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OfflineRoseM
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A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... * 13
    #22156468 - 08/28/15 12:36 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

This is a cautionary tale of what life outside this website is like for me.

I went to pick my wife up from work yesterday. Her coworkers were going to a bar and we decided to tag along. Dive bar. My kind of place... or it was before transition.

We go in, order our drinks and discover it is a cash only bar. I only have enough to pay for my wife's. But... the bartender has already cracked my beer, a PBR (the most popular thing they sell). I apologize in embarrassment. He keeps the beer. I join the group.

I go outside and have a smoke with one of my wife's friends. We come back in and hang out at the table the others have grabbed.

Like, five minutes pass. Suddenly two guys grab me and start forcing me away from the table. After a moment of thinking, "WTF?" in fact I think I said something to that effect, I recognized the bartender was one of the guys. They were walking me to the back door. I was getting the boot.

There is no graceful way to walk when two big guys are forcing you to walk backwards. I was struggling and if any of you have been escorted out of a place before, you know that is a catch-22. Any struggle is taken to be an act of aggression. That makes them more forceful which causes more struggling...

Seeing this pattern for what it was, I said/shouted something like, "Woah! Slow down. I can do this myself. What is going on here?"

Seems the bartender wanted me to pay for the beer he had not served me. I was literally a dollar short. Unfortunately, there was now no way to resolve this quickly because I had been moved away from the table of friends any of whom likely would have ponied up the dollar easily.

Up runs my wife. "What the fuck's going on?!?" She is not sure if she should be angry at me for doing something I shouldn't have, or the staffers with their arms on me.

They tell her what they have told me. I didn't pay for the beer I was not served.

She explains to them that a transaction has not taken place if I was not given and/or drinking a beer I did not pay for.

Now a third guy from behind the bar, one who looks like a meth head from Deliverance walks up and says, "Should we get her too?" pointing at my wife.

This makes me mad. Like, She-Hulk mad. I wrap my wrists around the railing of the staircase I was inches away from being pushed down. "Don't lay a finger on her. That's my wife!"

I hold out for thirty seconds while three guys try to detach me from the railings. I only let go after the guy from Deliverance is told by his co-worker to leave my wife alone.

Then the inevitable happens. I am pushed down the stairs (I managed to keep my feet) and thrown face first out of the bar. Hands finally free, I managed to cover my face before I hit, so my wrists, an elbow and a knee took the impact. Abrasions from the sidewalk but nothing major.

So, why am I writing all this out? Partly to vent. Partly to make a point.

From all appearances, this happened because of a cheap beer. If the beer was so important he shouldn't have opened it until he got the money. I never took the beer. He kept it and likely sold it to the next person wanting a PBR.

But really, it happened because I am trans and out. And here is why I wanted to share this with you all. Bullies pick on the perceived weak. They see me as a man in a dress... well jeans and a shirt in this case. They see it as a "fair" fight. Even though I am seen as weak enough to pick on, I am still viewed as male. We can debate how male or female I am if you want, I don't really care. I have no testosterone in me. For those keeping score, that means I have even less than other women. My male strength is long gone. These guys never would have done what they did to a "real" woman.

And this is not the first time this has happened. Since coming out I have been assaulted four times, not counting this incident. The worst time resulted in scars, two sprained ankles and a fractured heel. The second worst? My belongings were stolen, more scars, I was knocked the fuck out and had to foot the ambulance bill. It goes on...

The number of times this has happened to me before transition? Zero.

Perhaps this is part of the reason why you see trans folk sticking up for themselves on these boards. Because it is a safe place to do it. This, "You're not really a woman mentality is killing us in real life."

Don't mind me while I lick my wounds.


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Fiddlesticks.


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Invisible4HO-DMT
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Registered: 01/11/11
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Rose] * 1
    #22156509 - 08/28/15 12:46 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I'm so sorry that happened to you Rose. Shit heels are shit heels. If I saw this bullying going down, I would stand up for the victim.

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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Rose] * 1
    #22156520 - 08/28/15 12:49 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

that's some messed up stuff rose i'm sorry to hear that happened to u :frown:


--------------------
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OfflineRoseM
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: 4HO-DMT]
    #22156524 - 08/28/15 12:50 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

You wouldn't have unless you knew what was really going on. None of my friends did. They didn't really even have a chance. I was removed from their area so quickly and really, when someone gets 86'd it is logical to stay the Hell out of it. None of them had a chance to learn this was happening over a dollar.


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.


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InvisibleMasked
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Rose] * 2
    #22156534 - 08/28/15 12:52 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I'm so sorry this happened to you rose.  That pulled at my heart strings.  Human beings can be so cruel :frown:


None of this changes the fact BS is an ignorant asshat Tho :shrug:  Some of us had have had far more traumatic upbringings and lives and we still have to be accountable for how we act

And in saying that, I've always respected you.  Which makes it even harder to hear about your horrible experience.  No one, BS included, should have to be treated that way


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Invisiblepsi
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Rose]
    #22156546 - 08/28/15 12:57 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

That's really shitty. Did you call the police?

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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
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Registered: 06/13/11
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: 4HO-DMT] * 1
    #22156553 - 08/28/15 01:02 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I saw the thread title, and was hoping for a light hearted joke (optimism), and was swiftly struck down after reading for a few minutes.

I'm sorry that this is something you have to deal with on a seemingly-not-so-infrequent basis.

contrary to the views that some may hold against me from other threads, I really do have a lot of compassion towards trans folk, and it's a shame that more people can't be accepting.

we're all just trying to find a way to be happy in this crazy world.

I'm glad that you're able to get back on your feet and shake it off :thumbup:


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I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.

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OfflineRoseM
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: psi]
    #22156559 - 08/28/15 01:03 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

No.

You don't pick a fight you will likely lose. That would have upset the patrons at a dive bar and there is no telling when they might decide to retaliate out of nowhere.  I live in a small town. I don't need enemies.

I got them away from me by taking my phone out and pretending to video tape them. It was a strong bluff. It worked.


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.


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InvisibleDark_Star
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Rose] * 3
    #22156571 - 08/28/15 01:08 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Is there a large LGBT community in your area? If so, organize a protest out front....draw attention to their bigotry, get the local media involved.


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Rose]
    #22156583 - 08/28/15 01:12 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

FUCKING TROGLODYTES.

I hope you're OK lemondrop :hug:


I know gay is not your thing, but I recommend going out in gay bars. You can get in trouble there too but a more fun kind of trouble, and you tend to get respected for being Trans.

You're not there to hit on anyone so it might as well be a gay bar no?


'


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here

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Invisiblepsi
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Rose]
    #22156586 - 08/28/15 01:14 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I was picturing calling after the fact, your call though of course. Edit: I misunderstood, I see you mean you might run into the same people again around town.


If they had just asked you to leave it would be understandable, since at that point you weren't a paying customer. No call for that kind of manhandling though.

Edited by psi (08/28/15 01:15 PM)

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OfflineRoseM
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Dark_Star]
    #22156587 - 08/28/15 01:14 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

No there isn't.

And again, you don't pick fights in small towns.

The bar can say I was not buying anything from them and so they decided to boot me and I resisted. That is well within their rights. It is also true.

The only reason I know this was because I am trans is because I am not fucking stupid. Booting a tranny is funny. They did it to show off to their regular patrons.


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: psi] * 4
    #22156591 - 08/28/15 01:15 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Guys, often cops arent your friends when you're LGBT, kinda like being black. A problematic situation may unfold with the cops when you report it.

I had it happen.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
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InvisibleMasked
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Dark_Star] * 1
    #22156595 - 08/28/15 01:16 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I like this idea


She mentioned not wanting to make enemies in a small town, but I think it's that mentality that allows such fuck tards to keep acting the way they do

Rise up and piss all over them for what they did.  Revenge is nice no matter what the hippys try to say :grin:


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OfflineRoseM
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Asante] * 1
    #22156596 - 08/28/15 01:17 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Bingo.

If I fight this, I become BS in the eyes of my community. Trans people who fight back get run through the ringer by assholes... or worse.


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.


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Invisiblepsi
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Rose]
    #22156597 - 08/28/15 01:18 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I don't know that it's within their rights to rough you up if you haven't been asked to leave and refused to do so though. Is it?

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InvisibleMasked
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Rose] * 2
    #22156598 - 08/28/15 01:19 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Fight with some class and respect and you will be rose, not BS, and I'll support you


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OfflineRoseM
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: psi]
    #22156599 - 08/28/15 01:19 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

It is he said, tranny said. Who do you think they will believe?

Not even remotely worth the fight.

Plus, then I would have to dwell on this for even longer. Not worth it. Not at all.


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.


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InvisibleMasked
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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Rose] * 1
    #22156604 - 08/28/15 01:20 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

You have witnesses.  You discount your own voice far to much rose

I live in a small town too so I understand the struggle.  But what they did is unacceptable.


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OfflineJanky Tits

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Re: A Trans Woman Walks Into a Bar... [Re: Masked]
    #22156610 - 08/28/15 01:22 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

That's fucked up

You should sue or something.

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