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Offlinelovesquare
Love²

Registered: 06/04/15
Posts: 556
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
I feel I'm doing the right thing but...
    #21879782 - 06/30/15 07:34 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Basically I'm a caretaker for my family. I help with the grocery shopping, go to the store, do the yard work, maintain the fire in the winter and various other tid bits. If it wasn't for me my grandma would die basically. Theirs no way she could handle it without me. The benefits of this is I have all the freedom in the world, my meals are prepared for me and I don't have to work. Pretty nice. In my free time, I'm mostly here browsing the forums, listening to music, watching youtube and attend the occasional concert. On average, I'd say I get given 20 bucks a month, my cigs are paid for, and I can get weed anytime I want from my dad. I consider these three my "pay". Keep in mind I have no friends, no one to hang out with, and can't grow here. I just live simple, day by day, no worries kind of lifestyle. It's been this way for almost 2 years now.

Theirs more to life than this, who knows how long they will live, but their family. I guess I could get a part-time job, and buy whatever I want online. I could go out and meet like minded people. I could get into producing psytrance (no clue where to start). That's all I'm interested in, besides psychedelics, becoming asexual in the process of experimentation.

I'd love to hear your input about my situation. Anything you would like to say or talk about. This community is mostly all I have, and I cherish it.

Love and vibes to all.
-Love²


--------------------
If you go down round the bend in the river,
You're gonna find a few changes been going down there.

If you go down to the gas-powered flatland,
Where most of the people just think that they're free,
Remember the peace that you had on the mountain,
Come back to the love that you had here with me...

Edited by lovesquare (06/30/15 07:34 PM)

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InvisibleMalcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??
Trans-male User Gallery


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc: Flag
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: lovesquare]
    #21879803 - 06/30/15 07:38 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Good for you for taking care of your grandma. But $20 a month dude? I'd get a part time job to keep a little cash on hand. Also, where do you live? Why not go out and find some friends? Being by yourself ALL the time has to suck a little bit


--------------------
I'm stupid, Enlil is smart.
I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.

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OfflineSunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 3 months, 19 days
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
    #21879823 - 06/30/15 07:42 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Malcolm_Xtasy said:
Good for you for taking care of your grandma. But $20 a month dude? I'd get a part time job to keep a little cash on hand. Also, where do you live? Why not go out and find some friends? Being by yourself ALL the time has to suck a little bit



Yeah it does


Get yourself some money flow
and start focusing on yourself at the same time


excersise
meet people

good habits!


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness

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InvisibleGrateful Dead
A Growing Ambivalence
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/19/12
Posts: 2,468
Loc: Parked Car, Playing NPR
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: lovesquare]
    #21879832 - 06/30/15 07:44 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

What would you say you are passionate about in life?


--------------------
Life begins on the other side of despair...

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Offlinelovesquare
Love²

Registered: 06/04/15
Posts: 556
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: Grateful Dead]
    #21880005 - 06/30/15 08:22 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Malcolm_Xtasy said:
Good for you for taking care of your grandma. But $20 a month dude? I'd get a part time job to keep a little cash on hand. Also, where do you live? Why not go out and find some friends? Being by yourself ALL the time has to suck a little bit



Yeah it does, I know people are out there like you and me, not that I have tried looking, but like minded friends would be a start. Some cash would go a long way, I'm not at all materialistic. I'm in central VA btw.

Quote:

AddyZomeD said:
start focusing on yourself at the same time





After giving almost everything up for others in recent years, I have put myself on the back burner so to speak. This is probably a good idea, I've always felt karma would come around and reward me for what I've done for others. I always put myself last, I've been given one sweet tart drowned in acid before, and gave it away in the same day. He needed it more than me.

Quote:

Grateful Dead said:
What would you say you are passionate about in life?




I can't say I have any real passions, I enjoy growing, I enjoy Psychedelics, I enjoy helping people, I enjoy EDM, I enjoy live music.


--------------------
If you go down round the bend in the river,
You're gonna find a few changes been going down there.

If you go down to the gas-powered flatland,
Where most of the people just think that they're free,
Remember the peace that you had on the mountain,
Come back to the love that you had here with me...

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OfflineDetached
You know where...


Registered: 02/27/15
Posts: 2,942
Last seen: 1 year, 18 days
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: lovesquare]
    #21880043 - 06/30/15 08:28 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Why can't you have a life with friends while providing for your granny?

Look into your state law and see if you can qualify for being a paid caregiver. This will eliminate the need of finding a part time job and still allow you to be available / care for her.

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InvisibleGrateful Dead
A Growing Ambivalence
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/19/12
Posts: 2,468
Loc: Parked Car, Playing NPR
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: lovesquare]
    #21880048 - 06/30/15 08:29 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Sounds to me like you have reach something many people struggle to find during their life; satisfaction. :shrug:

I'm more envious than anything. :lol:

Has your past been different, or is this something new to you?

I'm curious how to reach such a state of mind, because I feel the opposite.


--------------------
Life begins on the other side of despair...

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Offliner00tuuu123
Now I'm just really piseed
 User Gallery


Registered: 04/20/12
Posts: 8,507
Loc: I'll be there in a minute
Last seen: 8 years, 23 days
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: lovesquare]
    #21880055 - 06/30/15 08:30 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

So how wealthy is your family that they keep you as an indentured servant? I mean it's all well and good taking care of Gram but 20.00 a month hit em up for a raise and a company car.


--------------------
:kingcrankey: Please report me to a Mod for hurting your punk ass hippie feelings :flipthebird: And all time Champion thread killer.:thatsayes:

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OfflineD.M.T
Shroomery Contaminant
Female

Registered: 10/31/09
Posts: 10,991
Loc: In your brain
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: lovesquare]
    #21880060 - 06/30/15 08:31 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Get a job OP. You can't ride the gravy train forever, and the sooner you do the easier the transition.

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Offliner00tuuu123
Now I'm just really piseed
 User Gallery


Registered: 04/20/12
Posts: 8,507
Loc: I'll be there in a minute
Last seen: 8 years, 23 days
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: lovesquare]
    #21880118 - 06/30/15 08:42 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

WAIT WAIT WAIT Your dad gives you weed but you can't grow there? Unless you mean grow in the self sense and not Shrooms that is fucked Please clarify.


--------------------
:kingcrankey: Please report me to a Mod for hurting your punk ass hippie feelings :flipthebird: And all time Champion thread killer.:thatsayes:

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Offlinelovesquare
Love²

Registered: 06/04/15
Posts: 556
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: D.M.T]
    #21880217 - 06/30/15 09:01 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Detached said:
Why can't you have a life with friends while providing for your granny?

Look into your state law and see if you can qualify for being a paid caregiver. This will eliminate the need of finding a part time job and still allow you to be available / care for her.




O I definitely will, this has been brought up to me before, I should look into it. I know I can have friends at the same time, and have in the past, but ties had been lost over the years.

Quote:

Grateful Dead said:
Sounds to me like you have reach something many people struggle to find during their life; satisfaction. :shrug:

I'm more envious than anything. :lol:

Has your past been different, or is this something new to you?

I'm curious how to reach such a state of mind, because I feel the opposite.




It's nothing new, I found myself about 5 years ago, during a life changing cactus trip. Even before taking psychedelics, I had the same tendencies, it's in my blood I guess.

Quote:

r00tuuu123 said:
So how wealthy is your family that they keep you as an indentured servant? I mean it's all well and good taking care of Gram but 20.00 a month hit em up for a raise and a company car.




Not at all, we have enough to live a decent life, we have food on the table, we go out to eat once or twice a month, and a bit left over after bills, money is always tight by the last week of the month, we live month to month. If something happened to either my dad or grandma, we would be up shit creek is what I'm saying. I don't ask for nearly anything, and I have access to a vehicle anytime I need, all though I have no current use for one but the occasional beer run.

Quote:

D.M.T said:
Get a job OP. You can't ride the gravy train forever, and the sooner you do the easier the transition.




When you get a free ticket, take the trip.

Quote:

r00tuuu123 said:
WAIT WAIT WAIT Your dad gives you weed but you can't grow there? Unless you mean grow in the self sense and not Shrooms that is fucked Please clarify.




Talking mushrooms, I could possibly do the stealthiest grow ever with a portable burner, silent pressure cooker (if they exist), and some stones, conditions wouldn't be ideal because of my room being on the opposite end of the house from the fireplace (our only form of heat), the winter would be iffy, but possibly possible.


--------------------
If you go down round the bend in the river,
You're gonna find a few changes been going down there.

If you go down to the gas-powered flatland,
Where most of the people just think that they're free,
Remember the peace that you had on the mountain,
Come back to the love that you had here with me...

Edited by lovesquare (06/30/15 09:06 PM)

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InvisibleBig Bear
Earf Child
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/11/14
Posts: 5,415
Loc: In love, On time
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: lovesquare]
    #21880242 - 06/30/15 09:09 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

if you like to grow then maybe try growing some oysters/reishis/shiitakes/etc and selling them.  It'd be a nice extra income and good for you.  Growing mushrooms is pretty cheap.  Feel free to shoot a PM and I can send you an oyster print.  Save up enough money from it and then make a move.  Shit I'll send you a fuckin sleeve of petris too and 10 bucks to buy a SAB if you actually are going to do it.

Work with your hands.  Start practicing working with your hands.  Take the money you get from your mushroom growing and learn how to weld or something valuable, then build a life for yourself.

Taking care of your grandmother is a good thing, but don't waste this valuable time.  I'd give anything of a year with no bills just to practice my jazz playing so I could be more marketable. 

Maybe save up and buy a lawnmower then try and get a few yards on the side.  Get an old truck, a weed-eater, a shovel, and a rake...show up on time and if you look like a freak try not to look like one when looking for straightlace customers to pay you to do something they don't want to do themselves. 

You should really cherish this opportunity you have and make it about learning how to become self sufficient.  I'd love a roof over my head and a free place to stay and all the time in the world to learn and better myself.

Take this part of your life and use it to become better so when the day comes you leave, you are ready for what the world is.  Nobody in the working world gives a shit what you know.  Nobody in the working world gives a shit who you are.  The only thing the economy cares about is what you can produce for it, and you are as valuable as whatever the market rate in your area for that service is.  I suggest not fucking yourself by being one of the millions of incompetent people struggling to feed themselves and put a roof over your head.  Take this opportunity to become competent.

Good luck OP.


--------------------
Need help growing? Ask AMU for hassle free answers.

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time...

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OfflineDetached
You know where...


Registered: 02/27/15
Posts: 2,942
Last seen: 1 year, 18 days
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: Big Bear]
    #21880295 - 06/30/15 09:25 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Great advice BB

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Offlinelovesquare
Love²

Registered: 06/04/15
Posts: 556
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: Big Bear]
    #21880351 - 06/30/15 09:38 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Big Bear said:
if you like to grow then maybe try growing some oysters/reishis/shiitakes/etc and selling them.  It'd be a nice extra income and good for you.  Growing mushrooms is pretty cheap.  Feel free to shoot a PM and I can send you an oyster print.  Save up enough money from it and then make a move.  Shit I'll send you a fuckin sleeve of petris too and 10 bucks to buy a SAB if you actually are going to do it.




A solid idea, I'm not sure how the market is for edibles around here, but I doubt their are THAT many people supplying the locals. I'll more than likely follow up with you on this within the week, I've always been interested in agar but never really had the need to experiment that deep. I really appreciate your kindness and generosity Bigbear. Thanks again.


--------------------
If you go down round the bend in the river,
You're gonna find a few changes been going down there.

If you go down to the gas-powered flatland,
Where most of the people just think that they're free,
Remember the peace that you had on the mountain,
Come back to the love that you had here with me...

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleBig Bear
Earf Child
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/11/14
Posts: 5,415
Loc: In love, On time
Re: I feel I'm doing the right thing but... [Re: lovesquare]
    #21880490 - 06/30/15 10:09 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

agar is easy and cheap. You can find everything you need to know about it in the link in my sig.  Check out pastywhyte's easy agar tek and stro's writeup.  There is a market for edibles where you are I feel confident.  The main thing is summertime keeping the heat down might be a little expensive.  You can grow shiitakes outside on logs in lots of VA though so that might be viable as well if you have a little space in the woods or a yard.  you can sell your mushrooms to restaurants just go in with a pound and give them to a chef.  I'm talking nicer end restaurants that care about making quality food obviously. Reishis your best bet will be health food stores...the hippie co-op places.  Also if you know cancer patients then word of mouth. 

Also being in VA your weed growing situation is shit, but you could plan a guerilla autoflower patch for next summer, and crush it.  Plus they'd be out of the ground before they started flying choppers around.   

Try to view your position as an opportunity.  Some kids get to be born with rich parents that send them to college.  Some kids never get any real preperation and are pushed out in the real world with no money, no skills, no wisdom, and no hope really.  Some kids are too scared to go out in to the real world and take out loans and waste time in college spending money they will never be able to pay back on a degree that is useless.  You are getting your college opportunity now.  I truly suggest mastering a skill that will help you down the line. Welding, electrical, and plumbing pay the best of normal trades. 

I have no degree and make ~70k a year legally because I busted my ass out of high school doing shit work and pulling cable.  I currently am a project manager for a telecom shop, at 25 years old.  I don't say this to suck my own dick, because I will always and forever be a pawn...but rather to help inspire you to use the time wisely.

We all have our burdens to bear.  Yours seems to be your family.  I personally was raised by some stellar human beings that taught me that family is everything.  I have less than 10 people in my life that are truly family, that I would sacrifice everything for.  Do right by your grandmother and don't just leave her to pursue your own stuff unless she is taken care of.  Family is everything.  Even if you end up broke and alone in the end, if you took care of your people then you did a good job with your time here on the third rock from the sun.

Breathe Easy.  Think Slowly.  Dream Focused.


P.S.  I'm sorry but I have to say it.  Don't waste your time learning to make psytrance.  It'll most likely go out of style and you wont be able to sell it.  Even if it is in style you still most likely wont be able to sell it. I've played music my whole life and their are two kinds of people that make it in the music industry...the lucky ones and the ones who play and practice and work from an early age.  Not trying to bust your dreams but the psytrance thing is most likely nothing more than a pipe dream and it won't help you much down the line.  BUT IF YOU MUST, then I suggest at least getting a little keyboard and learning how notes and theory work first...giving you a musical vocabulary that sets you above the rest of the psytrance dj world pack.  Then you can learn the circle of fifths which is essential for harmonic mixing.  People can hop around at 180bmp to you while you are in tune and on time and in love and on time.  But you should still learn a trade :lol:


--------------------
Need help growing? Ask AMU for hassle free answers.

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time...

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