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Offlinebeneath
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Registered: 10/30/07
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shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man.
    #7632532 - 11/13/07 08:29 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I was out at some friends house and when i was walking back home i walked past a bridge.

As soon as i saw it a voice in my head said "JUMP!" and i was like, wow , what the fuck!? and i had a very strong compulsion to jump, and i kept walking on.

I was arguing in my head saying "no I'm not committing suicide ,fuck you" while i was thinking "jump, do it just fucking jump"

I started thinking how my life has become almost complete darkness and it felt like something seriously evil was inside me.
I was thinking "these ain't my thoughts, i don't want to kill myself"

as soon as i thought"these aren't my thoughts" it hit me like a ton of bricks, it's like i recognized this other voice in my head that I've been hearing for a while and realized it wasn't mine and i remembered all the evil things it says.
It is destroying me, it has destroyed allot of who i am, it is killing me.
My self esteem is fucking gone, it is not there and i don't know where the fuck it went

i don't even know what to say, I'm stunned, fearful.

i can't beleive this is what hides beneath my thoughts
i can't believe i was so close to killing myself.....
i don't have control of my thoughts.

fuck

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Offlineg00ru
lit pants tit licker
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Registered: 08/09/07
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7632548 - 11/13/07 08:33 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Dude go to a doctor, people on the Shroomery can only help you so much.
People have these kinds of problems and get over them, there is still plenty of hope.

Good luck.


--------------------
check out my music!
drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss

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OfflineSkeeblix
Dave Thomas
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Registered: 01/28/07
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7632551 - 11/13/07 08:35 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Was this really a voice in your head so much as a thought?

Your best bet would be a psych evaluation, if you're this scared of it, you owe it to yourself, especially since it seems to be a very impulsive kind of manifestation.

You may have some form of schizophrenia, and medications will more than likely at least make it tolerable, and a lot less of a risk to yourself.

Personally, I feel a lot of psych meds are overprescribed for stupid shit like depression in whiny teenagers, but in this case, this is a very legitimate something, so don't feel bad about needing help.


--------------------
This post approved by:


Premedman1 said:
:lol: I just shat my pants.

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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7632586 - 11/13/07 08:43 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I've never experienced hearing voices in my head, but other people I've known have, and usually it is a voice telling them to kill themselves. Evil things. Sounds pretty serious (the voices that is). I wish I could help you, but I have no experiences to relate to you.

Someone close to me that hears these voices says that there are medicines out there can suppress them successfully. As already stated, go and see a doctor as soon as you can.

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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Skeeblix]
    #7632590 - 11/13/07 08:45 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

yeah an actuall voice as if it was really loud, it's like i've been tryng to function with this shit for years, depression and weird thoughts, it it seems to be getting out of my controll completly now.
all of these words are hard and painful to type because it's fucking scary to face up to this sort of thing, it feels like i'm losing touch with reality and i've tried everythin to stay "straight".

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OfflineLion
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7632618 - 11/13/07 08:52 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Everyone has that voice in her or his head. Eckhart Tolle calls it the "tormentor" - it is a package of conditioned negativity that you have inherited from a nihilistic, self-fearing culture.

You have more control over your thoughts than you realize. But the important thing is that you are not your thoughts at all, anyway, and that it is possible to dis-identify with the thoughts which arise, so that you recognize them for what they are - transient, insubstantial - and create space around them which takes away their negative power. Meditation is good for this.

You also might try sitting with your eyes closed and forcing yourself to speak positively to yourself, with words of encouragement. Positive self-talk is extremely powerful IME if it is consciously guided. It is hard because the conditioned mind with all its fear, its self loathing, its desire to turn your life into an object of knowledge rather than a lucid experience, has tons of momentum. You really need to assert yourself.

You're aware of your tormentor, which is more than most people can say. Flip it on its head!


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”

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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Lion]
    #7632713 - 11/13/07 09:15 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I've been dis-identifying with them for a while but they seem to be getting stronger and more serious and convincing.

I try to keep positive, like fuck this I'm not going to kill myself, I'm good at the guitar, my life is going good, I've got money blah blah"

and with a feeling of something/someone in my head that's not me, telling me that none of this matters, NOTHING MATTERS, kill yourself, your fucked.

it feels like a powerful evil tormentor.

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OfflineJoseLibrado
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7632830 - 11/13/07 09:42 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

YO man, I know what your talking about. I had a voice in my head that talked alot of things that eventually turned into feelings towards them.
I had thoughts saying that i wanted to fuck everything. Even like family. I laugh now, because I remember how shitty it was man, i know what your going through. I would suggest one thing - do not debate with the voice, anything you say it will ignore and turn around on you. As for it saying "Nothing Matters", this in itself, if you believe it, doesnt matter, because if it is true that "nothing Matters" then saying "nothing matters" doesnt matter, its meaningless.
Oh i remember now that Fear is also what makes it worse. And although showing you why you should not be scared of it, wouldnt help, let me tell you from personal experience - this WILL PASS.

One thing that i have noticed is that these voices can be exacerbated by weed smoking and drugs in general. You might want to bring a stop to drugs until u feel ready again.

Another problem i found with dealing with these things, is being scared of what i would do and how it would reflect on my character towards others and whether they would reject me because of this. This was probally why i was so scared of the voice...And i think taking a quick at this, may help with your journey through this rough time.

Through it all even the worse of it, [WILL PASS] Go away, IT Will. There is a reason for this suffering too man think about this for a seck -  Bad things, make for good things. And vice versa. I mean, The only reason you do not like this is because like me at that time, you think control of mind is good and so when it seems out of control you see it as bad.
This bad will balance itself into good and back and then again to good.
This universe is balance. Live like you can, nothing you can do to anyone, including yourself, will throw anything off balance. All you are experiencing here is the universes infinite different mysteries.
The universe will balance itself out. We exist as a part of the universe. We are it, it embraces us, we embrace it. Ying and Yang.

PEace and ^.^
Glad i had the chance to cou help you, the ironic thing is that this good feeling im getting from helping, is because you are being confronted with negativity!

Much love and peace.  :smile:

Edited by JoseLibrado (11/13/07 10:11 PM)

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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7634257 - 11/14/07 09:48 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

ok after a night of sleep i feel a little rested and i'm not freaking out, i'm just thinking if i should go to the doctor or not

I've got an appointment friday for something else where i could mention it and i would probably get refered to a phsychiatrist/psychologist that i've seen before for depression.

the thing is, i really don't want to go, i think i might be scared to go, its mostly because of the stigma towards things like this.
but it may be in my best interest, what if i REALLY freak out sometime.

this question is for anyone with schizophrenia or if you know someone with it:
Do you have a constant "chatter" of voices in your head that won't shut the hell up? and it feels like your brain is almost constantly going fast or a maxed out 100% CPU.
and other times like it has been switched off and isn't responding to anything you try to get it to do?

do you think i should seek some help?

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InvisibleZippoZM
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7634316 - 11/14/07 10:16 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

yes, you need to seek serious psychiatric help, immediately.

there are medications out there that can help you live a perfectly normal life, a happy one at that.

go see a doctor.


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."

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InvisibleKrishna
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: ZippoZ]
    #7634857 - 11/14/07 12:22 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Capatalistc nomad said:
yes, you need to seek serious psychiatric help, immediately.

there are medications out there that can help you live a perfectly normal life, a happy one at that.

go see a doctor.




seriously. of course, everybody has "voices" in their head - ie, the linguistic analysis of their thoughts. but if these "voices" don't seem to be your thought process - if they aren't in your control - and most importantly, if they are telling you to kill yourself - go see a psychiatrist IMMEDIATELY. this isn't the time to fuck around with self-help and philosophizing/intellectualizing. this isn't what tolle meant by a "tormenter". this is a schizophrenic delusion set off by imbalances in brain chemistry, and is not something you should think of as normal, helpful, or a gift, nor is it something to take lightly. go see a psychiatrist immediately. wish you the best. :heart:


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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Krishna]
    #7634939 - 11/14/07 12:44 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

thanks everyone for the help.

I've got an appointment with the doctor on Friday, I'll be able to get refereed to a psychiatrist then, if he thinks it's appropriate that is.

One thing i wonder is why is it always something like "kill yourself" or "kill him", it's pretty weird, why can't it be other random shit like, "Pancakes!, eat some fucking pancakes you piece of shit"

although i suppose i do get those sort of thoughts often too, which seem kinda funny because they are kinda ridiculous.
especially when you start arguing with the voice saying "i don't fucking want pancakes"

The other day i had a really persistent thought that i had to go and buy a cheeseburger, but i couldn't be bothered going, but the thought was really fucking strong and persistent(for about 8 hours) so i had to go and fucking buy a cheeseburger so it would shut up, BTW the cheeseburger tasted goooood.

That's why it's hard to take this seriously because it's usually weird thoughts like that but when i get shit like voices telling me to kill myself and the feeling that people can hear my thoughts, it makes me think i should start taking it seriously and get some help or at least someone Else's perspective.

I have a weird feeling i am being incoherent in my speech in everyday life and maybe even in these posts, do these posts make any sense to you guys? it kinda of feels like i might be changing the subject of what I'm talking about and not fully realizing it.
It feels like it's getting harder to communicate my thoughts properly.

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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Krishna]
    #7635003 - 11/14/07 12:53 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Like I said, I know someone (in my family) that has heard actual voices in his head for most of his adult life. It is no joke either. He has spent most of his adult life in and out of institutions because of these voices that tell him to acutally kill himself. He has lived a rough life. He told me that some medicines actually work to eliminate the voices. The meds can be rough on you but you really have no other choice. The last I talked with the man he was doing ok. Then, back in a institution, now, out of the hospital and my family has no way of reaching him. My dad wants to buy him a house to live in, but he hasn't had contact with us yet since he left the place. Strange thing is that he is one of the nicest most genuine people Ive ever met. He would give you the shirt off his back. When he found out I was going through a depression years back the guy would call me every day offering help and relating to what I was going through. Throughout his life and despite the madness he was experiencing, he always had women chasing after him, surprisingly he is a complete babe magnet. I think his first advice for you would be to go to a doctor as soon as possible. Obviously.

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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7635015 - 11/14/07 12:55 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

EDIT - it is not the position of the moderators of this forum that anyone be told they shouldn't go see a doctor. Whatever your personal opinion of them...a doctor is always the answer.

If you're uncomfortable with going then don't go. Simple as that. If you want everything to turn out ok and be helped, you have to go because you really want to, because you feel that it's for your best.
And the voices that you heard, as unbelievable as it might sound, are yours. There's no such thing as an outside force to tell you what to do, control your mind and other socially imprinted terrors as such.
This is very important to keep in mind because once you realize that it is your thoughts who are creating all this situation, then you are ready to take action.
And NOBODY can control and manipulate your thoughts better than yourself. Accept that you hear whatever you hear and also keep in mind that you don't have to do it. Accepting those thoughts will stop you from fearing them, and if you stop fearing them you will be able (in time and with lucidity) to realize what's causing them.
There are so many things that we experience and we tend to forget some of them. But even if we do, they are still somewhere in our subconscious and affect the way we think, influence our decisions. This is nothing more but one of those cases, and if you are willing to pay enough attention, you will manage to see what's up with all that.
Fell free to PM me if you need more advice.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

Edited by trendal (11/14/07 01:31 PM)

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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7635071 - 11/14/07 01:05 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I am wondering why people are advising him to get psychological help? is it so he can get meds? i only ask because i am wondering if any of you have taken these meds yourself and know what they do to a person - i personally have not


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InvisibleKrishna
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7635147 - 11/14/07 01:19 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

i advised psychiatric help because it seems to be a serious problem involving [uncontrollable] thoughts of suicide - if it was just feeling down about oneself, or strange thoughts, then working on your internal state through meditation, intellectualization, etc, might be worthwhile for an initial shot - but when it involves serious thoughts about suicide, external help is a must.

i've never taken these meds, but my father is a shrink (and one who is really against the over-prescribing of america that is really common in his profession) and i've talked to him about them before (from time to time i suffer auditory hallucinations - sounds like a large crowd of people at a bit of a distance mumbling, so i can't make anything out, but the more i concentrate on it the louder [albeit not any clearer] it gets - to the point of being painful and deafening) & his professional opinion is that there are some meds that really work wonders at stifiling auditory delusions, which then allow the person some peace & mental quietness that they can then use to work on psychological development and approach the "core" problems.. long term meds might not be the best step - that would be a decision that he should work out with professional help - but in the short-term they might be very helpful in creating a peace of mind that allows for further work...


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7635163 - 11/14/07 01:22 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I've  been wondering the same thing - why so many advice to go and seek professional help? :sherlock:
I agree that for some it can be very useful, but I still believe that the best person to help one is him or herself. :shrug:
Also this situation, in my opinion, is not as "severe" as some might imply. :confused:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Krishna]
    #7635182 - 11/14/07 01:25 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Krishna said:
i advised psychiatric help because it seems to be a serious problem involving [uncontrollable] thoughts of suicide




If those thoughts were uncontrollable, he wouldn't be posting this anymore because of more than obvious reasons, right? :tongue:
So let's take a look again at the OP's story and we shall find out that he was able to control those thoughts.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7635201 - 11/14/07 01:29 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
I've  been wondering the same thing - why so many advice to go and seek professional help? :sherlock:




This advice (see a specialist) should be given to everyone who asks for help in here (ok, not for a stubbed toe...but you get what I mean).

Let me make this clear...if you are not, in fact, a doctor yourself, you have no business telling someone not to go see a doctor. The default line in this forum is "see a doctor", and it should be.


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7635214 - 11/14/07 01:31 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Because when you hear actual voices in your head telling you to slit your wrists it is much different than just being depressed and wanting to off yourself. Modern psychiatric medicine isn't too advanced yet as we all know, but when you hear actual voices in your head telling you to jump off a bridge than your brain needs more than just a therapy session. It is not like a voice in your head than says "gee, i need to use the bathroom now" or "gee, im hungry maybe i should eat", they are literally voices you hear as if somebody was next to you talking to you. And the voices don't say nice things like "open the door for this nice lady before I walk into a resturant" or "today do something nice for a person you love" no, they are demonic-like requests that a person has no control over hearing. The only thing on this planet that we know to do under these situations is to medicate someone until the voices dissappear. Whether it is a hallucination or not, it needs to be treated or else you wont be able to function in life and live underneath a bridge for part of your life talking back and forth with these voices like my uncle did until he finally get medicated. He started hereing voices before he was a teen, and my grandparents did not even give a sh.t, and they certainly did not have the money to send him to a doctor and get him medication. My grandparents simply did not care about their male children and only focused on taking care of the female child for some f.cked up reason. Anyways, this guys voices never stopped until he was put on the right medication. He has made literally dozens of suicide attempts in his life I have heard, every time because of the voices telling him to do it. And that is about all I know about these "voices".

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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: trendal]
    #7635222 - 11/14/07 01:32 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I am just wondering if the reason why people are telling the OP to go see a doctor is because they do not have the same experience or can't relate to what the OP is going through and so they hand off the responsibility to a person in authority

I personally have been in the OP's shoes and I know he doesn't need to see a doctor if he doesn't want to, and especially if he is paranoid.

beneath, i'd be glad to talk to you, feel free to PM me

edit: to the person who posted right before me - you say you only know about the voices through your uncle and you have no experience of them. are you sure you want to project yourself as an authority on the matter?


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7635237 - 11/14/07 01:36 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I am just wondering if the reason why people are telling the OP to go see a doctor is because they do not have the same experience or can't relate to what the OP is going through and so they hand off the responsibility to a person in authority

That is exactly the reason we are suggesting that, and it's exactly the reason we should be suggesting that.

Much better than saying "I don't have any inkling of what your going through...but here's what I would do." That is the most dangerous type of advice possible.


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: trendal]
    #7635238 - 11/14/07 01:37 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

trendal said:
Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
I've  been wondering the same thing - why so many advice to go and seek professional help? :sherlock:




This advice (see a specialist) should be given to everyone who asks for help in here (ok, not for a stubbed toe...but you get what I mean).

Let me make this clear...if you are not, in fact, a doctor yourself, you have no business telling someone not to go see a doctor. The default line in this forum is "see a doctor", and it should be.




This is an advice forum, and given the fact that he feels uncomfortable with seeing a doctor, I advised him not to go since he can only receive help if he really thinks that it will help him.
Also... tell me, how would this forum look like and what purpose would it serve if everybody would be using the default line? :lol:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7635247 - 11/14/07 01:39 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

i don't know if i had control of these thoughts or not, it certainly didn't feel like it, it felt like the opposite, but i told it to fuck off because i didn't want to comply with it's "request",
i couldn't stop the thought but i didn't do what it said but i was very close to, it sounded more real than anything I've ever experienced, almost like an evil spiritual experience.

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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: trendal]
    #7635249 - 11/14/07 01:39 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

trendal said:
I am just wondering if the reason why people are telling the OP to go see a doctor is because they do not have the same experience or can't relate to what the OP is going through and so they hand off the responsibility to a person in authority

That is exactly the reason we are suggesting that, and it's exactly the reason we should be suggesting that.

Much better than saying "I don't have any inkling of what your going through...but here's what I would do." That is the most dangerous type of advice possible.




I understand, you're just trying to help :mushroom2:


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7635250 - 11/14/07 01:39 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Also... tell me, how would this forum look like and what purpose would it serve if everybody would be using the default line?

It would look much the same as it does now... :wink:

You're assuming that we only offer up that advice. It's ok to say "see a doctor, but here's what I think..."


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: trendal]
    #7635281 - 11/14/07 01:48 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I am sorry, but I can't give this advice to someone who is obviously uncomfortable with the thought of seeing a psychologist. :shrug:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7635289 - 11/14/07 01:51 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

beneath said:
i don't know if i had control of these thoughts or not, it certainly didn't feel like it, it felt like the opposite, but i told it to fuck off because i didn't want to comply with it's "request",
i couldn't stop the thought but i didn't do what it said but i was very close to, it sounded more real than anything I've ever experienced, almost like an evil spiritual experience.




Well first of all I think that you should provide us with as much detail as possible, about your life, experiences tat affected you the most, everything can come as great aid in helping you understand what's happening to you.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7635317 - 11/14/07 01:58 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

i might do that, it would be one long ass post though, i might do it sometime later or in a few days, i don't know but it feels like allot has been "stirred" inside my head and i don't want to stir it much more for now.

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: trendal]
    #7635343 - 11/14/07 02:07 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Guys I never claimed to be a damn doctor or anything. Don't criticise me for trying to relate to this person and offering advice. None of your replies are any more helpful than mine, none of us are qualified psychiatrists in here. Take meds, don't take meds I am clearly not one to say for sure. Hearing a voice one time in your life probably is not so bad. I've been locked down in mental institutions twice in my life for suicidal thoughts and met some people that were clearly 1000X's worse off then I was, people that are completely f.cked up beyond repair. Two 72 hour lock downs in a peroid of only 2 weeks was enough to show me some people have metal issues beyond your wildest imagination.

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7635344 - 11/14/07 02:07 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Any time you feel comfortable with it :smile:
I wish you the best and lots of strength and Will. :heart:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7635360 - 11/14/07 02:13 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

thanks

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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7635373 - 11/14/07 02:17 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

I've been locked down in mental institutions twice in my life for suicidal thoughts and met some people that were clearly 1000X's worse off then I was, people that are completely f.cked up beyond repair. Two 72 hour lock downs in a peroid of only 2 weeks was enough to show me some people have metal issues beyond your wildest imagination.




The second time was a much nicer place tho. I met an extremely hot Costa Rican chick that gave me a blow job. She was in there because she just had issues about how she was cheating on her husband. -Totally worth it. :smile:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7635431 - 11/14/07 02:29 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

:what: :lol:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7635702 - 11/14/07 03:25 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
I am sorry, but I can't give this advice to someone who is obviously uncomfortable with the thought of seeing a psychologist. :shrug:




I am uncomfortable with asking my dentist if I need my wisdom teeth out, because of the expense and the pain involved should he recommend I get them out.  But that does not mean I should not do that.  Medical inquiries can be intimidating.  Somebody having disturbing thoughts of suicide and homicide should speak to a physician.

Look at the title of the thread.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7636560 - 11/14/07 06:05 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Hey man, just like theres only so much the shroomery can do, theres only so much a physicist can do too. God is the ultimate doctor. and he's everywhere, all the time. He created doctors


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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Shredman]
    #7636601 - 11/14/07 06:11 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Let's stick to the real stuff and not fairy tales. :wink:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7636837 - 11/14/07 06:50 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I feel I am in a position to reply.  Just take it as I say it.  I speak only from subjective personal experience.  In my opinion, this sounds more like a spiritual crises then a mental one. 

Quote:

I started thinking how my life has become almost complete darkness and it felt like something seriously evil was inside me.
I was thinking "these ain't my thoughts, i don't want to kill myself"




Good call.  That feels like your higher self stepping in to remind you that you are not your thoughts. 

Quote:

It is destroying me, it has destroyed allot of who i am, it is killing me.
My self esteem is fucking gone, it is not there and i don't know where the fuck it went





You're under illusion.  Keep in mind that thoughts (as well as most aspects of reality) can be chariots for spirit.  Right now, a dark aspect of your psyche, a negative energy,  is generating a lot of fear for you, using your thoughts.  You feel that this aspect is NOT YOU, you KNOW that these are *not your thoughts.*  But it's staggering to consider that you have this "thing" in your head, this thing that is telling you to die.  And you know it is not you.  But why is it there at all, telling you all those bad things? 

Am I right, having gleamed as much from your post?    Well, I've been there.  Some human beings seem to have more animated connections with the denizens inhabiting their inner worlds.  The thing you must always remember is, NO MATTER WHAT, this *thing* no matter how seperate it might present itself as (and it has to, to keep the illusion going), IS *YOU.*  It's just an aspect of you that you are now having to face.  An unsavory aspect, to be sure, but one that bears examination and compassion regardless.  Reacting in fear only increases your depth in the illusion of its seperation and "beingness" from you.  Don't worry!  Relax and don't let yourself get worked up.  You've simply become aware that you are not your thoughts.  It's all okay.  Everything is already taken care of because you are technically made of the same stuff. 

You are not your thoughts.  You are not your feelings.  Not your senses, or your intellect.  You are not anything that you think you are.  You are beyond all of that.  You are the thing that cannot be spoken of.  Your name doesn't belong to you.  None of it does, and you are simply using it for the time being. 

You are an empty vessel, and you are filled with spirit.  It's all part of you, all One, but the density of our reality creates an illusion of seperation, and sometimes when that seperation comes from a negative place in our minds, the spirit that we sense through using thoughts and other recievers capable to us feels EVIL. 

I have faced great evil in myself as well.  I have been possessed at particular points of my life by energy beings from within who sought only to use my body and self for malevolent purposes.  Including ones that sought to be my own demise, sought to destroy everything positive in my life.  But it's okay.  I learned how to co-exist with them.  Why do they want to sow such discord and fear?  Well, I think it's because they are afraid.  The only way to combat fear is through love, and compassion, INCLUDING for these aspects of yourself that seem so trecherous and deadly.  It's the only way.  So a part of you, a spirit from within and beyond, is using your thoughts for ill?  Don't be afraid; just take a breath and imagine yourself to be bathed in white light.  Don't underestimate the power of your imagination; it is a gateway to other realms.  I'm not joking with you; I believe all of this because it is relevant to my own experiences.  Bathe yourself in white light; say a prayer, or "I love you."  Just try it.  I bet you'll feel that deadly part of yourself squirm at the words, all uncomfortable.  Why?  Well, that part of yourself, that spirit energy of the totality of your being, has been hidden, kept silent and in the dark for awhile.  Over time, if it is ignored and cast aside, unheard, its voice has to grow louder.  So it gets louder and full of resentment and hate, until it makes its presence known so stridently that you are scared at what you are hearing and realizing about yourself. 

Well, accept it.  Everyone is evil.  Everyone is good.  So what.  Those are only words.  We all have every potential, every which way.  We can do everything and anything we like.  Don't be cowed by this voice you are hearing, this presence you are sensing.  It's okay.  It's just part of you.  Don't run.  Face it.  Watch it.  Learn from it.  Love it.  Heal it.  You can do it.  You are already one with it at the root; you only need to fill yourself with light, and expose your dark aspects to radiance.  We ALL cast shadows, man.  EVERYONE.  Sounds like your shadow side is just giving you a hard time.  Don't worry. 

I'm not telling you either way to seek help or not.  You don't have to control your thoughts, man.  Let them pass and flow through you, in and out again, let them go.  Who cares; you are beyond your thoughts.  Take notice of any presences, but don't freak; just LEARN.  Breath, which when focused upon, can create a sense of balance in your energy.  Just relax and breathe, that's all. Spend a few moments a few times a day going over your entire body and letting it go limp, with relief. 

If your life is darkness dude, just give it the antidote of light.  You can do it.  All you have to do is be. 

If you are feeling in immediate jeapardy of hurting yourself, that's when you go seek help.  Don't question, just go.  It will feel good to have a point of stability in a doctor, but keep in mind that they will not see your condition as a spiritual one, nor offer any solace in that area.  They will treat you like you have a mental disease that needs "curing."  And if you do, you do, I mean, that's your call, really.  :shrug:  Do you?  Or are you just...you...suddenly more aware of who he really is. 

Face it, if you seek help or not...it's okay.  You won't be harmed if you love your shadow.  :heart:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MOTH]
    #7638220 - 11/15/07 02:07 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

thank you, i know it is part of me but i don't know how it got so twisted, i will try to understand it....somehow.

"The mind is a terrible thing to taste"

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7638317 - 11/15/07 03:40 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

i'm really having doubts about going for help, i don't see how i could be helped, i don't want to have to take medication, i took it for depression but i had to stop because i didn't like having to take a pill everyday to be numbed.
this is pretty fucking gay, can't i just live a normal life?:nonono:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7638357 - 11/15/07 04:50 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

You can...just make peace with yourself.  :heart: It can be done.

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MOTH]
    #7638376 - 11/15/07 05:14 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

i just went to the doctors, i'll be getting refered to a psychiatrist, it might take a few weeks though.

In the waiting room there was a fucking painting of the bridge i was going to jump off and my brain attempts to make some connection with the painting, the bridge and the fact i'm in the doctors waiting room. like it was some kind of setup.
I was just sitting there and i turned around and seen this ominous painting and was like :eek:

Then when i'm walking home there was some "human figure" standing in my back garden which dissapeared as soon as i seen it.

It's starting to get to much for me, i'm exausted from years of depression and this is starting to push me.

i'm sure i'll find my way, but this is really taxing.

fuckit whatever

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7638497 - 11/15/07 07:05 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

If you don't mind me asking, for how long have you been depressed, for how long did you take medication and did you by any chance, stopped the medication any time close to the experience you related here?
Also, do you have any clue what was the cause of your depression?


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7638556 - 11/15/07 08:04 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

you think He isnt realy but the truth is, the ground your standing on is holy. and you might not ever notice it. until one day.


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OfflineShredman
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Shredman]
    #7638559 - 11/15/07 08:06 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

and what if this is just a stage and you end up getting on med. and it messes u up even more. thats what has happend to me in the past, but i just quit taking med. and manned it out.


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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7638608 - 11/15/07 08:43 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

i took Mirtazapine for about 1month or 2 and i tried zoloft once, it made me feel shitty so i never took it again, that was about June.
I then decided i would just handle it myself, and started to accept that i would be depressed allot but tried to work through it and "tough it out"

but all these things like hearing voices and seeing things were only small things, they were there but didn't really fuck with me but now they are getting worse and starting to fuck with me.

i wasn't too sure what caused my depression i think, i honestly just think I'm fucked up, my head goes full on 100% and hardly ever stops, i can't think straight, i hear and see random stuff, i don't think i trust anyone, forming relationships is hard for me and i feel like I'm losing grip on reality more and more, I'm losing myself.
also, this society fucking sucks.

yeah , i know, life's what you make of it, which I'm trying to do and all this crap is dragging me under.

The only thing that keeps me grounded is music, i love it, it is amazing :shrug:
I'm not sure if I'd be here anymore if i never had music and be able to play it, how cliche lol , it's like my only grip i have on my sanity.

I don't think the mind is supposed to be confined the way it is in western society.

Edited by beneath (11/15/07 09:27 AM)

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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7638858 - 11/15/07 10:05 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Keep listening to music, it obviously works for you. I am no doctor but it sounds like you are getting too ahead of yourself, not letting yourself relax. You're thinking too much, and now you are thinking too much about thinking too much - with your head always busy you are less aware of your body so it makes you tense and this is what causes the paranoia.

What helps me really relax and get my mind quiet and what may help you is 10-20 minutes a day just lying on the floor or sitting cross legged with your back against a hard surface and just let your thoughts flow, stop thinking for one second and breathe very deeply. Let your thoughts flow again, then stop thinking and take another breath. See if there's any difference in your body from before and after you take the breath.

Do you get enough exercise? A 10 minute jog/run could get you out of your head, keep focused on your destination and keep your eyes ahead of you. I think the reason why you see and hear random stuff is because you're looking for any way out of your mind and so your mind conjures up these things to kind of 'shock' you into the present moment. The present moment AKA the relaxed joy of being can be better achieved simply through focus on the breath, drinking water and getting enough exercise.

I know society sucks, but it'll be a lot better if you try and work towards your sanity. You are not insane, you are just holding too much of society's weight.


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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7639140 - 11/15/07 11:02 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

excellent practical advice


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7640792 - 11/15/07 05:13 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I say go there.
Don't think about it getting worse, you must not do that.

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7640957 - 11/15/07 05:54 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

people get afraid of what they don't understand and i'd say fuck the doctors.  they can really fuck you up if they don't like you, if you act crazy, if you tell them what you expereince.  even if you tell them "a voice tells me to hurt myself"  and "i want to kill myself" they can lock you in a hospital and force drug you.
i've been where you are, ask god to help you and meet him halfway thru your spiritual efforts to improve yourself.  good luck:thumbup:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: sleepy]
    #7641013 - 11/15/07 06:07 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

http://spiritualrecoveries.blogspot.com/2006/05/dr-john-weir-perry-diabasis.html

http://spiritualrecoveries.blogspot.com/2006/05/dr-john-weir-perry-far-side-of-madness.html
very interesting reads

and especially, drumroll please

http://spiritualemergency.blogspot.com/2006/01/mental-breakdown-as-healing.html

good luck, and if you want some great great super great advice, DO NOT TELL ANYONE WHAT ANY VOICES ARE TELLING YOU, NOR TELL ANYONE THAT YOU ARE HEARING VOICES OR EXPERIENCING ANYTHING STRANGE, NOR THAT YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF. as you would see, some people feel compelled to react and to "help you out" if you tell them these things. in the end you have to help yourself. do not tell parents or authority figures or your school nurse, they will probably (and may be required by law) to tell a higher authority who will put you in a mental hospital and not let you out till you go insane.

good luck

good luck


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"O'C: Did Jung really see this as a healing process?

PERRY: He did indeed! He believed that "schizophrenia" is a self-healing process - one in which, specifically, the pathological complexes dissolve themselves. The whole schizophrenic turmoil is really a self-organising, healing experience. It's like a molten state. Everything seems to be made of free energy, an inner free play of imagery through which the alienated psyche spontaneously re-organises itself - in such a way that the conscious ego is brought back into communication with the unconscious again.








Edited by sleepy (11/15/07 06:10 PM)

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Invisiblesleepy
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7641088 - 11/15/07 06:22 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

O'C: What does it feel like to go through a "schizophrenic break"?

PERRY: The overall experience is described as falling into a kind of abyss of isolation. This comes about because there is such a discrepancy between the subjective inner world that one has been swept into, and the mundane everyday world outside. There seems to be a total gulf between these two. Of course, this is exactly what happens in our society: the individuals around such a person are bewildered and frightened. They have absolutely no trust in what is going on! So everything is set up negatively, and this gives rise to fear - on both sides.

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: sleepy]
    #7641262 - 11/15/07 06:51 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

im drunk, forgive me. its all a misunderstanding. everyone should be free to go nuts or be sane, the way i can choose a radio station. PEACE

OUT

and IN

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7641624 - 11/15/07 08:06 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Glad you sought help if you need it.  :heart:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7643351 - 11/16/07 08:56 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Hey man. Sorry to hear about your troubles. I had the same thing happen to me about a year ago -- I was walking on a bridge and these thoughts started to appear in my head saying; "jump, jump!!". To make the matters worse, I WAS going home from the freaking psychotherapist office! Can you believe that?

Anyway, what I want to assure you that you're perfectly normal and that you don't have to take an anti-psychotic or anything unless you want to. Also know that no one out there is living "a normal life" - which is nothing but a myth, since we're all struggling with one type of issue or another.

Also as a personal recommendation, a therapy might still be good for you. Not to medicate you or put a "crazy" stamp on your forehead, but to help you learn to accept yourself, manage these kind of thoughts when they come up and to have someone to reflect this ideas back to you with a more objective stance.

Good luck!


--------------------

"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: redtailedhawk]
    #7643514 - 11/16/07 09:58 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

yeah, thanks.

I don't think I'll take an anti-psychotic but I'll discuss it with my psychiatrist.

she recommended cognitive behaviour therapy last time i was there but i had a heavy workload from college and couldn't do it at the time so she might recommend that again, she prefers using other methods before prescribing meds. She's fairly relaxed and alright to talk to, she doesn't seem to judge or anything.

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7643567 - 11/16/07 10:18 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

That's great. Sounds like a wise person, I with you the best of luck and keep us up to date :smile:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7648479 - 11/17/07 06:17 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I have, and still do go through the same exact thing. My advice: 1) Do not take medications. As long as you are taking medications, you will always carry around the notion that something is wrong with you WHEN REALLY THERE ISN'T!!! And let's face it, the pharmaceutical industry doesn't really know jack about how our bodies work. They claim the drug does one thing; it may or may not, and it may create problems of its own. 2) People are unique and nobody should ever try to live a "normal" life because no such thing exists and that would, in fact, be living a life untrue to yourself. Be yourself and as Moth said, be accepting of yourself. Society (specifically those at the top) try their best to make everyone else feel bad about being themselves so that we do not upset the hierarchy that exists, that's just how society currently operates at this stage of evolution. 3) As far as self-esteem goes, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. For people like you and me that are particularly sensitive/empathic, it is all too easy for people to take advantage of our nature and make us feel bad about ourselves (tantamount to rape really). Have the presence to recognize when people do this to you, put your foot down and then walk away. Don't associate with people that take advantage of you. You may find out that you have no true friends. But it is better to know this than to live under the illusion of "friends" and continually let yourself get beaten down psychologically by others. 4) As far as the voice itself, you will realize that it is you. BUT the trick is (as always with semantics) that words are poor vehicles for capturing what we mean/feel. If you break it down as I have, you will find that what the voice may really be saying is that something in your life is out of place. Something is bothering you and you have to stop associating with it (whether it be bad friends/family/behaviors). Lift the veil of conditioned neuroses and you will understand what is really triggering these negative emotions in you (the thoughts are negative because your emotions are negative btw). I know this is hard because it requires that you really focus in on yourself and act as yourself rather than what other people and society have conditioned you to act as. 5) You said you like music, but I cautiously and humbly suggest that you may have become reliant on it (like people become reliant on drugs/food/whatever). I know personally I sometimes get trapped in listening to music to temporarily escape from whatever it is that is tormenting me. Recognize that this may be the case and learn to step back from an unhealthy relationship with music if it exists (any unhealthy relationship for that matter). 6) Do shit that makes you happy even if it's the same things that you did when you were little. If you feel like randomly running down the street just for the sheer sensation, do it. If you feel like climbing up a tree/over a bridge/up  a cliff DO IT! Don't ever let anyone tell you that what you makes you happy is wrong, because THAT'S WRONG.

I truly hope this helps you, and feel free to disregard anything that doesn't apply to you. I've done my best, but the internet is not the best medium for getting to know you, so I based a lot of what I said off of myself. If you want to talk to me, just send me a PM. I'll help you anyway I can. :smile:

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OfflineQuerjek
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: Kristian]
    #7649199 - 11/17/07 09:45 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Kristian said:
I have, and still do go through the same exact thing. My advice: 1) Do not take medications. As long as you are taking medications, you will always carry around the notion that something is wrong with you WHEN REALLY THERE ISN'T!!! And let's face it, the pharmaceutical industry doesn't really know jack about how our bodies work. They claim the drug does one thing; it may or may not, and it may create problems of its own. 2) People are unique and nobody should ever try to live a "normal" life because no such thing exists and that would, in fact, be living a life untrue to yourself. Be yourself and as Moth said, be accepting of yourself. Society (specifically those at the top) try their best to make everyone else feel bad about being themselves so that we do not upset the hierarchy that exists, that's just how society currently operates at this stage of evolution. 3) As far as self-esteem goes, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. For people like you and me that are particularly sensitive/empathic, it is all too easy for people to take advantage of our nature and make us feel bad about ourselves (tantamount to rape really). Have the presence to recognize when people do this to you, put your foot down and then walk away. Don't associate with people that take advantage of you. You may find out that you have no true friends. But it is better to know this than to live under the illusion of "friends" and continually let yourself get beaten down psychologically by others. 4) As far as the voice itself, you will realize that it is you. BUT the trick is (as always with semantics) that words are poor vehicles for capturing what we mean/feel. If you break it down as I have, you will find that what the voice may really be saying is that something in your life is out of place. Something is bothering you and you have to stop associating with it (whether it be bad friends/family/behaviors). Lift the veil of conditioned neuroses and you will understand what is really triggering these negative emotions in you (the thoughts are negative because your emotions are negative btw). I know this is hard because it requires that you really focus in on yourself and act as yourself rather than what other people and society have conditioned you to act as. 5) You said you like music, but I cautiously and humbly suggest that you may have become reliant on it (like people become reliant on drugs/food/whatever). I know personally I sometimes get trapped in listening to music to temporarily escape from whatever it is that is tormenting me. Recognize that this may be the case and learn to step back from an unhealthy relationship with music if it exists (any unhealthy relationship for that matter). 6) Do shit that makes you happy even if it's the same things that you did when you were little. If you feel like randomly running down the street just for the sheer sensation, do it. If you feel like climbing up a tree/over a bridge/up  a cliff DO IT! Don't ever let anyone tell you that what you makes you happy is wrong, because THAT'S WRONG.

I truly hope this helps you, and feel free to disregard anything that doesn't apply to you. I've done my best, but the internet is not the best medium for getting to know you, so I based a lot of what I said off of myself. If you want to talk to me, just send me a PM. I'll help you anyway I can. :smile:




Well spoken.


--------------------
tripping eyes and flooded lungs
northern downpour sends its love

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7656933 - 11/19/07 09:54 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

beneath said:
but all these things like hearing voices and seeing things were only small things, they were there but didn't really fuck with me but now they are getting worse and starting to fuck with me.

i wasn't too sure what caused my depression i think, i honestly just think I'm fucked up, my head goes full on 100% and hardly ever stops, i can't think straight, i hear and see random stuff, i don't think i trust anyone, forming relationships is hard for me and i feel like I'm losing grip on reality more and more, I'm losing myself.
also, this society fucking sucks.





In my opinion, after reading this, you should really seek assistance. I'm curious as to how old you are? This sounds like paranoid schizophrenia developing (http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/schiz.htm), and if it is taken care of early on, the end result can be much better than if it is ignored. I agree with the others when they say the best person to turn to is yourself, but I can only imagine how difficult it is to turn to that self when there is another voice or side to that self. Please go to the doctor, I wish you only the best :heart:

edit: Upon reading further, I see you've already begun to see a therapist. I'm happy for you that you made that decision. Again, I wish you the best.

Edited by tsquad (11/19/07 09:59 PM)

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Offlinebeneath
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: tsquad]
    #7658083 - 11/20/07 08:03 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

thanks for the help, i've not seen the psychiatrist/therapist yet but i'm waiting for a letter from them.

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7667744 - 11/22/07 06:20 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

not been seen yet but check out this video



Permanent Damage from Antipsychotic Medication.

makes me really not want to take meds, what if that happened to me!?
wtf.

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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7668105 - 11/22/07 08:05 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

The world of treating mental illness is truly a pathetic mess. Probably in a thousand years from now we still wont even have the slightest handle on what to really help these people.

First off, don't accept some letter from a therapist telling you that they will see you in a few weeks, demand you want help NOW. Bullshit. "Yeah doc, I'm hearing voices in my head that are telling me to kill myself" response "OK, I'll set up an appointment to see again in three weeks and we will start from there". Sorry for the anger, but fuck those doctors.

Secondly, psychiatrict medicines are so overly-prescribed it upsets me massively. There should be laws in place by now to stop psychiatrists from prescribing 90% of their patients on experimental bullsh.t that the majority of them do not even need in the first place. I'm just giving you that warning. A psychiatrist will talk with you for 3-5 minutes and diagnosis you with something you probably don't have and then just kind of pick a pill off the top of their heads to "see if it works for you". Don't let these doctors push you around into taking meds if it is not something you are interested in trying.

Most meds make people worse off than before. In the end, many people will go through years and years of trying different meds trying to find one that is right for them and then they finally just say fuck it and go without them.

The human brain is probably the most complicated thing on our planet, and these chemists who make stuff like Prozac and Zoloft in all honesty dont have a clue what they hell they're doing. They make some kind of molecule in the labs and assume "oh this seems to boost seratonin in peoples brains so maybe it can be benificial to some people. Dont get me wrong, these chemists are hard working people who just want to help people in the world, but in reality they don't have an incling of a clue what the hell they are doing.

So again, don't let a doctor push you into anything you don't want to do. It's just something I have learned from my own experience, sure they are considered proffessionals, but these proffessionals make fuck-ups more often than you would think.

The whole psychiatric world of medicine just upsets me after what Ive been through with it. So be careful out there man. I wouldn't blame a single person for being scared to go into see a psychiatrist when there is a serious option lingering about being put onto some kind of unknown medicine. Because all psychiatric medicines are basically unknown. They don't know wtf they do to people for real, these people are basically guinee pigs testing out unknown and un-natural molecules hoping that one of them will work well for a person. My guess is that 90% of the time a patient says "doc i feel so much better since you put me on this drug" its all in their heads. Its just all in their heads, I've experienced it myself before.

A good psychotherapist is usually the safest and most effective treatment for most people. Even then, good psychotherapists are sometimes hard to come by. Some psychotherapists will do more damage to you than good, so you have to be careful about that too.

With all that said, if I was hearing evil voices in my head telling me to kill myself (which I have never experienced myself) I would be worried. Honestly for that, If I only heard the voice once every year or so I would only go to do talk therapy with somebody qualified and that you connect with well. If I heard the voices everyday or all day long, then I would take my chances and start taking a potentially brain-busting weird psychiatric medicine that would probably turn me into a bit of a zombie with unexpected side-effects. At least I wouldnt hear voices anymore...

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7669362 - 11/23/07 07:36 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

i think i'd rather hear voices than be fucked up phsyically i think.
If i took an anti-phsychotic and developed tardive diskenesia and it fucked up my hands/arms, then i wouldn't be able to play guitar or drums or do anything with my hands.

I'd be fucked, and i don't think it would be long before i killed myself because everything that i need to do to enjoy life and stay a little bit sane involves using my hands/fingers.

i feel sorry for that guy in that video :frown:

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7694491 - 11/29/07 11:38 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

havn't been givin a diagnosis, they are going to discuss my symptoms and other stuff with the psychiatric team so they can decide on a diagnosis/best treatment plan

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: beneath]
    #7701028 - 11/30/07 10:03 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Maybe your mind is just looking for excitement. Don't assume you're insane or need to be drugged. Try sky-diving or bungy jumping or something first, see if it gets out of your system.

Want to be suicidal, try going on anti-depressants, ugh.

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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: paulie_walnuts1]
    #7702218 - 12/01/07 10:03 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

I've been on anti-depressants, zoloft made me suicidal, martazapine helped me a little, mostly with my sleep.
I said zoloft made me suicidal but no more suicidal than i've been before.

I'm just looking for any sort of help, I'm also looking for a professional opinion because I've tried nearly everything that you can do on your own.
cognitive behaviour therapy looks like it might help with some stuff.

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Invisiblespiritualemerg
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: paulie_walnuts1]
    #7702220 - 12/01/07 10:04 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:



... If you came this way,
Taking the route you would be likely to take
From the place you would be likely to come from,
If you came this way in may time, you would find the hedges
White again, in May, with voluptuary sweetness.
It would be the same at the end of the journey,
If you came at night like a broken king,
If you came by day not knowing what you came for,
It would be the same, when you leave the rough road
And turn behind the pig-sty to the dull facade
And the tombstone. And what you thought you came for
Is only a shell, a husk of meaning
From which the purpose breaks only when it is fulfilled
If at all. Either you had no purpose
Or the purpose is beyond the end you figured
And is altered in fulfilment. There are other places
Which also are the world's end, some at the sea jaws,
Or over a dark lake, in a desert or a city—
But this is the nearest, in place and time,
Now and in England.

...

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;

At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

Little Gidding - T.S. Eliott


Music of the Hour: http://youtube.com/watch?v=JdCfcjmxouo&feature=related





Edited by spiritualemerg (12/01/07 10:23 AM)

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Invisiblespiritualemerg
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: spiritualemerg]
    #7702242 - 12/01/07 10:17 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

When people begin to have these kinds of experiences in their life what I'm often most interested in is, what else is happening or has been happening?

My own understanding of psychosis is that it is a direct result of the eroding or collapse of one's sense of self-identity -- what might be termed "the ego" or "little self". There are deliberate means individuals can undertake to produce this state but life alone can also produce this process. This can be very overwhelming, very frightening if you don't have insight into what is going on but if you are aware that others have gone through the same or similar processes, and you have some insight into what you can do to help yourself... it becomes much more tolerable.

So, to back up, what else is/was going on in your life? For example, have you recently...

- Experienced a loss?
- Suffered a form of trauma?
- Experimented with "recreational" drugs?
- Been meditating?
- Practicing kundalini yoga?
- Other?

Meanwhile, a few articles that may be of interest to you:

- Presumed Causes of Schizophrenia & Psychosis
- Guidelines to Treatment of Psychosis: Dr. Loren Mosher
- How I Tamed the Voices in My Head


Note that there are some therapists listed on this page. It's always possible one of them is in your geographical area.


--------------------
~ Kindness is cheap.  It's unkindness that always demands the highest price.

Blogs: Spiritual Emergency | Spiritual Recovery | Voices of Recovery | A Jungian Approach to Psychosis

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Invisiblespiritualemerg
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: spiritualemerg]
    #7702267 - 12/01/07 10:31 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

beneath: I've been on anti-depressants, zoloft made me suicidal, martazapine helped me a little, mostly with my sleep.
I said zoloft made me suicidal but no more suicidal than i've been before.


Given your personal history of psychiatric medication, this book may also be of interest to you: Your Drug May Be Your Problem - Dr. Peter Breggin

That's not to say that you should or should not take medication -- no one but you can make that choice. However, if you are going to take it you are surely entitled to make an informed choice. Some medications are associated with an increase in suicidal thoughts, hallucinations, etc. Again, it's quite possible that this goes back to what else was happening in your life when these voices began to manifest.

You can find more good info here: Psych Central Community Forum: Psychosis & Schizophrenia - Recommended Links


Edited by spiritualemerg (12/01/07 10:34 AM)

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Invisiblespiritualemerg
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Re: shit i think i need some serious help, I'm freaking out man. [Re: spiritualemerg]
    #7702436 - 12/01/07 11:18 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

A bit more info before I go, beneath...




The image above represents Carl Jung's model of the psyche.  He purports that we all have a persona -- the "mask" we present to the outer world of who we really are.  Beneath the persona is the ego and beneath that is the shadow.  The shadow is where we store all the experiences that are too painful, frightening, shameful, etc. for us to want to look at. 

Because of their "frightening" aspects, I'm going to assume that these "voices" you are hearing are elements of your personal or even, collective shadow rising into consciousness as a result of a crack or collapse in your sense of identity.  We don't know what produced the crack, but now that it's there, shadow content is leaking out. 

This can be an opportunity for deep healing if we are able to remain open to the experience.  Often, it is helpful to interpret the rising content metaphorically as opposed to literally.  These voices telling you to kill yourself may be telling you that there is something within you that already has died or needs to die -- not a physical death but a metaphorical/psycho-spiritual one.  We must be careful in the interpretations we draw.  You are not supposed to die; something within you has died or needs to.

It can be helpful to work with a skilled therapist.  If there is trauma in your past, I would recommend a therapist who's skilled in trauma therapy.  Therapists with a background in depth or transpersonal psychology may also feel more comfortable working with this content in a productive manner.  Mainstream psychiatry on the other hand, is more likely to impose a rigid biomedical model and thus, to pathologize your personal experience and encourage you to stifle these aspects of the deeper self that lurks "beneath" via medication, stigma, and shame.

I sincerely hope all of the above provides some assistance to you.  Please make use of that which is genuinely helpful to you and discard the rest.  And by the way, I love music too. :smile:

Namaste.

See also: How to Produce an Acute Schizophrenic Break

Music of the Hour: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLqOwiZ8n5I


--------------------
~ Kindness is cheap.  It's unkindness that always demands the highest price.

Blogs: Spiritual Emergency | Spiritual Recovery | Voices of Recovery | A Jungian Approach to Psychosis

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