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OfflineHB
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the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period.
    #6983973 - 05/29/07 08:36 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

so, let's say that you've been an avid pothead since 9th grade, having smoked yourself retarded for 8 years ... in that time, you made many friends ... the thing is, they ALL smoke pot ...

they appear to be true friends and pack you bowls and invite you over to hang out and so on, everybody laughs together and enjoys each other's company, so you consider yourself to have a pretty solid friend-base ... everything seems pretty great, and you become comfortable and complacent with the lack of change in the pot-smoking environment ...

... but as you grow older and hit your eighth year of smoking, you realize how you no longer feel like you did when you were younger ... pot no longer makes you giddy and playful, creative and focused, interested and aware ... it makes you self-conscious and lethargic ... you become paranoid of stupid little things that don't bother you when you aren't stoned, and you find that you really DO feel better being sober ... you eat too much crap belligerently at night from being too stoned and regret it EVERY morning after ... basically, it starts actually tearing your life apart ... so slowly that it seems innocuous, but enough to really cause problems where there shouldn't be normally ...

basically, you grow up and realize that it's BORING to sit and do nothing all day when there's a whole world of fun and excitement out your door. you aren't really swearing off weed, but you've found that it's become so boring and hindering to your happiness that you really want to take a long break to get your life back on track. because life itself IS fun, after all. when you're an adult, though, you actually have to MAKE it fun, which requires work or effort ... whereas when you were younger, everything was new and novel and excitement came right to your front door all the time.

so you decide that you are REALLY going to stop smoking pot, for at least a while. subtle excitement ensues. you think about how much new energy you'll have to do new things, how much more spontaneous your way of living will be, how much clearer of a mind you'll have and consequently that much more focus and ability to retain memory ... how you'll save that much more money every week and be able to actually use it on other things, or *gasp* save it for the future ... you sign up for classes at college and you realize how you'll ACTUALLY be able to utilize them this time toward your advantage with all the benefits of being sober in your head.

so on Sunday night, you take your last bongloads with a friend, and declare the next day Day 1 of the quit.

the next day begins the first day of changing the negative cycle of bongloads in the morning and bongloads in the evening and bongloads at supper time. that day yields quite a bit of excitement, as all the things you had thought about becoming so much better really DO. even in less than 24 hours. so you do a lot more than usual and start finding new excitement in possibilities you never considered while stoned. it just seems to get better and better.

the next day, you've already done 24 full hours and more hours start rolling by. you have even more energy and focus and ability than the last day, and know you have this progressive "better-ness" to look forward to for a while. you feel extremely confident, un-paranoid, able, and willing. a lot of things you hadn't felt in a long time. it's a truly comforting and loving feeling to realize that life can be turned around and changed for the better, even when it gets so low. Having also quit cigarettes a few weeks ago, you truly feel that you will be able to achieve ANYTHING in the world if you put your mind to it.

... but at the same time, you start noticing many things which weren't so apparent in the complacent marijuana haze ... things which make you feel suddenly a little less sure of yourself, and which really give you this "lost" sort of feeling, as if you are completely free to the world all of a sudden because of the newfound freedom in your mind, free to do anything you please at any moment and be fully aware and THERE ... but also completely lost, as freedom means making your own decisions, avoiding cycles and avoiding needing others to tell you what to do and how to do it ... so suddenly the infinite possibility of everything takes you out of the usual comfort-zone that pot has kept you prisoner in for so many years, and you have a lot more decisions to make for yourself and a lot more questions and uncertainty than positivity and confidence ... you feel like you can see your future really getting brighter, but you're just very nervous about it. it's ALL brand-new, as if you were born all over again. things which weren't even that interesting while stoned on weed suddenly really become exciting. but also scary, because again, of the infinite possibility of everything and the lack of the comfortable stoned-and-do-nothing-at-all cycle you've been in for literally years ...

but it's not only kind of scary to some extent to get out into the big world and do new things, but it's kind of like getting out of elementary school and graduating to middle school, or middle to high school ... you are at a completely new school. suddenly you have all-new, harder subjects to learn, you're given more responsibility for your new maturity/age-level, and you find you suddenly have no friends around, because it's ALL new.

basically, this is where I am right now. I really wouldn't trade it for the opposite, which is to fall back to smoking and just being "okay" with the lameness of how my life has been for so long ... but at the same time, it's really tough because I really feel on my own, and alone. I don't feel like I REALLY fit in with my friends so well anymore, because while many of them are decently respectable people, sometimes funny and sometimes fun ... they just smoke too much, and remind me of what I'm trying to get AWAY from right now. and because they sense the vibe that I'm not really about it anymore and I really want to finally act my age and grow up in ways I never have, experience NEW things, they don't call me. but could I expect them to? or would I even really want them to? why would I want to sit in an opium den and hang out with opium addicts if I'm a newly recovering opium addict? that's how I feel about hanging out with them much further. it will only make me feel like smoking pot like I used to again, and I'll find that even if I DON'T smoke with them, I have little to nothing to talk about or relate with them. literally, there's no connection anymore and I find myself sitting around and making random, irrelevant comments just to kill the silence in the pot-room. my new-found understandings and honest feelings have alienated me once again from some aspects of the world, as happened before when I took my first psychedelic trip in 9th grade. I feel more understood, more hopeful and happy to some degree, but again, more alone, as forging your own path is just that -- forging YOUR OWN path. nobody else will do it for you.

this unfortunately also goes somewhat hand-in-hand with my feeling that I'm falling away from, or letting go of, the Shroomery ... I feel that it's the same old rehash in general ... what was novel for so many years and over 30,000 posts suddenly feels a lot like the pot situation, and it's happening at the same time. I really feel there are a lot of cool, fun and helpful people here, and generally at least a few interesting things to read up on ... and I've had years of good and bad and crazy memories here to reflect upon, but it's yet another addiction/cycle that no longer seems to serve it's purpose. truth be told, I no longer feel like I'm beneficial around here anymore. I feel I have insightful things to say here and there, and that it could really benefit somebody maybe ... mainly regarding addictions and specific drugs like opiates ...

but I feel like I'm really just saying the same shit over and over. I don't feel so interesting and witty anymore as I did when I was younger (that IS partly because of the pot) but it's also because I'm really NOT happy being bored and sitting around and watching the big world turn and things happen without me being a part of it. I used to be more fun and less serious because I was taken care of in a way I no longer am ... I was in high school, everything I needed to do was set out for me by teachers or my parents, I had very minimal responsibilities, I had a girlfriend I loved and truly would have died for, all I had to do or wanted to do was draw all day ... I was naive and ignorant in a way only a teenager can.

Being that young and carefree allows humor and fun to flow ALL the time, no worries ... basically I felt like I was fun and beneficial to people because I was seriously SO content with my life. I could help others because I really was able to help myself, and I could have fun with others because I didn't have to worry about anything else really.

I related this a little earlier, but I now feel like I was reborn once again. First time was at 0, second time was at 14 with tripping the first time, third time was when I got Crohn's disease at 16, and now again at 22 I feel it's happened again. the winds are changing, and despite all the excitement and possibility that awaits I feel really lonely and uncared for. without a serious girlfriend who I care for like I cared for LeViTY way back when, I truly feel barren. I feel like I have infinite love and knowledge to share and nobody to share it with. I feel that with my new understandings and the actual will-power to see them all through, I will become the man that I have been looking to be for so long. But a man who walks alone, for whatever reason.

While I had nothing to ask of anybody nor any REAL point to this thread, this is something of not so much a "fare thee well" as just a live, free-thought journal entry, a journal entry that others who I know or may know me may read, and if not, just something I can write so I can see my thoughts on the screen, written bare for me to come to terms with. Today is one of those lonely days I so descriptively touched on, and the second day I've heard from not one friend. Not one. And I KNOW they're all calling each other. It's tough, but I know I'll make it. I feel that I really won't be much fun or of much help to anybody at all until I figure out who I am all over again and see it through to the end. It's a very discomforting thought, but I truly think it's the truth. I guess it really is my destiny to walk alone. I just wish I knew why.

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Offlinedanlennon3
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: HB]
    #6984106 - 05/29/07 08:59 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

we share the same life... are you me?


--------------------
"Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"


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OfflinementalIMAGE
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: HB]
    #6984114 - 05/29/07 09:00 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

Hey, you'll get through it man.  I experience a lot of the same things, as I'm just getting out of high school and trying to get my life on track.  It's another transitional period, and like you said, we gotta see it through to the end.

Hope everything works out in your favour, brother. :peace:


--------------------

We are always acting on what has just finished happening. It happened at least 1/30th of a second ago. We think we're in the present, but we aren't. The present we know is only a movie of the past.
Ken Kesey

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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: mentalIMAGE]
    #6984194 - 05/29/07 09:13 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

Wow man. That was the best thing I've read in 4+ years. I'd like to quote the 2nd poster and say

Are you me?

I couldn't have said that better myself. I have so much energy and renewed lust for life, but nobody to share any of it with because all my friends still just smoke pot. I feel like I gained something from all the pot but at the same time lost so so much. I smoked throughout my entire undergraduate degree and therefore didn't apply myself or try to make the best of it. I'm going to end up with just a piece of paper and only ~1 year of real effort. I have so much to do and so much to make up for in school and in life and I'm going to have to do it alone for the time being.


--------------------
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http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/

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Offlinedanlennon3
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: freddurgan]
    #6984209 - 05/29/07 09:15 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

i might try and quit again tomorrow.. i go good for about a week and tell myself ill smoke only on the weekends... i always screw up the following monday!


--------------------
"Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"


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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: HB]
    #6984261 - 05/29/07 09:24 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

I don't know you man, I smoke pot all day every day, but I enjoyed reading that and am glad you took the time to write it out


--------------------
"And we, inhabitants of the great coral of the Cosmos, believe the atom (which still we cannot see) to be full matter, whereas, it too, like everything else, is but an embroidery of voids in the Void, and we give the name of being, dense and even eternal, to that dance of inconsistencies, that infinite extension that is identified with absolute Nothingness and that spins from its own non-being the illusion of everything."

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OfflineCepheus
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: freddurgan]
    #6984281 - 05/29/07 09:26 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

I've spent a few years of my life in a pot haze.

I quit a few months ago. Man.. I have so much energy these days... I actually do what I say I'm going to do; For example I've started working out, I'm going on a trek around the country as soon as college breaks up, and I'm actually achieving at college.

However. I still interact with my pothead friends. They are too big of a part of my life to give up. These days I bring up the common interests we've had before the pot.. I recently started skating again (and its doing wonders for my health). The thing is; Occasionally I do toke. My friends all seem shocked or applaud when I do; because I haven't in so long.

Its not something I can completely phaze out of my life, because to be fair sometimes it is good to sit around and do nothing; to chill with your friends.

My advice to you would be .. abstain for a few months. Then if you feel you want to; toke occasionally (Like 1ce a month.. you'll notice its exactly what its like when you first started). Don't nessecarily sit around and mong the fuck out.. Go out. Doing shit while stoned is brilliant.

What I'm trying to say; being clear headed is fun, but don't forget your 'roots'.


--------------------
"I only ever hope to reach equilibrium, in Nature's matrix, in line with the meridian" ~ Jehst

:sun: "...and I know that I have to keep breathing, as tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide will bring?" :sun:

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InvisibleBrainiac
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: Cepheus]
    #6984327 - 05/29/07 09:33 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

I stop over six mouths ago.It got to be to high priced for me, like 240 a 1/4oz.I have more money now to be put on hobby's and saving up for a bigger house.


--------------------
:Awesketch:

:cool: Fair is Fair :devil:

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OfflineHB
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: danlennon3]
    #6984332 - 05/29/07 09:33 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

I truly appreciate that you guys read through till the end. When I started this thread, I wasn't quite sure where it would lead ...

Once I finished the thread, I felt so much more understood about my life that I had to get a glass of wine to ease the intensity of feeling. A very GOOD thing, but not that comfortable to handle when I haven't FELT this much of anything for so long, much less the story of my own life before my own eyes.

freddurgan and danlennon -- to some degree, it comforts to me to see this thread hit so close to home with you guys. I'm glad to find that, although I'm alone, I'm really NOT alone, after all. that tells me I really AM doing something right with these changes in my life, that others have had the same thoughts and have pursued the same dream as I am currently pursuing. I'm just sick and tired of dreaming about what my life COULD be ... I need to make it a reality before I lose my sanity altogether.

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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: HB]
    #6984390 - 05/29/07 09:41 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

I hear you 100%. I know what my life COULD be but I've been holding back for so long.

It's funny I read this tonight as I reached a rock bottom recently when I finally *saw* in the mirror what my family and friends have been seeing for so long, that I am ridiculously undernourished. When that happened I saw so many things clearly. It was like this big flood of emotion and understanding. I haven't had that happen for so long. The only thing I have been lacking was the ability to tell people how I feel. I just can't get the words right and I leave people confused or angry.

I'm not the least bit surprised that you needed a glass of wine to calm down as that was probably the most cathartic thing I've ever read. I can't imagine the intensity of writing it.

I know this may sound like a bit much praise but seriously that could not have possibly hit closer to home. That practically redefined what home is.


--------------------
Ishmael
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OfflineDreamer987
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: HB]
    #6984398 - 05/29/07 09:43 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

This thread hits close to home here as well. I went through the exact same stages with weed years ago.
Now i'm trying to do a repeat with my other drug use. But reading that makes me remember how hard it is to change ones lifestyle completely.


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OfflineHB
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: Cepheus]
    #6984399 - 05/29/07 09:43 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

aManEater said:
What I'm trying to say; being clear headed is fun, but don't forget your 'roots'.




that's basically it.  I view life as a very sensitive balance, and the ONLY problem I can find is that my life has become unbalanced.  nothing is WRONG, nor do I HATE pot whatsoever (I recently got my beautiful bong fixed) ... but again, the balance has just gone way out of whack.  I remember hearing a line in a movie ... somebody said that humor is "nothing but a mix of reality with the absurd" ...

I truly believe that ... the problem is I've lost reality in SEARCH of the absurd ... and so, it's time to reverse that dynamic, and bring reality back to the absurdness ... I truly feel I will be as happy as I was in high school once I follow through with this dream, and WAY happier, with the much broader knowledge I have of myself and the world ...

it's just going to take work.  but I guess that's really okay after all, and it will make it SO much more worth it.  nothing worth having in life will ever be found on easy street.  suddenly I feel really excited again for the future :heart:

Edited by HB (05/29/07 09:54 PM)

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InvisibleSnypa187
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: Brainiac]
    #6984419 - 05/29/07 09:47 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

Good post man. I've either been at that point already or am there as we speak.

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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: HB]
    #6984493 - 05/29/07 10:01 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

Holy shit HB,

It's scary how similar pot's effects have been on you and myself (and others evidently!) 

I don't smoke by myself anymore... and I wonder why the hell I wasted all that time just *being stoned*.  That was the activity.  Whatever I did was just filler... movies, TV, video games, wanking on my guitar (as opposed to practicing).  It is still such a habit to me though... if a buddy dropped by and left me a G, I'd smoke it, a few bongs a day, until it was gone.  I would be unable to leave it for a special occasion. I simply cannot keep it in the house. ...I'd get high and just find something unchallenging to do until bedtime.  Aaaaand repeat until it's gone.

And yes, like you, I feel that hanging out posting here sometimes fills that role of 'filler'... something I do when I'm too timid to invest my time in something more difficult and rewarding.  I'm often stuck in a rut where I'm constantly waiting to be magically 'better prepared' to do the stuff I really want to do in life.

That said, I hope this isn't the beginning of one of those 'goodbye Shroomery' posts.  I may spend too much time here these days (maybe you do too) but I don't think there's any call for goodbyes, at least not from my end.

Great post... in all these years it was by far the longest one I have ever read. :lol:

:plur:


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Offlinefantasylndvictm
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: Snypa187]
    #6984552 - 05/29/07 10:10 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

i didnt quit smoking by choice i kind of just have to for various reasons such as a good paying job....as i dont feel the same way u feel about smoking pot i still feel alone right now very alone and kinda scared of what could, can, and/or will happen. like u said there are so many oppurtunities out there we just have to take them. but i feel u could do that while smoking as long as u have enough drive to do it. ive been smokin for 8 years as well, and weed is a big part of my life, simply because its been in it for so many years, my friends still talk to me and call me but not as much. anyway what im saying on my part is i feel like a big chunk of me is not here since im not smoking no more. thats probably because its been such a habit and i am so used to smoking after so many different activities, and so many different things remind me of how much i enjoyed it. but i also will enjoy havin a little bit easier of a life once i start makin good money. i dont knjo i guess everyone looks at things differently. but good luck ull be good and u'll probably get some straight friends and a straight girlfriend and live a nice normal happy straight life. :smile:


--------------------
"How do we know whether the life of any creature has fulfilled its destiny? I have known the very old to die in bitterness and despair. I have seen young children die before their time but leave behind such a legacy of love and joy that grief for their passing was tempered by the knowledge that their brief lives had given much to others."
"You have answered your own question,Tanis Half-Elven, far better than I could," the Forestmaster said gravely. "Say that that our lives are measured not by gain but by giving." -Dragonlance "Dragons of Autumn Twilight"

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OfflineHB
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #6984556 - 05/29/07 10:11 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

WhiskeyClone said:
I don't smoke by myself anymore... and I wonder why the hell I wasted all that time just *being stoned*. That was the activity. Whatever I did was just filler... movies, TV, video games, wanking on my guitar (as opposed to practicing).





exactly.

Quote:

WhiskeyClone said:
And yes, like you, I feel that hanging out posting here sometimes fills that role of 'filler'... something I do when I'm too timid to invest my time in something more difficult and rewarding. I'm often stuck in a rut where I'm constantly waiting to be magically 'better prepared' to do the stuff I really want to do in life.




precisely.

Quote:

WhiskeyClone said:
That said, I hope this isn't the beginning of one of those 'goodbye Shroomery' posts. I may spend too much time here these days (maybe you do too) but I don't think there's any call for goodbyes, at least not from my end.




no goodbyes here either! I'm honestly stoked to be able to say I KNOW I don't need to let go of the Shroomery for good, nor of pot ... but I REALLY need to reevaluate my PRIORITIES before I start really fucking around on such a regular basis again. Fucking around is only fun when the rest of your life is in order, after all ... and then it's ridiculously fun.

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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: HB]
    #6984585 - 05/29/07 10:14 PM (16 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

HB said:
I'm honestly stoked to be able to say I KNOW I don't need to let go of the Shroomery for good, nor of pot ... but I REALLY need to reevaluate my PRIORITIES before I start really fucking around on such a regular basis again.  Fucking around is only fun when the rest of your life is in order, after all ... and then it's ridiculously fun.




Couldn't have put it better myself.

I should rename myself HB-Clone :laugh:


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: HB]
    #6985945 - 05/30/07 06:00 AM (16 years, 9 months ago)

This is just a change in progress.

New friends are on the way.

They will be people you can relate to on a heart and soul level.

This is just my opinion. :smile:

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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #6986029 - 05/30/07 07:12 AM (16 years, 9 months ago)

righteous post. I went through this roughly three years ago, quit for around 8 months, fell in love, enrolled in college, and found myself along the way. It's a great thing to do so stick with it. As a result of all that I now have a 3.9 GPA in undergrad studies and am going to start working on my PHD in grad school next year.

I fell out of touch with many of the old "friends" aka aquaintences; however, my real friends and I still stay in touch and I see them over every break from school. it'll all work out if you stick with your gut feelings in life.

BTW, once I got shit together, I went back to smoking, and never gave up tripping once in awhile. Drugs just take a different role in life when you respect them and, more importantly, yourself.


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Beyond the gray sky

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Re: the perils of not smoking pot ... excitement and disappointment in a transitional period. [Re: sublime40oz]
    #6986102 - 05/30/07 07:41 AM (16 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

JacquesCousteau said:
This is just a change in progress.

New friends are on the way.

They will be people you can relate to on a heart and soul level.

This is just my opinion. :smile:




I agree, in that I feel hopeful that by purposefully making changes in my life, I will consequently change the type of people I attract to more like-minded folks.  I don't feel I was meant to be "friend-less" but rather that I wasn't meant to be so much a follower as a leader ... a leader of my own self, at least ...

btw -- good to see you around, Jacques!  haven't seen you post in a good while ... let me just tell you that you have the most baddest-ass avatar on the Shroomery ... :cool:

sublime40oz -- I'm glad to hear it all worked out for you when you were on a similar path.  I agree that drugs are not inherently good or bad necessarily but it's how you RESPECT them, and yourself, while using. thanks for your input, and for taking the time to read the thread ... :thumbup:

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