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ThaiTea said:
dude you should bang that chick! That ad looks serious, I mean come on, life is about doing the weirdest shit possible when the oppurtunity arises, and that is up there! Haha you could also chronicle the ordeal here on the pub for all of our entertainment.

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Fuck her on low dose of mushrooms.

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ThaiTea said:
dude you should bang that chick! That ad looks serious, I mean come on, life is about doing the weirdest shit possible when the oppurtunity arises, and that is up there! Haha you could also chronicle the ordeal here on the pub for all of our entertainment.

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Also, it's a good deed to help the handicapped out.

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Istigkeit said:

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ThaiTea said:
dude you should bang that chick! That ad looks serious, I mean come on, life is about doing the weirdest shit possible when the oppurtunity arises, and that is up there! Haha you could also chronicle the ordeal here on the pub for all of our entertainment.

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Fuck her on low dose of mushrooms.

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yogabunny said:
but just remember it's these ladies JOB to make you feel that way and want to come back and spend more money.

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ThaiTea said:
haha what if you and the wheeliechair guys wife fall in love and she leaves him for you. And then Wheels hires a hitman to kill you but the hitman accidently only shoots you in the back leaving you paralyzed in a wheel chair. Your lover then leaves you because you can no longer satisfy her, then you and the other wheel chair guy join a handicapped volleyball team and become great pals.... maybe on second thought don't respond to the ad.. it could turn out badly.

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Dude, you just blew my mind! And what if I'm in the wheelchair, and I can't make love to my new wife because I'm paralyzed, so I go on CraigsList, looking at random CL ads and sending them messages to have "intimate intercourse with my beautiful wife". What a turn of fate that would be! Whoa man!

I also wanted to finish the story, because the ending is pretty awesome....

The Conclusion: Outside the Club

So, I walk out of this "club" into the sad attempt at a parking lot, and there's these 2 older dudes, one short but buff black guy and a pretty big short white dude, just chilling out there, smoking a cigarette. Then the cool black guy asked me "So, how was it?" I was like "Man, it was awesome. I love that Bunny girl....she's like 1/4 of everything....so pretty." And then the white guy says "Yeah, she's pretty hot. She just came from the Bay Area.". And then the black guy says in a 'I dig it man' kind of tone: "So, you here away from your girlfriend, getting a lap dance while she's at home?" I said, "No, I don't have a girlfriend, thats why I came down here for Valentines Day." Then he goes "Oh! You just needed a lap dance! So, you live in town?" I responded "No, I live in Corvallis, I drove down here just to go to this club. There's nothing in Corvallis, and Salem is the same distance as Springfield, so I picked the town that has a college nearby, ya know, for those college girls." And then the Brother said, surprized, "Sometimes we get college girls...So there's nothing in Corvallis?" I said "Nope, its dry up there." He said "Wow, hey could we give you some flyers to take back to your town?" I said "Sure".

Then the white dude runs into the club and comes back with a STACK of these strip club flyers...and gives them to me. Then the Brother says "Yeah, this weekend, we're having some crazy shit. There's going to be Porn Stars on stage for 3 nights and Andre Nickatina (an underground hip-hop artist) is going to perform LIVE.". First I thought, wow Porn Stars go on tour?! Thats crazy! Maybe I'll see Samantha Ryan, the lesbian PnSr someday. And then I thought about that name, Andre...he performed a show at this small stage/music place called the WoW Hall a couple months ago, funny how he's doing it again near a strip club now..Ha! Then I said, "Wow, thats pretty awesome! I'll have to spread these flyers around for ya." And then the Brother boasts my ego with this: "Give these to all those pretty girls you know. Maybe some of those college girls are looking for work. I know you know some hotties." I smiled real big because I didn't, but it felt good to think he thought I was a player or some kind of pimp. He was likely just playin' with me. Finally I said, "Looks like I'll be seeing you guyts next weekend for those porn stars..." They both said goodbye: "See you later, and remember, drive home safe!" Which was weird, because they don't serve alcohol there, and you usually say that when you drink alcohol. I wonder if they knew I was on acid....Hmmmm....

But the funny thing is, after they said that, I said "laterz", got in my car, started it up, and as I reversed *right* on the curb behind me in this silly parking lot. I felt so stupid, like they are thinking "He must be wasted". I drove foward, and reversed around it and finally got orientated to the highway.

The drive home was pretty interesting, because the peak was coming soon since I was at +45minutes elasped time, so I was kinda driving fast (65MPH) to get home in time so that I wasn't peaking while driving. But was only a half hit of semi-good acid, so I didn;t worry too much.

Anyway, when I got home, I had the HUGE stack of "porn" flyers and I didn't know what to do with them.....

^Business must be slow if they can give me THIS much flyers for free....

So, since I was on acid (and now weed, because I took a small hit from the bong), I descided to get trippy with the flyer art, and made this for you guys

^Whoa, the repeater!

Overall, it was a great time at the strip club, but I did learn some things that I think is important to share....

Lessons Learned

> Strip Clubs (and lapdances in particular) are addicting: Like any vice, things that feel nice are addicting. Especially the lapdance because it was so personal, intimate and upclose that I was actually touching and feeling a 99%-naked babe. It just obliterates the value of porn. Comparing video porn to a lap dance is comparing the experience of watching someone eat a hamburger on a 1080i HD screen and eating that hamburger yourself, in a room with dim lighting, all by yourself. There's just no comparsion.

> Strip Clubs (and lapdances in particular) and exicting
Its exciting because its something new, something taboo, and something that a professional lapdancer can do best (can girlfriends do a sexy lapdance? I'm sure they can I wouldn't know thou). Its also exciting because its so usual from the ordinary: theres a total stranger who is giving you a lap dance with nothing more than $20-25 worth of cash. No background check, no pat-down at the door (what if I was armed?), no waver form to sign. Nothing. So informal and so risque, almost like an illegal underground experience. Pretty exciting if ya ask me.

> Strippers are like soft-core prostitutes. In other words, they will not have sex with you (at least I don't think so), but they will do pretty much everything else to you in private. Another reason why they are addictive, because they are easiler to find than hookers (because hookers are usually hidden so they don't get caught by the Po-Po).

> The positive, friendly relationship I had with Bunny was only based on Money: once I was broke, she would not do anything (like dancing) for me. In other words, it was a very shallow relationship.

> Strip clubs is an expensive way to masturbate! But for this one time, it was awesome. But regularly, I'd go bankraupt *real* fast!

> $25 is not nearly enough for a good time strip club. IF I were to do it again, I'd think I'd bring at least $40: $20 for a lap dance, $15 for the dancers and $5 for the cover.

Well, I've learned a lot from this experience....Will I see Bunny again? Maybe...she is after all my mutli-ethnic dream girl I've always wanted to have. But it will have to wait for at least a month. Bunny is just too expensive for this dude. If I was rolling in it, I would take her around the world (literally, not symbolically) and visit all the countries her ancestors came from. That would be pretty .

Until then, Slapping my Sausage to that haze memory of Bunny (a.k.a. My "Wahine") will just have to do.

The Temptation and the Deception
~ LogicaL Chaos ~

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ThaiTea said:
haha what if you and the wheeliechair guys wife fall in love and she leaves him for you. And then Wheels hires a hitman to kill you but the hitman accidently only shoots you in the back leaving you paralyzed in a wheel chair. Your lover then leaves you because you can no longer satisfy her, then you and the other wheel chair guy join a handicapped volleyball team and become great pals.... maybe on second thought don't respond to the ad.. it could turn out badly.

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