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Anonymous #11 said:
Yeah I just get half drunk before family gatherings and instead of being really quiet, I'm the life of the party and I'm cracking tons of jokes. Just don't be VISIBLY drunk, get yourself to the level right before visibly drunk, for me it's around 4-5 beers but everyone has their own level.

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thats my method too

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Anonymous #11 said:
get half drunk before family gatherings

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Anonymous #19 said:
Family gatherings can be difficult, especially if they're a serious, competitive, and higly expectant bunch. There are few things more uncomfortable than having to continuously justify yourself in a room full of your supposedly closests kin and feel diminished for whatever reason. Especially when stoned the undertone of passive agressive behavior is overwhelming in dysfunctional families. And most families are dysfunctional these days.

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Anonymous #13 said:
Just pop some MDMA before you go, I find that once im rolling I can talk to ANY family figure for hours on end. I even convinced my closest friends mother to stop hating my guts while I was rolling.


DO ETTTT!

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With saucer eyes?

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Anonymous #22 said:
Op, you defiantly aren't alone. Its torture for me too. I just do it so it doesn't upset the people that want me there. The shitty thing is my mom knows how I feel and tries to make me feel more comfortable by babying me which makes me feel even more uncomfortable. I'm sure she's told the whole family and they can tell how I feel. Its a really shitty feeling.

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Anonymous #9 said:

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Anonymous #1 said:
I'm too socially retarded to even eat a christmas dinner with my family. It was too awkward for me to sit with my family and eat a meal so me and my girlfriend had to leave and now we are sitting at home alone on Christmas eve crying.

I feel like a completely worthless piece of shit.

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Why did you have to leave?

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Okay, so this is what happened...

Things were awkward for me right from the start. As soon as I sit down at the table I feel red in the face and I feel like everyone of my movements is being watched. I take a couple bites but I'm too uncomfortable so I excuse myself from the table and go to the bathroom to try and collect myself and calm down. But that doesn't work...

When i return to the table I feel that even more attention is focused on me now so I feel even more uncomfortable and awkward. I try to sit and eat but the uncomfortable feeling is obviously showing on my face because of the looks I'm getting from people, which of course make me even more uncomfortable! Someone asks what's wrong and I try to play it off like I'm not feeling good and I excuse myself from the table to go outside and get some fresh air. I try to collect myself and calm down again but of course this doesn work.

This time when I return to the table I know for sure that more attention is focused on me and of course this makes me feel even more uncomfortable and awkward. My mom starts telling stories about how I'm always sick at the holidays and blah blah blah focusing more and more attention on me, things just getting worse the whole time.

Finally someone says maybe you should go home so you don't get everyone else sick. I say that I think thats a good idea and we leave. We weren't there for more than 10 minutes before we left.

Its like once one small awkward thing happens, things just start to build on that and they keep getting worse and worse and worse and worse. I feel so uncomfortable that it shows on my face and my facial expressions are all messed up, i feel like I'm being watched so all of my movements are over-thought-out and weird, and I don't know where to look so my eyes are darting all over the place or I'm staring off into space looking like a retard. And also when there are really awkward moments it not only makes me feel awkward but it makes everyone involved in the situation feel awkward too. As I'm sitting there at the table with this uneasy look on my face I can tell that I'm starting to make the other around me feel uncomfortable too.


So yeah.... I've been feeling like shit about this all day. I feel like crap for not spending the holidays with my family. I feel like crap for forcing my girlfriend to have to spend Christmas eve alone and sad. I feel like a retard. And I feel hopelessly useless.

Merry fuckin christmas.

And I should also note that I was on 1mg of xanax during this and it was still that awkward for me. I should have taken 2mg.

And part of the reason I feel so shitty about this is because I put my girlfriend through this. Her parents live out of state and she chose to spend Christmas with me and my family rather than visiting her own. I'm sure this is not what she had in mind for how she was going to be spending her Christmas Eve.

And also, A good quote came out of this whole mess...
Once we got home and we were both crying we started talking to each other about the whole situation and I started to explain to her how my social anxiety feels for me in some situations. She asked me why I have this social anxiety and I told her that I think its from all the drugs I've done. Eating DXM every week at 15years old, shrooms and ecstacy and 16 years old, acid and every research chemical I could get my hands on at 18 years old. And now at 25 I'm feel like a burnt out retard with social anxiety. And then I said..

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"The Shroomery is a big fucking lie! It had me thinkin I found the key to enlightenment but it was really just the key to social retardation!"

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I like that. Don't know why, but I really like that...

But I have felt that drugs have been the main cause of my social anxiety/stupidity for a long time and this was the first time I have actually admitted that to anyone and it feels really good to get that off my chest.


Tomorrow's Christmas and it's another family dinner with my Dad's side of the family this time. I'll be sure to dose 2mg xanax and makes things work.