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OfflineBoring
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Registered: 04/14/11
Posts: 1
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: Grok]
    #14291843 - 04/14/11 06:30 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I know it has been 7 years and 7 months since this post was put up but I was thinking if any of you are still alive.  My mom wants to leave me and my step dad (real dad left me before I could even think on my own) is a alcoholic and my girlfriend I love but it is long distance.  You know life is just boring and not fun and exciting like you see on T.V.  So if I have an alcoholic step dad who threatens to kill me and my family and a mom who wants to and says everyday she wants to leave us and that she is sick n' tired of us why is there a point to live?  Obviously there can't be someone who loves me?  I'm Catholic and the only person who I think loves me is God.  Why not go see him up in heaven or wish I didn't kill myself down there in hell.

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Invisiblebigmike7104
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Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA Flag
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: Boring]
    #14292109 - 04/14/11 07:31 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

your girlfriend doesn't love you? what about other family?

Quote:

You know life is just boring and not fun and exciting like you see on T.V.




so create your own fun and excitement. we all die eventually anyway why not make the best of it.


--------------------
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines

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OfflineA51AN3L1TE
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Registered: 04/20/11
Posts: 1
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: bigmike7104]
    #14324794 - 04/20/11 08:08 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Well my life has completely went downhill since i got out of the air force a the age of 20. My family abandoned me and told me to kill myself as i stayed lonely during tech school. My gf and family would constantly stress me, i had no friends during my stay in the air force..i stayed in my room every time my shift was over crying endlessly to so many factors. I had a week of suicidal tendencies not caring how painful it could be. I overdosed on a whole bottle of strong caffeine pills hoping that would make my heart stop, but failed. drank this muscle tech nano drink with superblended caffeine and whole bunch of extremley dangerous things in it, i prob took 15 times the overdose warning, still was alive after i was rushed to the hospital since i had a panic attack and was shaking alot from the overdose, that failed. i took a whole bottle of centrum vitamin pills hoping it would shut my kidneys down but that also failed, than i took 32 pills of the strongest over the counter sleeping pills, i was so gone after that, i couldnt move, throwing up, making weird decisions. Was kinda funny, since the next day i put on one boot a tennis shoe, different socks, tan air force shirt and black sleeping shorts walked out the door, thankfully fellow airman were worried and stopped me. ambulance rushed over took me away put me in emergency care etc. so that failed. they ended up putting me through a rehab center to help with my suicidal tendencies, but that didnt stop me. they gave me medication during my 2 week stay, i saved up some of the pills over time and try to once again overdose. but wasnt nearly enough to even kill me. i know you guys are like omg..he really wants to die. we all have our reasons for our actions. but wait it gets even worse, my commander let me decide if i wanted to go home, of course i said yes, got general discharge. now im back home, my gf has herpes prob from cheating on me, i break up with her mad as anything but was fine overall. later on i meet another girl who i thought was my soul mate, most beautiful blonde and fun person ever. she ends up cheating on me down the road but i was just to in love with her to leave her, she continued talking to guys, behind my back than telling me out of guilt, was at my breaking point about to murder some of the guys but i couldnt and wouldnt have. My friend smokes marijuana left it in my car in the bookbag, i get pulled over in the wrong area of the town, get asked to get searched they find a bag of stems in my car! i go to court lose my license..than my girl talks to more guys threatning me and calling me the worse things ever, even though shes the pothead and wants to get messed up all the time..i treated her like an angel, spent 10,000 dollars in one year on her, quit college to go to maryland with her 2011 in the summer sometime than she tells me i cant do anything for her, even though i did everything for her, treated her better than myself or anyone hoping that would make her more bonded to me..i was so wrong..i still talk to her etc..my college was ruined...my family already treated my horribly..doesnt care much about me, or if they do they show it in the wrong way...i been trapped in my house, my parents dont want me goin anywhere at all and im 21. i been cutting myself, trying to strangle myself, od on pills, my life is horrible still. no car, cell phone, alone, lost friends, lost my woman of my dreams, family doesnt bother to talk to me. i only have a mom and dad, others are of the unknown..i clinically had be diagnosed with severe depression in the airforce after long testing etc..i literally lost everything of importance to me and even as i write this i thought about doing something stupid again..its been 2 years of depression and it sucks. can anyone Relate to this type of suffering?? oh and just a 2 months ago i was sick for a whole month with a severe stomach virus. i went from 175 to 134..i was ripped, love looking good..lost most of it. literally what in the world ..its like a movie where everything bad happens to a person. i still have 8 more hours of community service and a drug test cuz they found weed in my car. i hate this life of mine and really want to see things get better. i been hugging the bible praying and talking to something that never answers me..ugh. sorry if this sounds like so much drama and dumb, but im sure anyone would be severley stressed in some way if they lost everything. oh and i was almost homeless too just a week ago cuz my parents told me they dont feel like helping me or my sis out anymore..there is more to say but il end it here. to much typing for me. IF ANYONE CAN RELATE please post to this. it would help that people understand, and for me to be able to feel better knowing im not completly alone. i have no one to really talk to nor anyone who cares to talk or understand what im going through still.

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Invisiblebigmike7104
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Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA Flag
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: A51AN3L1TE]
    #14325064 - 04/20/11 09:11 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

i been hugging the bible praying and talking to something that never answers me.




so then answer yourself and dig deep down in yourself and find the motivation to get your life on track. fuck what your parents are saying, there clearly not looking after you. it can be hard, but don't base your opinion of yourself from others, you have to believe you yourself are worth something. also if you hate living there, try to get a job and get your own place. otherwise you'll just have to deal with it for the time being. as for college, is it possible you can apply for the gi bill? as for that girl, if your still with her get some self respect and dump her. and just because you met a few girls that cheat doesn't automatically mean it's you, some people aren't just the committed type, you'll still find someone. for the weed and probation thing, that's only temporary and will pass.

your not alone in how you feel at all(look at the title of the thread) seeing how suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for people ages 15-24 in the u.s. many people hit bottom and want to die, and while many people actually go through with it most people get over it and become overall happy with their life, and you can too.

your only 21 man, compared to your age you have many more years ahead and they can be ones worth living if you want it too. but you'll have to put the past behind you, not take life so seriously and just accept sometimes shitty things happen. that's way easier said than done but it's worth the effort.

start going to the gym and working out, find some new activities you think you might like, do some meditation which helps distancing yourself from your thoughts and emotions, things will work out you just gotta be patient.

oh and also look into therapy, it really can help if you find the right therapist.

good luck man, hope you find your way  :peace:


--------------------
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines

Edited by bigmike7104 (04/20/11 09:20 PM)

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Anonymous #3

Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: bigmike7104]
    #14342726 - 04/24/11 09:27 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

reply to Anonymous 2...I fully understand and relate to everything you said.. I appreciate the tip for a pain free sucidie.. Being a wowam it sounded a little complicated. Do you know another way?  I think my depression has affected by memory.. A few simple steps would be greatly appreciated. Hoping you find some peace.

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OfflineAmanda_O
Stranger

Registered: 04/26/11
Posts: 4
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: Grok]
    #14356603 - 04/26/11 05:43 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I know exactly how you feel and it sucks. I sometimes wonder why the hell I am here to begin with..what was the point? In all honesty with all the heinous crap I've been through I strongly support abortion because sometimes I wish thats what my mother would have done with me. Scrape me out and let me go before I ever knew what real pain was all about.

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OfflineBlessTheBrokenRoad
Stranger
Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: Amanda_O]
    #14413596 - 05/07/11 02:18 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

My name is Ben, I'm 18 years old, and I have been suicidal since June 19 2008. On that day, my fathers life was taken due to stage IV stomach cancer. I was extremely close to him, more do than my 2 brothers were in my opinion. When he was sick, I would always think to myself "if he goes, I go". I couldn't then, and still cannot now possibly imagine my life without his presence. I could not bring myself to end my life, a decision which can be easily made in my situation, as I have a samurai sword in my room. Unpleasant to say the least, but I've always considered it to be a method with which I can escape should I choose to. Just when I thought my suffering was at it's highest point, my brother, a united states marine, was deployed to the Helmand province in afghanistan. He lied to us and told us that he was in a safe area, and that he had a harmless job, but in reality he was in a hotbed of terrorist activity, and was assigned to the most dangerous role available. He was killed by a suicide bomber on January 23, 2010. A suicide bomber walked up to him, but was stopped by my brother. He was unable to continue past him, and detonated there. Had my brother not stopped him, many more lives would have been lost. I obtain no comfort in this knowledge, as I would much rather have a live war veteran than a dead war hero. I still feel to this day that I should have died instead of him. If i had killed myself as originally planned, he may have decided not to be deoyed, although i wont know for certain if that would have been the case, but I can't help but think it. I have no girlfriend, no feasible plan for later in life, no self esteem whatsoever, no faith in a god, and no will to live. I often pray to god that, if he exists, he would do me a great satisfaction by killing me where I stood. I wish, more than anything in the world, to be finally happy. But I know full well that it might never happen. A desire for him to stop my heart is always vying for first place. My brother was destined to become a marine officer. My other brother is sure to make a mark on the speaker business, and my father was a successful pathologist. I am nothing, a source of utterly useless historical information. I don't know what I hope to gain by posting this, but I feel like I should write this down somewhere, as I'm currently in an "oh my  god somebody blow my fuckin brains out" mood... I just miss the way things used to ve

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Invisiblebigmike7104
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Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA Flag
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: BlessTheBrokenRoad]
    #14419207 - 05/08/11 11:44 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

life is like that, you never know when you or someone else is going to die. but it's not a reasons to kill yourself, and do you think your dad and brother would want you to do it, or would they want you to live a good life for yourself?

many people lose family members at a fairly young age, my mom one of them. it's unfortunate but you can get through it with some help and time.


--------------------
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines

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Offlinecherryfilters
thinker

Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 8
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: bigmike7104]
    #14419502 - 05/08/11 12:57 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

i completely understand on what you mean.. and i think everyone goes through with it, but at different levels of depression.

in my most depressive state i had the thoughts of it lingering in my mind. my family tree on my father's side has a bad case of depression/mental state/just dysfunctional in general and i believe i have inherited that side. as a kid i always had depression and to cope with that i loved self destruction, it was a way to make me feel relaxed. i later on basically gave myself a slow dying death, i decided to grow an eating disorder and do hard drugs. in the end i would just badly f*** up my insides and end it when it ends, which was a very bad decision to make in the long run because i didn't want that anymore. i had subsided those thoughts/depression, but they do come back from time to time.. i just came to the conclusion.. mind over matter, but sometimes there is only so much that it could handle. i've been depressed for over a decade.. i read and learned that there is more to life and being selfless rather than being selfish and have only been thinking of myself to end it all. i don't believe in synthetic remedies. philosophy, meditation, herbal medicine and holistic remedies was my temporary cure. i still feel down at times and it can get bad but i remind myself i must look towards for today, now; and think of all the things i am grateful for. Appreciation... you know the more you give the more you receive in return and people will acknowledge your generosity in time.

Read this poem well... and maybe it can help you look forward to everyday no matter what state of emotion you will be in...

Look to this day
for it is Life
the very life of life
In its brief course lie all
the realities and truths of existence
the joy of growth
the splendor of action
the glory of power
For yesterday is but a memory
And tomorrow is only a vision
But today well lived
makes every yesterday a memory
of happiness
and every tomorrow a vision of hope
Look well, therefore, to this day!

-Ancient Sanskrit Poem

Cheers!

Love Peace and Happiness.

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Invisiblebigmike7104
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Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA Flag
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: cherryfilters]
    #14419585 - 05/08/11 01:15 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

meditation, herbal medicine and holistic remedies was my temporary cure.




meditation is something you have to do everyday and keep up with. you should try it again and do at least 15 minutes everyday and you'll notice the benefits eventually.

Quote:

Zen Buddhist meditation may help treat depression, attention deficit disorder and anxiety, among other maladies, according to a recent study by Emory University neuroscientists.

Mental illnesses such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression are characterized in part by ``excessive rumination'' or runaway thoughts, said Giuseppe Pagnoni, a neuroscientist at Emory in Atlanta.



http://www.mlive.com/features/kzgazette/index.ssf?/base/features-0/1223995838130990.xml&coll=7


--------------------
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines

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Offlinemoralpeace7
Stranger
Registered: 04/07/12
Posts: 1
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: bigmike7104]
    #16055694 - 04/07/12 03:27 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

If we don't over think things then we'll just be slaves to the elite that control this world. Which is in fact happening as we consume for the big corporations that corrupt and control our govt.

I believe it is the correct thing to know the purpose of living before we actually live so that we do not inadvertently betray our values.

If you watched the movie Hunger Games, I'm sure some of us will have enough good in our souls to not play the game. Why would we allow them to enjoy a show at our own expense?

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Offlinejimboob
Stranger

Registered: 08/13/10
Posts: 627
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: Fliquid]
    #16062448 - 04/08/12 07:44 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Been there, never actually acted on it..I knew it'd fuck up too many lives. My little bro is such a happy kid if I ever killed myself I'd ruin his life. He'd end up depressed like me, and I often thank Raptor Jesus that it's me who was cursed with this depression and not him, so it'd be wrong on many levels.

Even so, I feel there's ALWAYS something to live for. Even if my family didn't give a shit there's still things that could make you happy.

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Offlinedanish322
Stranger
Male
Registered: 02/08/18
Posts: 11
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
Re: To those who ever wished to commit suicide. [Re: Fliquid]
    #25499663 - 09/30/18 12:31 AM (5 years, 5 months ago)

*Thinking>>creates all>>Feelings
Could not agree more.

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