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OfflineLHK
Transcendalist
Male

Registered: 10/22/06
Posts: 46
Loc: Out 'n About
Last seen: 14 years, 2 months
The Mental Health Dept. Answering Machine
    #6562029 - 02/13/07 07:49 AM (17 years, 1 month ago)

Just StumbleUponed this:


Subject: Re: A new answering machine for our times. A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute:

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press
-no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."


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OfflineApJunkie
part-time Ninja
Male

Registered: 08/17/06
Posts: 2,735
Loc: Loc:Loc:Loc:Loc:Loc:
Last seen: 5 years, 4 months
Re: The Mental Health Dept. Answering Machine [Re: LHK]
    #6562078 - 02/13/07 08:24 AM (17 years, 1 month ago)

haha, the short term memory one is great :laugh:

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Invisibleeligal
Noobie

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
Re: The Mental Health Dept. Answering Machine [Re: LHK]
    #6563373 - 02/13/07 03:46 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

:lol:


--------------------
\m/ Spanksta \m/

"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"

"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"

"tactik said:
respect the can."


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InvisibleCowgold
Bullshit

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 12,486
Loc: .
Re: The Mental Health Dept. Answering Machine [Re: LHK]
    #6563398 - 02/13/07 03:51 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

My new voicemail.

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