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OfflineAlphaFalfa
imagine


Registered: 06/16/08
Posts: 3,857
Loc: 3 Seconds Ago. Flag
Last seen: 10 years, 29 days
Re: Need relationship advice. Losing sleep over this. [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #8890439 - 09/07/08 11:05 AM (15 years, 6 months ago)

It could be that you may need a new way to look at relationships. It seems like you have left out the possibility that the way we look at relationships and thte way you were taught are trully at the core of the problem.

Do you want your girlfriend to be happy? Is there any reason to be angry at her for having feelings for someone? Does her being your girlfriend mean that she wont have feelings for other people? This is a great problem because a person is not in control of their feelings. So it doesnt really matter what you call them, in any case, we develope feelings for people, in ways that are very much out of our choice and control. How did you fall into loving feelings for your girlfriend? In my mind it was not very different, than the way her heart has developed feelings for this guy.

So ask yourself this; why is it that she cant give those feelings to both of you at the same time? Can it be possible that our idea of relationships and the strict obligation to only express one heart felt emotion or another, and not both at the same time, the real problem.

In my life, I see no reason to reduce the amount of love one can feel in life. The only reason we cant do this is because we dont recognize that it is not the persons fault that a person has feelings for someone elses that are more passionate than you. In retrospect, it is how our life and the life of another that decides whether or not we have feelings for each other. Ever try to get to people from different cultures to get along? Its fucking impossible, their lives have been in more ways than not, different and because of this they cannot have good feelings for each other at all. It is no different for us, but because all our lives are pretty similair, though not identical, we can have feelings for more than one person at a time, so i figure why stop it, the more love the better it would seem and I would sure as hell not want to force anyone to keep loving me, that says that I am not the persons equal...But thats another discussion. Trully relationships equal love, so why stop and try and keep someones love, why, why, if it feels so good?

The answere is that age old problem; why does someone feel what they feel around a person? Our culture tells us that it is because of who the people are that they like each other. Because of this belief, we feel jealousy, when the person we have good feelings with, has good feelings with someone else, that are similair to the ones they have with us. We just dont want to feel bad about ourselves, we dont want to feel lesser than the other person, we want to feel like the better man. And when this is in question; fear arises. Instead notice that your fear is simply a motivation telling you to force that person to stay with you because you will feel bad about yourself if they leave you for someone else. Then question whether or not it was your fault that the person liked sharing their life with you and you with theirs.

The rest is history.

BTW - this is practicle only if you are able to be honest about your fears with the person you are sharing life with in that intimate way. From personal experience, this works very well and it is the beggginings of probally one of the most exciting things in life. It has been for me. Life in this way, feels way more free and fun, because not only does jealousy eventually become a thing of the past, it becomes a challenge and the reward is the purest love of all, one that does not hold you, or bind you, but embraces and accepts you.


--------------------
if you ever feel lost, just remember, life is not a journey, it is entertainment, all 4 fun...


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OfflineLegend9123
Male


Registered: 09/24/06
Posts: 2,590
Last seen: 10 months, 10 days
Re: Need relationship advice. Losing sleep over this. [Re: Patisotagami]
    #8893941 - 09/07/08 11:23 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

You do realize this happened 18 months ago right? :smirk:


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Those who would give up a little freedom to get a little security shall soon have neither.
-Benjamin Franklin

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