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OfflinePatisotagami
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Registered: 05/15/08
Posts: 687
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In need of some advice
    #8974687 - 09/23/08 06:49 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Hey everyone. I've always been able to count on my fellow Shroomerites for great advice and I hope you all don't disappoint tonight.

I turned 21 today. I am a junior in college. I have a great life, and have started following the path of Zen. However, lately I have been stuck in a negative, "down" mood. While I realize that these 'moods' are simply that; moods... just mind states that are subjective realities that do not actually exist as fundamental realities... it is very hard for me to overcome this feeling of loneliness.

I broke up with my girlfriend last summer. We were together for about a year, and had many good times... but we both started not liking each other and realized that before we started hating each other beyond the point of return, we had to end what was previously such a good thing. So it was a mutual break up.

However, a couple weeks after we broke up, we decided to try and still be good friends. This included having a physical relationship... which ended up not working because it still felt too much like the same broken relationship we had had before. So we stopped that. She also told me that while she respected my choice to follow Zen Buddhism, she didn't understand it and thus didn't understand many of the choices I made... or many of the things I did/said.

However... I have not been able to get her out of my head for the past few days. I thought I was completely over her, but I suppose now I realize that I am not. I want to write her a letter, but I don't know if that would be the best thing to do when I consider our complicated past. Plus I don't know if either of us have time for another relationship right now. What do you all think?


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EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

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Offlinedirtworshipper
Sitting in the heart cave
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Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 2,060
Loc: at The Guru's lotus feet
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Re: In need of some advice [Re: Patisotagami]
    #8974755 - 09/23/08 07:02 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

"Attachment is the strongest block to Realization" Neem Karoli Baba

I wouldn't do it, my friend.

"If you want to see God, kill desires. Desires are in the mind. When you have a desire for something, don't act on it and it will go away. If you desire to drink this cup of tea, don't, and the desire for it will fall away." NKB

Loneliness can be overcome by developing a relationship with the Beloved, or the Life Force, or the One who is Awake, or whatever.

Either way, I've been in a slightly similar situation. Not that I regret letting the "friendship" go on for so long, but I certainly don't try to perpetuate that "frienship" any longer

Happy Birthday!
:awebig:  :awebig:  :apestheclown:  :apestheclown:


--------------------

“You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.” - George Harrison

Edited by dirtworshipper (09/23/08 07:05 PM)

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Invisibledr_gonz

Registered: 08/18/03
Posts: 44,654
. [Re: Patisotagami]
    #8975192 - 09/23/08 08:19 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

.

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Offlineimagine
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Re: In need of some advice [Re: dr_gonz]
    #8975602 - 09/23/08 09:26 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

I don't know much about Zen, but what I've done in the past when I've had trouble with rollercoasters in my head about ex's would be writing a letter and NOT giving it to them. Write it as you were going to give it to them the next day, but hold on to it. Let your thoughts spill out of your mind and keep them on the piece of paper where they belong.

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OfflinePatisotagami
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Registered: 05/15/08
Posts: 687
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Re: In need of some advice [Re: imagine]
    #8976116 - 09/23/08 11:04 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Thank you all for the advice. Sometimes it really helps to hear others say it though I may be thinking it myself.


--------------------
EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

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OfflineManianFH
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Registered: 07/06/04
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Re: In need of some advice [Re: Patisotagami]
    #8976199 - 09/23/08 11:18 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Happy Birthday. I am not experienced with zen philsophy, but considering your situation it seems apparent that you need to spend some time away from this girl, and perhaps by yourself so you can cope with the change in your relationship in a healthy way. Give yourself some time without her in your life.


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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: In need of some advice [Re: Patisotagami]
    #8977665 - 09/24/08 09:33 AM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

smmu said:
Hey everyone. I've always been able to count on my fellow Shroomerites for great advice and I hope you all don't disappoint tonight.

I turned 21 today. I am a junior in college. I have a great life, and have started following the path of Zen. However, lately I have been stuck in a negative, "down" mood. While I realize that these 'moods' are simply that; moods... just mind states that are subjective realities that do not actually exist as fundamental realities... it is very hard for me to overcome this feeling of loneliness.

I broke up with my girlfriend last summer. We were together for about a year, and had many good times... but we both started not liking each other and realized that before we started hating each other beyond the point of return, we had to end what was previously such a good thing. So it was a mutual break up.

However, a couple weeks after we broke up, we decided to try and still be good friends. This included having a physical relationship... which ended up not working because it still felt too much like the same broken relationship we had had before. So we stopped that. She also told me that while she respected my choice to follow Zen Buddhism, she didn't understand it and thus didn't understand many of the choices I made... or many of the things I did/said.

However... I have not been able to get her out of my head for the past few days. I thought I was completely over her, but I suppose now I realize that I am not. I want to write her a letter, but I don't know if that would be the best thing to do when I consider our complicated past. Plus I don't know if either of us have time for another relationship right now. What do you all think?




Dump the Zen, keep the girl. All will be well.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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OfflineBrainChemistry
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Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 3,657
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Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: In need of some advice [Re: Icelander]
    #8977836 - 09/24/08 10:45 AM (15 years, 6 months ago)

This is sort of a realization I've came to recently.

The general population (at least in America, and most of Western civ.) tend to neglect their spiritual side and inner worlds. The people that openly explore these aspects of their lives seem "strange" to other people. I only mean this in the since, that many people spend their time watching pointless TV shows, going to bars, or whatever. When you bring up talk of spiritualism a lot of people find it awkward, especially if they don't share your beliefs.

I think people intuitively know this, and thus don't always speak their mind about their new spiritual revelations. This starts to create a gap between yourself and the "mainstream" folk who are only interested in talking about last nights football game or how you liked the latest Batman movie, which can quickly lead to anti-socialism and feelings of depression.

My solution: Just stay true to who you are, and eventually your world will mold itself to your way of thinking. Maybe you'll find another girl you like that is interested in Buddhism too. Don't let the rest of the world divert you, only you can decide whats right for you.


--------------------
Word to your mom.

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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
Re: In need of some advice [Re: Patisotagami]
    #8980730 - 09/24/08 08:23 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

I say write the letter.  Say whatever you want to say into that letter, then put your pen down and make that the moment you move on.

You might not even feel a need to send it.


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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