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leoside said:
Can you elaborate a bit more?

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haha my bad, i replied to the first post, just a little late for it

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12468 said:
a lot of talky-talky going on in this thread

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Hey guys I am really sorry about being a total jerk off. I was being a jerk because I was scared shitless of my court case involving a felony. I am really sorry I took out it out on my favorite forum, the shroomery. Man I love all you guys, you know so much more then I do. Since I started coming to the shroomery my life has been impacted in a very positive way. The knowledge I have gained from you special individuals is priceless. Where would I be without you? Lost, confused and hopeless to never be able to solve my problems. I recently found out what my problems are psychologically. I used to get angry at stuff I didn't understand. I was impulsive, didn't think about anything before doing it. It really was a scary way I to live. I would do things and have no idea why I was doing them. I am bipolar, had issues with respect, and basically was living the most horrible life psychologically. I recently was saved by others who influenced me to a better world.

I simply have respect for other people?s knowledge. This way I don't jump to conclusions about what people are saying and do something stupid. I also would try to build myself up in a superiority complex when I wouldn't understand something that was threatening to me. After I found out what was really happening I fell into a deep depression, an inferiority complex where I was so wrong that I punished myself with thoughts of suicide. Just writing about it shakes me up as I was such a threat to myself before. I owe my life to the shroomery and its members. I also owe my life to my psychologists who opened my mind and have me track my behavior patterns. I know most normal people can go about their lives without such conflict, but I am one very special human being. Ever since I was a little boy I had these issues. Finally at age 23, I will be 24 on February 4th I have solved my problems. I am still in a transition phase of course. Nothing is easy. I still do slightly stupid things but know I catch myself quicker or realize after the drastic mistake I made. I realize that everything has a reason and life is the most beautiful thing in the entire world. I am so sad that I had such problems that actually led me to think of suicide so many times as only a joke but it was never just a sarcastic joke; it was a very painful reality. I used to be so negative to myself. I have composed electronic music since 16 and I was always so critical of myself. I always thought my music could always be better. It was never good enough. My philosophy even to top producers like Deep Sky was, "your good but you suck." Talk about a horrible attitude. It is so sad. I have all this music that I wrote and some of it is great. But I was so ignorant that I never thought it was good enough. I could easily make commercial music, people have even told me they would buy my cd and others have even offered. But I was always so retarded and thought it wasn't good enough or better yet, they would steal my music. It makes me so sad that I had the biggest dream in the world; to make commercial trance songs. If you have ever been to England, Italy or most of Europe trance and Euro pop are everywhere. In England the top 20 at the record store is all electronic. Most of it was my favorite music trance, which I will always love to death. I recently sold all my music equipment partially as a financial thing but it was also very determined to me that this wasn't for me anymore. I was graduating business and I would just get a corporate job. But I was trying to be someone I am not. I have such passion for electronic music I must make it commercially. I have such a skill, have trained in school and never read more about anything in my entire frickin life! I read every single article of electronic musician for years on end until I just knew everything they were talking about in the tech articles and became bored with the new products. The thing about the music scene is they are all hyped up about the new product. But electronic musical instruments drop over 50% in value within 2 years. It honestly makes no sense at all to ever buy a used piece of equipment. Also the music machines are built like tanks. Even instruments from the 1980's still work really good with maybe a little tune up. I had a Roland tb-303 which was made in 1982 when I was born, that worked like a champ. Also it is quite easy to repair most instruments yourself. Like replacing a knob (called a potentiometer) only requires opening the instrument and soldering two or three contact points. Most people can learn how to-do these simple repairs themselves. I mean the whole point is you can just see how much I know about electronic music by what I write loll. I can bore anyone to death with my knowledge of frequency range. I hear things in music that people never hear. After I learned to critically listen to music it became another world hearing the same songs I had known forever. It was magical. I taught myself to mix, and I am not a master of course. It takes years of practice to become an awesome mixing or mastering engineer. It is an art form that is so amazing, challenging and creative. It was always my dream job to make music, own a production facility and etc.

Everything in my life just took a tailspin. I had headed the direction of music forever then switched because of my doubts in myself. It is as sad as I could have had a classical music major instead of business which would have taught me amazing concepts of composing that every musician should know. But I am happy with my business major all the same. I can always teach myself music and I will. Could you imagine living in the world I did? Constantly blaming yourself and being mean to others? I tried to be so nice and I was but deep down I had the most horrible issues inside me that would have killed me if I had not solved them. I post this message a new person. Everything is different know in the course of only a few days. It makes me feel so good to be alive my new philosophy on life. I still can get highly emotional and am trying to work on that. Some issues it is hard to remain calm. But for me to state such strong viewpoints without the knowledge to support it are like a scientific theory based on thin air.

I hope you can all forgive me for being such a horrible man before. I am ashamed of my actions before as they are beyond lunacy. I worship people know when before I worshiped myself. What do I have without everyone else? I am nothing but a hopeless soul lost forever without the universal love I live in now. Everyone is so wonderful. Only in a rare circumstance are harsh words to follow and even then I regret such statements as they are coupled with anger. I just see anger as pain. The pain is that you are confused. It is merely an illusion you create when it doesn't exist. I am of course talking about people to people relationships. When you play a video game that involves violence I think it is ok to get aggressive and think slightly angry thoughts. Same thing with the gym when you lift weights. But being mean to others is so wrong. Life was never meant to be like this. We are all meant to get along and life in joyous harmony with our neighbors. I only can express sorry to the troubles in the world where we cannot all get along. The cultural differences between are race are the problem between the integration of the world. As I learned in anthropology, adopting new cultural differences is hard. People even act in revolts they are so afraid of the new culture. With different religions, food, languages, traditions it is so hard to merge with other cultures. Take for example McDonalds worldwide; each McDonalds has a different menu for food. The tablecloths are different, food of specific regions is used and etc. It is so hard to adopt new cultures. Just walk into an ethnic region where you are the minority and feel how uncomfortable it is. The first reaction if you aren?t very open-minded and have a very positive philosophy on life is one word; Fear. It is fear that keeps us apart on a global scale. The only way we can come together is to adopt an understanding and respect for one and other. People will always hold on to their cultures. You can't change who people are. When people say oh they want signs in Japanese or etc and get upset I reflect. They are only holding on to one of the most important things a culture has, language. On the other hand food is more generally accepted, but definitely not in all cases.

My whole world is like this knows. Since I have respect for everyone and love everyone I can see why problems exist. It is so easy to see the root of a problem now; it is jumping out at me like a 3D picture book. It took over a year to finally get it. To finally understand the way to live life. To actually be happy, learn from my mistakes and live a productive life. The Dahlia Lama is so right, everything he says. It is just so hard to see if you don't let go. You try to be nice but then say I can't be nice because others are mean. But you are merely afraid of being nice. The whole thing is just crazy. Going from Mr Know-it-all with a very harsh sarcastic viewpoint to the happiest guy on the plant. I thank all eastern philosophy for making my life what it needed to be. I would have died without this knowledge. It is so sad thinking of how I lived before. How could I have been so blind to who I was for so long. Drugs were merely a tool to help me solve my problems. I thank psychedelic drugs for saving me life. They opened the doors to a world that I needed to learn or I would have forever been a lost soul. Without a doubt I would have committed suicide without adopting my new life. The quest to change has been so long. When I used psychedelic drugs after the trip I would always say I was reborn. I was begging myself to change over and over again. It seemed so silly after awhile, always being reborn and never truly changing. I lost all hope in being reborn to a new life. I almost thought that if I killed myself then I would finally emerge victorious. Then things went to the lowest place ever. Instead of smoking marijuana I would only drink. I dug a hole so deep in hell. I walked around with a smile on my face but all I felt was pain inside. I was only interested in money, life had no meaning. My passion and drive was forced into remission, ironically the first trance name I had for producing when I was 16. It seems my whole life was just a dream to get to this point. Everything that ever happened forced me to accept my true fate. I bet some people can relate to my life experience. I don't know about you but I was a troubled child that developed into a trouble adult. I was born into this hard path of life to find the true meaning of life. I suppose some cultures walk on burning coals, others innate by sex, and mine was the most difficult physical and psychological torment I can only feel as if my life must hold some extreme meaning to have had something so hard to over come. I feel like I was beaten and whipped to such pain that no human being could suffer as I did. Even in a prison camp you are set free after some years or at least die. Imagine living your entire life from when you can remember at age 5 to just almost 24, 19 long years of the most painful torment you could ever imagine. After my experiences with psychedelic drugs I can truly state that psychological pain is far worse then any physical pain. I suppose here I can be wrong, as some illnesses must be so extremely painful that one wishes for death. Some aren't allowed to die in the peace they seek. But it is illegal for someone to allow themselves to die. I think this is wrong; that someone can be in such pain for so long and not have the option of the release they seek from such terrible pain. So I guess I am wrong, people must have experienced pain so much more then what I have experienced. I am self righteous to state that my psychological problems are so significant they are more then someone else?s. My journey was so painful though. Such a sad tale. I would almost write a book about the first part of my life to help others but I don't know if I could bear the pain of writing it as I can barely control bursting into an emotional stream of tears. I did cry as I wrote part of this. I can only thank everyone for helping me. I am so grateful for everything you ever gave me. I don't think I need to ask for you to understand. If you read this you would know how real my problems where. I sure wish I was making this all up that is for sure. You know this post was one of the main triggers that changed my life forever. All you negative attitudes going against me were for a very real purpose. Sorry if at first it was difficult to deal with, but you all changed my life. All the negative attitudes hitting me from everywhere saying I was crazy, irresponsible and going against everything forced me to finally realize the problems I had been living my entire life. Now I know my life is so just so special. I could imagine if this life changing experience wouldn't have happened where I would be in 5 years. I don't think it would have been a nice place. I most likely would have ended up in prison where I would have killed myself. You can't imagine the pain I have suffered through my life. But the most release I have ever felt in my entire life is right now, as I write this post. This has to be the single most important thing that has every happened in my entire life. The most profound life changing experience that that few must ever undergo. I feel like some supernatural force or something. I can't be human to have undergone such a life changing event. I must be some alien creature or something. It is just purely insane to have undergone something so breathtaking and amazing. LSD is merely a joke to the feelings I have had during the last I would imagine 30 minutes or so I have wrote this. I can only say that lsd, marijuana, even crystal meth which I smoked some of tonight and am actively on right now. I don't believe in god, but I think that for people god is what they must believe. They can't see that everyone is a god; everyone is the most amazing thing in the entire world. Everyone is so special and needed on our planet. It is so sad that have killed each other for so long continue to-do so. It hurts my soul that such pain exists in our world. I can only spread so much love and compassion, joy and freedom to everyone I can. I am so happy the internet exists and I can go on a message board connecting people from across the globe. The internet saved me life. I must say again people saved my life as well. Everyone do my parents, to my friends, to people far away from the internet, to psychologists, and I am sorry but police officers because they only exist to protect us against our own destruction. I can only say that for as long as have problems in my life I have had problems in school with authority. This quickly changed from school to police as my baby sitter. By the time I hit college teachers would only punish me by not passing me in a class. But that was never the teachers fault as it was my own stubborn attitude that made me fail the classes. By the time you hit college fights and simple reckless behavior are long finished. But not really, as my reckless behavior only shifted from the isolated world of school to society as a whole. I was always getting into trouble with the law also as I was younger, but nothing nearly as severe as when my pain shifted from people and destruction of physical things, to the destruction of society. My hate was so deep for myself that I could only blame society for my problems. I know as much as we all dislike law enforcement at times but they only control your life for as long as you can't accept responsibility for your own actions. I remember in my home town, a female police officer would regularly pull me over on my way home from my friend?s house late at night. I was always stoned from coming from my friend?s house. The kind lady only was checking up on me because she cared about my well being. You know the police are a community and they talk to each other. They all know who you are I hope you realize this. Or may I correct myself, they only know who you are if you go out of your way to show make yourself known to them because you have problems. I almost killed myself when I was 16 in a car crash. Thank technology for air bags because I nearly killed myself and another poor woman who I am so sorry for what I did to you. It was my first manic episode or whatever you want to call it. I call it flipping out or losing control of yourself. When you get angry because you know your friend isn't awake so you drive like a mad man down a road meant to go 25 mph on at 70 mph. I took a corner that you are supposed to slow down to 22 mph for. The sign was specifically made with such numbers for a damn good reason. You can only take the corner even in a very good handling car at 25 mph barely. I took the corner at 70mph not even braking at all. I must have hit the other car with my cars impact of 65 mph and the ladies of 20 mph for a combined force of 85 mph. Talk about escaping death. This police officer tried to warn me to drive slower in my car, by issuing me a speeding ticket. It obviously had no impact on me, the irresponsible human I was. You know what is even scarier then almost dieing that one time? I have almost died so many times I cannot tell you. Deep down I had a psychological issue tied to my problems where I truly sought death. I have almost drown in the ocean, treading water for 30 minutes with a high tide. I would have clearly died if I didn't have tons of experience in the ocean as a child. I almost died again in the ocean in a almost dream state where I was so close to drifting to a current where I would have been not able to escape and smashed against rocks. Can you imagine walking past benches that say rip X surfer and not processing it at all? I suppose I must have thought they were just some surfer or something? I think it is purely insane to not be able to process such large warning signs. Just yesterday before I had this life changing event, I basically ran in front of a bus knowing a car was coming only to be so close to having it hit me. Truly death is what I sought. My death wish even went so far as asking police officers to kill me as I lashed out in a completely insane mental state. You can't imagine how a rational human being can go temporarily insane but let me tell you it is real. What else can describe such behavior? Schizophrenia? I had never even realized I wished for death. I thought it was a fun game; thrill seeking. Only for the truly insane to wish death upon them self. I think this is about all I can write. I think I wrote for an hour, maybe even longer. I don't want to think about all the times I almost died. Recalling all of them would be a brain digging exercise. I need a rest obviously here. On a final note, if you can't believe I wished for death then you explain to me why I would swim deep out into the ocean at night, when I must know the tides are coming. I swam so deep to the ocean like I always did, of course the only one in the ocean. Just trying to be different I suppose? My family was scared when I came out of the ocean. Nobody would have been able to save me either. I was lucky that I had the capability to save myself. But didn't I always know subconsciously that I would make it out alive from yet another test to myself. Were these tests, or where these merely a means to my internal destruction to finally become so big that I merely destroyed myself. I hope you all can see how my life was so much different hopefully from anyone else?s. But I know someone must have experienced something just as strange and unusual as my life has been. I am happy to state that everything is better now. My life is so happy now, no amount of money could ever buy something that has this much meaning. Our lives are so important; I hope everyone can find happiness and love like I have. If you find this post crazy or insane then perhaps you are just as insane if you can't understand what I am talking about. I don't mean this as anything negative, but perhaps you can use my story to solve your lives riddle. I can't believe I actually wrote all this down and told you my whole life story almost. It was meant to share as I must give back to society what I have taken. I hope this document reaches far and wide to anyone who has had someone hurt them or done something wrong. If I am sane that I have done these things, then I see every problem that a person makes as just needing to solve their problems. You can be happy too my friends if you do not lead a happy life. It takes time to heal your wounds, but once you start the process it will find you. You took psychedelic drugs; you opened the door way to your problems because you needed to solve them. The true purpose of psychedelic drugs is to heal our problems. I hope you find your happy life; you just have to be strong. The ultimate mental strength is love and compassion. It is so hard to never hate or get angry, it is almost impossible to never get upset with another human being. But alas I do say it is very possible, as I have changed from the bitter man I once was to a shinning star so brilliant that the entire world must feel my love. I feel perhaps my only purpose in life is to spread this message. Of course I need a job too right? But forever will I spread the teachings of the Dahl Lama. I read the book halfway and just couldn't accept it. It is so hard coming from the western societies hate and superiority we all enjoy so much. But it is all wrong, we were never meant to hate each other. Just imagine the best feeling you could ever feel. Love for everything in the world. Isn't that what every god ever wanted for us? To love one another. I know some young man would be sick reading the words love one another and I felt the same way as well when I was younger. But love is all we have to keep us together. I hope you can find your happiness, your life will be so amazing after you breakthrough your pain. No more suffering, no more pain just good feelings. Isn't the only thing you ever wanted in life? Please join us for a new reality, a reality that is meant for us all. I am fully committed to my newfound religion / philosophy? I suppose the teachings of the Dahl Lambda are a religion. I might just have to do my childhood dream of going to see the monks and becoming one the real way. But I am too American to complete such a task. My task is to make people who would never have love and happiness gain it. I hope I changed you life by reading this. It surely changed mine.

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leoside said:
Im not convinced that its true, explain to me why its obvious that the government is scared of people "opening their eyes" without using the words "man" and "like".

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that shits funny.


and i want to end by saying: yes, psychedelics have changed my life and with the help of them, yes, i have dropped out of conventional life and try to do more as time goes on.

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even crystal meth which I smoked some of tonight and am actively on right now.

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yageman said:
If the fact that I used to buy drugs illegally in the Us is the reason that its illegal, I would have to ask you nothing.

I believe they should be legal and I dont even use these drugs anymore.

I dont like the title, because I think its really illogical and beside the point, AND is not one bit productive in any way whether it be for, or against the drug war.

It is an inherently redundant thread.

The title is only useful when considering the observation that people want to experiment with drugs, and thats why they are illegal.

If people didnt use drugs then they wouldnt be illegal.
Pretty obvious ay?

That thread title actually has nothing to do with our choices or our freedom.
Its illogical.
We drug users didnt make drugs illegal.

Apparently, drugs made drugs illegal.

Its their fault they are so potent and interesting in every way.

I dont know, its the last law oriented thread id bother to read or take part in aside from slamming it.

All I saw was the axiom, or the title.

No thanks.

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The Cypher said:

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even crystal meth which I smoked some of tonight and am actively on right now.

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Not to knock the content of that super-massive post, but this sentence buried in it might account for at least SOME of the length. :P

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Did you just search for meth in the page hoping to find the word in his post? Good work.

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leoside said:

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The Cypher said:

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even crystal meth which I smoked some of tonight and am actively on right now.

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Not to knock the content of that super-massive post, but this sentence buried in it might account for at least SOME of the length. :P

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Did you just search for meth in the page hoping to find the word in his post? Good work.

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Fluxburn said:
Y(e)ah that is right. Psychedelic drugs are illegal because people do (them not they) with reckless irresponsibility. If you have to defend yourself against this comment(,) (then not the) you are exactly who I don't like. (You're not your) the reason why they are illegal. If you read this(,) and say (")oh that doesn't apply to me(") then you are on my level. Just like the stupid alcoholic that can't handle his shit and gets DUI after DUI, I don't like you morons who use psychedelic drugs and give us credible users a bad name.

I think that psychedelic drugs should be treated with (the) utmost respect(,) and that the users should have higher standards. This way we can be looked at by society as better (than not then) alcohol because all the idiots can just drink and ruin (Their not thier) lives.

So could all psychedelic drug users that are irresponsible either(,) A. change your behaviour(no u in behavior, I didn't even catch this one, the shroomery auto spell check did!) to highly responsible(,) or B. go find another place to make yourself look like shit(?) Because we don't need to look like shit as a community.

Thanks.

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But you can't spell for a rats ass. 4 misspelled words in 2 sentences, that must be a wor(l)d record? You (have done not did) too much ecstasy, maybe catch up (to not on) the 3rd grade writing level.

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sandman_130 said:
I think you are way out of line. Common users of Pyschedelics are smart, have planned and accurate trips that often result in an beautiful experience full or learning, spirituality, and enlightenment.

It's FUCKEN NOOBS who hear about people seeing evles and cartoon characters and they wanna get fucked up!

IF EVERY MORON WHO WANTS TO TRY PYSCHEDELICS WOULD RESEARCH THEM ENOUGH AND KNOW WHAT THEY ARE GETTING INTO WE WOULD NEVER HAVE THESE PROBLEMS!

I SAY THE GOVERNMENT INVESTS IN A "LISENCE TO TRIP CARD"

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recycledsoul said:
Have you ever seen yourself, even your physical self? Have you ever seen your face? Only in a mirror. Suppose I breakthe mirror, could you still see your face? No, but would you have lost it then? No. What you see in a mirror is the image, not the original.

If you look for your true nature in a distorted mirror you will see a crooked face. Is your face really crooked? What is the mirror in our case? Our minds. To see our true Self we must have clean, clear, calm minds. Some people keep the mirror clean and realize that they are beautiful. Others do not dust it well. Some break it; some bend it.

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