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InvisibleMiddlemanM

Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,399
Re: Getting tried of the personality structure. (for old timers only) [Re: Icelander]
    #7424211 - 09/18/07 03:12 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Copy that OC.

I mean, does there have to be a difference? I'm far more Jupiter, er, juvenile than my 30 something friends. Isn't age a state of mind?

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Getting tried of the personality structure. (for old timers only) [Re: Middleman]
    #7424221 - 09/18/07 03:14 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Age is a state of mind but one doesn't' know this until one is older.:lol:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: Getting tried of the personality structure. (for old timers only) [Re: Icelander]
    #7424429 - 09/18/07 04:14 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Today I was reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth, which elaborates on the main ideas in The Power of Now. He was writing about a wheelchair-bound emmaciated professor of mathematics who was at Cambridge when Tolle was studying there. Grad students would spoon-feed him and catch the food that fell from his mouth. You might have guessed that it was Stephen Hawkings before he became world famous. Tolle had the opportunity of opening a door for Hawkings in his electric wheelchair, and they made eye contact. Tolle reported a clarity in his eyes, not a look of unhappiness and pain. Hawkings had been forced to accept and to surrender else to perish. He once commented in an article years later: "Who could have wished for more?" with regard to his own life.

I have chosen not to be anything more than I have been, career-wise, in a system where most everyone is climbing or f**king their way to the top of a huge corrupt bureaucracy. When custodians call me 'sir,' I try using levity to say that I'm not in the military. Sometimes security guards in the school call me 'boss,' to which I respond "I'm nobody's boss and nobody's daddy." The guy I get along with best is a Caucasian custodian who regards me as being "up there in years." He works another job as security in Sears in the evening and we crack each other up. He is also not busy trying to be someone important and we always hit it off. Meanwhile assistant pricipals, principals, SPED (Special Ed) chairpersons and teachers behave with laughable self-importance. Last week a long-time language arts teacher had a broom in hand, was mistaken for a custodian by a parent and had to say aloud in the office: 'Imagine that! I'm chairperson of the language arts department and someone thinks I'm a custodian!' Another teacher was 'reported' to administration for not phoning a parent (who was due for a conference in the morning). He confronted the reporting person and demanded: 'Who the f**k are you to tell administration that I'm not doing my job?!' to which the reporter said: "I'm your team leader." I have had this team leader and his wife to our home, and even invited them back this summer. They never responded, which turns out to be fine with me.

I don't know if this approaches an answer to your question, but I like non-pretentious people. Often however, they decline social invitations because they feel uncomfortable around 'educated' people. My former pool-repair man declined an invitation to a Christmas party for exactly this reason. Even a cousin from Tampa, trying to find me in the phone book, didn't bother calling me because he didn't think my name would have a Ph.D. after it. After eventual contact, he broke it off almost immediately. Then on the other side are professionals who are in constant status competition with other professionals and it's been my experience that showing off one's house, cars or even pulling up vacation pics on the computer of whomever one's home they're in is pretty much their trip. Jesus could hold his own with the scholars, but he chose to hang with "publicans and sinners" says the Bible. "Blessed are the poor in spirit" says one translation, "for they shall inherit the Kingdom of Heaven." replace "spirit" with 'ego,' and one can see how much self-importance obscures genuine Being.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
Male

Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,301
Re: Getting tried of the personality structure. (for old timers only) [Re: Icelander]
    #7424774 - 09/18/07 05:28 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

I left out a lot, but this post may be overly long. Just trying to make things clear.

I'm 35.

When I was younger, everything was a joke. Diet, exercise, fuck that stuff. I feel fine. In fact, I feel like having a few beers, maybe a few jello shooters, couple shots. Who needs plenty of sleep? I might not feel good, but I'll work it off... and be ready to party before the sun goes down.

When I was 28 the system started to break down. I was becoming anti-social. I still had my friends, but I didn't go out to meet new exciting people, I went out to get drunk. Hangovers were bad, and I would drink one night, and nurse my body the next. I started taking a multi-vitamin, but when you're eating burgers, fries, pizza and soda all the time, along with liberal amounts of alcohol, it's not worth much. It was at the age of 28 that I first thought I might not be able to party my life away.

Around the age of 30, I was in poor health. I was always tired, and I was angry. I was angry because I had backed off (not quit) on the drinking, but I only felt worse. I was having back problems which made my right leg a constant source of pain. If god exists, he/she can go fuck themselves, thanks for the back problems asshole. I wasn't able to acknowledge at the time that it was all due to my lifestyle.

So I met a girl. I was a needy guy, so as time went on, her image of me sank. This was hell. See, I had my share of sex in my 20's (though I could never get "enough"), but it was all one night stands, and 1 month relationships. Love was never part of the equation, and that's what made it so bad this time around. I had basically sworn off girls. At first I tried to ignore my desire, but she was so beautiful, and she gave me attention. I spent close to 4 months getting indicators that she liked me, and I tried to just let it slide. But my HEART didn't. One day I was sitting around, allowing myself to think about her, and this spot in my chest started to vibrate. It was localized, but it was such a sweet and powerful feeling. This is the reason for relationships, I thought to myself.

So I tried to work it out. We went out a couple times, things didn't go badly, but because I was so concerned about fostering "the love" I felt like a blind man. All the things I would have said in the past seemed crude. All my attempts to convey how I felt resulted in embarrassment, and it only got worse. Eventually, she started to ignore/avoid me. The last time we were going to go out, she wouldn't answer the phone. I had a panic attack. My whole body was consumed with stress, and I felt like dying.

I even thought about calling my mother. :smile:

What happened is that I was sitting on my bed, trying to rationalize things, and it got to much. I had so much stress in me that muscles were twitching. I was perhaps in more pain than I have ever been in, and there was nothing physically wrong with me. Some part of me (not the thinking part) realized that the stress in me was there because I wasn't willing to let go. So I layed back and that's what I did. I let go. And it's odd, the stress in me became bliss. I like to say that emotions are neither good nor bad, it depends on the definition you give to them. That came from this episode. I feel the worst I've ever felt (aside from a few hero hangovers), and 15 seconds later I feel better than I've ever felt. Everything was cool, but it was more than that. There was this acknowledgement that there was a "path" that I should follow.

Had this happened at a more naive time in my life, I might be a born again Christian, but fortunately I had seen through enough illusions in my life to know that no one knows ultimate reality, and if I was going to be the next Jesus, I had to get there on my own.

There were a lot of illusions to be broken down, but that was a great time in my life. I quit drinking, discovered meditation, started eating more raw foods, bought incense, crystals. Aside from the crystals (which seem like attention holding toys) I found value in all of it. Especially chakra meditation. I have discovered vipassana meditation, but chakras still hold a lot of value to me. Without chakra meditation I don't believe I wouldn't have had the presence of mind to "get" vipassana.

fake guru: Don't mess with all that mind stuff, just BE. I did energy meditation for years and finally found vipassana. Just skip the energy work.

me: So you're saying that you did energy work for years, and found vipassana. Now you suggest that people don't do energy work?

fake guru: yes.

me: you're a dick.

LOL

Chakra meditation basically saved my life. It was something to hold onto, something that make me feel good. I'm not talking about good - about myself. I'm talking about physically feeling good.

And it's all due to that little feeling I had in my chest for a girl that showed interest in me. My heart chakra. I've been doing chakra meditation for 3 years now. I've just got to the point where I can pull enough energy into my head to start working on my third eye. Within a year, I'll have all my chakras open, and hopefully balanced.

I get up in the morning, have a glass of water, take a shower, and meditate for 20 minutes. By the time I'm done meditating, I feel like a god. Seriously. I feel strong, blissful, benevolent, empowered, energetic... if it's a good emotion, I've probably got it. If not, give me 20 minutes and I'll have it. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just trying to get across how easy it can be to turn the so-so feeling of "oh, another day" into "fuck yea, I'm alive!" It takes work, but once you've been doing it for a few weeks, there's no going back. It gets so easy it seems unreal. This is from a nobody, too smart for his own good, drunk, with permanent back problems, and extremely low self esteem, who's only friends were as pessimistic and as lost as I was, dead end job, no spare change (unless it was for alcohol), sit at home and play video games or masturbate, kinda guy.

But it took being in more pain that I could take to decide to change. There was a time when I would have laughed at meditation. Wow, OK, you lay there and hum, I'll go do something exciting, like jump out of a tree.

I thought meditation was for people who couldn't hack it. I was right. :smile: Perhaps some people can stand against the wind their entire lives. Lucky for me, I couldn't.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid." - Gilbert Keith Chesterton

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Getting tried of the personality structure. (for old timers only) [Re: Rahz]
    #7427591 - 09/19/07 11:06 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Very cool post. There is much in it I can relate to and some I cannot. That's how it is for all of us. We need to work out our own salvation. It's going to look different for everyone although the principles seem to be the same. Actually your post reminds me of my best male friend. The core details and changes are strikingly similar.

Surrender seems to be that principle, how it happens and what triggers it and what happens after and at what pace is completely individual.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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