you were simply a leftover to be used. You have not moved on with your life, and are still under the impression that the things she does have some importance in your life. You have got to learn to see past this.
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I am the king of Rome, and above grammar! - Emperor Sigismund
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BigfellaTM
Stranger
Registered: 04/28/11
Posts: 157
Loc: Australia 
Last seen: 19 days, 3 hours
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Re: Serious thoughts about a touchy subject for me. Long read, close to a life story. Please respect. [Re: Heffy] 1
#14599514 - 06/12/11 07:15 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
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It's usually this part in life what separates the men from the boys
Your getting to a point i've been at a couple of times, where you just dont give a fuck about yourself or where you are going.
You can keep smokin an drinkin an hittin drugs up, but where is that going to take you? Whats that going to do for you.
I was in a similar situation to yourself, though not as bad, but i was still fucked over. I was getting drunk and stoned all the time, but i didn't care because i was happy and i couldnt give a fuck. However i could notice a dependency building, and i wasn't doing anything with my life.
I stopped smoking and drinking for a month. I dont know why, mainly because i was less social then usual and didn't go out, but i was also out of money & wanted a tolerence break. Although this month was hard, alot of fucked thoughts going through my head and i couldn't sleep much at night. Although i struggled, i managed to catch up on my schoolwork and was even excelling most kids in my classes, even though i was the biggest druggie/drinker in the school. I also started getting back into shape, going for daily runs and working out. I lost a decent amount of weight and looked ripped.
What did this do for me? I felt way more confident. I nearly felt like i was at the top of the world, and i didnt need substances to help me get there. My physical performance was at bar to when i was young and i started enjoying exercise again. Anytime someone at school tried to call me a druggie/stoner, i would laugh at them, knowing i can live without them. I still drink on weekends and smoke weed as well, but i managed to push 2 negatives together and create a positive.
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WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WOOOOB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WOOOAAHHHH
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Anonymous #4
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Re: Serious thoughts about a touchy subject for me. Long read, close to a life story. Please respect. [Re: JesusGoneRogue]
#14599727 - 06/12/11 09:39 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
JesusGoneRogue said:
dude you pretty much let one girl fuck your entire life up.
He's not the first or the last to do so
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fngbronco
Monkey Man
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2,851
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Re: Serious thoughts about a touchy subject for me. Long read, close to a life story. Please respect. [Re: Anonymous #4]
#14603336 - 06/12/11 11:56 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
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Honest advice would be to quit with the self destructive behavior, lose the attitude that the world is against you, and strive to be a good person to and for yourself. You are in no way shape or form stable enough to take care of yourself (financially, health wise, or psychologically) and should not let your selfishness and self-loathing be projected onto other people. If, and when, you realize these things and become happy in life then happiness will not only be found everywhere, but you will find it seeks you out. You seem like a "the glass is half full, because someone took the other half" kinda person, rather than a "I have something in my glass" (where I am in life), or the ultimate "I have a glass and know where there's water" type person (I'm also striving for this). You are an adult and are free to make your decisions, but you need to accept the decisions you make and have made are YOURS as is the responsibility for why you are where you are, accept it, embrace it, and change it if you don't like it.
I understand your childhood may have been fucked up, but you're you now, you can either live that now, as an adult (which you are, especially the abusive aspect), or you can find joy and make yourself happy. Some people are dense as fuck and enjoy abusive relationships, that is what makes them feel complete, and some people realize "hey this is killing me and I can do better for myself", that is how I personally quit smoking.
Your life is your business, don't run it into the ground . Make profits in yourself and for yourself.
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I challenge you to challenge yourself more! When you feel complacent and ready to hang it up, challenge yourself to get over it! If you fail, don't look at it as you didn't succeed, look at it as you would a rock face you're trying to climb. Stand back, wayyyy back, and look at it and plot another path. If you can't find one, shuffle down the way a little, a little change of scenery or a view from a different angle may give you the insight you need.
Anything I state is relayed information from a friend of a friend and should be viewed as completely fictitious. I do not partake in any illegal or grey-area-of-the-law activities, but do have lots of friends who may or may not. -fngbronco
Pill Divider Agar Tek
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Anonymous #5
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 Re: Serious thoughts about a touchy subject for me. Long read, close to a life story. Please respect. [Re: fngbronco]
#15973344 - 03/20/12 09:32 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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thanks for this post.
i had a similar experience with my first love and it snowballed into 3 or 4 other women as well....
helenistic stuff or something... go warrior mode and dont look back.
warrior mode hurts, but a warrior knows.
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teamkiller
It was ahmazing
Registered: 06/06/11
Posts: 4,399
Last seen: 1 hour, 58 minutes
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Re: Serious thoughts about a touchy subject for me. Long read, close to a life story. Please respect. [Re: Anonymous #5]
#15973458 - 03/20/12 09:55 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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wow.
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"visual chaos" should not panic. Not encourage fierce attention patterns. !
All the extraordinary - a fantasy deceived serotonin receptors.
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meams
Blessed
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 17,424
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: Serious thoughts about a touchy subject for me. Long read, close to a life story. Please respect. [Re: teamkiller] 1
#15973520 - 03/20/12 10:06 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Hey dude. do yo yourself a favor and never talk to that girl again. she's gone -- gone. there are tons of other women. she's more trouble than she's worth, guarenteed.
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