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OfflineHrethic
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Registered: 01/06/04
Posts: 2,163
Loc: The Gateway Flag
Last seen: 8 hours, 2 minutes
I'm ready to kill myself
    #17358810 - 12/09/12 03:27 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

I have 30mg alprazolam, 90mg diazapam, a very large bottle of liquor. I want to drink them all down tonight, plus the the little bit of liquor i have in my body, and the little bit of kpins my best and only friend in this world gave me tonight.

I got into a wreck, for the billionth time, totaled my car, but you know what, this time, it wasn't even my fault. It's snowy where i live, someone made a bad call in front of me, and instead of hitting them, i hit the the curb and killed my car.

I see no other way out. Jobs aren't getting better and even if they are, what do i do? I have no calling, except growing and researching the wonderful chemicals that this site promotes the most (weed and mushrooms). Those got stricken from me, i have no other skills, except for photoshop, wow, another artist. There's no money in that.

I don't know if i can work behind a counter at a mcdonalds the rest of my life (which they won't even hire me for) and live a somewhat sane existence.

I have a family that loves me. I have one best friend, who i spent a great night with tonight. But he's got a wife, and a kid on the way. I KNOW i will not see him that much, because (and this is not a judgement on him or anything/anyone) his kid and his wife will take precedence.

I missed my calling in life. I should have been with music, but i choose acting (cause everyone, except maybe myself, told me i'm a natural and that i should do it). And that got me where i am i right now,  about to end my life. This isn't the right situation for me. I missed my train.

I see my best friend being with his other musical friends and it makes me want to cry everytime, so so so hard that they were able to find they're calling at an age that they were able to cultivate it. I thought i wanted to be an actor, but i think that's just cause it came so easily to me, but it does NOT give me the joy that it "SHOULD" with my "SKILL" being as high as it is. I jam with my best friend (who has very little time for me (again, NOT a judgement call) for an hour and i get higher than any drug, i love it, but i missed it, and i don't know how to continue it without help, which he, for reasons already stated, cannot help with.


It's 1AM right now. I don't plan on being here much longer. I love all you so much, even the ones i don't know, the assholes, the righteous honest ones, the truly talented, i love you all.

I love my family and my best friend the most. They've helped me through so much, but i don't see an end to this cycle I'm in. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. I don't want to leave, but i can't stand this day to day battle with myself and this world.


I don't know if this is a cry for help, or whatever, but i plan on taking every single pill i have after this wonderful meal my father bought me after i crashed the car he still owns and is paying all the bills on. He's dying, he has leukemia; my brother has taken over my only catharsis that i had in this world, growing marijuana, because he was kicked out of his house for being a drunk; and looser that i am am still at the house i was born in.



All i ever wanted in this world was to find a pretty girl, and get together with her. And of course find a dream job, but that's beyond this. I'm alone in this world, i see no end to this, except in this chems in front of me. And i found a couple good girls, and everyone of them found the same thing wrong with me, my love of altering my mind. I'm not a clubber, i'm not a partier, i'm a lover, i'm an intimate honest person who knows what he wants in life, an NO idea how to get to it.

I love you mom, i love you dad, so much. I love you Travers, you've been my only true friend through everything in my life, and now that i see you moving on, i see that maybe i need to move on too, in the only way i see i can, onto the next plane.

Jesus i don't want to die, but i don't want to live this life anymore. I don't want to die, but i do not want this trap of a tease of a life anymore.

First half of pills down, lets see how i feel in an hour. And yes, of course i'd call my best friend and try to talk to him, but my phone fell into the snow after my car got smashed. And honestly, i see nothing that he can say that would want me to change my mind right now anyway.






Don't do drugs kids, or anything. Find something THAT YOU LOVE, AND ONLY YOU LOVE, AND DO IT NONSTOP. DON'T LET ANYONE EVER EVER TELL YOU YOU'RE WRONG, OR YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH, KEEP AT IT, AND YOU MIGHT, MIGHT FIND SOME HAPPINESS. JUST DON'T WANT TO TOO LATE, OR IT WILL BE TOO LATE


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Will all the big boomers please unveil, please unveil, please unveil.


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Offlinek00laid
NEMO
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Registered: 05/03/10
Posts: 19,346
Last seen: 16 days, 5 hours
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Hrethic]
    #17358821 - 12/09/12 03:29 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Hrethic said:
Don't do drugs kids, or anything. Find something THAT YOU LOVE, AND ONLY YOU LOVE, AND DO IT NONSTOP. DON'T LET ANYONE EVER EVER TELL YOU YOU'RE WRONG, OR YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH, KEEP AT IT, AND YOU MIGHT, MIGHT FIND SOME HAPPINESS. JUST DON'T WANT TO TOO LATE, OR IT WILL BE TOO LATE




i;m not sure if i should be taking advice from someone who is about to kill themselves.

[CENSORED BY JOHNM214 OUT OF CAUTION]

reporting post now


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AMU - AMU Q & A - MyVideo Teks!


Edited by johnm214 (12/09/12 03:45 AM)


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Invisibleabltsandwich
4 mins from pants off to apology
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Posts: 9,184
Loc: Dildoville Flag
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Hrethic] * 4
    #17358828 - 12/09/12 03:31 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Why not wait 24 hours and see if you still feel this way tomorrow?
What's it gonna hurt to wait a day to make such a big decision?  It's not like the pills and liquor won't be there.


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Invisiblerackem
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Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 9,761
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Hrethic]
    #17358829 - 12/09/12 03:31 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

wow bro..

step away from the pills and the bottle man.

seriously it isnt that bad. never to late to find yourself man.


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InvisibleMafeki
Umadbro

Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 3,884
Loc: Jamaica
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: rackem] * 1
    #17358830 - 12/09/12 03:31 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

SO yeah, three days ago I thawed a chicken and it's sitting in my fridge, is it still good?


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InvisibleBlindSophist
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Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 32,673
Loc: SF Bay Area
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: abltsandwich]
    #17358836 - 12/09/12 03:33 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Quote:

abltsandwich said:
Why not wait 24 hours and see if you still feel this way tomorrow?
What's it gonna hurt to wait?  It's not like the pills and liquor won't be there.




Killing yourself is hard and furthermore usually a bad idea. Wouldn't want to deprive yourself of the chance to change your mind.


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OfflineEnvix
swag yolo
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Registered: 11/04/08
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Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: k00laid] * 6
    #17358837 - 12/09/12 03:33 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

you should at least wait until 12/21/12. that way you can fulfill the end of the world prophecy!


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OfflineNullface

Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 4,734
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 1 month, 26 days
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: k00laid]
    #17358838 - 12/09/12 03:33 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

:spun:


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InvisibleDys
unit - [s2dope] - v1.0.13
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Registered: 03/24/00
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Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Hrethic]
    #17358841 - 12/09/12 03:33 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Been there OP.

If you're younger than 35, it gets better.


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InvisibleDiploidM
Cuban


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Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 18,912
Loc: Rabbit Hole
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Hrethic] * 9
    #17358850 - 12/09/12 03:35 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

I have a mandatory three-day waiting period on all serious suicide plans. I highly recommend it. Seriously.


--------------------
Republican Values:

1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.

:archiebunker:


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Invisible404
Schizophrenic Mystic
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Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 4,820
Loc: Down, and to the left.
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Hrethic] * 1
    #17358862 - 12/09/12 03:38 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

There is always another day. I still see no reason to end your own life.


What you are experiencing is PAIN. PAIN is unnavoidable. Pain is also fleeting, and impermanent. You will not always feel this way. Put down the pills and booze.

Try blocking out everything in your mind, and control your breathing. Relax yourself...


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 10,400
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Diploid]
    #17358867 - 12/09/12 03:39 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Diploid said:
I have a mandatory three-day waiting period on all serious suicide plans. I highly recommend it. Seriously.




On any big decision really, except STDs. I was close to suicide 10 or so years ago, glad I didn't do it.


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:fonz:


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Offlinetospace
Male
Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 2,585
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Dys]
    #17358889 - 12/09/12 03:44 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Man, your just gonna loose track of allot of time wake up and feel embarest then want to kill yourself some more.  If you want to die go jump off a bridge or something, see if you can do it.  I had a dream a few nights ago I killed my self, then I was hovering outside my dead body for hours it seemed like watching everybody stand around me crying.  Sad dream but it made me stronger I guess.  Atleast wait till the 21st lol and see what happens.  Earlier today I was thinking about killing my self all the time :shrug:  I've actaully walked out the door once with plans to find the nearest bridge :lol:

Good luck man.

I think the ld50 for diazapam is really high.  Took a whole bottle of somethin like that once and landed in the hospital.  Had to sign a no suicide contract but I was just tryin to get a good buzz.  Life is good enough most of the time

and find a restaurant to get a job at, work your way up.  I'm the biggest looser on hare and I'm doing it.


--------------------
a teenage girl looking for guidance


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OnlineSheekle
FREE BURKE
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Registered: 01/11/10
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Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Repertoire89]
    #17358896 - 12/09/12 03:45 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

so yea mods should get on this asap seeing as how he said he has half the pills down already..


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LOL LOL


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OfflineSoulidarity
All Good Things Come To An End
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Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 10,785
Loc: with the fallen angels
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Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Hrethic] * 3
    #17358901 - 12/09/12 03:46 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

everything will sort itself out dude, it always does


cars and money are replaceable, they come and go. and your probably going to total more cars in the future. but who cares? thats what insurance is for.



what isn't replaceable is you yourself. your one of a kind, and more important then you currently realise.



if your calling in life is reseaerching, cultivating and experimenting with chems then go do that. who cares. do whatever you want. don't compare or assess yourself off of others or what society thinks. live by your own set of rules and do whats right by yourself.


and not to sound cliche but it's never too late to start trying something new. go folow the music path if you want. theres some statistic out there that says the average person changes their career atleast 9-10 times within a life time.


i get the sense that you've been in this situation before, and clearly you've made it through it in the past. buti'm not going to tell you what to do in relation to your current predicament, because thats up to you. i just  think it would be a tragedy for us to lose someone such as yourself over something so trivial.


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InvisibleDawks
Jolly African Potato


Registered: 06/09/10
Posts: 4,793
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Hrethic] * 7
    #17358908 - 12/09/12 03:49 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

So basically you're suffering from a severe case of 'my life could have been better if...'?

My life could've been better if... the sky was pink
My life could've been better if... the moon was blue
My life could've been better if... people worked for me
My life could've been better if... all my dreams came true.

>All i ever wanted in this world was to find a pretty girl, and get together with her.

Well there's your answer. Stay alive and live for this. Maybe she won't be as pretty as you envisioned, maybe you won't get paid as much as you'd like but at the end of the road, which need not be today, you'll look back upon it all as the dream you always wished for.


--------------------
date ; unzip ; strip ; touch ; grep ; finger ; mount ; fsck ; more ; yes ; umount ; sleep


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OfflineEnjoywho
Rags to Bitches
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Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 12,572
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Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Dawks]
    #17358915 - 12/09/12 03:50 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Life fucking sucks dude.

You'll be back.

A step backward.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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InvisibleBlindSophist
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Posts: 32,673
Loc: SF Bay Area
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Dawks]
    #17358925 - 12/09/12 03:52 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Dawks said:
So basically you're suffering from a severe case of 'my life could have been better if...'?

My life could've been better if... the sky was pink
My life could've been better if... the moon was blue
My life could've been better if... people worked for me
My life could've been better if... all my dreams came true.

>All i ever wanted in this world was to find a pretty girl, and get together with her.

Well there's your answer. Stay alive and live for this. Maybe she won't be as pretty as you envisioned, maybe you won't get paid as much as you'd like but at the end of the road, which need not be today, you'll look back upon it all as the dream you always wished for.




I was thinking of telling the OP that although I can't promise life will get "better", there are certainly more interesting things to experience than these stereotyped benchmarks of success. It sounds like OP has some pretty solid interests and hobbies, IMO they should find more, or take the existing ones to the next level. The world is a nutty place, there are more interesting things to fixate upon than conformity to this gentrified nuclear family mold. If it makes you miserable, then fuck it, throw it away. There is Life outside of that bubble.


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Offlinetospace
Male
Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 2,585
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: Enjoywho]
    #17358932 - 12/09/12 03:54 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Why does everybody need cars?  Like trafic has increased %50 since 2000.  I'm afraid I'm gonna get hit by a car when I'm riding my bike :frown:

cars suck


--------------------
a teenage girl looking for guidance


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OfflineAlmond Flour
...get off my lawn!
Male


Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 9,838
Last seen: 3 days, 4 hours
Re: I'm ready to kill myself [Re: BlindSophist]
    #17358938 - 12/09/12 03:56 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

Hope hes ok :sad:


--------------------
In other words, thinking outside the box might be facilitated by having a somewhat less intact box. -Random Doctor :sunny:

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition -Timothy Leary

Everyone has their own unique brand of toxic psychosis
-Alexander Shulgin :willynilly:

living forever would be a terrible curse if there were not also quality of life to match it. :wander: -Unknown

There may be flies on you and me, but there are no flies on Jesus -Hunter Thompson

The scoreboard  doesn't ask "how", it only asks "how much" -Card player :uhoh:


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