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 CaptainAhab
Registered: 12/25/09
Posts: 1,815
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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 Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? 
#11769809 - 01/05/10 02:26 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Hi everyone, I had a terrible day yesterday... I found out at 7pm pacific time that my girlfriend's brother had committed suicide (in the family home). He hung himself in his closet, and was found by his mother and brother. I am so rattled and shaken by this terrible tragedy that words cannot describe it, and I can only imagine what the family is going through. I'm going to try and get my girlfriend to go to counseling -- when the time is right -- and will try to be there for her in any way that I can. Does anyone have any advice for me, at this point? What more can I do for these poor people? This is such a horrible thing. The worst part about it is that I saw all the signs, told my girlfriend that he needed to get into a treatment program for alcohol/drugs, and TOLD HER that he WAS HAVING PROBLEMS, and NOT EVEN HIS GOD DAMNED FAMILY SAID THAT THEY SAW ANY SIGNS OF THIS COMING. I don't even live there and saw it coming, myself, and if I was his parent I would have handled this situation 10 times better than they did. I'm shocked and amazed that these people let him sit in his room for months having fits of vomiting from excessive drinking, alone, depressed, and crying out for help. No one helped him, or got him out of that fucking room. I SAW THE SIGNS AND I'VE BEEN SAYING IT FOR OVER A MONTH NOW ON REPEATED OCCASIONS THAT HE NEEDED HELP AND THEY DID NOTHING. I'm sickened, saddened, and dumbfounded by some people's inability to empathize and reach out to those that need help. I don't know what I can do except to be there for my girlfriend, and try to work with her in any way that I can. This is such a horrible loss. Please keep Ryan (suicide victim) and his family in your prayers, and thanks for reading.
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 blink
eye of horus
Registered: 03/31/02
Posts: 11,337
Loc: Geographic Location (Stat...
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab]
#11769939 - 01/05/10 03:12 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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That terrible. Be there for your girlfriend without judgement, and never tell them you thought it was possible, there's no cold comfort in that.
Quote:
I'm sickened, saddened, and dumbfounded by some people's inability to empathize and reach out to those that need help.
everybody is to blame. sometimes you can try to help only to be pushed away so don't assume to know that they did nothing if you are by your own admission barely there.
Sorry for your and their loss.
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CaptainAhab
Registered: 12/25/09
Posts: 1,815
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: blink]
#11769965 - 01/05/10 03:18 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Excuse me, but if he were my son I would have busted down the door to his room 2 months ago and put him into treatment. There is no excuse for this, and I will never forgive them. You weren't there, either. This could have been avoided if they'd taken action sooner. I was in a similar spot 8 years ago... almost died, twice, and was helped by my family who I didn't live with, and put into treatment. I made it out alive. I appreciate the condolences, but refuse to admit that their family couldn't have done more. Especially since this kid lived at home, and they SAW ALL THE FUCKING SIGNS.
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sleepy
zZzZzZzZz
Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 3,888
Loc: 
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab]
#11770005 - 01/05/10 03:25 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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its hard to know what they saw, just because you saw it coming, maybe they were too close to him to see... being around him every day for years + the changes are gradual.
id say, try and be compassionate towards yourself and the family and the departed friend (if he's really gone, which is debatable) his soul might be going thru some tough times right now, all u can do is pray
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CaptainAhab
Registered: 12/25/09
Posts: 1,815
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab]
#11770010 - 01/05/10 03:26 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
CaptainAhab said:
... I saw all the signs, told my girlfriend that he needed to get into a treatment program for alcohol/drugs, and TOLD HER that he WAS HAVING PROBLEMS
...these people let him sit in his room for months having fits of vomiting from excessive drinking, alone, depressed, and crying out for help. No one helped him
...I'VE BEEN SAYING IT FOR OVER A MONTH NOW ON REPEATED OCCASIONS THAT HE NEEDED HELP AND THEY DID NOTHING.
You can burn in hell if you think that his family couldn't have done more.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
 
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,348
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 9 days, 13 hours
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab]
#11770020 - 01/05/10 03:27 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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IMO, the best therapy for these kinds of issues is a mix between EMDR (more info about it here), CBT, hypnosis, and group therapy. Of course, what's most important is the support of the loved ones, and in this case the only one up for the task is you, since her family is also traumatized. If you could convince her to not live there anymore, at least for a couple of months, it's be great, since she doesn't need all that extra emotional context. Maybe she could live with you for a while?
Later on, after things settle a little and she's done with seeing a psychotherapist, I would suggest taking some E with her, or even trip together, at first on a really small dose and then slowly go up if the experience turns to be beneficial for her.
Good luck. 
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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CaptainAhab
Registered: 12/25/09
Posts: 1,815
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: sleepy]
#11770034 - 01/05/10 03:29 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
sleepy said:
its hard to know what they saw, just because you saw it coming, maybe they were too close to him to see... being around him every day for years + the changes are gradual.
The changes were not gradual. This kid went from doing well in school and having his life on track to locking himself in his room for well over 4 months, all the while telling people he was depressed and upset with his life, his girlfriend, his family, and himself (after dropping out of school and moving back home). He was using alcohol and drugs chronically and in full knowledge of his family and friends. His attitude changed 180 degrees in the last 6 months.
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CaptainAhab
Registered: 12/25/09
Posts: 1,815
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab]
#11770147 - 01/05/10 03:48 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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His new year's resolution was to "not be depressed anymore." Sweet jesus. These people (his family) are akin to the morlock, and abominable in my eyes. They will never have my forgiveness.
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Edited by CaptainAhab (01/05/10 03:49 PM)
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Amber_Glow
Sat Chit Anand
Registered: 09/02/02
Posts: 1,543
Last seen: 2 months, 15 days
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab] 1
#11770205 - 01/05/10 04:00 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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I don't think that blaming and being angry with the family is conducive to the well-being of your girlfriend. Right now she needs to learn to cope with the loss of her brother and should not have to deal, on top of that, with her boyfriend's animosity towards her family for "not doing enough". Maybe this is an opinion that is best to be kept to yourself for the time being.
I do agree that they should have done more but unfortunately they did not. Being angry at them for their faults will not bring her brother back.
As far as counseling, if she attends any type of school there are probably counselors she could go see for free, if for nothing else than for the purpose of directing her to another competent grief counselor in the area.
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CaptainAhab
Registered: 12/25/09
Posts: 1,815
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: Amber_Glow]
#11770285 - 01/05/10 04:15 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Blaming and being angry with the family is not conducive to the well-being of my girlfriend, no. In my opinion, however, the feelings that I have about her family are justified. I have not brought my true feelings and anger up to her, yet, nor will I until a date further out from now, if even then. I implore you to consider my feelings on this issue coming from an objective vantage point, while taking time to understand why I feel the way that I do. I will not return the favor, however, and leave this board if I am criticized for my apparent distaste of her family. In your analysis of this situation, I would hope that you all can see the truth. In the end, that's what I base my feelings on, if such a connection between feelings and truth is possible. Summarily, I would expect the same of you. In the end, I will never be at peace with this terrible tragedy, and I won't take comfort in the fact that I brought my concern for Ryan to the attention of his family, because I know that I could have done more, if I tried.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,348
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 9 days, 13 hours
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab]
#11770433 - 01/05/10 04:43 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
CaptainAhab said:
His new year's resolution was to "not be depressed anymore." Sweet jesus. These people (his family) are akin to the morlock, and abominable in my eyes. They will never have my forgiveness.
Yeah, that's what they need, your forgiveness. 
Grow up and realize the actual importance of your forgiveness for them, which is probably 0.
This attitude will only harm your gf even more, and she doesn't need even more crap right now.
--------------------
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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CaptainAhab
Registered: 12/25/09
Posts: 1,815
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: MushroomTrip]
#11770560 - 01/05/10 05:10 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said:
Quote:
CaptainAhab said:
His new year's resolution was to "not be depressed anymore." Sweet jesus. These people (his family) are akin to the morlock, and abominable in my eyes. They will never have my forgiveness.
Yeah, that's what they need, your forgiveness.
Grow up and realize the actual importance of your forgiveness for them, which is probably 0.
This attitude will only harm your gf even more, and she doesn't need even more crap right now.
I'm curious if you're condescension is intentional, or merely a byproduct of your own personal interests (and whatever intentions you might have)? I'm also curious if there was an area in any of my previous posts that you did not understand? Apparently you disagree with my opinions about forgiveness, and if you are coming from a religious background or other moral stand point, then I can understand your point of view. Part of careful argumentation is learning to understand others points of view. Which is why I ask if you don't understand anything about any of previous statements... because it seems that my quote "I implore you to consider my feelings on this issue coming from an objective vantage point, while taking time to understand why I feel the way that I do" was not taken into consideration by you.
With that out of the way, I will say this: for someone that, on the surface, seems so happy and sensitive (pictures of your pets and flowers in your signature), there is an area of your personality that is seemingly hostile (and unbecoming of a contributing member with 10,000+ posts). If you can't or are unable to appreciate differences of opinion, and concurrently not recognize when someone is trying to garner the support of a subsection of this forum devoted to health and well-being, then I don't know what do for you. I am of the mindset that insulting people is not productive, and sinking to their level is never the solution. I have spoken the truth about this situation, and of my feelings pertaining to this situation, and I hope in earnest that other members here will recognize this fact and choose to support me through this difficult, strenuous time.
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CaptainAhab
Registered: 12/25/09
Posts: 1,815
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab]
#11770728 - 01/05/10 05:36 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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I have been rereading my posts, and see that I am still angry. I hope that this can be taken into consideration by you, as well. This is just such a shocking thing to happen, and I don't have an outlet for my anger. My intention is not to direct that anger at you, but I am struggling to make sense of this and come to terms with my indignation. I appreciate the responses, and will try harder in the future not to lash out. It is so hard for me to do that, though, given what I described above about Ryan's family not taking more decisive action. Please, if you are offended by my tone, don't take personal offense. I am trying to work with this issue on all fronts, including my own natural reactions. Thank you for taking the time to read this and be there for me, I appreciate it.
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CaptainAhab
Registered: 12/25/09
Posts: 1,815
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab]
#11770777 - 01/05/10 05:42 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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This is so horrible. I feel so bad.
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Simms
Fuckwit
Registered: 11/17/08
Posts: 1,093
Loc: Somewhere in Europe
Last seen: 13 days, 21 hours
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab]
#11770805 - 01/05/10 05:45 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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It doesn't make any difference now, what they could have done. He is gone, forever, nothing will bring him back, get used to it. So there is no point of being angry.
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seraphnz
default
Registered: 05/07/09
Posts: 247
Loc: vally of the real
Last seen: 4 days, 6 hours
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: CaptainAhab]
#11835838 - 01/15/10 05:15 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
CaptainAhab said:
Hi everyone, I had a terrible day yesterday... I found out at 7pm pacific time that my girlfriend's brother had committed suicide (in the family home). He hung himself in his closet, and was found by his mother and brother. I am so rattled and shaken by this terrible tragedy that words cannot describe it, and I can only imagine what the family is going through. I'm going to try and get my girlfriend to go to counseling -- when the time is right -- and will try to be there for her in any way that I can. Does anyone have any advice for me, at this point? What more can I do for these poor people? This is such a horrible thing. The worst part about it is that I saw all the signs, told my girlfriend that he needed to get into a treatment program for alcohol/drugs, and TOLD HER that he WAS HAVING PROBLEMS, and NOT EVEN HIS GOD DAMNED FAMILY SAID THAT THEY SAW ANY SIGNS OF THIS COMING. I don't even live there and saw it coming, myself, and if I was his parent I would have handled this situation 10 times better than they did. I'm shocked and amazed that these people let him sit in his room for months having fits of vomiting from excessive drinking, alone, depressed, and crying out for help. No one helped him, or got him out of that fucking room. I SAW THE SIGNS AND I'VE BEEN SAYING IT FOR OVER A MONTH NOW ON REPEATED OCCASIONS THAT HE NEEDED HELP AND THEY DID NOTHING. I'm sickened, saddened, and dumbfounded by some people's inability to empathize and reach out to those that need help. I don't know what I can do except to be there for my girlfriend, and try to work with her in any way that I can. This is such a horrible loss. Please keep Ryan (suicide victim) and his family in your prayers, and thanks for reading.
Sorry to hear. My thoughts and good vibes going out your way.
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snotreally
Stranger
Registered: 01/25/10
Posts: 3
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: seraphnz]
#11900446 - 01/25/10 08:49 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Capt. Ahab,
I'm new here, but it's something I'm familiar with. I'm manic depressive (the brother could have been self medicating) and after a while I think the people around you just get exhausted and shut down even.
They may have even come to the conclusion that it was what he wanted and that he had the right to make that choice. In other cultures I think it is acceptable to make that choice.
From an outsider's point of view I can see how it's making you furious, maybe even there's some feeling of guilt, because you wish you had done something different. But you did the best you knew how with what you knew then.
I guess this is why people, in the US anyway, say suicide a selfish act, because it may effect someone this way.
You said something to your GF about it. You didn't probably have many other options.
Please let yourself and her parents off the hook if you can. If not now then down the road. And if it's effected you this badly you might want to speak to someone. You can google a county crisis line. Those people are really smart.
Good luck
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 79,790
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: MushroomTrip]
#11901344 - 01/25/10 10:42 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said:
Quote:
CaptainAhab said:
His new year's resolution was to "not be depressed anymore." Sweet jesus. These people (his family) are akin to the morlock, and abominable in my eyes. They will never have my forgiveness.
Yeah, that's what they need, your forgiveness.
Grow up and realize the actual importance of your forgiveness for them, which is probably 0.
This attitude will only harm your gf even more, and she doesn't need even more crap right now.
Fact is though she needs to see that her family abused this poor kid with neglect and who knows what else. If you can't see your child has problems that severe then you're fucked up in huge ways.
So while this may not be the time for it, eventually I would give her my pov on the whole mess. It might just give her the courage to get the fuck out of there while there's time.
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"Hang on tightly, let go lightly" -anonymous
“under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this planet, every person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded. we have never seen a man or woman not slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. we have never seen a totally sane human being.”
― Robert Anton Wilson
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QuantumMeltdown
Space Monkey
Registered: 10/31/01
Posts: 4,934
Loc: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: Icelander]
#11901560 - 01/25/10 11:08 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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how is it abuse to let someone drink alone in their room if their an adult and thats what they want to do? the guy hanged himself thats his choice also
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,348
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 9 days, 13 hours
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Re: Girlfriend's brother committed suicide yesterday... what types of counseling available? [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
#11903380 - 01/26/10 04:13 AM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Because his adult problems were the result of how his parents raised him and educated him, and he was still living in their house. Only really incompetent parents can't see that their kid is in dire need for help and support, even if said kid is an adult.
--------------------
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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