First of all, a brief aside: Can I get an "amen" for the length of all the replies in this thread, as well as for the thought-out nature of them all?  It's refreshing, after spending most of my time in the Pub and OTD, to see a different kind of interaction in here, especially when I put so much effort into communicating my feelings in the original post. You guys rock.

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FatBath said:
I have had thoughts of expressing, if asked, that I do believe etheogens can be used for spiritually medicinal purposes, whether at work, to my family, or in a court of law.  I almost can't wait.  I sit and plot my grand monologue.  Then feel rediculous for ploting future dialogue. 

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Oh boy, I have certainly had this experience myself! It's important though and you shouldn't feel ridiculous though. You are teaching yourself how to talk about something you feel extremely strongly about, and it's something that a lot of people feel very uncomfortable about when it's brought up.  I can't suggest enough talking about entheogens with a wide range of different people...I'm slowly learning to shift from defensive attitudes about it to simply trying to spread information, which is a much healthier way of going about things. Don't just defend your own position, help people think about it from a different angle.

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OneMoreRobot3021 said:
I'm juggling sociology, anthropology, and theology at the moment. any opinions on all of the above are most welcome.

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badchad said:

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OneMoreRobot3021 said:
I'm juggling sociology, anthropology, and theology at the moment. any opinions on all of the above are most welcome.

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I think I mentioned this in another one of your threads but I'll offer my opinion again.

Usually when you go into higher education, you obtain your degree under the mentorship of a specific professor/advisor.  Within any of the above disciplines, a particular mentor is likely to have his/her own "style" or "approach" to how they perform and carry out research.

If I were you, I would identify someone who's work you admire, and then inquire whether or not they are accepting students.  You will be judged more on the work that you do in graduate school, and the specific degree title that you obtain will have little relevance.

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I'm in the process of doing that right n ow.

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I ask myself, what will it take for my mother, who I love so much, to support the more extreme of my decisions, my habits... It's not even just drugs/psychedelics/entheogens I want her to understnad...It's my unwillingness, perhaps even inability, to commit to traditional "career paths" and life structures. I don't care for a pension. I don't care for job security. All that means anything to me is creative fulfillment. Why should I make any decision that does anything but

a) gives me happiness
and
b) brings me closer to my long-term goals
?

I am the only person who knows what is truly right for me and it's true time for her to learn to trust me, my impulses, my idealism, my illogical (to her) desires. It's not reason that guides me at all times.

I know you love me, my dear mother, but how can I bring you closer to an understanding of me? In a way it's just like Alex, my father...you see me and my "success" in term sof finances and financial security. That makes me sad.

My choices are made and I'll lie in my bed. There's a whirring machine inside my head.
The gears are unaligned but I've got
a monkey wrench.
I'll twist things back together and throw them
underneath a sentence
Heaven is a truck that flattened out my
sensiblities.
You can peel me from the pavement but
you can't remove the street.
I'm a thing of liquid and I'm
swimming in a world of light.
We've got the same consistency
but I put up a fight.
I'm separate but I'm the same
I'm separate, but
I'm
the
same
the syncopated beat is happening
we can't defeat the deafening
we ride our steeds into the tide
as the unearthed sea begins to rise
I may not win the battle
but I'll emerge into the other side..

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kake said:
Robot, I wish we lived near each other man, we would make good pals, I think  I share your exact sentiments, and have for at least the past 4 years of my life.  I walk 2 paths-- it really pains me as well--and I know it is what is keeping me from accelerating toward my full potential as a human being.  That is why I am a member of Shroomery, because these issues are IMPORTANT to me and my life and my personal goals.

And you know what sucks?  There has always been a shade of doubt in my mind - that one day I'll shake this whole drug-phase and figure out it was all a bunch of hoopla.  That shade is undoubtedly a byproduct of that god-damned stigma that is embedded into our society.

And you know what else?  Each day, as my knowledge grows, as my social networks increase, as my experiences reiterate old truths and conjugate new ones, and my as original intuitions about psychedelics continue to solidify, that shade is nullified by more and more light.

I want to come clean about a lot of things with my parents as well.  I feel like I can't afford to wait - they're almost 50 and while still in good shape, we all know death can come at any time.  I feel like if I wait I will regret it, but I know if I don't express myself with full confidence and knowledge, they will think the same as you described... "throwing your life away to drugs".

I just want you to know, Robot, that I totally stand by you in these goals we truly share.  Life is too short not to be following the heartful paths.

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OneMoreRobot3021 said:
It went pretty well, all things considered.

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OneMoreRobot3021 said:
Hey guys. Thanks for the love and support and sorry for leaving you all hanging for details. I posted this from my mother's computer almost immediately after our conversation, when she had gone to bed, and didn't feel right going into detail about it from there when it had just happened...it's been a whirlwind few days, let me tell you. All's not well, but all's not lost, either.  This is a process, and it has only just begun.

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Simisu said:
whoa, i seem to remember one very long post a few years ago (well.. at least more then a year ago fr'sure) talking about your wish to come clean about who you are to yr family.

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Aye, that'd be this one!  What a beautiful thread to read, now, three and a half years later.

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Society said:
How'd you do it, OMR?

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I recently booked a round-trip flight for a week-long vacation in San Jose/San Francisco to attend the MAPS Psychedelic Science in the 21st Century Conference in April. In a way, as soon as I booked the flights (moreso than the conference tickets) I knew this was going to happen, but I wasn't necessarily looking to go out of my way and come out of the psychedelic closet to my mother. However, I did send her a copy of my itinerary.

A brief aside: My mother and I are INCREDIBLY close.  I'm her baby boy, she's my dear mother. We're very close, as are both of my sisters, and we're all close with one another. But I can't drive it home enough - I'm closer to my mother than the vast majority of my male friends are with theirs. I talk to her about everything all the time, love life and all.

She likes to know travel details as she is a Russian Jewish mother and therefore is in a perpetual state of exponential worry over her children.  So I sent her a copy of the itinerary and when I went over for dinner last Tuesday to watch LOST, afterwards she asked me why I was going to SF when I have never visited my sister in Moscow since she lived there. I began lying, as I often have to do when going to a Shroomery gathering or any sort of psychedelic-centered event, about the wheres and the whys. I said that it'd take me a full day to travel to Moscow, a full day to travel back, I wouldn't be able to spend too much time with my sister...and she said, "What's in San Francisco?"

I said, "Friends, some good concerts, you know. I've never been there."

And she, perceptive as ever, said, "Are you hiding something from me?"

To which I replied, "Yes, I am. I'm going to San Francisco to attend a conference."

"Oh god..what is this. Some movement, some cult?"

Already not off on a such a great foot, I muted the television and turned fully towards her and I said, "Well, I'll tell you all about it. It's a conference called Psychedelic Science in the 21st Century, and it has an amazing lineup of academics and amateurs all speaking about recent progress in research into psychedelics as therapeutic medicines and also as spiritual tools. It's a topic I'm really interested in - I read a lot about it, and I write about it as well."

[Another aside: I am the only member of my entire family that can say the word "spiritual" without puking. I am a believer in a sea of agnostics-at-best.]

"How can you write about it if you don't do it?"

"Well..."

"Oh god.  Oh no. No no no.  I can't believe this."

My details of the exact repartee at this point become hazy but I'll outline it for you. She asked what drugs I did, and I decided then and there that baby steps were necessary - you see my mother came to America from the USSR in the late 70's and raised her children during the Just Say No Reaganism of the 80's.  So I told her that I was an enthusiast of psychedelic mushrooms, and decided for now to leave LSD, MDxx and DMT out of the conversation.

The conversation started, then, to spiral out of control, as she began angrily proclaiming that mushrooms were just as bad as cocaine.  This was actually a wonderful opportunity for me, because I explained to her that one of the things I am working on writing about is the idea of our vocabulary when we talk about consciousness-alteration. I gave her a list of five things - her blood pressure medication, birth control pills, cocaine, mushrooms and aspirin - and told her that all of those were "drugs" and that clearly, just from that, we could see that English suffered from a poverty of language because already our debate was bogged down by this idea of "drugs are bad" so "just say no to drugs." I told her that Just Say No just wasn't a philosophy I could ever live my life according to, that I had to learn things for myself and think for myself and make my own decisions.

She asked how I had first come into it, and I told her in vivid detail about my first mushroom experience. I told her my reasoning for trying it - I am a writer, and had never been a visual person, and was curious about hallucinating.  But I also told her that I found the visual component of my first experience to be, while fascinating, far less interesting than the cerebral/intellectual aspects of the experience. And I told her that was the first day of the rest of my life.

Have I not grown and blossomed into a really social, happy person? I asked her.  After all, before I went off to college, I was a very unhappy person, alone and angry at the world, full of hatred.  It was truly that first mushroom experience that opened me to the idea of Joy as a way of life - I walked out of that experience realizing that Everything Is Going To Be Okay, and starting from that day I was a happier person.

My mother could accept that...honestly, she was being very reasonable about everything but I think that it was mostly due to shock. She was in such a deep state of shock that both anger and sadness were difficult emotions for her to access. That worked in my favor - I must tell you that for all our closeness, when I imagined this conversation, it often ended with me being asked to leave her house.

But she wanted to know why mushrooms? There are other ways of being a happy person and learning about yourself. Why do I keep doing them? They're dangerous. That was the biggest thing for her - They Are Dangerous.  And i told her, look, I don't want to insult you, but you're speaking from a place of ignorance when you say they are dangerous - you don't really know what the dangers are, if there are any, you just think that drugs are bad, and therefore dangerous.  I had to explain to her how they are nothing like cocaine, and she said fine but they transform your mind! This was a difficult point - we were mired in the "danger" zone for quite some time.  Finally, she (a survivor of two minor strokes, with many health problems) told me "I'm sorry, but I need a cigarette." She had "quit" a couple years ago but I had caught her a few months ago and we had argued over it.

BUT! Here was another amazing opportunity for me. See, I said something in that previous argument that I reminded her of - she was apologizing for smoking and I said, "Well, like I said last time we talked about you smoking - everyone has the right to put whatever they want in their own bodies as long as it doesn't harm anyone else."  She responded to that with a sort of begrudging silence, lit up her cancer stick, and sucked away at it.

She told me she thought these things were illegal for good reasons - and I told her that was a whole 'nother can of worms I was happy to delve into if she wanted, and I told her that I didn't mean this to sound mean or anything but that quite frankly for all her intelligence this was one topic I definitely was more knowledgeable about.  I told her that I get into these debates with people somewhat frequently, and that I've made it my business to be as knowledgeable as possible about the drug war and how drugs work, their history, etc.

She asked me, "What about LSD?"  Here, I still lied. I don't regret it - at least she agreed that mushrooms were "natural" and grew from the ground. I told her "I tried it once, but mushrooms are more for me."  She said "You're crazy!" And I said "Well, some people think if you do LSD once you do go crazy, but please remember-"

And THIS is something I recommend to ANYONE getting into this conversation with a parent/loved one who had no previous idea about your tripping tendencies-

"I am the exact same person right now that I was before we had this conversation."

This all went on about an hour and a half and then she went to bed.  We have spoken since then a couple of times - she says she is switching between shock and anger. SHe has spoken to my sisters and they tell me that her main concern is simply my safety.  So now, moving forward, I have to simply reassure her of the safety of psilocybin mushrooms. When she's ready, and she says she is not just yet, I am going to give her things to read including my own writing on the topic.

This is just the beginning, as I said, of a process. I hope that this is an ongoing, continually evolving dialogue between my mother and myself. I feel as if a tremendous weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and that I can move forward in 2010 with great aplomb.  I am eager to see how my next trip unfolds, whenever it may be, now that this one monkey that was always on my back during my psychedelic experiences, is off running free.

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Todcasil said:

"Betrayal of yourself in order not to betray another is betrayal nonetheless. It is the highest betrayal."

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Indeed. My sisters are a bit angry at me for destroying my mother's veil of blissful ignorance about my "drug" use, and I told them this exact quote.

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notapillow said:
i remember our little talk at the dinner after that tequila shindig

and im so glad you told her how you felt


love is love

no matter how confuning

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I tell ya, Pillow. Everything going on just then...margaret dying...you visiting...i think when we had that convo, I knew this was going to happen.

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trendal said:
Kudos to you, OMR, for your big reveal! I hope that the next few years are as enlightening for you and yours as they were for mine!!

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Thanks tren...we'll see where it leads.  All I know is I'm headed to the MAPS conference and I just volunteered to help put on the HorizonsNYC psychedelics conference in September. Hopefully having come out to my mother can lead to new and amazing opportunities of growth and contributing to the psychedelic community in any way possible.

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