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Anonymous #1

It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt
    #20578360 - 09/17/14 06:02 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

I use quotes on "best" because it typically implies a condition that falls within our human "good and bad" dichotomy. I really don't want to say it felt good or bad, or even "felt" like anything at all.

I was using for a while with a friend, primarily just for the sake of companionship, and for the temporary relief from my issues that I've never really been able to sort through- my "demons". On the stuff I was still aware of the existence and nature of my problems, but I just did not care about them, they didn't "plague" me. Emotional numbness.

I guess we lucked out and scored some pretty strong tar, stronger than we normally got. She shot me up first with what was normally a small to moderate dose, depending on the quality. She then proceeded to start preparing her hit, and I felt it coming on strong. The last thing I remember was drunkenly trying to find the Benedryl  I usually took when on the stuff but not being able to find it.

The next thing I perceive is faint shouting. It gets louder as my sense of touch returns and I'm being shook. Finally my eyes open and I look in the direction of these sensations and I see my friend freaking out. For a moment I couldn't understand her or even what was going on in reality. Then I realize she's telling me to breathe, and very laboriously I begin to do so.

After my "awakening" and return to functional consciousness, she tells me I was not breathing for several minutes and my lips had turned blue. I immediately start freaking out, scared because I had no idea what had just happened to me. I forced myself to be "up" until I'd sobered up some, then looked at literatre on symptoms of heroin overdose, and I'm pretty certain if I'd shot myself up alone I would not have come back.

That confused fear I felt right after was the only strong emotion I've felt on the stuff, but the way I'd felt just prior to coming back... it's so hard to describe. It wasn't "good" or "bad, I didn't feel "right" or "wrong", I didn't feel "peaceful" or "chaotic"; these states, these dichotomies did not exist. You might say I was experiencing nothing, but even that word implies the existence of "something". The best I can describe is pure void with no expectancy of or states  of change.

Looking back at that state of (non-)being, a big part of me assesses that that was better than what I have in life, better than the bad or good. 

I don't consider myself suicidal, though I have accepted my own mortality, and I think I could go at any moment without any stress or resistance. But whenever I think about the experience, part of me longs for that nothingness. Part of me wants to fight to find what makes this life worth living but I still long for that void.

I wish it was not so, but it is. In this context I think I have my own understanding of the quote, "They don't think it be like it is, but it do." I think some things we are just better off never knowing. I'm hoping, when I have the proper time, set, and setting, shrooms will give me perspective on this and improve my outlook, but I'm not holding a lot of hope.

Thanks for reading, IDK what I'm looking for here. Probably just to get it off my chest, I've never really discussed that place I went to with anyone.

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OfflineMental Taco
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20578459 - 09/17/14 07:01 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

I believe i understand the feeling you are trying to describe the feeling of no bad or good no right or wrong no heaven no hell just the nothing in between. I call it blissful neutrality. You are neither happy nor sad you are just neutral you just be an empty vessel taking all in yet holding onto nothing. This feeling of neutrality escapes me all the time and i go chasing back after it trying to better understand it so i can better describe it but it always seems to escape me and i am left trying to remember what it is about this feeling that makes it so.


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Did you not know that the royal hunting grounds are always forbidden?

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Offlinezzripz
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20578525 - 09/17/14 07:32 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

you keep on the path you've chosen and you very may end up dead from a heroin overdose. Think how that would affect your family, friends etc.

Life isn't about being numb. people choose that path via alcohol, downers and heroin to numb their FEELINGS. But no matter what you use or for how long when you stop the drug the feelings you thought you'd numbed are still there,and will have built up, and you have all the years of waste being puppet of a drug habit, and all that entails

Life is about feeling. But admittedly this culture is very fucked up and lots of people want to escape.

Choose health. And health includes not conforming to the life that makes you wanna numb out

What do you REALLY want?

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Offlinei like cow poo
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20578539 - 09/17/14 07:36 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Do you have any hobbies?

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InvisibleChinChiller
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: i like cow poo]
    #20578549 - 09/17/14 07:40 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

He should grow or hunt boomers, depdning on where he is.

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OfflineMental Taco
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: ChinChiller]
    #20578706 - 09/17/14 08:47 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah heroin is bad, i want to make it clear that i was not trying to advocate  it. Heroin is a ruthless whore that will rob you of everything.  In my previous comment i was not speaking of the feeling heroin gives i was simply speaking of the feeling  of emptiness i spose.


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Did you not know that the royal hunting grounds are always forbidden?

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Anonymous #1

Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: Mental Taco]
    #20579895 - 09/17/14 02:54 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

I stopped using shortly after this. My friend got rehab, and I managed to to get off with minimal discomfort as compared to most users, so I am grateful that I escaped relatively without a scratch. I consider myself lucky and I have no desire to fall back into that junkie life.

Though I occasionally miss the numbness that using gave me, that feeling of nothingness that I felt (or didn't feel) *while I was gone sticks with me constantly. I could be fine never using again, but I fear I'll never forget how that void felt.

Mushrooms drew me here, but it's not even a desire to trip or get altered. I will get altered by substances, but I could honestly take or leave the feeling of being high. It's like it doesn't matter either way.

The fungus itself interests me more than any potential high it might give me. I admire the way that that life exists. The cakes sitting in my fridge are the only thing really that I care about. I do hold out some hope that the lifeform will speak to me and I will reach a breakthrough regarding my outlook on life, but I've had some pretty bad experiences going into trips with poor sets and settings. I don't generally have suicidal thoughts, but the few times I've shroomed willy-nilly they came on incredibly strong.

Edited by Anonymous (09/17/14 08:21 PM)

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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20582399 - 09/18/14 03:38 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

OP, check this out and see this guy's material in general.



IMO things like opiates merely prolong the problem and postpone the solution. It's all still there, temporarily masked for some days or hours, at great costs to your long term well-being. Shooting up (and for that matter, popping pharma pills as is often promoted in the West) is the lazy, duct tape solution. See some threads here how people end up after relying on these crutches.

Compare this to people who rely on natural psychs. Peyote, Ayahuasca, shrooms, especially in a ceremonial setting.

Continue to beat around the bush with flimsy attempts that go nowhere, or actually do your research, put in the time to find these more lasting natural solutions, and start SHOWING UP. Not for one ceremony, but for as many as it takes.

Feel free to explore crappy pharma pills or talking to uninspired shrinks paid by the hour, but IMO you're missing out, doing in years and decades what could have been done in months and weeks.

You've been told about this now, you're in the know. Do your research and follow through, or I'll be happy to :rolleyes: at your threads later, about how the SSRI's and opiates fucked you up.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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Offlinezzripz
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the [Re: Spacerific]
    #20583287 - 09/18/14 11:20 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

That guy in the video is cool compared to many many 'experts on the mental health field', but I am often aware how Psychology per se tends to be apolitical and blames the individual. So that say you are in a low income place with all the hassle of that, harassed by cops all the time, all family doing drugs, gangsters on your case. all of that is supposed to be invisible? get me?
Yj

Thee implication seems go like this 'thers fuck all you can do about this world. So you need to fit in, and find 'victory'...'? well 'victory'-whatever that is-- may be VERY different for some well off middle class person with problems but fairly mice place to go back to after a ayahuasca session, and someone in a grim place where everyone around you is doing drugs and there carries on the temptation. And a VERY brutal upbringing and life.

There has to be acknowledgement of all this is what I am saying, and not pretending it is invisible and taboo to speak about.

Edited by zzripz (09/18/14 11:23 AM)

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Offlinezzripz
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the [Re: zzripz]
    #20584205 - 09/18/14 03:24 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

just got this shared me and thought I'd link it here. Iboga is a a sacred African plant that is the ONLY known medicine that can help people get off opiate habit without any of the usual withdrawal trauma!

Quote:

The Ultimate Guide to Iboga: How To Extract, Use & Learn



Iboga (Tabernanthe Iboga) has a long history of use as a medicine and spiritual sacrament in central Africa. The legend goes that the forest people (pygmies) first discovered it through the observations of animals such as boar, porcupines and gorillas consuming the root. Iboga is used once a lifetime in a large dose in an initiatory ceremony by the Bwiti. The purpose of this initiation is for people to visit the spirit world and commune with the ancestors while seeking guidance for their lives.

Iboga is no pleasure trip. It lacks any kind of recreational attraction, and isn’t even intoxicating in the normal sense. Pleasure or thrill seekers look elsewhere. However, it has the capacity to be profoundly cleansing and therapeutic when used with care and respect.

Iboga… why take the plunge?

The west knows Iboga for ibogaine and its addiction interrupting effects. In Africa they refer to Iboga as a master healer and has been longer used as a medicine and a spiritual sacrament. Iboga is not only effective at breaking addictions but also a powerful ally in breaking destructive habits and behaviour patterns. Venturing on a Iboga journey is a personal and therapeutic experience, and it will tend to confront you with your past and elements of your shadow. For many iboga takes the form of a teacher…it is direct yet not overbearing, both powerful and gentle, having a soft touch while being straight to the point.

While under the influence of iboga the user views themselves in a detached state. One is able to view their lives without the full emotional intensity and attachment such experiences may hold. This allows one to process things without being emotionally overwhelmed. Iboga provides a full brain defrag, while providing one with a thorough detox at the same time. It is a multifaceted plant that is physically, mentally and spiritually cleansing and grounding. Many people view iboga as a profound way of pressing the reset button on life, and to provide a fresh start to enact change. After taking iboga it is easier to move in a different direction and gaining new healing perspectives on life.

Preparation

Iboga is dangerous in combination with many substances, so it is VERY important to abstain from all substances, including caffeine, for 24 hours prior to the experience. The combination with SSRI antidepressants could be lethal, and it is vital to have abstained from these at least 8 weeks prior to taking iboga as these drugs have a long half life in the body. Iboga can affect the rhythms of the heart, so anyone with heart abnormalities should proceed with caution and consult with a doctor, or avoid altogether. (Heart abnormalities can be screened for via ECG.) People with impaired liver function should proceed with caution or avoid iboga altogether.

Prepare your space so it is clean and comfortable. Light and loud sounds will be intrusive while in an iboga trance. Have a bucket within arm’s reach from the bed as a purge is possible. The experience is not remotely sociable, and is deeply personal and internal, with the visions taking place behind closed eyelids, with the iboga inducing a waking dream state. So it may be best to begin flooding in the eve, and experience the visionary part at night. Candle light is soothing. Some people prefer silence, but recordings of Bwiti m’congo harp music is recommended, it is an important component of the rituals in Africa, and may assist with the brain defrag facilitated by iboga. Good Bwiti music playlists can be found on Youtube. Have water close to hand, food is not necessary and you will likely not be interested in it until after the experience.

It is good to eat lightly on the day, and fast for 8 hours prior to the flood experience. Once you start consuming iboga you will soon lose your hunger or interest in food. One should drink water throughout the day, and a fresh vegetable juice is fine. A few hours prior to the experience stop drinking. You will be well hydrated now but excess water in the stomach when dosing impedes absorption of the iboga alkaloids.

Beginning

A few grams of root bark can be ingested over the course of the day, to gently introduce the iboga to your system and get it resonating with the plant. The Bwiti are known to consume iboga over a few days.

Ideally it would be best to consume iboga under the supervision of a healer or medical professional experienced with iboga. Such an approach can be highly expensive however. It is important to have a sitter present, at least for the first stage of the experience.

During a flood experience one won’t have much interest in conversing with anyone, but in the unlikely event of someone needing assistance it would be good to have somebody trusted and understanding on hand such as a friend or family member. A shaman or guide isn’t essential – iboga has a unique character in that it is both the experience and the guide. Some people may find it tricky getting to the toilet, although using TA (Total Alkaloid) extract in place of root bark seems to cause a lot less ataxia and difficulties moving around when needed.

The effects of iboga can last up to 36 hours, and you’ll be lying down for this time, so best to be in or on a bed. Dizziness and nausea will strike if you move too suddenly, so move slowly when you need to. These feelings aren’t an issue when lying down.

Following the visionary period, there is a longer period of reflection and reintegration of lessons learned. The ibogaine is converted to noribogaine and as this builds up in one’s system it changes the experience, resulting in the prolonged afterglow, and very vivid tracers made by moving objects. One is in limbo between waking and sleeping. It can be good to have a few books on hand for the day after.

The experience finally ends when one can fall asleep, and the dreams are likely to be vivid and visionary. The brain is reset during this time and one should feel good on waking and will be able to move around with dizziness or nausea. A shower or bath is recommended on waking, and you’ll likely be hungry.

The Aftermath

Following the experience, the iboga is still working on you, it is highly lipophilic so hangs around in body tissues, gradually being released and converted into noribogaine by the liver. Ibogaine causes a long term increase in the expression of a protein called glial cell line-derived neurotrophic factor (GDNF) a neuroprotective agent that also induces neuronal sprouting. This aspect of long term effects makes iboga unique. Thus taking other drugs in the months after the experience will interfere with this process.

Cannabis may be an exception to this, and has long been used in association with iboga in central Africa. Alcohol is safe but will reduce the healing influence of the iboga. Some people have used ayahuasca and kambo in the months afterwards and reported positive synergistic healing effects.

After the experience healthy eating, regular exercise, exposure to sunlight and nature will all augment and work with the healing and help ground one. Some people can feel quite blank in the days following a flood but this is normal as behaviour patterns and desires have been wiped clean, but this is temporary phase, and it can take a few days to really soar after an iboga experience.

If people are using iboga to treat addiction or change negative behaviour patterns, it is very important to enact life change prior to the experience, as this will help you get more from the experience, and make it easier to keep on a new path following the session. Iboga is not a panacea or magic bullet, it can only show you the door, and it is up to you to walk through it.

Microdosing

Microdosing with iboga can be another effective way of working with iboga and is a safe and controlled way of using the plant, easily incorporated into day to day life. This is recommended for anyone who wishes to take a flood dose of iboga, so one can get a feel for the plant, and test for the extremely unlikely event of an allergic reaction.

If consuming root bark, it is good to taste a little pinch of the plant first so you get a feel for the plant with all your senses. 500mg of root bark can be taken every four days as an anti-addictive and anti-depressant medicine (empty ‘00’ capsules work well for this). Total alkaloid (TA) extract can be used in tincture form sublingually, which is a highly efficient way of using it, being absorbed directly into the bloodstream. In whatever form iboga is used, it is important to state a positive affirmation, as this intent will direct the iboga’s healing to where it is needed.

Flooding

For flooding I would recommend using TA extract. It has all the benefits of the ‘whole plant’ experience of the root bark, containing the full spectrum of alkaloids, but it is much easier to dose and easier and smoother on the body. It is also much cheaper than purchasing extracts or pure ibogaine online. TA produces much less dizziness than the root bark, and it is easier to move around on it. It easier to go deeper on it than the root bark, requiring much less material to be consumed. The other alkaloids work with the ibogaine to prolong, deepen and augment its influence, and are a welcome addition. Pure ibogaine seems to wash through the system more quickly, producing less of an afterglow than with TA or root bark.

It is recommended to save a few grams of root bark to ingest alongside the TA, to give an essence of the whole unadulterated plant. Some people like to stagger dosing, and take some every 30 minutes until the whole dose is consumed. I have found taking one capsule of TA, and then splitting the rest of dose in halves and taking 45 minutes apart works well. For people treating addiction, it can be worth keeping a little TA extract or root bark for use as booster doses in the months post session to prolong the window of iboga’s influence.

If people wish to work with the root bark, it is best to consume a gram every 40 minutes or so until the dose is consumed, or there is a purge or one believes enough has been consumed. Putting powdered root bark in capsules works well for this.

Once you flood it is important not to take another flood dose in the three months afterwards as this can be dangerous, due the residual noribogaine in one’s system. Taking small booster doses in this time frame of TA or root bark is fine.

A Simple Way To Prepare a Iboga Total Alkaloid Extract

25g of root bark is sufficient quantity for a flood per person, although potency and individual sensitivities vary, for others half this amount may be sufficient. The root bark is ground into a powder (a coffee grinder works well for this). The powder is added to a large jar, containing a good amount of distilled white vinegar.

This is simply kept for five days to a week and shaken a few times a day. The vinegar will become dark from all the alkaloids, and this first extraction will pull the vast majority of the alkaloids. Filter this solution with a cotton shirt or with a coffee filter, and keep the liquid.

A bottle with a funnel and a coffee filter works well for filtering. Scrape the iboga back into the jar, add more vinegar and repeat the process, twice more for a duration of two days each time. If you want you can then bury the depleted root bark in the soil and return it to the Earth from whence it came.

The vinegar extractions can be combined, poured into a glass baking dish and placed in the oven. Heat at 200°F with the oven door open with regular checking. When dry, bring out and allow to cool, and then scrape up with a knife. It can be wrapped in foil and frozen for long term storage or placed into empty ‘00’ capsules ready for use.

If someone is in more of a rush to extract the alkaloids, the root bark can be covered in distilled vinegar and simmered on low heat for 60-90 minutes, then filtered and the liquid kept aside, and this process is repeated 3 times.
End Notes

Iboga is still largely unknown in the West. It is a dark African jewel, and has many facets as yet unseen and unexplored by many of us here. It is interesting in that ibogaine is used medicinally for addiction interruption, while in Africa it isn’t known for this. It is a unique, deep, and cleansing plant, powerful, but with a soft touch, and approached correctly with respect, the experience it gifts has the capacity to a profoundly healing and life enhancing event.



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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the [Re: zzripz]
    #20585281 - 09/18/14 07:22 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

IMO the Aya puts one in a better position to tackle their problems, whatever they may be. Sure, it won't change the actual external environment, but it will offer insights about it, new perspectives on it, new models of understanding and navigating it and so on. The guy coming out of the session is NOT the same guy that went in.

I'm a big believer in psychs used right. At the same time I'm very suspicious of material abundance given to a clouded mind. YOu think it's the lack of external abundance that's the problem? I for one see no such thing. I look at Western urban lifestyles, there's plenty of material abundance there, and yet look what kind of people they produce. Restless superficial minds, short attention span, popping pills and talking to shrinks, scrambling for the drugs as they can't face the pointlessness of what they're doing every day, of living in a myth-less world, lacking a meaningful model of reality that inspires them in a deep way.

Ayahuasca IMO helps with finding this true north, the direction, some functional myths for our existence, as well as practical means to transcend present difficulties.

Being surrounded by morons who persist in stupidity is only a temptation to do the same IF one doesn't see the processes involved, for what they truly are. As soon as one fully realizes the effects of crack and meth for instance, it doesn't matter what trailer park one lives in or starts from, a different path will be chosen, of how to spend one's time.

I come from a country and an environment where there's no tripping, there's regular drinking, smoking, a lot of mindless TV watching, endless fucking trivialities as a way of life. If family influence were that strong, I wouldn't be a psychedelic traveler adventuring around going to festivals, I'd be back home working some mindless job in an office, oblicious to all the magic happening right before our eyes.

I think at least to some extent, drug problems are attempts to fill that perceived meaninglessness, and that's one of the problems the Aya addresses quite successfully.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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Anonymous #1

Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the [Re: Spacerific]
    #20585464 - 09/18/14 08:08 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

I haven't used in almost a year, and like I've stated already I have no urge to go back on opiates. I've already made the distinction between my experience on opiates and what I experienced when I almost died, and I've stated I wish to seek a natural physchedelic remedy to make me not wish to return to that emptiness, so I don't know where all the sactimonious lectures and finger-wagging are coming from. I appreciate the guidance but I feel it's wholly misplaced.

To reiterate, I am not compelled to seek the opiate experience, and I feel that the experience that I said was the "best" was a distinct experience separate from the opiate experience. I might call it a near-death experience triggered by an overdose, though I've only heard of NDEs with some sort of after-worldly substance to them, as opposed to the emptiness I experienced.

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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20587222 - 09/19/14 08:05 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

I've stated I wish to seek a natural physchedelic remedy to make me not wish to return to that emptiness



Have you actually partaken and has it worked for you in practice? Are you free of the issues you once had, with emptiness, loneliness or whatever it might have been?

Wishing to seek is one thing and then actually showing up and drinking the :rainbowdrink: is another. The drinking works and delivers IMO, the wishing doesn't.

If what I say doesn't work for you then fine, feel free to ignore. WHat's much more important is if you've actually found the solution you've been looking for.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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Offlinestarsky7
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Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20587232 - 09/19/14 08:07 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I use quotes on "best" because it typically implies a condition that falls within our human "good and bad" dichotomy. I really don't want to say it felt good or bad, or even "felt" like anything at all.

I was using for a while with a friend, primarily just for the sake of companionship, and for the temporary relief from my issues that I've never really been able to sort through- my "demons". On the stuff I was still aware of the existence and nature of my problems, but I just did not care about them, they didn't "plague" me. Emotional numbness.

I guess we lucked out and scored some pretty strong tar, stronger than we normally got. She shot me up first with what was normally a small to moderate dose, depending on the quality. She then proceeded to start preparing her hit, and I felt it coming on strong. The last thing I remember was drunkenly trying to find the Benedryl  I usually took when on the stuff but not being able to find it.

The next thing I perceive is faint shouting. It gets louder as my sense of touch returns and I'm being shook. Finally my eyes open and I look in the direction of these sensations and I see my friend freaking out. For a moment I couldn't understand her or even what was going on in reality. Then I realize she's telling me to breathe, and very laboriously I begin to do so.

After my "awakening" and return to functional consciousness, she tells me I was not breathing for several minutes and my lips had turned blue. I immediately start freaking out, scared because I had no idea what had just happened to me. I forced myself to be "up" until I'd sobered up some, then looked at literatre on symptoms of heroin overdose, and I'm pretty certain if I'd shot myself up alone I would not have come back.

That confused fear I felt right after was the only strong emotion I've felt on the stuff, but the way I'd felt just prior to coming back... it's so hard to describe. It wasn't "good" or "bad, I didn't feel "right" or "wrong", I didn't feel "peaceful" or "chaotic"; these states, these dichotomies did not exist. You might say I was experiencing nothing, but even that word implies the existence of "something". The best I can describe is pure void with no expectancy of or states  of change.

Looking back at that state of (non-)being, a big part of me assesses that that was better than what I have in life, better than the bad or good. 

I don't consider myself suicidal, though I have accepted my own mortality, and I think I could go at any moment without any stress or resistance. But whenever I think about the experience, part of me longs for that nothingness. Part of me wants to fight to find what makes this life worth living but I still long for that void.

I wish it was not so, but it is. In this context I think I have my own understanding of the quote, "They don't think it be like it is, but it do." I think some things we are just better off never knowing. I'm hoping, when I have the proper time, set, and setting, shrooms will give me perspective on this and improve my outlook, but I'm not holding a lot of hope.

Thanks for reading, IDK what I'm looking for here. Probably just to get it off my chest, I've never really discussed that place I went to with anyone.



I went through this not too long ago. The scariest part is the void. Just nothingness.


--------------------
"In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences" - Robert Greene Ingersoll

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20590138 - 09/19/14 08:00 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Powerful trip report brother.  I know that desire to be not in this place of struggle and good and bad.  You were lucky and I'm not talking about surviving the experience.  More power to you bro. :satansmoking:

Much love and respect. :heart::heart::heart:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

Edited by Icelander (09/19/14 08:02 PM)

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Anonymous #1

Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: Icelander]
    #20591466 - 09/20/14 02:14 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

I appreciate the kind words and support.

Spacerific, I do desire to find purpose in this existence through psychedelics. The problem is finding the time to make this happen. I have fully colonized cube cakes on hold in my fridge which I intend to fruit when I get some time. When I'm working (as I am at the moment) I am usually away from home for a few weeks, making proper cultivation impossible. Hopefully I'll get a couple of weeks off where I can harvest a flush and work with the fungus. I have hope it'll reveal to me some perspective in this realm that'll take the longing away. I also kind of hope that I may get some insight into the nature of life and death, because my NDE seems to indicate there isn't much of anything once we pass this realm. The notion that this is all there is doesn't really cause me anxiety due to the fact that my experience of non-existence was incredibly serene, but there really is a curiosity present as to whether there is a higher order to things.

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OfflineSpacerific
- - - >
Male


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20591483 - 09/20/14 02:28 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Well if you have cube cakes at the ready and about to flush soon, IMO you're in very good hands. Proceed with your awesome plan and know that it is good and righteous, with gloriously high chances of success :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

:manofapproval:

I leave you with what the mushroom told me once. Good vibes :biggrin:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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Offlinestarsky7
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Registered: 09/12/14
Posts: 860
Loc: Eastern coast, USA Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #20594541 - 09/20/14 08:31 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I appreciate the kind words and support.

Spacerific, I do desire to find purpose in this existence through psychedelics. The problem is finding the time to make this happen. I have fully colonized cube cakes on hold in my fridge which I intend to fruit when I get some time. When I'm working (as I am at the moment) I am usually away from home for a few weeks, making proper cultivation impossible. Hopefully I'll get a couple of weeks off where I can harvest a flush and work with the fungus. I have hope it'll reveal to me some perspective in this realm that'll take the longing away. I also kind of hope that I may get some insight into the nature of life and death, because my NDE seems to indicate there isn't much of anything once we pass this realm. The notion that this is all there is doesn't really cause me anxiety due to the fact that my experience of non-existence was incredibly serene, but there really is a curiosity present as to whether there is a higher order to things.



I think that the void is the beginning. It takes time to be transferred into the next realm. Obviously I can't prove this, but I think that psychs are a way to tap into this next realm immediately. Idk. Just some thoughts.


--------------------
"In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences" - Robert Greene Ingersoll

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Offlinezzripz
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Registered: 12/23/08
Posts: 8,292
Loc: Manchester, UK
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: starsky7]
    #20595750 - 09/21/14 04:27 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Once years ago I was offered to 'chase the dragon' by these 'mates' I was smoking cannabis with. I didn't really like them, but they were good contacts for if I needed to score cannabis (I don't toke now).

I instinctively knew that IF i had tried it I would always know about it and there could be a temptation to go there, so even though in that period of me life i was a VERY impulsive character who could do dangerous things for a thrill, I declined the offer. So me and this other guy who didn't want it (and he was fucked off because it was his place and they were taking liberties using it to do heroin) were just tokin and chilling out listening to music while the others were smoking heroin in the kitchen and when they came back to the room they had heroin eyes, and they said in very slow-motion speech 'turn the music down'---it wasn't even very loud but they now were in this other place where everything had to be 'lowered' and 'slowed' to match their feeling

I VERY much am glad that I never tried it. This is not to say if you have you are hooked for life, but in THIS fucked up world drugs like that are a danger because they offer that 'escape'. An escape though that is not an escape but seriously hooks you onto this relentless NEED

Edited by zzripz (09/21/14 04:28 AM)

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Offlineboble60
Stranger
 User Gallery


Registered: 01/25/11
Posts: 15
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: It bothers me greatly that ODing on heroin probably was the "best" I've ever felt [Re: zzripz]
    #20620617 - 09/26/14 08:41 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

daym homie thats some shit right there... no good in dope ill tell yah that much. hope you and your friend resized that eventually you have to pick between dope and life.

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